Can a cycad with withered leaves and rotten roots still be saved?
For a purchased bare-root cycad that developed withered leaves and rotten roots after 2 months of planting and care, the problem is mainly caused by the following reasons. First, because the cycad was bare-rooted and transported from the south to the north without the necessary wind protection and cold protection measures, its root system was severely damaged and could no longer provide water to the plant, so the leaves usually turn brown first and then die.
For a purchased bare-root cycad that developed withered leaves and rotten roots after 2 months of planting and care, the problem is mainly caused by the following reasons.
First, because the cycad was bare-rooted and transported from the south to the north without the necessary wind protection and cold protection measures, its root system was severely damaged and could no longer provide water to the plant, so the leaves usually turn brown first and then die.
Second, because the root system was exposed to wind or later frozen, and was repeatedly bent during transport, it inevitably lost its function of absorbing water and nutrients. If after being planted in a pot, some leaves were not promptly pruned away, and the roots that had lost vitality were not cut off, and the planting medium used may have been fertile humus potting soil, and in addition it was overwatered, or even fertilized before it had recovered its absorption function, then the poor permeability of the potting soil and the accumulation of water and nutrients will inevitably cause root rot.
For a cycad plant with withered leaves and rotten roots, can it be brought back from the "dead"? In fact, this kind of death in cycads is "false death." Its vitality is extremely strong. As long as its trunk has not become soft from freezing or become rotten and oozing water, special rescue measures can be taken to bring it back from the "dead." The specific method is: first cut off the plant's leaves from the base, then trim away the rotten roots completely. The cut surfaces of the roots can be treated with sulfur powder or clean charcoal powder for antisepsis, then place it in a warm, ventilated place to dry slightly. After the cut surfaces have dried, choose a clean flowerpot anew and use moist, clean river sand to plant it and encourage rooting. The moisture content of the sand should be such that it forms a ball when squeezed in the hand and breaks apart when released. Be careful not to bury the entire cycad trunk in the sand; bury it only 3-5 cm above the root crown.
Move it to a warm indoor location, keep the buried sand moist, and let it overwinter safely. After Grain Rain the following spring, move it outdoors and invert a clay pot without drainage holes over the plant to create a dark environment so as to induce new leaves. As long as the trunk of the cycad has not rotted, generally by May to June it can regrow roots and simultaneously send out new leaves. When the cycad's new leaves have grown to about 10 cm, the covering pot should be removed and the plant placed in a position with better light, but at this time it must not be exposed to strong sunlight, so as to avoid scorching the tender young leaves. At the same time, pay attention to controlling water so that the leaves do not grow too thin and too long. After the leaves have grown stably, repot it in fertile soil and give it normal water and fertilizer management.
The most comprehensive introduction to ginkgo knowledge
Alternative names: white fruit, grandfather tree, duck-foot tree, palm-leaf fan
Binomial name: Ginkgo biloba
Kingdom: Plantae
Division: Spermatophyta
Subdivision: Gymnospermae
Class: Ginkgopsida
Order: Ginkgoales
Family: Ginkgoaceae
Genus: Ginkgo
Species: Ginkgo biloba
Distribution area: fertile sandy soil in central China, in sunny sheltered places.
Conservation status: Endangered
Edit this section: Morphological characteristics
General characteristics
Leaves: fan-shaped, stalked; leaves on long shoots mostly have 2 lobes, while leaves on short shoots often have wavy notches.Strobili: unisexual, dioecious.
Microstrobili: catkin-like, borne in the axils of scales at the tips of short shoots. Microsporophylls have short stalks, and the stalk tips often bear 2 pendulous microsporangia.
Microspores: oblong, with a sunken distal sulcus along the longitudinal axis, and the outer wall has minute protuberances.
Megastrobili: simple, usually with a long stalk; at the stalk tip are 2 ring-like megasporophylls, specially called a collar, each bearing 1 orthotropous ovule.
Seeds: seeds nearly spherical, seed coat differentiated into 3 layers. Embryo with 2 cotyledons.
Chromosomes: x=12.
Primitive characteristics
Ginkgo has many relatively primitive characteristics. Its leaf vein pattern is "dichotomously forked venation," which is unique among gymnosperms but very common among ferns. When its male flowers' pollen germinates, it produces only two ciliated, motile sperm. This characteristic is found among gymnosperms only in cycads, and it is also very common among ferns. This shows that ginkgo is an even more ancient plant than trees such as pines, firs, and cypresses. Therefore, botanically it is classified as one class, one order, one family, one genus, and one species.
Morphological characteristics
It is a deciduous large tree, with trunk diameter at breast height reaching up to 4 m. The bark of young trees is nearly smooth and light gray; the bark of large trees is grayish brown, irregularly longitudinally fissured, with long shoots and slowly growing spur-like short shoots. Leaves alternate, radially scattered on long shoots, clustered in groups of 3-5 on short shoots, with slender petioles, fan-shaped, light green on both sides, more or less notched or 2-lobed at the broad apical margin, 5-8 (-15) cm wide, with many forked and fine veins. Dioecious, rarely monoecious; strobili solitary in the leaf axils of short shoots; male strobili catkin-like, stamens numerous, each with 2 anthers; female strobili with long stalks, the stalk tip usually divided into two forks (rarely 3-5 forks), each fork tip bearing 1 ovule with a disc-like collar, usually 1 ovule developing into a mature seed.
Seeds drupe-like, with long stalks, pendulous, elliptical, oblong-obovate, ovoid, or nearly spherical, 2.5-3.5 cm long, 1.5-2 cm in diameter; sarcotesta fleshy, covered with white powder, pale yellow or orange-yellow when mature; seed coat bony, white, usually with 2 (rarely 3) longitudinal ridges; endotesta membranous.The distinguishing characteristics of male and female plants are shown below for reference:
Male plant
1. The angle between the main branches and the trunk is small; the crown is somewhat narrow. And it forms relatively late.
2. Leaf lobes are deeper, often extending beyond the middle of the leaf.
3. Autumn leaf color change is later, and leaf fall is later.
4. The short shoots bearing male flowers are longer (about 1-4 cm).
Female plant
1. The angle between the main branches and the trunk is relatively large; the crown is broad and large, the top is relatively flat, and it forms relatively early.
2. Leaf lobes are shallower, not reaching the middle of the leaf.
3. Autumn leaf color change and abscission are both earlier.
4. The short shoots bearing female flowers are shorter (about 1-2 cm).
Edit this section: Distribution range
Habits and environment
Ginkgo has a long lifespan; China has ancient trees over 3000 years old. It is suitable for growing in subtropical monsoon regions with relatively favorable water and heat conditions. The soil is yellow earth or yellow-brown earth, with a pH value of 5-6. Early growth is relatively slow, and its ability to sprout from the base is strong. Female plants generally begin to bear fruit after about 20 years, and 500-year-old large trees can still bear fruit normally. Generally, buds break and leaves unfold from late March to early April, flowering occurs from early to mid-April, seeds mature from late September to early October, and leaves fall from late October to November.
Ginkgo trees are mainly distributed in Shandong, Jiangsu, Sichuan, Hebei, Hubei, Henan, and other places. The largest ginkgo cultivation base in the country is Tancheng County, Shandong Province.
Historical distribution
Ginkgo first appeared in the Carboniferous Period 345 million years ago. It was once widely distributed in Europe, Asia, and the Americas in the Northern Hemisphere. During the Mesozoic Jurassic, ginkgo was widely distributed in the Northern Hemisphere, and it began to decline in the late Cretaceous. By 500,000 years ago, Quaternary glacial movements occurred, the Earth suddenly became cold, and the vast majority of ginkgo plants were on the verge of extinction, becoming extinct in most of Europe, North America, and Asia. Only China, with its superior natural conditions, preserved them as if by a miracle. Therefore, scientists call it a "living fossil" and "the giant panda of the plant world." Wild ginkgo survives in northern Xuzhou, Jiangsu, China (Pizhou City), the Linyi area in southern Shandong (Tancheng County), and mountainous areas in western Zhejiang. Wild and semi-wild ginkgo communities also exist in places such as Tianmu Mountain in Zhejiang, Wuduhe Town in Yichang City, Hubei Province, Anlu City in Hubei Province, and a few surrounding townships from Haiyang Township in Lingchuan County, Guilin, to Gaoshang Town in Xing'an County, as well as the Dabie Mountains and Shennongjia. Because individuals are scarce and the species is dioecious, if strict protection and promotion of natural regeneration are not carried out, the remaining forests will be replaced. Most ginkgo distribution areas belong to cultivated regions, and it is mainly cultivated in large quantities in China, France, and South Carolina in the United States. There is no doubt that ginkgo abroad was introduced directly or indirectly from China.
Existing distributionGinkgo is distributed in large quantities in countries and regions such as China, Japan, Korea, South Korea, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, the United States, France, and Russia. The natural geographical distribution range of ginkgo is very broad. From the perspective of horizontal natural distribution, ginkgo near the 30° north latitude line has the longest east-west distribution distance. As this latitude increases or decreases, the east-west distance of ginkgo distribution gradually shortens. The higher the latitude, the more ginkgo distribution tends toward the eastern coast; the lower the latitude, the more ginkgo distribution tends toward the plateau and mountainous areas of the southwest.
In China, ginkgo is mainly distributed in temperate and subtropical climate zones, with marginal distribution "reaching Shenyang in Liaoning Province in the north, Guangzhou in Guangdong Province in the south, Nantou in Taiwan Province in the southeast, Qamdo in the Tibet Autonomous Region in the west, and Putuo Island in Zhoushan, Zhejiang Province in the east," spanning 2l°30′ to 41°46′ north latitude and 97° to 125° east longitude, covering 22 provinces (autonomous regions) and 3 municipalities directly under the Central Government. China's ginkgo resources are mainly distributed in more than 60 counties and cities in Shandong, Zhejiang, Anhui, Fujian, Jiangxi, Hebei, Henan, Hubei, Jiangsu, Hunan, Sichuan, Guizhou, Guangxi, Guangdong, Yunnan, and other provinces, with a small amount also distributed in Taiwan. From the perspective of resource distribution volume, Shandong, Zhejiang, Jiangxi, Anhui, Guangxi, Hubei, Sichuan, Jiangsu, Guizhou, and other provinces have the most, and resource distribution within each province is also uneven, mainly concentrated in some counties or cities, such as Taixing, Xinyi, Dafeng, Pizhou, and Wuxian in Jiangsu; Xincun in Tancheng County, Tai'an City, and Yantai City in Shandong Province; Wuduhe Town in Yichang City, Hubei Province, Luoyang Town in Suizhou, Hubei, and Huayuan Village in Hedian Town; and Lingchuan and Xing'an in Guangxi. Many ginkgo experts believe after textual research that ancient naturally reproducing ginkgo communities have been found in remote mountainous areas such as Tianmu Mountain in Zhejiang, Dahong Mountain in Hubei, Shennongjia, and Tengchong in Yunnan. They are extremely precious cultural heritage and natural landscapes, and play an important role in improving the surrounding ecological environment, studying biodiversity, and ensuring the sustainable use of ginkgo genetic resources. Natural resource investigators also found in deep mountain valleys in Hubei and Sichuan that ginkgo grows alongside relict plants such as dawn redwood and dove tree. The vertical distribution of ginkgo also varies completely in elevation due to differences in latitude and landforms among regions. Overall, the vertical distribution span of ginkgo is relatively large. From the eastern plains at several meters to tens of meters above sea level to the southwestern mountainous areas at about 3000 m, relatively well-growing ancient ginkgo trees have been found. For example, Taixing in Jiangsu is about 5 m above sea level, Wuxian is about 300 m, Tancheng in Shandong is about 40 m, Dujiangyan in Sichuan is 1600 m, Gansu is 1500 m (Lanzhou), Yunnan is 2000 m (Kunming), and Tibet is 3000 m (Qamdo).
Main producing areas
Huixian County in Gansu Province, Xincun in Tancheng County, Shandong Province, Rugao City, Taixing City, Pizhou City, and others in Jiangsu Province. Among them, the ginkgo nuts of Taixing City, Jiangsu Province, are called "Dafozhi" because of their large size and good variety. Tancheng County, Shandong Province, has Tancheng Jinzhui, Maling, Tancheng Yuanling, and others. Taixing's annual ginkgo output accounts for one third of the national total. Tancheng in Shandong is a main producing area for ginkgo seedlings and ginkgo leaves. "Taixing Dafozhi White Fruit" was designated by the 1999 Kunming World Horticultural Exposition as the only "pollution-free white fruit" enjoying permanent naming rights, and in 2007 it was awarded the titles of green food, organic food, and geographical indication product. Wangyizhen Town in Anlu City, Hubei Province, is a township that combines old revolutionary base, mountainous, and border areas. Within its territory is the largest ancient ginkgo community in the Central Plains region, including 48 ancient ginkgo trees over a thousand years old, 1036 ancient ginkgo trees over five hundred years old, and 4370 trees over a hundred years old. Up to now, trees of all specifications are available, and it is currently the main supply base for landscaping seedlings in major Chinese cities. "To see the world's ginkgo, look to China; to see China's ginkgo, look to Shandong; to see Shandong's ginkgo, look to Tancheng; Tancheng's ginkgo is in Xincun." Secondly, Dandong in the northeast also produces a small amount, and other places only have scattered distribution. By 2011, the ginkgo area in Huixian County, Gansu Province, reached 300,000 mu, making it the number one ginkgo county in the northwest.
Haiyang Township in Lingchuan County, Guangxi, ranks first in the country in per capita ginkgo quantity and output, and is truly the number one ginkgo township. Its existing stock of ancient ginkgo is also rare nationwide.
Famous ancient trees
The world's largest ancient ginkgo tree in Fuquan, Guizhou
The world's largest ginkgo tree is in Fuquan, Guizhou. Its age is about 5000-6000 years, its root diameter is 5.8 m, its tree height is 50 m, and its trunk diameter at breast height is 4.79 m. It takes 13 people to encircle it with outstretched arms. In 2001 it was entered into the Shanghai Guinness Records and is hailed as the world's thickest ginkgo tree.
Tancheng ginkgo male tree
Located in Tancheng, Shandong Province, known as the "Hometown of Chinese Ginkgo,"Xincun Ginkgo Industry Development Zone in Tancheng County is the largest male ginkgo tree discovered so far. The tree is 42 m tall and more than 8 m in circumference. According to "Beichuang Suoji," this tree was planted in the Zhou Dynasty and is said to have been planted by the ruler of the State of Tan. It has a history of 3000 years. Because it is ancient and distant, and widely legendary, local people call it the "Old Sacred Tree."
Ancient ginkgo tree in Ju County
In Dinglin Temple on Fulai Mountain in Ju County, Rizhao City, Shandong Province, there is a large ginkgo tree with a history of more than 3000 years. Legend says this ginkgo tree was planted during the Duke of Zhou's eastern expedition in the early Western Zhou Dynasty. Historical records statethat the Duke of Zhou's eastern expedition once passed east through "Guimeng," so setting foot on Fulai Mountain is somewhat credible. This ginkgo tree has extremely strong vitality and still has luxuriant branches and leaves today. The contemporary calligrapher Mr. Wang Binglong wrote the inscription "The First Ginkgo Tree Under Heaven" for it.
Ancient ginkgo at Tianshi Cave, Qingcheng Mountain, Chengdu
The oldest ginkgo tree in the greater Chengdu area. It is said to have been planted 1800 years ago by Zhang Tianshi, and its actual age is more than 2000 years (the latest measurement in 2012 gave a tree age of 2500 years). The ancient ginkgo tree is more than about 50 m tall, with a trunk circumference of 7.06 m and a diameter of 2.24 m. Dense stalactites (tree bamboo shoots) hang from its waist, with a color like rough, dignified stone and shapes like mallets, bamboo shoots, and awls. On the trunk there seems to be slowly flowing rock mucus, seeming to move yet not moving, very strange.
The thousand-year ginkgo tree reborn from fire in Yichang
In Maoziwan, Wuduhe Town, Yiling, Yichang, Hubei Province, a thousand-year ginkgo tree was reborn from fire and has received plaque protection from the relevant departments. Legend says that when Emperor Shenzong of Song ascended the throne, natural disasters occurred continuously throughout the country. To pray for sweet rain from heaven and ensure a good harvest in the fertile fields, the people invited a Taoist master, Tianshi, to plant a ginkgo tree on the most barren ridge. Later, no matter whether there was drought or flood, this place could still ensure a harvest. During the 2008 Spring Festival, a large fire burned this ginkgo tree for a day and a night. Just when people were grieving that this thousand-year ginkgo tree would wither and die, the ancient tree later miraculously revived, and it has now received protection from the relevant departments. It is not only a rare famous ancient tree in Hubei Province, but also one of the five great ginkgo trees in the country.
Ancient ginkgo in Yucheng, Ya'an, Sichuan
On July 13, 2009, the ancient ginkgo tree in Group 4, Longyang Village, Duiyan Town, Yucheng District, was preliminarily confirmed by the Ginkgo Research Society of China as the largest ancient ginkgo tree in Sichuan Province. The ancient tree is more than 3000 years old, with a trunk circumference of 845 cm and a height of more than 23 m. Its shape is peculiar and its branches are strong and vigorous.
Ancient ginkgo in Dahua, Chongzhou, Chengdu
In 2002, it was discovered by a photography enthusiast in Group 4, Baiguo Village, Dahua Township, Chongzhou, less than 40 km from Chengdu. This ginkgo tree has a trunk circumference of 9.84 m and a trunk diameter of 3.04 m. Among this, the circumference of the trunk above 2 m is 5.2 m. According to the elders of the local Xu family compound, the Dahua ancient ginkgo tree originally consisted of three trees on the same stump. In the late 1950s, the Dahua Commune cut down two large ancient ginkgo trees in order to build an apiary.
Ancient ginkgo in Baihuatan, Chengdu
The oldest ginkgo in the five urban districts of central Chengdu is located in Baihuatan Park, with a tree age of 1700 years. It grew in the Tang Dynasty, suffered burning at the end of the Ming Dynasty, and was struck by lightning again in the Qing Dynasty. Its fate has been full of misfortune, yet today it still has luxuriant branches and leaves. This ancient ginkgo tree, numbered 0371, was excavated and transplanted into the park in 1983 from near Guanyin Temple in Xuankou Town, Wenchuan County, Aba Prefecture. After careful cultivation by landscape experts, this old tree gradually grew deep roots and luxuriant leaves and sent out many new shoots.
Ancient ginkgo on Wuyun Mountain in Hangzhou
Planted in the Sui Dynasty, with a tree age of 1410 years. The old ginkgo is more than 20 m tall, and its crown spreads as wide as 20 round table tops. Around the roots, many large and small branches and trunks have sprouted, resembling "descendants filling the hall."
White fruit tree on Wangwu Mountain
In the Wangwu Mountain Scenic Area in Wangwu Township, Jiyuan City, Henan Province (in front of Ziwei Palace below Huagai Peak) there is a white fruit tree, 35.5 m tall, 9.1 m in circumference, with a tall, upright trunk and luxuriant branches and leaves. Its age is about 2000 years, and it is said to be a relic of the Han Dynasty. It is one of China's five great ginkgo trees and has the reputation of "China's plant living fossil." People call it "seven embraces and eight canes."
White fruit tree at Dasi, Shiheng
At the west end of Dasi Village, Shiheng Town, Feicheng City, Shandong Province, there was originally an ancient temple called Zhengjue Temple. Behind the temple was a white fruit tree, said to have been planted in the Han Dynasty. The tree is 22.15 m tall, with a trunk diameter at breast height of 1.72 m, a basal circumference of 10.35 m, a crown diameter of 21.3 m east-west and 15.5 m north-south. Above the main trunk, 4 branches each have a diameter of about 1 m. Its gnarled branches are luxuriant, shading nearly one mu, and it bears abundant fruit every year.
Thousand-year ginkgo at Longwangzhang, Xianghe
Located in Longwangzhang, Xianghe Township, Biyang County, Zhumadian Prefecture, Henan Province, the ginkgo tree is more than 30 m tall and more than 10 m thick, and eight people cannot encircle it with joined arms. There is a spring on the tree that overflows water in all four seasons and does not dry up even in severe drought. Below the village there was originally a ruined temple, with 6 white stone Buddha statues remaining. On a damaged stele on the north side of the tree are characters such as "Runan Suiyi, Wufang Guosi," and "Ming Chenghua 13th year, Dingyou year, 11th month, 2nd day, Shen shi construction at Yingfu Temple." According to research, this tree was planted at the beginning of the temple's construction, and the temple was rebuilt a thousand years ago. From analysis of the tree's withered appearance, the tree is about 1400 years old.
The Tang Dynasty Ginkgo King in Fei County, Shandong
Located at the entrance of Beilaizhuangpu Village, Tanyi Town, Fei County, Linyi City, Shandong Province, standing beside the Zhulong River. The county chronicle records that this tree was recorded in the early Tang Dynasty, at least about 1500 years ago. The tree is more than 40 m tall, with luxuriant branches and leaves and a beautiful posture. According to leaders of the Linyi Forestry Bureau, Linyi has 31 ginkgo trees over a thousand years old. This tree is rarely seen in either age or size, and is hailed as the "Tang Dynasty Ginkgo King," ranking among the foremost ancient trees in Linyi City.
Ancient ginkgo in Langzhong
Growing on Baiguoshu Street in Langzhong City, Nanchong, it was planted during the two Han dynasties and has a tree age of 1800 years. In August 2000, the ancient ginkgo tree became a "famous ancient tree" protected by a plaque from the Langzhong City Government. Baiguoshu Street got its name precisely because of this thousand-year ancient ginkgo tree.
Ginkgo trees at Yinxian Temple in Cashi Valley
They have reached a tree age of a thousand years, one female and one male. Below, their roots are twisted and intertwined; above, their branches and leaves are connected and cannot be separated. Young people often make wishes under the trees to obtain steadfast and enduring love.
Thousand-year ancient ginkgo tree - the "Guanyin Tree" in Gangshang Town
Planted when the Guanyin Temple was completed during the Yuanshou and Yuanshi years of the Han Dynasty, it has a history of more than 2000 years. According to legend, when Cao Cao led his troops east to attack Wuhuan, he passed through this place to rest and stayed at Guanyin Temple. He ordered his subordinates to build a tower nearby for a short stay, and because of this the place was called "Cao Tower." After winning the campaign and returning in triumph to Cao Tower, many soldiers suffered from eczema and purulent sores. On the advice of the monks at Guanyin Temple, they took the leaves of the ancient ginkgo in the temple, boiled them, and used them internally and externally. Within a few days the patients recovered. Cao Cao pointed at the ancient ginkgo in Guanyin Temple and said, "Wonderful! It is truly the tree of Guanyin!" The tree's name has been used ever since.
Edit this section: Variety introduction
By seed kernel shape
Five major categories: Changzi, Foshou, Maling, Meihe, Yuanzi, and others.
By cultivated variety
Cultivated variety types, representative varieties
Kernel-use varieties: Jiafozhi, Maling No. 3 (Kuiling), Dajinguo, Dongtinghuang, Dameihe, Haiyanghuang
Leaf-use varieties: Gaoyou Y-2, Anlu No. 1, WL43Ornamental varieties: Yezhi ginkgo, Jindai ginkgo, Duolie ginkgo, Chuiru ginkgo
Male plant varieties: G♂-12#, Songyou No. 1, Guangxi Zaohua
Timber-use varieties: Yuwan No. 9, Zhigan ginkgo S-31
Seed varieties
These are traditional excellent varieties selected and bred over many years in various ginkgo producing areas, such as Taixing Fozhi, Dongting Foshou, Tancheng Jinzhui, Maling, Tancheng Yuanling, and so on.
Edit this section: Cultivation-related
1. Land selection
Ginkgo has a long lifespan, and one planting brings long-term benefits, so land selection is very important. Ginkgo is a light-loving tree species, and a sunny slope with a gentle gradient should be selected as the afforestation site. It is not strict about soil conditions, but neutral or slightly acidic soil with a thick upper layer, moist and fertile soil, and good drainage is best.
2. Planting
Rational arrangement of pollinator trees
Ginkgo is a dioecious plant. To achieve high yield, pollinator trees should be rationally arranged. Select male plants with the same variety and flowering period as the female plants. The ratio of female to male plants is 25-50:1. The arrangement method uses a central square design with 5 or 7 plants, and corner arrangement can also be used.
Rational close planting
Ginkgo grows relatively slowly in the early stage, and close planting can improve land utilization and increase yield per unit area. Generally, a spacing of 2.5 x 3 m or 3 x 3.5 m is used, with 88 or 63 plants planted per mu. After the rows close, transplanting is carried out. First, every other row is removed from the plant spacing, changing it to 5 x 3 m or 6 x 3 m spacing, with 44 or 31 plants per mu. After a few years, every other row is again transplanted from the original row spacing, forming 5 x 6 m or 6 x 7 m spacing, with 22 or 16 plants planted per mu.
Seedling specifications
Good varieties and strong seedlings are the material basis for early fruiting and high yield in ginkgo. Seedlings with a height-to-diameter ratio above 50:1, a main root length of 30 cm, uniform lateral roots, and current-year new shoot growth of more than 30 cm should be selected for planting. In addition, the seedlings must also have robust terminal buds, plump and full lateral buds, and no pests or diseases.
Planting time
Ginkgo is mainly planted in autumn with leaves or in spring before leafing. Autumn planting is carried out in October to November, which can give the seedling root system a longer recovery period and prepare for aboveground sprouting the following spring. When planting before spring sprouting, because the aboveground part sprouts very quickly and the root system does not have enough time to recover, growth is not as good as with autumn planting.
Planting method
For ginkgo planting, dig planting holes according to the designed row and plant spacing, with a size of 0.5-0.8 × 0.6-0.8 m. After digging the holes, backfill with topsoil and apply fermented fertilizer containing calcium superphosphate. When planting, spread the seedling roots out naturally and align them with the seedlings in front, behind, left and right, then firm the soil while filling it in. The planting depth should be such that soil is mounded to 2-3 cm above the original soil mark on the seedling; do not bury the seedling too deep. After planting is completed, water promptly with establishment water to improve the survival rate.
Edit this section: Value introduction
The ginkgo tree is tall and upright, with fan-shaped leaves. Its crown is broad and shade-giving, and it has a cooling effect. The leaf shape is ancient and elegant, and its lifespan is long. It has no pests or diseases, does not pollute the environment, and its trunk is smooth. It is a famous pollution-free tree species, which is beneficial for ginkgo propagation and enhances the landscape. It has strong adaptability, and ginkgo has very broad requirements for climate and soil. It is resistant to smoke and dust, fire, and toxic gases. The ginkgo tree is tall, with a straight trunk and beautiful form; it is emerald green in spring and summer and golden in late autumn, making it an ideal tree species for landscaping and street trees. It can be used as an ideal cultivated tree for landscaping, streets, highways, field shelterbelts, and windbreak belts. It is listed as one of China's four major long-lived ornamental tree species (pine, cypress, pagoda tree, ginkgo).
Edible valueGinkgo fruit is commonly known as white fruit, and it is composed of a fleshy outer seed coat, a bony middle seed coat, a membranous inner seed coat, and the kernel. White fruit nourishes life and promotes longevity; ginkgo was listed as a royal tribute in the Song Dynasty. Japan has a custom of eating white fruit daily. Westerners must have white fruit at Christmas. In terms of consumption methods, ginkgo is mainly stir-fried, roasted, boiled, used in dishes, pastries, candied fruit, canned food, beverages, and alcoholic drinks. It has effects such as expelling phlegm, relieving cough, moistening the lungs, and calming asthma, but eating it in large quantities can cause poisoning.
White fruit contains hydrocyanic acid toxin, which is highly toxic; its toxicity decreases after heating, so eating it raw is more likely to cause poisoning. The usual poisoning dose is 10-50 seeds, and poisoning symptoms occur 1-12 hours after eating white fruit. To prevent white fruit poisoning, it should not be eaten in large amounts, and even more so should not be eaten raw.
The medical and health-care effects of ginkgo kernels. According to the Compendium of Materia Medica: "Eaten cooked, it warms the lungs, boosts qi, calms asthma and cough, reduces urination, and stops white turbidity; eaten raw, it reduces phlegm, disinfects, and kills parasites." Modern science has proven that ginkgo kernels have effects against Escherichia coli, Corynebacterium diphtheriae, Staphylococcus, Mycobacterium tuberculosis, and Streptococcus. Traditional Chinese medicine has long used ginkgo kernels to treat bronchial asthma, chronic bronchitis, pulmonary tuberculosis, leukorrhea, strangury with turbidity, and spermatorrhea. Ginkgo kernels also have the effect of removing spots and smoothing wrinkles and treating sores and ringworm. For patients with cough and thin phlegm, decoct 30 g of ginkgo kernels and 15 g of rock sugar in water and take it twice a day; it can be cured in half a month. For children's enuresis, roast 5 ginkgo seeds until cooked and take the kernels before bedtime every night; results can be seen in half a month.
[Nature, flavor, and meridian entry]Neutral in nature, sweet, bitter, and astringent in flavor, slightly toxic; enters the lung and kidney meridians.
[Effects and indications]Astringes lung qi, calms asthma and cough, stops leukorrhea and turbidity, reduces urination, disinfects and kills parasites. Mainly treats asthma, phlegm cough, nocturnal emission, leukorrhea, white turbidity, diarrhea in children, parasitic accumulation, intestinal wind and visceral toxin, gonorrhea, frequent urination, as well as scabies, ringworm, lacquer sores, vitiligo, and other conditions.
[Nutritional composition]Per 100 grams, it contains 6.4 g protein, 2.4 g fat, 36 g carbohydrates, 1.2 g crude fiber, 52 g sucrose, 1.1 reducing sugar, 10 mg calcium, 218 mg phosphorus, 1 mg iron, 320 micrograms carotene, 50 micrograms riboflavin, as well as ginkgol, ginkgophenol, ginkgoic acid, and various other components.
Dietary therapeutic effects
1. Antibacterial and bactericidal: The ginkgoic acid and ginkgophenol contained in white fruit have been experimentally proven to have antibacterial and bactericidal effects and can be used to treat respiratory infectious diseases. White fruit water infusion has varying degrees of inhibitory effect on various fungi and can relieve itching and treat ringworm.
2. Removing disease and relieving cough: White fruit is sweet, bitter, and astringent, and has the effects of astringing lung qi and calming asthma and cough. It has auxiliary dietary therapeutic effects for lung disease cough, asthma in elderly people with weak constitution, and various types of asthma with excessive phlegm.
3. Waterlogging resistance and insect suppression:The ginkgoic acid and ginkgophenol contained in the outer seed coat of white fruit have effects against Mycobacterium tuberculosis. White fruit soaked in oil has a strong inhibitory effect on Mycobacterium tuberculosis. Fresh fruits soaked in raw rapeseed oil have a certain effect on improving symptoms caused by pulmonary tuberculosis such as fever, night sweats, cough and hemoptysis, and loss of appetite. Therefore, it can be used to treat pulmonary tuberculosis.
4. Stopping leukorrhea and turbidity, reducing urination: Modern medical research has found that white fruit has the effect of contracting the bladder sphincter. It has auxiliary therapeutic effects on conditions such as enuresis in children, frequent urination due to qi deficiency, leukorrhea and white turbidity, and unstable spermatorrhea.
5. Lowering serum cholesterol and dilating coronary arteries: Ginkgo leaves contain shikimic acid, ginkgo biflavones, isoginkgo biflavones, sterols, and others. In recent years, they have been used with certain effects in treating high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, angina pectoris, cerebral vasospasm, and excessively high serum cholesterol.
Recommended recipes
1. Braised chicken with white fruit
Ingredients: 1 young tender hen (about 1250 g), 250 g white fruit (ginkgo), 30 g Shaoxing wine, 15 g ginger, 10 g saltgrams.
Features: "Braised chicken with white fruit" is a traditional famous dish from the Qingcheng Mountain area of Chengdu. Qingcheng Mountain is beautiful and known for its quiet seclusion. The food here is uniquely delicious and is known for its "four wonders," namely the first wonder "Dongtian tribute tea," with excellent tea quality, clear liquor color, and mellow tea fragrance; the second wonder "braised chicken with white fruit," with a thick white broth and exceptionally delicious chicken; the third wonder "Qingcheng pickles," crisp, tender, fresh, and with a lingering aftertaste; and the fourth wonder "Dongtian fermented rice wine," with a rich but not harsh flavor, sweet but not cloying.
Legend has it that "braised chicken with white fruit" was created by the Daoist priests of Tianshi Cave on Qingcheng Mountain. It is said that two or three hundred years ago, an elderly Daoist priest on Qingcheng Mountain suffered from a long illness and became increasingly thin. On Qingcheng Mountain there was a ginkgo tree with a history of more than 2500 years, and the white fruit it produced was large and plump. A Daoist priest from Tianshi Cave repeatedly took the white fruit from that tree and cooked soup with a tender hen, simmering it over low heat until rich, and gave it to the Daoist priest to eat, which improved his condition, and before long he recovered his health and was full of energy. From then on, "braised chicken with white fruit" became famous in Rongcheng and throughout the Sichuan region, becoming a distinctive famous dish.
Procedure:
1. Slaughter the chicken, remove the feathers and internal organs, and wash clean with clear water. Use a knife to split it open along the chicken's backbone (do not split the abdomen), put it into a pot with cold water and heat until just about to boil, then remove, wash clean with clear water, remove the blood residue, and set aside.
2. Crack open the white fruit shells, blanch them briefly in boiling water while still in the shells, remove, peel off the shells, and wash clean.
3. Put the whole young tender hen into a pot, add water (enough to submerge the chicken), add ginger slices and Shaoxing wine, cover, and simmer for about 30 minutes, until the chicken is half-cooked and the broth has thickened. Then pour it into a large clay pot, add the white fruit and salt, cover, and simmer over low heat for about 15 minutes, until the chicken is tender and the soup is rich. Remove from the pot and pour into a large round soup plate, with the chicken belly facing up and the back facing down, and the white fruit arranged around it.
Characteristics: Pale yellow color, thick white broth, tender chicken, slightly sweet white fruit, soft, cooked, and palatable.
Key points: Be sure to use a plump young tender hen, remove the dirty blood, and wash clean. When cooking, first use high heat to cook the chicken until tender and the soup until rich, then put it into a clay pot and stew over low heat.
2. White fruit taro pasteIngredients: [Main ingredients]: half a catty peeled Lipu taro, three ounces white fruit, half a cup sugar, four tablespoons lard, three tablespoons sugar [Auxiliary ingredients]: 1/3 cup water, two tablespoons sugar, one tablespoon cornstarch
Procedure: (1) Wash the Lipu taro, slice and steam until cooked, about forty minutes, and while hot mash into a paste.
(2) Remove the shells from the white fruit, put into boiling water and cook for fifteen minutes, remove, peel off the membrane and remove the core, wash clean, drain the water, fry briefly in hot oil, remove, add three tablespoons sugar and mix evenly (best marinated overnight).
(3) Add one tablespoon lard, add the white fruit and the sugar used to marinate the white fruit and stir-fry briefly, add one cup water and cook until about 3/4 cup of water remains, then set aside the white fruit and the water used to cook the white fruit separately.
(4) Add three tablespoons lard, add the taro paste and half a cup sugar, stir-fry over low heat until the sugar dissolves, then add the remaining water from cooking the white fruit, stir-fry evenly, and scoop out.
(5) After the taro paste cools, if it does not feel smooth, it can be put into a grinder and ground until smooth, place in a deep dish, and add the white fruit. When eating, steam until hot, boil the sauce and pour it over the taro paste and white fruit. Whether to use the sauce is optional.
Medicinal value
The medicinal use of ginkgo is mainly reflected in three aspects: medicine, pesticides, and veterinary medicine. Li Shizhen of the Ming Dynasty once said: "It enters the lung meridian, benefits spleen qi, calms asthma and cough, and reduces urination." Zhang Lulu of the Qing Dynasty recorded in Benjing Fengyuan that white fruit has the functions of reducing phlegm, clearing toxin, and killing parasites, and can treat "sores, scabies, gangrene, tumors, ulcerated breast abscess, dental caries, diarrhea in children, red and white leukorrhea, chronic strangury with turbidity, spermatorrhea, enuresis, and other conditions." In the Ming Dynasty, Jiangsu, Sichuan, and other places produced Chinese patent medicines prepared from white fruit for clinical use.
Ginkgo beauty care
1. Whitening aspect: With increasing age and the influence of the external environment, oxygen free radicals in the body gradually increase, which can cause insufficient superoxide dismutase (SOD), leading to excessive oxygen free radicals reacting oxidatively with dermal cells and causing melasma or pregnancy spots. The flavonoid components contained in ginkgo leaves can block the formation and deposition of pigment in the dermis, achieving the effect of whitening the skin and preventing and treating pigmented patches. In addition to flavonoids, trace elements such as zinc, manganese, and molybdenum in ginkgo leaves can also scavenge oxygen free radicals and inhibit melanin production.
2. Wrinkle removal aspect: The human skin takes about 3 months to completely renew once. The reason for fine lines on the face is that newly formed cells in the dermis are oxidized by excessive free radicals before they reach the skin surface; by the time they reach the epidermis, they are already aged cells. The flavonoid glycosides and flavonols in ginkgo leaves are scavengers of free radicals, can protect dermal cells, improve blood circulation, and prevent cells from being oxidized and producing wrinkles.
3. Ginkgo and free radicals: Ginkgo is one of the herbs with the ability to resist active genes, and ginkgo is very effective in protecting lipids (components of cell membranes) from free radical damage. Considering that brain cells contain the highest concentration of unsaturated fatty acids among all cells, this strongly supports ginkgo's protective effect on the central nervous system. Free radicals in the brain and nervous system are widely considered a major cause of accelerated aging. In the process of protecting cells (especially brain cells), ginkgo plays multiple roles. First, it promotes blood circulation and the transport of oxygen and glucose to cells; second, when free radicals threaten cells, ginkgo can protect cells from damage and remove free radicals from the body.
Toxic substances
Ginkgo leaves cannot be brewed as tea together with tea leaves and chrysanthemums. Ginkgo leaves contain a large amount of ginkgoic acid, which is toxic. Generally, leaves that are harvested without deep processing and preparation contain ginkgoic acid at levels as high as 3000-4000 ppm in the fresh leaves. Because ginkgoic acid is water-soluble, while the medicinally valuable ginkgo flavonoids and others are fat-soluble, brewing with water can dissolve out the toxic substances, and drinking it can easily cause poisoning. In terms of medicines, especially ginkgo products used in hospitals, a slight content of 10 ppm ginkgoic acid is allowed.
Economic valueAlso known as white fruit, it belongs to the dried fruit category, and its economic fruiting period can last for thousands of years. Among the many dried fruits, ginkgo ranks third in economic value. The value of white fruit is mainly reflected in food and medicine. China's white fruit output accounts for 90% of the world's total output. Ginkgo leaves and fruits are important export products for earning foreign exchange, especially as important medicinal raw materials for preventing and treating high blood pressure and heart disease. Extracts from ginkgo leaves can "defend the heart and protect the brain." More than 160 chemical extracts from ginkgo leaves with known chemical components have been identified. The main ones include flavonoids, terpenes, phenols, alkaloids, polyisoprenes, quinic acid, linoleic acid, shikimic acid, ascorbic acid, a-hexenal, ginkgol, ginkgone, and others. The medicinal use of white fruit is mainly reflected in three aspects: medicine, pesticides, and veterinary medicine.
The outer seed coat of ginkgo contains large amounts of hydroginkgoic acid and ginkgo flavonoids. Ginkgo has the effect of regulating the respiratory organs, and the water-soluble components of the outer seed coat have a relatively good antitussive and expectorant effect, similar in nature to cyclophosphamide and dexamethasone. Because ginkgo contains ginkgoic acid, it has a strong inhibitory effect on Mycobacterium tuberculosis, skin fungi, and others, so it can be used to treat pulmonary tuberculosis, skin diseases, and others; the alcohol intermediates of the outer seed coat have an effective inhibition rate of 81% against 22 common clinically pathogenic fungi. 0.1% hydroginkgoic acid has an effective inhibition rate of 92% against 25 clinically pathogenic fungi. Ginkgo leaves have important medicinal value. Ginkgo leaves are bitter, sweet, astringent, and neutral in nature and flavor, and contain biflavones. Experiments and clinical practice have proven that they have the effect of lowering serum cholesterol and dilating coronary arteries, and have a certain auxiliary therapeutic effect on coronary heart disease and high blood pressure. The Institute of Botany of the Chinese Academy of Sciences and other units developed the Shuxuening injection from ginkgo leaves in the 1960s, and tests showed it has a certain therapeutic effect on coronary heart disease, angina pectoris, and cerebrovascular diseases.The outer seed coat extract of ginkgo has an inhibition rate of 88%-100% against 11 plant pathogens such as apple anthracnose. The alcohol extract has a 100% control rate against the mulberry geometrid within 3 days, and can also control pests such as spider mites, peach aphids, and rice stem borers. According to the Folk Veterinary Materia Medica, ginkgo preparations can treat livestock conditions such as strain-related nasal discharge, lung abscess with cough and asthma, lung deficiency cough, strangury with blood in urine, and leukorrhea in female animals. The Dingchuan Tang developed by the Shandong Animal Husbandry and Veterinary Station has a cure rate of 95% in treating infectious laryngotracheitis in chickens. Ginkgo leaves can also be used as pesticides. Add 1 kg of leaves to 20 kg of water, boil for 30 minutes, then soak for 2-3 days, and use the liquid to spray red spiders and cabbage caterpillars, with a pest control rate of more than 90%, and no residue. The use of the effective chemical components and special medical and health-care effects of ginkgo fruits and leaves to process and produce health foods, medicines, and cosmetics is attracting attention from research, development, and production units at home and abroad. Many enterprises in various countries are competing to develop and produce natural green products using ginkgo as a raw material to replace synthetic chemicals with relatively large side effects on human health. The Jiangsu Dafeng ginkgo base has 20,000 trees of more than 10 cm, and health products developed from ginkgo leaves such as ginkgo leaf beverages, ginkgo peach juice, ginkgo beer, and ginkgo tea are already circulating on the market. Pizhou City, Jiangsu Province, is in an advanced position in the cultivation of ginkgo leaves and the production of extracts (GBE). Ginkgo and ginkgo leaves are used to make health pillows. The Pillow Record notes: selected ginkgo leaves aged more than three years and other precious Chinese medicinal herbs are formulated into ginkgo leaf health pillows. The faint fragrance can improve human respiration and improve sleep quality; long-term use can prevent and treat cardiovascular diseases. It prevents high blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, and others caused by vascular sclerosis in adults, and can help adults, especially in middle and old age, maintain normal cardiac output and normal nervous system function as a natural substance, helping people maintain a normal cell life cycle as much as possible.
The ginkgo trunk is straight, and the wood is a high-grade material for making musical instruments and furniture. Ginkgo wood is of high quality and expensive, and has long been known as "silver fragrant wood" or "silver wood." Ginkgo wood is glossy, with straight grain, fine structure, easy processing, no warping or cracking, strong decay resistance, easy to paint, low nail-holding power, and has a special medicinal fragrance and strong insect resistance. Ginkgo wood can not only be used to make carved plaques and wooden fish and other handicrafts, but can also be made into tall cabinets, desks, and other high-grade furniture. Ginkgo wood has resonance, sound conductivity, and rich elasticity, making it an ideal material for making musical instruments. It can be used to make surveying and mapping instruments, pen holders, and other cultural supplies, and is also a superior wood for making chessboards, chess pieces, sports equipment, seals, and small handicrafts. In industrial production, silver wood is most suitable for making X-ray machine grids, textile printing and dyeing rollers, machine molds and wooden molds for bodiless lacquerware, plywood, cutting boards, wooden telephones, and others.
Ginkgo is recognized as an economic forest tree for greening, beautifying the environment, and having ornamental value. The ginkgo tree has a majestic and magnificent posture, beautiful leaf shape, a relatively long lifespan, and few pests and diseases, making it most suitable as a shade tree, street tree, or specimen tree. It has good ornamental value. In summer, ginkgo is lush green, and in autumn it is golden and lovely, giving people a sense of handsomeness, magnificence, luxury, and elegance. Therefore, both in ancient and modern times and in China and abroad, ginkgo has been regarded as an important tree species for courtyards, streets, and landscaping. When ginkgo is used for street greening, male plants should be selected to avoid fruits contaminating pedestrians' clothing. Among Chinese cities, Dandong was the earliest to use ginkgo as street trees, with three streets lined with century-old ginkgo on both sides.
Ecological value
Humans recognized ginkgo's ecological value relatively late. The highest level of ginkgo's value, ecological value, is a priceless treasure. Ginkgo's ecological benefits are mainly reflected in the following: from the perspective of cultivation, ginkgo belongs to fruit trees, specifically nuts; it belongs to forest trees, specifically timber tree species, protective tree species, pest- and disease-resistant tree species, long-lived tree species, and pollution-tolerant tree species. Ginkgo has strong adaptability and is an ideal tree species for fast-growing and high-yield forests, farmland shelterbelts, roadside protection forests, bank protection forests, beach protection forests, village protection forests, agroforestry intercropping, and "four-side" greening. It can not only provide large amounts of high-quality wood, leaves, and seeds, but can also green the environment, purify the air, conserve soil and water, control pests, regulate temperature, and regulate psychology, among others. It is a good tree species for afforestation, greening, and ornament, and is of great significance to the adjustment of agricultural and forestry planting structures across northern and southern China and the development of forestry in plain agricultural areas.
Greening the environment: Ginkgo is resistant to pests and diseases and is recognized as a pollution-free tree species, making it the most ideal ornamental and greening tree species. Planting ginkgo in parks, gardens, residential communities, along both sides of streets, and in urban greening can be described as "once and for all."
Purifying the air: It has functions such as resistance to pollution, resistance to smoke and fire, and resistance to dust. Ginkgo trees can be planted in certain proportions in industrial areas, residential communities, towns, densely populated places, and leisure communities to form ginkgo forest areas and belts, naturally purifying the air, reducing the content of suspended particles in the atmosphere, and improving air quality.
Conserving soil and water: Ginkgo has effects such as conserving water sources, preventing wind and fixing sand, and conserving soil and water. In areas where forests have been cut, soil and water are lost, and wind and sand erosion occur, ginkgo shelter forest areas, shelterbelts, roadside forests, bank protection forests, beach protection forests, and sand-fixation forests can be cultivated to conserve soil and water and improve the ecological environment. In 1996, Puding County, Guizhou Province, took cultivating ginkgo and developing the ginkgo industry as its path to escape poverty and become prosperous. The county had severe soil erosion; even a handful of soil had to be planted with a stalk of corn, and the ground was full of limestone sand. To prevent soil erosion, farmers switched to planting ginkgo, which both improved the ecological environment and provided economic income (ginkgo leaves sold to processing plants). Today, ginkgo has become a new path to escape poverty and become prosperous in old revolutionary base areas, minority areas, and border areas such as the Dabie Mountains, Daba Mountains, and Yimeng Mountains. Planting ginkgo both improves the ecological environment and forms an industrial economy, achieving multiple benefits at once.
Pest control: Ginkgo has the function of killing crop pests and diseases, and is especially effective against cotton pests, spider mites, peach aphids, and rice stem borers. Planting ginkgo around agricultural areas serves as a natural enemy of crop pests to protect crops.
Temperature regulation: Ginkgo trees have the special function of being warm in winter and cool in summer. In midsummer, if you touch the ginkgo trunk with your palm, it feels icy cold, while touching other tree trunks (such as willow) makes the palm feel hot. According to measurements, in midsummer when the air temperature under direct sunlight is as high as 40.20°C, under the ginkgo tree it is 35.30°C. The temperature difference between the air temperature and under the ginkgo shade is 4.90°C, while the temperature difference under weeping willow is only 2.30°C. Ginkgo's temperature-regulating ability is more than 2 times that of willow. Therefore, creating ginkgo forest areas and ginkgo forest belts on a scale to form a microclimate has a good effect on regulating temperature and improving the microclimate in farmland and residential areas.
Artistic valueGinkgo is majestic in momentum, with twisted trunks and lush solemnity. In China's famous mountains and great rivers, ancient temples and monasteries, there are tall and upright ancient ginkgo trees everywhere. They have endured vicissitudes and trace back through ancient and modern times, giving people a sense of mystery. Through the ages, men of letters and poets who visited temples left behind many poems, essays, and rhapsodies, inscribing steles to record the beauty of the scenery and writing of virtues to take pride in. Select ginkgo with graceful posture and process it into bonsai, condensing the majestic posture of ginkgo in nature into a pot, ancient, unique, elegant, and full of wild charm, placed on a desk for pure enjoyment, delighting the mood and pleasing the eye.
The ginkgo tree is a famous long-lived tree species with strong vitality and peculiar leaf shape. It is easy to graft, propagate, and shape and prune, making it a high-quality material for making bonsai. Ginkgo bonsai made from ginkgo tree burls is even more superb, with high ornamental and economic value. Ginkgo is a commonly used tree species in Chinese bonsai. Ginkgo bonsai has thick trunks, curved branches, exposed roots, unique shapes, vigorous and unrestrained, and full of interest, making it a wonder among Chinese bonsai. In summer it is strong and lush green, and in autumn it is golden and lovely, giving people a sense of steepness, magnificence, luxury, and elegance. In recent years, it has received increasing attention and is praised as "living art carving." According to people's different appreciation requirements, there are mainly several types such as fruit-viewing bonsai, foliage-viewing bonsai, and stump bonsai.
Edit this section: Ginkgo culture
Ancient ginkgo kingdom - Guizhou
According to statistics, there are about 12 ginkgo trees in the country over 5000 years old, of which Guizhou Province alone accounts for 9. They are mainly distributed within 200 km around Guiyang, namely: 1 in Fuquan, 2 in Changshun, 2 in Duyun, 2 in Zunyi, 1 in Anshun, and 1 in Majiang.
The largest ginkgo tree in the world is in Fuquan. This ginkgo tree is male, about 6000 years old, with a base diameter of 5.8 m, wider than an ordinary living room. The first-generation tree of this tree has already died, and the heart is hollow; the outer part is the second-generation tree. The tree is 50 m tall, and it takes 13 people to encircle it. It was recorded in the Shanghai Guinness Records in 2001 and is known as the thickest ginkgo tree in the world. It is said that an elderly person lived inside it for a long time and kept a cow there.
Chengdu city tree
In 1983, Chengdu officially named the ginkgo tree as the city tree of Chengdu. According to a survey by the Chengdu Landscape and Greening Bureau, there are 2042 existing ancient ginkgo trees in ten districts of Chengdu, including Qingyang, Wuhou, and Chenghua. According to statistics from the Chengdu Forestry and Landscape Bureau, there are nearly 1800 registered ancient and famous trees in the city, and ginkgo occupies more than half, with nearly 1000 trees. Moreover, among Chengdu's ten oldest ancient trees, 8 are ginkgo, and only 2 are other species. Located next to the bus station on the west side of Tianfu Square in downtown Chengdu, two ancient ginkgo trees now stand in the middle of Tianfu Square West Road. Both ancient trees are more than 300 years old and have witnessed the city's vicissitudes.
The oldest ginkgo in Chengdu's five main urban districts is located in Baihuatan Park, with a tree age of 1700 years. The remaining thousand-year-old ginkgo trees in the five districts are respectively located at: 1 at No. 100 Shaanxi Street, Wangjiaguai Subdistrict Office, Qingyang District; 1 at the Petrochemical Building, No. 91 Tidu Street; 1 in Baihuatan Park; 2 behind the Sutra Library of the Du Fu Thatched Cottage Museum; and 2 in Jinniu Hotel.
The suburban counties of Chengdu near the western Sichuan mountainous area are the main distribution areas of ginkgo. In 2002, a thousand-year-old ginkgo with a chest circumference of 9.84 m was discovered in Chongzhou. The ancient ginkgo at Baiyan Temple in Dayi County, the ancient ginkgo in Jitou Town, and the ancient ginkgo in Xilin, Pengzhou are all famous ancient trees within the greater Chengdu area. The oldest ginkgo tree in Chengdu is located in Tianshi Cave on Qingcheng Mountain, Dujiangyan, with a tree age of 2500 years.
There are many places in Chengdu to admire ginkgo, such as Jinxiu Street and Jinxiu Lane, Baiguolin Community and Yinxing Road, Du Fu Thatched Cottage, University of Electronic Science and Technology of China, and others. In particular, Jinxiu Street and Jinxiu Lane were developed in 2010 as Chengdu's first ginkgo cultural block.In 2010, the ginkgo cultural block located at Jinxiu Street and Jinxiu Lane, Tiaosanta Subdistrict, Wuhou District, Chengdu, was officially completed. This is Chengdu's first ginkgo-themed cultural block. Jinxiu Street and Jinxiu Lane in Tiaosanta Subdistrict, Wuhou District, are filled with ginkgo trees. The two ginkgo avenues are more than 400 m long and are currently the most densely planted ginkgo area in Chengdu. Following the idea of "building an ecological block, displaying ginkgo landscapes, shaping a cultural block, and improving the living environment," the block was built into a distinctive block themed on "ginkgo" that integrates leisure and scenery appreciation for citizens. The block highlights four major themes: "tasting ginkgo," "reciting ginkgo," "savoring ginkgo," and "knowing ginkgo." "Tasting ginkgo," "reciting ginkgo," "savoring ginkgo," and "knowing ginkgo" each imply different meanings. "Tasting ginkgo" uses the cultural wall at the street entrance to display ginkgo's aesthetic value; "reciting ginkgo" uses the openwork walls of the street to display ginkgo's literary value; "savoring ginkgo" uses the surrounding openwork walls and bulletin boards to introduce the different uses of ginkgo; and "knowing ginkgo" uses the planting beds along the street to set up ginkgo-themed sculptures and landscape stones to introduce ginkgo-related knowledge and allusions.
Dandong city tree
In March 1984, after deliberation and approval by the second session of the Ninth Dandong Municipal People's Congress, the ginkgo tree was officially named the city tree of Dandong. Ginkgo trees have a history of thousands of years in Dandong. As early as the early 1930s, Dandong transplanted ginkgo trees along both sides of streets. According to textual research, there are only 6 streets in cities around the world planted with century-old ginkgo trees, and Dandong has 3 of them. Dandong is the city with the most ginkgo trees over a hundred years old in Asia.
A ginkgo tree in the Dagu Mountain temple in Dandong is more than 1300 years old, with a tree height of 35 m, and its fruit reaches hundreds of kilograms each year. In the streets, alleys, and parks of Dandong's urban area, there are a considerable number of ginkgo trees aged 300-500 years. The main streets of the urban area are almost covered by ginkgo trees more than a hundred years old. Most of the street trees in Kuandian County and Yongdian Town under Dandong are ginkgo trees, with beautiful tree shapes and pleasant scenery. According to statistics, Dandong has nearly 1000 large ginkgo trees over 80 years old and more than 4000 trees over 30 years old. At present, the city's nursery land for cultivating ginkgo reaches more than 1000 mu, with more than 1.5 million plants. The people of Dandong love ginkgo trees and have carefully planted and protected them for many years, enabling ginkgo trees to grow robustly and develop rapidly on this border city's fertile land.
Huzhou city tree
Changxing ginkgo in Huzhou City, Zhejiang Province, can be called "the hometown of ginkgo." Changxing ginkgo is related to three emperors. Legend has it that when Emperor Guangwu of Han, Liu Xiu, was a crown prince fleeing disaster, he once roasted ginkgo in Badujie to satisfy hunger. Changxing native Chen Baxian, after becoming emperor, personally planted a ginkgo tree at Xiazhu Temple in his hometown and went to Badujie Sichen Pond to fish for dragon fish. Changxing people originally called ginkgo white fruit. It was presented as tribute in the Song Dynasty, and when the emperor saw that it resembled a small apricot but was white like silver, he bestowed the name ginkgo. The dragon throne of the Northern Song emperor was made from 12 ginkgo wood boards from throughout the realm, and Changxing ginkgo was specially used for the chair surface because of its fine wood texture.
China's ancient ginkgo corridor is located in Badujie, Xiaopu Town, Changxing. The 12.5 km long ginkgo forest has become a scenic line characterized by "original, wild, and strange." People praise it as "traveling all over the world's scenery, it is hard to see ancient ginkgo tree groups." As a "sacred tree" or "feng shui tree," ginkgo generally only appears in very small numbers at temples or village entrances. Ginkgo can fully represent Huzhou's characteristics of classical elegance, freshness, and tranquility, and also represents the hardworking, simple, and endlessly enduring spirit of the people of Huzhou.
Linyi city tree
To improve the quality of urban construction and establish a good image of opening to the outside world, Linyi City, Shandong Province, designated ginkgo as the city tree. Tancheng County in Linyi is one of the four famous major ginkgo production areas in the country and has the reputation of being "the number one ginkgo county in the world." The county has 7 million planted ginkgo trees, including 28,000 large trees over a hundred years old, with an annual output of 2 million kg of ginkgo. Ginkgo production has become a pillar industry of the county's economy.
Tancheng is one of the few concentrated ginkgo production areas in the country and is famous nationwide as the hometown of ginkgo, with a long history of ginkgo cultivation. According to research, ginkgo cultivation in the area dates back as early as the Zhengguang period of the Northern Wei Dynasty (520-524). An ancient ginkgo at the original Guanzhu Temple site in the Ancient Ginkgo and Plum Garden at the seat of Xincun Township has a tree height of 37.5 m, a DBH of 2.24 m, and a history of 1490 years. It can be called the number one male ginkgo tree in the country - the "king of ginkgo."
In the middle and late Ming Dynasty, ginkgo cultivation in the county entered its peak period. Baiguoshu Village in Shengli Township, built in the mid-Ming Dynasty, was named after two ginkgo trees in front of the village. An ancient ginkgo east of Qiannian Village in Gangshang Town was planted during the Hongwu period of the Ming Dynasty and produced up to 450 kg of ginkgo annually; it was cut down by 1985. An ancient ginkgo in the schoolyard of Hounian Village Primary School in Gangshang Town is more than 400 years old. In the Qing Dynasty and the early Republic of China period, ginkgo production in the area entered a second peak period. Along both banks of the Yi River, from Xincun in the south to Matou in the north, continuous ginkgo forests stretched on. During this period, the first development peak was in the early Qianlong period, the second in the middle and late Qianlong period, the third in the mid-Guangxu period, and the fourth in the early Republic of China period. Many large ginkgo orchards established in the above periods still remain in the county, mainly distributed in townships such as Xincun, Gangshang, and Chongfang. Ginkgo is one of the main cultivated fruit trees in the county. It is recorded in books such as Chinese Ginkgo and Afforestation Techniques for Major Tree Species in China.
Pizhou ginkgo
Pizhou is the hometown of ginkgo and one of the five major ginkgo production areas in China. Pizhou has a long history of ginkgo cultivation, with historical records as early as the Zhengguang period of the Northern Wei Dynasty, more than 1400 years ago. However, judging from the large number of ancient cultural relics such as Han Dynasty pictorial stones unearthed in Pizhou in recent years, the history of ginkgo cultivation in Pizhou can be traced back to before the Han Dynasty, only that there are no historical records. In ancient Pizhou, there was long been a folk tradition of planting ginkgo, especially in the alluvial plain area of the Yi River, where the planting scale was relatively large. Through the changes of feudal dynasties and the effects of wars, the folk tradition of planting ginkgo was still retained. Although during the War of Resistance Against Japan and later during the "Great Leap Forward," the ginkgo planting industry suffered severe damage, there are still 12 thousand-year-old ancient ginkgo trees in Pizhou, 69 large ginkgo trees over 500 years old, and 4160 large ginkgo trees over 100 years old. Since reform and opening up, Pizhou's ginkgo planting industry has developed considerably. In the early 1990s, due to the introduction of new ginkgo leaf extraction technology, the development of the ginkgo leaf extraction and processing industry drove the rapid expansion of the planting scale of ginkgo leaf collection orchards.
Pizhou Ginkgo Expo Garden: Located in Gangshang Town, Pizhou City, it was officially established in 2002. In May 2002, it was approved as a Jiangsu provincial-level ginkgo forest park. In April 2004, it was approved as a national-level ginkgo expo garden, the only national-level forest park for a single tree species in the country.
Taixing, Jiangsu
Taixing City, Jiangsu Province, has more than 5 million ginkgo trees in the whole city. It is especially famous worldwide for the "Dafozhi ginkgo," which is known for large fruit, full kernel, rich pulp, thin shell, heavy grain, white color, sweet and glutinous taste, and good storability. Annual income from ginkgo reaches hundreds of millions of yuan, and health products from ginkgo leaves and ginkgo fruit have been developed.
Edit this section: Disease control
Ginkgo stem rot
1. Distribution and harm. This disease occurs commonly in all ginkgo seedling-raising areas. It mostly appears in 1-2 year old ginkgo seedling stock, especially more seriously in one-year-old seedlings, and often causes large numbers of seedling deaths.
2. Symptoms. In the early stage of the disease, the base of the seedling turns brown, the leaves lose their normal green color and droop slightly downward, but do not fall off. The infected part spreads rapidly upward, until the whole plant dies. The cortex at the base of the diseased seedling shrinks, and the tissue inside the bark rots in a spongy or powdery form, grayish white, and contains many small black sclerotia. The pathogen of this disease can also invade the xylem of the seedling, so small sclerotia are sometimes also seen in the brown hollow pith. Afterward, the pathogen gradually spreads to the roots, causing the root cortex to rot. If the diseased seedling is pulled by hand, only the xylem can be pulled out, while the root cortex remains in the soil. Under high or low temperature conditions, stem rot can also occur in ginkgo cuttings, causing the cutting epidermis to remain in a tubular sheath over the xylem, while all the phloem parenchyma turns black and rots.
3. Pathogen. The pathogen of ginkgo stem rot is the charcoal rot fungus Macrophomiaphas~oli (Maubl) ashby of the order Sphaeropsidales, family Sphaeropsidaceae, genus Macrophoma. This fungus likes high temperatures, and its suitable growth temperature is 30-32°C; it has no strict requirement for pH and can grow well between pH 4-9.
4. Occurrence pattern. The stem rot pathogen usually lives saprophytically in the soil and belongs to weak parasitic fungi. Under suitable conditions, it invades from seedling wounds. Therefore, disease occurrence is related to the host and site environmental conditions. The fundamental cause of seedling damage is that the surface temperature is too high, and after the seedling base is burned by high temperature, the pathogen invades. The lower the degree of lignification of the seedling, the higher the incidence of this disease. When the seedbed is low-lying and waterlogged, the incidence also increases significantly. For ginkgo cuttings, in June-August, when the seedbed high temperature reaches above 30°C, the disease begins 10-15 days after insertion, and in severe cases large areas of scions blacken and die. Experiments have shown that antagonistic actinomycetes can effectively inhibit the spread and diffusion of this disease pathogen.
5. Control methods. According to the causes of ginkgo stem rot, prevention should currently be the main approach.
(1) Sow early. Sow as soon as the soil thaws. This measure is conducive to early lignification of seedlings and enhances resistance to high surface soil temperatures.
(2) Sow densely at a reasonable rate. Dense sowing helps give play to the group effect of seedlings and enhances resistance to adverse external environments. Experiments have shown that the smaller the seedling density, the higher the incidence; the greater the density, the lower the incidence. Practice has also shown that when the previous sowing rate of 25-40 kg of seed per mu is changed to 80-100 kg of seed per mu, not only does the incidence decrease, but the number of seedlings produced per unit also increases, saving land while reducing disease.
(3) Control underground pests. After seedlings are harmed by underground pests, they are extremely susceptible to infection by the stem rot pathogen. Therefore, before and after sowing, always pay attention to eliminating underground pests.
(4) Prevent mechanical damage to seedlings. For current-year sown seedlings or one-year-old transplanted seedlings, during loosening soil and weeding or during lifting and planting, be careful not to damage the roots and stems of the seedlings, otherwise it is very easy to cause stem rot.
(5) Shade and cool. To prevent solar radiation from increasing ground temperature, seedling beds should adopt measures such as building shade sheds, covering grass between rows, planting corn, and inserting branches for shade to reduce harm to seedlings.
(6) Irrigation and spraying. In high-temperature seasons, irrigate and spray water promptly to lower surface temperature. Where conditions permit, sprinkler irrigation can be adopted, which is more conducive to reducing disease occurrence.
(7) Chemical and biological control. Combined with irrigation, various fungicides such as thiophanate-methyl, carbendazim, and Bordeaux mixture can be sprayed. Antagonistic actinomycetes can also be added when applying organic fertilizer in mid-June, or plant ash/superphosphate (1/0.25) can be applied together with antagonistic actinomycetes.
Ginkgo seedling damping-off
1. Distribution and harm. This disease is also called seedling blight and occurs commonly in ginkgo nurseries everywhere. The seedling mortality rate is very high, especially when sowing is relatively late, the incidence is higher.
2. Symptoms
The disease mostly occurs from April to June. Because the onset periods differ, four symptoms usually appear:
① Seed rot. Before the seed sprout emerges from the soil, it is invaded by the pathogen, causing seed rot, called bud-rot type damping-off.
② Stem and leaf rot. During the period when young buds emerge from the soil, due to excessive humidity or overly dense seedlings and other reasons, they are invaded by the pathogen, causing the stems and leaves to stick together and rot, called top-rot type damping-off.
③ Seedling damping-off. During the period after seedlings emerge and take root, due to poor lignification of the seedlings, the pathogen invades the root crown, producing brown spots. The lesions expand and become water-soaked. Because the pathogen spreads within the seedling stem tissue, typical seedling damping-off symptoms are caused.
④ Seedling blight. After the stem of the seedling has lignified, the pathogen invades from the roots, causing the roots to rot and the diseased seedlings to die, but not to fall over, called seedling blight. All four symptoms above occur, but seedling damping-off is the most serious.
3. Pathogens. The pathogens causing ginkgo seedling damping-off include non-infectious and infectious types. Non-infectious causes include waterlogging in the nursery, overly thick soil covering, surface soil crusting, and excessively high surface temperature. Infectious pathogens include Fusarium, Rhizoctonia, and Pythium. These three pathogens all have strong saprophytic ability and can usually survive on plant residues in the soil. Once they encounter a suitable host and a humid environment, they infect and cause harm. Pythium mostly causes harm when the soil temperature is 12-23°C, the optimum temperature for Rhizoctonia is 25-28°C, and the optimum temperature for Fusarium is 20-30°C.
4. Occurrence pattern. This disease mainly harms one-year-old sown seedlings, especially within 1 month after the seeds emerge from the soil, when damage is most serious. The degree of occurrence is related to the following factors.
① Continuous cropping. Because there are more pathogens in continuously cropped ginkgo seedbeds, the incidence is high.
② Rough land preparation in the nursery, such as soil crusting, heavy clay, waterlogging, and poor aeration, is not conducive to seed germination or growth, and pathogens are prone to reproduce, causing severe seedling disease.
③ Undecomposed fertilizer often leads to the spread of pathogens and harms seedlings.
④ Late sowing time and delayed emergence of young buds. After emergence, both air temperature and ground temperature are high, and because the degree of lignification of the seedlings is poor, the disease is severe.
⑤ Excessive temperature difference. If plastic film is used as mulch after sowing, proper ventilation and hardening of seedlings should be carried out before removing the film; otherwise, seedlings may damp off and die due to drastic changes in environmental conditions.
5. Control methods:
① Prepare the land carefully to prevent waterlogging in the nursery and soil crusting. Organic fertilizer should be fully decomposed. Before sowing, soil disinfection or soil sterilization should be carried out.
② Improve sowing techniques, sow early at the proper time, and cover soil to an appropriate thickness, promoting uniform and vigorous seedlings and improving the population resistance of seedlings.
③ Chemical control: Use 75% quintozene, zineb, or Suhua 911, or 25% dexon for soil treatment. The dosage per square meter is 4-6 g. First weigh out the entire amount of pesticide, then mix evenly with fine soil to make medicated soil. Before sowing, spread the medicated soil 1 cm thick in the sowing rows, then sow, and cover the seeds with medicated soil. The amount of medicated soil used should be based on the above standard dosage. Apply Suhua 911 at 0.375 kg per mu, and dexon, daozuqing, and captan at 2.5-3.5 kg per mu, using the same method as above. Use a 2%-3% ferrous sulfate (black alum) aqueous solution at 9 L of solution per square meter; on rainy days or when soil moisture is high, use fine soil mixed into 2%-3% black alum medicated soil at 100-150 kg per mu. ④ Treatment of diseased seedlings: immediately apply 10% Suhua 911 wettable powder at 500-1000 times, 30% Suhua 911 emulsion at 1000-1500 times, 70% dexon at 500 times, bleaching powder at 200-300 times, or potassium permanganate at 1000 times as medicated soil or solution (use medicated soil for wet seedbeds, solution for dry seedbeds) to the root crown of the seedlings. But immediately spray the seedlings with clear water afterward to prevent damage to stems and leaves. If top-rot type damping-off is found, immediately spray 1:1:120-170 Bordeaux mixture, once every 10-15 days.
Ginkgo leaf blight
1. Distribution and harm. This disease occurs to varying degrees in concentrated ginkgo production areas such as Guangxi, Zhejiang, Jiangsu, and Shandong. Generally, old production areas have more severe disease than new production areas. According to reports, ginkgo plants cultivated near dawn redwood trees have noticeably more severe disease, and the incidence in female plants is higher than in male plants. In affected plants, in mild cases some leaves wither and fall early, and in severe cases all leaves fall off, resulting in weakened tree vigor and poor growth and development.
2. Symptoms
In the early stage of the disease, the tips of the leaves commonly turn yellow first. During June, the yellowed areas gradually turn brown and die, spreading from local spots to the entire leaf margin, forming brown to reddish-brown marginal lesions. Afterward, the lesions gradually spread toward the base of the leaf until the entire leaf turns brown or grayish-brown, becomes scorched, and drops off. From July to August, the boundary between the lesions and healthy tissue becomes distinct, the lesion margins are wavy and darker in color, and a narrower or wider bright yellow band can be seen along the outer edge. From September onward, the lesions enlarge markedly, the spreading margins appear uneven, and the boundary between diseased and healthy tissue gradually becomes less distinct. In addition, from September to October, leaves on seedlings or on suckers at the base of large trees develop several irregular faded spots in random locations, with brown centers. Although these spots do not enlarge markedly, they often merge with the extending marginal lesions.
3. Pathogens The pathogens of ginkgo leaf blight are relatively complex. According to research, at least 3 pathogens have been identified, namely Alternaria alternata (Fr.) Keissl., Glomerella cingulata (Stonem), and Pestalotia ginkgo Hori. In addition, fruiting bodies of various fungi such as Alternaria, Colletotrichum, Pestalotia, and Cercospora can be seen on the lesions.
4. Relationship between disease occurrence and the environment Observations have shown that large trees are more resistant to the disease than seedlings, and female plants show a significantly higher disease incidence as seed production increases. In addition, root rot caused by waterlogging at the roots or weakened tree vigor can also lead to early and severe disease occurrence. Generally speaking, trees given base fertilizer are less susceptible than those given topdressing; the disease incidence is lower with winter fertilization than with spring fertilization. Ginkgo intercropped with soybean has a relatively mild incidence, while intercropping with pine trees leads to severe incidence; proximity to metasequoia trees leads to severe incidence, and the opposite leads to mild incidence. The reason may be that the pathogen of this disease is the same as the pathogen of the intercropped tree species (such as metasequoia red blight).
5. Control methods:
① Strengthen management and enhance tree vigor. For example, try to fertilize in winter, avoid waterlogging, completely avoid intercropping with pine and metasequoia, improve the quality of seedling planting, and shorten the recovery period after transplanting, so as to enhance the disease resistance of seedlings. In addition, control excessive fruiting in female plants to prevent the spread of this disease on large ginkgo trees.
② Chemical control: spray broad-spectrum fungicides such as thiophanate before disease onset. Alternatively, from early June, spray 40% carbendazim suspension concentrate at 500 times dilution or 90% dimethomorph at 1000 times dilution, once every 20d, for a total of 6 sprays, which can effectively prevent the occurrence of this disease.
Ginkgo early yellowing disease
1. Distribution and damage This disease occurs to varying degrees in all major ginkgo production areas. Moreover, yellowed plants are more susceptible to leaf blight, leading to premature leaf drop, significantly slower height and diameter growth, reduced seed yield, and even death of the entire plant.
2. Symptoms This disease appears in Shandong and Jiangsu provinces around early June, mostly scattered sporadically. From late June to July, the number of yellowed plants gradually increases, occurring in small patches. In mild cases, only the leaf tips turn yellow, appearing bright yellow; in severe cases, the entire leaf turns yellow. Because the leaves yellow early, this also leads to the earlier occurrence of ginkgo leaf blight; by August, the entire leaf turns brown, dries up, and drops in large numbers.
3. Pathogen Research suggests that ginkgo early yellowing disease is caused by non-biological infection. Its main causes are: insufficient water, damage by underground pests, soil waterlogging, root damage during seedling lifting or root curling during planting, and soil zinc deficiency.
4. Control methods:
① Apply zinc polycarboxylate: in late May, apply 140g of zinc polycarboxylate per seedling, which can reduce the disease incidence by 95%, and the disease susceptibility index also decreases markedly.
② Promptly control underground pests such as white grubs, mole crickets, and wireworms.
③ Prevent soil waterlogging, strengthen loosening of soil and weed control, and improve soil permeability.
④ Protect seedlings from damage, and prevent root curling and root injury during planting.
⑤ Irrigate in a timely manner to prevent severe drought.
Ginkgo trunk blight
1. Distribution and damage This disease is also called ginkgo canker. It has been found in Hebei, Henan, Shaanxi, Shandong, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Jiangxi, Guangxi and other provinces (autonomous regions). Besides ginkgo, it also harms tree species such as Chinese chestnut. The disease occurs on the trunk and branches. After infection, the lesions rapidly girdle the branches and trunk, often causing death of the entire branch or the whole plant.
2. Symptoms After the pathogen invades the trunk or branches through wounds, discolored lesions form on smooth bark. The lesions are round or irregular; on rough bark, the lesion margins are indistinct. Later, the lesions continue to expand and gradually swell, and the bark splits longitudinally. In spring, many withered-yellow wart-like stromata, 1-3mm in diameter, can be seen on the affected bark. When the weather is humid, pale yellow or yellow tendril-like cirrhi of conidia are squeezed out from the wart-like stromata. After autumn, the stromata turn orange-red to sauce-red. Afterward, perithecia gradually form. Between the bark and xylem of diseased trees, a feathery fan-shaped mycelial layer can be seen, initially dirty white and later yellowish-brown.
3. Pathogen The pathogen of ginkgo trunk blight is Endothia parasitica (Murr.), i.e. Cryphonectria parasitica (Murr.) Barr, of the genus Endothia, order Diaporthales, class Ascomycetes.
4. Occurrence pattern Both conidia and ascospores of the pathogen can cause infection. The fungus overwinters on diseased branches as mycelium and pycnidia, and the pathogen becomes active when temperatures rise again the following spring. In the Yangtze River basin and areas south of the Yangtze River, symptoms begin to appear from late March to early April, and the lesions expand markedly after late June, especially from July to September when lesion expansion is fastest. In the Yangtze River basin, the asexual generation of the pathogen begins to appear from late April to early May. Conidia are spread everywhere by rain, insects, and birds and can cause repeated secondary infections. From October to November, orange-red stromata embedded with perithecia appear on the bark, and ascospores mature in early December. Ascospores are spread by wind, and the pathogen invades the host through wounds. The fan-shaped mycelial layer under the bark of diseased trees has strong resistance to adverse environments and can survive overwintering.
5. Control methods:
① Since the pathogen is a weak parasite, it becomes infected only when tree vigor is very weak. Therefore, management should be strengthened to enhance tree vigor and reduce disease occurrence.
② Thoroughly remove diseased plants and diseased branches, and diseased branches should be burned promptly.
③ Chemical control. For individual lesions on the trunk or branches, scraping treatment can be carried out and the wounds disinfected promptly. The scraping depth can reach the xylem, then use 0.1% hgCl2 or Shenpping solution (0.5 mercuric chloride + 0.2% Pingpingjia + 97.5 clear water) to brush the wounds and kill the pathogen. After scraping, brush the wounds with 400-500 times antibacterial agent 401 plus 0.1% Pingpingjia, or brush the wounds with the fungicide methyl thiophanate or 10% alkaline water, which also gives good results.
Edit this section: Transplanting season
As the farming proverb says: planting trees in winter is like dreaming, planting trees in spring causes a bout of illness, and planting trees in summer costs you your life. This reflects in some ways whether the tree-planting season is suitable, and ginkgo trees are no exception. Clearly, autumn is more suitable for transplanting ginkgo trees. Because ginkgo trees have a long recovery period after transplanting, besides this physiological characteristic, an even more important reason is that the root damage suffered during transplanting is difficult to heal. In autumn and winter, the leaves have already fallen, the tree body stops growing, the sap no longer flows, the tree itself does not consume large amounts of nutrients, and the workload of the roots is greatly reduced. Under such conditions, the injuries to the roots during seedling lifting, after a period of rest and recovery, heal quickly, and by the following spring they can normally absorb and store nutrients, making good preparations for sprouting and growth. It can thus be seen that transplanting ginkgo trees in autumn and winter can move the long recovery process of ginkgo trees forward by several months. Especially for some large ginkgo seedlings being transplanted, the recovery period can be advanced by a full year. As for the specific time for autumn and winter transplanting, it should be handled flexibly according to local climatic conditions, with the best time being after the leaves have completely fallen and before the ground freezes. Whether autumn (winter) planting or spring planting, it is best to plant as soon as the seedlings are lifted, minimizing transport and heeling-in time. In this way, the seedling root system remains fresh, which is beneficial for recovery and for increasing the survival rate.
Edit this section: Supplement
Ginkgo is a deciduous tree, with fan-shaped leaves scattered on long shoots and clustered on short shoots. The strobili are unisexual, and the species is dioecious. The seeds are drupe-like. It flowers in April and matures in October, and the seeds are orange-yellow and drupe-like. Ginkgo is the oldest relict plant among extant seed plants. All other plants in the same class have become extinct. It is known as a living fossil, originating several hundred million years ago. The ginkgo trees alive today are rare and scattered, and old trees over a hundred years old are no longer commonly seen. Varieties and cultivars include: yellow-leaf ginkgo, tower-shaped ginkgo, split-leaf ginkgo, weeping ginkgo, variegated-leaf ginkgo, and 26 others.
Ancient ginkgo in Zhejiang. The ancient ginkgo tree in Hangzhou, Zhejiang was planted in the Sui Dynasty, with a tree age of 1410 years. The old ginkgo is more than twenty meters tall, and its crown spreads as wide as 20 round table tops. Around the roots, many large and small branches and trunks have sprouted, resembling "descendants filling the hall."
Ginkgo in Henan. In Shenlou Village, Economic and Technological Development Zone, Shangqiu City, there is an ancient tree. According to textual research, this tree is a remnant tree of the 300-li Liang Garden of the Western Han Liang Kingdom, with a history of more than 2000 years, and it still has luxuriant branches and leaves without appearing old. Having endured two thousand years of historical hardships, it remains thick, tall, and imposing, with its cracked yellowish-brown bark like a suit of armor. Its crown blocks the sky and sun for more than 2000 sq m. Thousand-year-old ancient ginkgo trees in Xiasi Village, Baihe Town, Song County,
Thousand-year-old ancient ginkgo trees in Baihe Town, Song County [19]. There are several hundred ancient ginkgo trees more than 500 years old. Among them, there are 67 thousand-year-old ginkgo trees at the Yunyan Temple site. In 2007, these ancient ginkgo trees were listed in the Guinness records as the "most thousand-year-old ginkgo trees in an ancient temple." [19]
In the Wangwu Mountain Scenic Area of Wangwu Township, Jiyuan City, Henan Province, there is a ginkgo tree 35.5 m tall with a trunk circumference of 9.1 m. Its trunk is tall and straight, and its branches and leaves are luxuriant. It is about 2000 years old and is said to be a relic of the Han Dynasty. It has the reputation of being a "Chinese plant living fossil." People call it "seven hugs and eight walking sticks."
The ginkgo tree at Longwangzhang, Xianghe Township, Biyang County, Zhumadian, is more than 30 m tall and more than 10 m thick, and eight people cannot encircle it with their arms. There is a spring in the tree that overflows water in all four seasons and does not dry up even in severe drought.
Further reading
Yi Shu, "The Story of the Rose"
Part One: RoseChapter One
My name is Huang Zhenhua.
Huang Meigui is my younger sister, Rose. She is fifteen years younger than me, and I have never seen a girl who resembles a rose more than Rose does.
She is my only younger sister. My mother gave birth to her at the age of thirty-eight. At that time, my father's business was thriving, and all conditions destined Rose to be spoiled.
When Rose was three years old, she was already a little beauty in the making. Even my mother was astonished, because the whole family was only of ordinary appearance, and such a beautiful baby was truly an unexpected delight.
Rose was not only good-looking, but also articulate and likable. When she took the kindergarten entrance exam, she succeeded everywhere. The teacher stroked her pitch-black, glossy hair and said affectionately, "This little Yellow Rose will be a Hong Kong, China beauty queen in the future."
Her life was without setbacks.
Later, of course, she grew up. Pretty children and not-pretty children alike all have to grow up.
Rose grew up to be so beautiful, with rosy skin, round eyes, a blue mole on the left cheek, long legs, a firm bosom, and she was very lively and cheerful. The year boys began pursuing her, I had already finished studying architecture, received my father's financial support, and partnered with my classmate Zhou Shihui to open a company. Zhou was young but mature, and his world was bright and happy. He was upright and noble in appearance, and he was completely uninterested in poetry, painting, birdsong, or flowers. In life, he focused on cars and Western-style houses, and of course the company's ledgers. He was a typical promising young man of Hong Kong, China. You could not call him vulgar, because he was a university student and spoke elegantly, but you also could not classify him as learned, because aside from architecture, he knew nothing about the outside world. He would think Botticelli was a newly released brand of crocodile leather shoes. But I liked Zhou Shihui. He had many merits, and amiability was his starring role. He had a childhood sweetheart girlfriend, but he kept her very strictly hidden and rarely let us meet her.
His reason: "Especially you, Zhenhua. You must guard against others. I am not afraid of ten thousand, only of the one in ten thousand. I will let her see you only after I marry her. The battlefield of love is like a battlefield, and your qualifications are too good. I cannot feel at ease."
I was immediately caught between laughter and tears. This was Zhou Shihui, my business partner.
My mother was satisfied with me.
She said, "Shihui has a business mind and can make up for your shortcomings. In the future, when the business grows bigger, disagreements of this kind will inevitably arise. You must be a little more accommodating."
I murmured in agreement.
In the last year or two, my mother's temper had been very strange. My father urged us to be more accommodating to her; she was going through menopause.
"I hear Shihui is about to get married."
"Yes."
"And you?" my mother asked.
I scratched my scalp. "No one."
My mother said, "All the calls that jam the phone are for Rose. Rose has been very outrageous lately. All she knows is going out all day long. If something happens, it will be too late." She was displeased. "You are her eldest brother. She has always listened to you. You should talk to her."
I smiled placatingly. "Mom, today's children have nothing much to talk about. They all have very strong opinions."
"I brought trouble on myself," she began to complain. "Having a child at forty, and now my daughter is not like a daughter and my grandchild is not like a grandchild."
I quickly said, "Rose's schoolwork is still first-rate."
My mother could not help smiling either. "I do not know what tricks she is up to. Everyone says St. Teresa's is a famous school and the coursework is terribly hard, but since first grade in primary school, I have never seen her flip through a textbook. Every year she crams the night before the big exams, yet every year she comes first. I think this school does not make much sense either."
The telephone rang.
My mother said, "You answer it. It is for Rose again." She stood up irritably and went to the study.
I answered the phone. On the other end was a small boy who asked timidly, "Is Rose there?"
I said kindly, "Rose has not come home from school yet. Who are you? Shall I ask her to call you back?"
He was extremely flattered. "No no, I will look for her a little later."
I could not help asking, "What are you looking for her for? To borrow her homework?"
"No, I want to invite her to a movie," he said.
"All right," I said, "goodbye." I put down the phone.
Rose was still just a little girl. Could all these boys really be after a taste of her beauty? I wondered in surprise.
The telephone rang again. Just as I was about to answer it, the old servant A Fang came out smiling and said, "Young master, let me."
I was surprised. It was for Rose again.
A Fang said, "The young lady has not returned yet. I do not know."
I asked A Fang, "Are there many calls like this?"
A Fang sighed. "Young master, you are not often at home, so you do not know. These calls ring from morning to night, all looking for the young lady. It is annoying to death."
I said, "Is that so?"
"Yes. Madam says there is no need to answer at all, and she also says she wants to change the number for some peace."
"Go talk to the young lady," I laughed. "You raised her."
A Fang said, "Do not be so cheeky. Little sister has so many people chasing her. What about you? When are you going to marry a wife?"
That one sentence drove me into the study.
I had written only three characters when Rose came back. She kicked open the study door and shouted loudly, "Big brother, big brother!"
I did not dare turn around. I said, "Rose, your poor big brother has to rush his work. Do not make noise, all right?"
"Big brother!" She poked her head over.
When I saw how she looked, I could not help letting out a horrified cry: "Rose, what have you done to your head?"
Rose's originally waist-length straight hair was now curled into a tangled mess, spread out like a wild person's.
She said as if nothing had happened, "I permed my hair," while chewing gum.
"You have lost your mind," I said. "Wait until Mom sees that head of yours, then you will know."
"She opposes everything," Rose said. "Why should I care so much about her?" Her foot slipped, and she slid onto the sofa and sat down.
I questioned her: "Where are your normal shoes? How can you wear roller skates indoors?"
"Big brother, this is not allowed and that should not be done. You are too miserable," she said disdainfully.
"With a younger sister like you, misery is to be expected," I said. "If you have something to say, say it quickly, so I can work in peace."
"Lend me money," she said in a low voice, "three hundred." Like a little gangster.
I fished out a banknote, but before I could hand it to her, my mother had already pushed the door open. "Zhenhua, do not give her money again!"
Rose was quick-handed and had already put the banknote into her pocket.
My mother flew into a rage: "Rose, try explaining your behavior. It is still only the second and eighth months of the weather, and you are wearing shorts so short that your buttocks can practically be seen. What does that mean? You took perfectly good straight hair and made it look like a mad person's. What does that mean?"
Rose's face immediately darkened. She lowered her head, did not make a sound, and swung her legs back and forth.
My mother grew even more furious. "Take off the skates!" I smiled placatingly. "She has already taken up residence on those skates. How can she take them off?"
I smiled and said, "Mom, this style is popular now. Children naturally follow the trend. It is no use getting angry."
"How could I have given birth to a daughter like you!" my mother scolded. "Not a bit of upbringing, all shame."
I pushed my mother out of the study. "All right, all right, you should not get angry either. If your blood pressure rises in a moment, it will be even worse. Go rest."
My mother finally left the study.
Rose let out a breath. "Mom really!" She was grinning cheekily.
"Do not blame her," I said. "She has two generation gaps with you. No wonder she cannot stand the sight of you."
"She has never liked me," Rose said.
"She does not. If you go along with her a little, there will be no problem."
Rose skated around my study, tormenting the floor with a "clack clack" sound, then hugged my neck tightly and said gratefully, "Big brother, you are the best to me."
I tugged at her shoulder-length, flamboyant curly hair. "Do you know what you look like now? Like a Gypsy wild girl."
She laughed.
Sometimes I also felt that my mother was a little too hard on Rose. Rose was still a child, and should not be treated too strictly. Pure scolding had no effect. When there was time, one should guide her patiently; when there was no time, one should let her off. As long as a child did well in school, there was nothing serious.
The next day when I returned to the office, Shihui said to me furtively, "Zhenhua, I have decided to get married."
I said with a smile, "You rascal!"
"Look! This ring." He opened a velvet box, handed it to me, and asked, "How is it?"
I took a look. "Big spender. Is it one carat?"
"One carat fifteen points," he said. "I ask you to be my best man."
"I promise you."
"Borrow your old man's 450 for the use," Shihui said.
"No problem," I smiled. "Can you reveal your bride now?"
"Let us have lunch together today," he said.
I finally met Shihui's life partner. The girl was called Zhizhi, surname Guan, a good girl. If you say she was like plain boiled water, she did have a bachelor's degree from a small British university, but no one could say she had flavor. She had not yet taken definite form, and both her exterior and interior were very ordinary.
She is very well suited to Zhou Shihui.
A few days later, Shihui invited me again to see his new home. Several of the bride's relatives were there, and they all showed tremendous interest in me, and I understood at once.
Having hooked such a prize catch as Shihui, the ladies immediately pressed their advantage. The name Huang Zhenhua had long been on their list. I dealt with them politely. Shihui's new home had too many colors, the furniture was too crowded, and the combinations were quite tacky, but somehow it had a joyful, happy atmosphere that made me feel lonely.
Guan Zhizhi was flitting back and forth in the cramped living room, laughing and greeting guests, and she actually had an air of impressive domestic virtue. I immediately interrogated myself in my mind: Huang Zhenhua, you could also live this kind of happy life, why keep persisting?
Zhou Shihui pulled me aside. "Well? These young ladies here, do you like any of them?"
I just smiled.
"What are you waiting for?" Shihui asked in surprise. "There are no descending fairies in Hong Kong, China. After marriage you work hard toward your career. Women are all the same, affection can be cultivated."
I shook my head. "No, Shihui, it's not like that."
He sighed. "I don't understand you."
I said, "You think you can create happiness with your own two hands. My view is different. Love is a happiness that can be encountered but not sought, and the pillar of marriage must be love."
Shihui sneered. "Zhenhua, you're even younger and more naive than I imagined. I wish you luck."
I did not take offense, and smiled again.
When I brought Shihui's invitation card home, I knew what my mother would say.
Sure enough--
"Shihui is so capable. I'm afraid by the time he has a house full of children and grandchildren, you'll still be all alone."
"You and he were classmates, and there's a world of difference between you."
"Have you ever thought about how lonely you'll be when you become an old bachelor? Your parents will leave you sooner or later, and by then you won't even be able to manage a proper meal."
Rose made eyes at me and whispered, "Now even you're getting scolded."
Dad came to my rescue. "You're afraid Zhenhua can't find a wife? I'm actually quite at ease. These days there are many vain girls out there. Marrying him might not mean marrying him as a person, perhaps just for the title of architect. He can't afford not to be careful."
Rose said to me, "Big brother, I have something to tell you in a bit."
She pulled me onto the balcony.
"Out with it, another three hundred yuan?" I said impatiently.
"No, Mom installed a switch on the phone. When I'm not here the phone can't be connected at all. Help me out."
"Can't help."
"Big brother, you've always been the best to me." She pleaded.
I stared at her and could only laugh.
"Apply for a phone for me to be installed in my room, will you? Please."
"Is your social life really that busy?" I asked.
She stuck out her tongue.
"You're only fifteen," I said.
"Almost sixteen," she said. "Help me out, big brother."
"Fine," I couldn't bear to refuse, "I promise you."
"Big brother--" She blinked, and her eyes and nose turned red.
"All right, all right. Just behave yourself normally, and that'll be repayment enough to your big brother."
I patted her shoulder. "Tomorrow I'll have my secretary take care of it properly and have the phone company come install it while Mom isn't home, all right?"
"Only you are good to me." Rose said with certainty.
Shihui held his wedding at a church, and I served as best man.
After the ceremony was completed, it began to drizzle. I had arranged to play tennis with Rose, so I had to hurry home to pick her up.
When I went to get the car, Shihui deliberately asked me to act as driver and take a few female guests home, and I had no choice but to agree.
The girls got in the car laughing, dressed up in all their finery. One young woman in a white dress and white skirt remained. Her pair of sandals caught my eye, thin straps tied around her ankles, with a white butterfly on the instep.
She was hesitating.
I said politely, "There's still room, miss. Please get in."
She broke into a smile and sat graciously in the back seat.
Along the way everyone chattered endlessly, but only the young woman in white was very silent.
I stole glances at her face in the rearview mirror. As coincidence would have it, like Rose, she also had a blue mole on her face, at the lower corner of her left eye, like a teardrop, swaying slightly with the motion of the car, as if at any moment it might fall down her cheek.
I was captivated.
I liked her unique temperament, and I also liked that mole.
So I deliberately took a roundabout route, dropping off all the other girls first, and saving her for last.
She lived on the third floor of an old building.
I stopped the car and walked her to the entrance.
I suddenly forgot my little sister's appointment. Unable to help myself, I smiled and asked, "Won't you invite me up for a cup of tea?"
She pursed her lips and smiled. She said, "I still don't know your name."
"Huang Zhenhua. And you?"
"Su Gengsheng," she said.
"Are you a relative of the groom?" I said.
"I'm an alumna of the bride's older sister's school," Su Gengsheng said.
"Ah," I said, "no wonder I'd never seen you before."
She smiled.
"At least tell me your phone number," I said.
She said a number, and I immediately wrote it down.
Seeing that she was about to go upstairs, I caught up with her, quite astonished at my own thick-skinned boldness. I said, "I'm playing ball with my sister this afternoon. Would you like to join?"
She was taken aback. "I've also made plans with friends at Victoria Park."
"Then good, I'll come pick you up." I did not let up one bit.
"No need. Let's just meet at Victoria Park," she said. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye." I watched her go upstairs.
I arrived home absentmindedly, and Rose was waiting for me with her lips pursed in a pout.
She scolded me, "You're late. The court will be given to someone else."
I did not argue with her.
While playing ball I kept watching to see if she had arrived, and I lost three games in a row. Then I saw her.
She was still dressed in white, sitting under the shelter with friends in the fine rain.
I threw down my racket and walked over, and Rose shouted desperately, "Hey! Hey!"
As if bewitched, I went to sit beside her, and she smiled at me.
Rose chased after me scolding, and when she saw Rose, she suddenly blurted out, "This is your friend?"
"No," I answered, "my little sister."
She exclaimed softly, "Oh my, so there really is such a thing as a beauty in this world."
I was surprised. "What?"
"Your sister is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life," she said softly.
"Is that so?" I laughed. "Then the pretty women you've seen are truly limited. She's just slightly pretty, that's all. She's a spoiled rotten apple."
Rose, with her fluffy curly hair, put her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Big brother, are you still playing or not?"
I said frankly, "Not playing anymore."
Rose saw Su beside me and understood at once. She laughed. "This older sister--"
"Call her Miss Su," I said quickly.
"No, just call me Su. All my friends do," Su said amiably.
"Hello." Rose blinked.
She deliberately came over and squeezed in to sit between the two of us.
By then the rain was falling harder. I smelled the scent unique to grass in the rain. Beside me was the young woman I liked. I felt there could be no greater happiness, and I only wished that moment would not pass.
That night I said to my little sister, "It burst forth like a spark. I know I've found her."
"You don't even know her yet," Rose said.
"I've known her my whole life. It's just that I only ran into her today."
"That's so mystical. I can't even understand it."
"Of course you don't understand," I said.
"But I like her. I have a feeling she'll be as good to me as you are," Rose said.
Summer came, and Su and I became good friends. Together we celebrated Rose's sixteenth birthday.
Su and I agreed to meet at the office.
Shihui criticized my girlfriend. "It's strange that you'd like her. Naturally, Su is very proper and elegant, but she's not necessarily one of a kind. She always treats people coolly, just like her clothing and accessories."
I said, "She is a woman with a soul."
Shihui was exasperated. "We're all grown adults here, and you're the only one walking on clouds, like some bored poet."
"Poets aren't boring, Shihui. Don't criticize what you don't understand."
"I'm an illiterate, all right?"
I laughed. "You just love to quibble."
He sighed. "Zhenhua, we are people living in two different worlds."
I asked, "Didn't you keep saying you hadn't seen my little sister in a long time? Want to have a meal together?"
"Zhizhi is pregnant. I need to spend more time with her. Sorry," he said.
"Congratulations, congratulations," I said. "You've been promoted again."
He was very happy. "Having a son will also be an answer to my parents."
I looked at him and shook my head. This Zhou Shihui's thinking was going further and further backward. Perhaps he was right, and society could not do without pillars like him.
When I saw Su, I naturally brought up Zhou Shihui's concept of "there are three forms of unfilial conduct, and the greatest is to have no heir."
Su smiled gently and did not offer an opinion. In fact, she was an extremely life-denying person, and like me, she deeply felt that life contained more suffering than joy.
Then Rose arrived.
Her outfit was enough to make your eyes ache: a large-flowered skirt in deep purple and dark green, a rose-red top, and a small goose-yellow jacket.
I hurriedly shook my head to show my resistance. Rose wrinkled her little nose and sat down, toying with the single snake-shaped metal earring on her left ear.
Su explained to me, "It's like this, the models in the pictorials all dress this way."
I said in a low voice, "She's still a student. She doesn't live in a pictorial."
Su said, "I think she's very beautiful."
"She's bringing trouble on herself. Mother won't let her off," I said. "Look, I'm not the only one who thinks she's odd. Other people are staring at her too."
Rose raised her head, lifting her delicate chin. "They're looking at me because of my beauty."
"Beauty can't become a career, unless you plan to live by selling your looks in the future," I said fiercely.
Su laughed.
I added another line: "A girl can't always think she's beautiful and take pride in it."
Rose said, "Look at big brother, he looks like he's about to start a fight." She burst out laughing to herself.
Sue had remarkable stamina. She said, "Rose, look at the gift I brought you."
Rose said, "Oh, there's a gift too? I thought it was just two red eggs." She opened the box.
The gift from Sue was a bracelet set with tiny diamonds. "That's far too expensive," I said.
But Rose was overjoyed. She quickly asked Sue to put the bracelet on for her, and then hugged and kissed Sue.
I gave her a dirty look. "You look more and more like a walking Christmas tree. All you're missing is light bulbs hanging from your head."
"You don't know how to appreciate things," Rose protested.
"I don't? Don't think I'm seventy or eighty and can't keep up with trends. Dressing to show off just means you're childish. When your tastes mature, you'll understand."
"Fine. So what are you giving me for my birthday?" she asked, in a tone that sounded like extortion.
"Two slaps."
Rose stuck out her tongue.
Sue laughed. "That'll do. Your brother is giving you a ring, a set with this bracelet."
I said, "The ring is to remind you to rein yourself in, to stop being so arrogant and flighty."
Rose laughed. "Yes, yes, hand it over."
I reached into my pocket. "Huh, I left it at the office."
"So careless," Sue said with a laugh. "We'll go back and get it after dinner."
I parked the car downstairs from the office and told them to wait three minutes for me.
Shihui was still at his desk, toiling away, and hadn't even turned on the main light.
I said, "Weren't you supposed to go home and keep Zhizhi company?"
He looked up, about to greet me, but then suddenly froze, staring in shock at something behind me.
I said with a laugh, "See a ghost?" I turned my head and saw Rose standing in the doorway.
Rose said, "Big brother, I've decided not to go with you two. Just give me my gift, I want to go see a movie." She stretched out her hand in the dim light.
"You little rascal," I said. "Sue and I both took the day off especially to spend your birthday with you, and now you're standing us up."
"I know you two are good to me, and that's enough." She threw her arms around my neck and leaned in to kiss me.
"Enough, enough," I cried. "Get out of here, quick. Your mouth is all sticky. Who knows what you've smeared on it."
Rose laughed, made a helpless face, took the box and left, gone like a gust of wind.
"Ahh—" I spread my hands helplessly.
After a long moment, Zhou Shihui asked in a voice like a man whose soul had left his body, "Zhenhua, who was that?"
"That's my little sister," I said, surprised. "Did you forget?"
"Little Yellow Rose," he said in shock.
"Yes."
"But, but when I first saw her, she was still a blob of flesh!"
"Yes," I said. "Now she's a growing pest." I made a buzzing sound with my mouth. "A locust. OUR ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS. Right now our home is ready to go to war at any moment: a menopausal mother versus a pubescent little sister. I've got to go. Sue's waiting for me downstairs."
I hurried downstairs.
I never imagined the consequences of this incident.
Zhou Shihui changed completely.
Zhou Shihui seemed so lost and helpless, never without a cigarette in his hand, pacing in and out of my room as if he had a great deal to say but couldn't bring himself to speak.
I asked him, "Zhou Shihui, did you quarrel with your wife?"
"Nothing of the sort," he denied.
"Money troubles?" I asked again.
"How could that be!"
"Then what is it? You really don't look right."
"Insomnia," he spat out two words.
"What? Why? Overwork?"
"No."
I shrugged. "Then let's call it an unnamed swelling."
That night I stayed at the office to read a document. Zhou Shihui came in and sat on the sofa, holding his head in his hands. He looked utterly haggard.
I got up and locked my drawer, ready to leave work.
"Zhenhua."
"What?"
"Zhenhua, I have something to tell you."
"Go ahead."
"Zhenhua, you're not allowed to laugh at me. You have to hear me out."
I put down the document, pulled over a chair, and sat facing him. "My ears are right here."
"Zhenhua—" He clenched his hands together, his face pale.
I felt great sympathy for him. "Take your time. What trouble have you run into?"
"Will you sympathize with me?" he said.
"I don't know yet, Shihui. Tell me the facts first. Even if you've sold the company to our enemies, I won't kill you."
"Zhenhua, don't joke around," he said bitterly.
I waited in silence for him to gather his words.
He spoke again. "Zhenhua, I've fallen in love." He buried his face in his hands.
I stood up at once. "Oh, God." I covered my mouth.
"Save me, Zhenhua," he sobbed.
I murmured, "You poor wretch, you pitiful man. How am I supposed to help you? How could this happen to you? If it had come a year or two earlier, that would have been fine. Or if it had come twenty years later, that would have been fine too. But now—now you're about to become a father, Shihui. The world will never forgive you, and you of all people care so much about what the world thinks."
Shihui made a string of thick, garbled sounds from his throat.
I paced back and forth.
"Isn't that so?" I said. "I told you to wait. I told you that love really does exist in this world. You didn't believe me. You thought that as long as you didn't dislike a woman, she could grow old with you. You!"
"Don't scold me, Zhenhua."
"I'm sorry," I said softly.
I went to pour two glasses of filtered water, handed one to Shihui, and drained the other in one gulp.
"Does Zhizhi know?" I asked.
He shook his head.
I said, "Maybe you can treat it as a fling? I think you're capable of that. That way Zhizhi and the child won't be hurt."
"No," he said. "I've fallen in love with this girl. I love her unchangingly. I'm willing to divorce for her. I can't lie to her. I'd rather die than lie to her."
"How did this happen?" I asked. "In just a few short months, Shihui. Are you sure this isn't an illusion?"
"Absolutely not." He lifted his head, like a prisoner sentenced to death.
"Impossible, Shihui. There's no nonsense in your life at all. You've always been a man of your word, a man who says one and means one, two and means two. How could you possibly love to this point of utter ruin?"
"The facts are right in front of us, Zhenhua. I plan to go home tonight and ask Zhizhi for a separation. If she wants to kill me, I'll let her. But I must pursue this girl."
I was dumbstruck. "You mean, you haven't even won her over? You're giving up your happy family, sacrificing the happiness of your wife and child, to chase a fleeting love?" I cried out strangely. "Shihui, you're mad, you're completely mad!"
"I know, I know, but I can't control myself."
"Who is this sorceress?" I asked. "Tell me." My chest was filled with fury.
"Zhenhua, Zhenhua, she's your little sister, Rose," Shihui said.
It hit me like a bolt from the blue. I let out a terrible cry. "Impossible! Impossible! Shihui, you're talking nonsense, you're talking nonsense!" I had never screamed so shrilly in my life, like I'd seen the ghost of death itself.
This matter was real.
Zhou Shihui had fallen in love with Yellow Rose.
Zhou Shihui had gone mad.
By the time I got home, it was already midnight. I was like an ant on a hot pan. It happened that my mother was still awake, coughing as she heated up a late-night snack for me, which made me feel even worse.
My mother sat in the study and suddenly struck up a conversation with me. She said, "Miss Su's strength is her nobility. Even though she's a bit cold and proud, she's still far better than those flighty little girls who are all skin and bones. Zhenhua, this is your blessing. If you can marry, then hurry up and get the wedding done. Don't make me worry."
I felt a little uneasy. "Mom, what's wrong? Saying things like this for no reason."
She said, "Zhenhua, how long can a person live? A few decades of cold and heat pass in the blink of an eye. Maybe you think I'm too strict with Rose, but it's really for her own good. She's always been a heavy stone on my heart. Character controls destiny. With that temper of hers, she'll have endless suffering in the future."
"Good people have good fortune," I said with a bitter smile.
She looked at me and said, "You have to take care of her, Zhenhua."
"Do I even need to say that?" I held my mother's hand.
"You must remember what I'm saying," she said. "She's your only little sister. In this vast sea of people, the two of you were born from the same mother's womb at the same time. That too is fate. You have to take care of her."
"Yes."
"I'm going to sleep," she said, pulling her coat around her.
I sat alone in the study for a long time.
If my mother hadn't said those things to me, I definitely would have exploded at Rose first. Now I sighed and sighed again, and decided to think of another plan.
I left a note in Rose's room before going to bed.
Early the next morning, she came to shake me awake.
"Big brother, you were looking for me?" She was already in her school uniform.
"Rose, call the school and take the day off. I have something to tell you," I said as I got out of bed.
"What do you have to say that takes so long?" She blinked.
"Very important."
She watched me wash my face and brush my teeth, and probably realized I was very serious, so she found a classmate to call in sick for her.
I sat down with her in the study with coffee and locked the door.
"Rose, your big brother has always treated you well, hasn't he?"
"Don't use the soft approach, big brother. What is it?"
"Don't see Zhou Shihui again."
"Why?" she shot back.
"Zhou Shihui is a married man. His wife is pregnant right now. Do not do unto others what you would not want done unto you. Him pursuing you is wrong. There's no need for you to share in his wrong. Think about it. If Mrs. Zhou found out about this, how heartbroken would she be?"
Rose was extremely impatient. "That's his family's business."
"You have to promise me you won't see this man again."
"Big brother, I never took the initiative to go looking for Zhou Shihui. If he runs to the school gate to wait for me, I can't help that."
I said, "But when he asks you out, you can refuse?"
"Why?" Rose retorted. "He's an interesting person. I have the freedom to make friends."
"You won't even agree to this one thing for your big brother?" I asked angrily.
"I can't see the logic in it, big brother—just because he has a wife, he can't know friends of the opposite sex?"
I tried my best to control my temper. "Rose, even if you don't agree, I will stop this from happening."
Rose suddenly burst out laughing. "You're doing this for my own good, is that it? That line gets heard all the time in Cantonese films."
I was silent, pained by her flippancy.
After a while I asked her, "Is this your attitude toward your big brother?"
"No, no," she said. "Big brother, I know you mean well by me—"
"So you do know?" I was both angry and hurt.
"Big brother, what do you want me to do? Don't be angry, big brother." She came to coax me again. "I'll do whatever you say."
"You're a demon, Rose. Don't say your big brother never warned you—those who play with fire get burned in the end," I cursed her in my grief. "You're only sixteen. You have a long life ahead of you. You just wait and see."
"Does this really matter so much to you?" Rose asked.
"It's not important to me, but it's very important to Mr. and Mrs. Zhou Shihui. Why build a moment's willfulness on top of someone else's lifelong suffering?"
"But this isn't my fault," Rose said. "I'm not the one who destroyed their family. Long before Zhou Shihui ever laid eyes on me, their marriage had already broken down. Even if Zhou Shihui goes on living as if nothing happened, their marriage exists in name only."
I pounded the table with my fist: "Rose, that's not how most people see it. That's not how this world works. If you insist on not seeing Zhou Shihui, he'll go back to his wife—"
"His wife would still want him back?" Rose widened her round eyes.
"Rose, that poor woman has no other choice."
"God," she said mockingly, "this world is more rotten and desperate than I ever imagined—it's riddled with holes."
My hands were trembling. I wanted to lunge over and slap her. If only she were truly young and ignorant, that would be one thing—but she knew too much. She had complete command of her raw gifts, playing Zhou Shihui in the palm of her hand like a cat toying with a mouse.
At last I turned my head away and heard myself say, "Rose, I don't know you. You're no longer my little sister. As a big brother, I've failed completely. I owe my parents." My heart turned to ash.
I stood up and left the study.
"Big brother—" Rose chased after me.
"Get out of my way!" I shoved her aside in disgust.
I didn't go to work that day. That afternoon I poured out my troubles in Su Gengsheng's apartment.
It was raining again. The old house she lived in was deep and dark, and no lights were on. Small crystal lamps hung from the high ceiling, occasionally chiming in the wind. On the broad terrace grew great big banana leaves, and on the mahogany tea table sat a large bunch of ginger lilies, their faint fragrance filling my heart.
There was no better place to pour out one's troubles. Even the most practical worries became misty and inconsequential there. Living was living, and life was still easy, beautiful, and peaceful. I fell in love with Su Gengsheng because she gave me that same feeling.
She said right then, "Rose is still young. A young girl can't resist someone breaking up his family for her sake. Once her charm is confirmed, she's beside herself with joy. How could she listen to you?"
"How am I supposed to face Zhou Guanzhizhi after this?" I asked weakly. "I can't bear this situation. I want to move out."
"Move where?" Su said.
I made a gesture like a hungry tiger seizing a sheep and said, "In with you."
"Forgive Rose."
"She's a rotten apple. If Zhou Shihui insists on keeping company with a sixteen-year-old girl, then he deserves what he gets." I waved my hand. "Consider it my failing Mother. I can't look after her."
I really did move out, but not into Su Gengsheng's apartment. I don't approve of living together—it's the worst and weakest link in any relationship between a man and a woman.
I chose a neat single-storey house. In for a penny, in for a pound—I put in all the money I had earned since starting my business. I was eventually going to marry Su Gengsheng anyway. Choosing a new home now wasn't too early.
Chapter Two
The day I moved out, Rose stood blankly at the door watching me pack my suitcase. I was still angry and treated her like thin air, ignoring her. Mother heard my reasoning and didn't oppose my moving either. The move went smoothly.
Father said to Mother, "Once a man passes thirty, married or not, he ought to set up his own household. Staying at home just looks odd."
Mother even explained with a smile, "Maybe he's about to get married." She was greatly comforted.
I remember it was July when Mrs. Zhou Shihui came to see me. I wasn't the least bit surprised. She was bound to come sooner or later. I had always been mentally prepared.
She was big with child, wearing loose clothing, neatly dressed. "Zhenhua, I've come to see you this time about a personal matter."
"Please, tell me. I'll help however I can." The scandal had broken.
She was very calm. "Zhenhua, since May this year—that is, the third month after we married—Shihui has changed completely. He's irritable and restless, out early and back late, and he refuses to say a word to me……"
After a pause, Mrs. Zhou Shihui said, "Every time I ask him, he quarrels with me. Last weekend, as soon as he came home, he demanded a divorce. I asked him why, and he said he no longer loved me."
I was so ashamed I couldn't lift my head, my forehead covered in sweat.
"Zhenhua, you've been classmates for over ten years, and friends, and business partners too. Maybe you can ask him what on earth is causing such a scene. The child is about to be born. I can't take the shock. We've only been married half a year, but from the time we met to the time we married was over eight years. He always treated me well—never once raised his voice to blame me……" Her eyes reddened.
I bowed my head in silence.
Mrs. Zhou asked me anxiously, "Why does he want to divorce me?" She paused. "Is there someone else?"
I lifted my head and looked out the window. Ah, how many unhappy people there are under heaven.
"Zhenhua, can you do me a favour?" she asked.
I stood up. "I understand your situation. These days I hardly see him either……I'll talk to him for you. Rest at home and wait for the birth. Don't worry about anything."
She gripped my hand gratefully.
"Mrs. Zhou, let me walk you home. Call me when you have time," I said.
That day I went back to the office and waited there for Shihui to return.
Lately he had been neglecting the business. Some matters I was holding up alone. I had warned him, but he paid no attention. Zhou Shihui was a different person now. Rose had destroyed him entirely.
Or perhaps this was what he wanted. Short of a third world war, no one could destroy my business.
He finally came back, at half past eleven in the morning.
I asked him coldly, "Where have you been?"
Shihui propped his legs on the tea table and closed his eyes. "Repulse Bay."
"It's pouring rain, and you went to Repulse Bay?" I questioned him.
"Having breakfast with Rose at Repulse Bay," he answered. I said nothing. He was beyond hope, past saving.
"Rose introduced me to Zhang Ailing's novels," he said. "There's a story that takes place at the Repulse Bay Hotel. Under the emerald green and fiery red of the tree shadows, Rose and I gazed at the islands on the sea. The damp air made us dissolve into the novel."
With one sentence I shattered his lovely dream. "Your wife came to see me just now."
"I can imagine. She's been going around asking people to save our marriage."
"You're shameless."
"Perhaps. I know I've wronged her. But Zhenhua, it was only after I met Rose that I discovered my true self! It turns out I never liked working. It turns out I'm an idle person. I've discovered this world too—it turns out reading novels to pass the time is so much fun, and walking in the rain is so poetic." He waved his hand. "A whole new realm has opened before me. I never knew there were rainbows and butterflies." He urgently seized my hand. "Zhenhua, don't wish me well. I don't want to turn back. I spent the first half of my life facing homework and documents. Let me be a wanderer for the second half. I only get to live once. Don't urge me to turn back."
I stared at him blankly for a while. He was haggard, but his eyes shone with an unusual light.
"Are you happy?"
"I'm very happy."
"How long can you stay happy?" I asked again.
Shihui looked at me and said, "Zhenhua, I always thought you were a man who knew how to think. How could you ask such a question? How could happiness ever be eternal?"
I heaved a great sigh toward the sky.
"Zhenhua, you've made this company thrive. I want to sell my shares. Do you have the ambition to go it alone?"
I said, "Shihui, you're already past thirty. Be careful—turn back and it may already be a hundred years too late."
"I plan to go to the Bahamas," he went on excitedly. "Rose has agreed to come with me."
"She can't go to the Bahamas with you. Shihui, wake up. She's only sixteen. She doesn't yet have the right to decide for herself," I said. "Hong Kong, China has laws protecting women and children."
He fell silent, but I couldn't talk him round.
Not long after, Shihui insisted on withdrawing his shares and quitting. I had to look for another partner. There was quite a commotion for a while.
When Shihui's desk was carried away, Su Gengsheng was there too.
With regret, she said, "I don't blame him. To be able to fall in love once in a lifetime is no bad thing. Besides, that kind of beauty in Rose is breathtaking—enough to make anyone willingly commit a sin."
I disagreed.
"But you and Shihui are two completely different people," Su said suddenly, displeased. "Your calculations are too shrewd, too self-serving. You're a first-rate clever man, while Shihui……he's a romantic fool."
"What did you say?" I challenged Su. "What did you say?"
"You can't hide it from me," Su Gengsheng said, looking at me with some sorrow. "Zhenhua, others may think you're gentle and refined, capable, and knowledgeable about a little of everything. In fact, you think of yourself too much, you're too rational and clever……"
I was indignant. "We've been together half a year, and that's your impression of me? Not every man has to love beauty over kingdom. Just because I didn't die for you doesn't mean I don't love you. Your thinking is so childish, Su Gengsheng. We're past the age of dreaming. To be sure, I won't make a pointless sacrifice for any woman, because I have self-respect. Only those who respect themselves are qualified to love others. If I don't meet your standards, please suit yourself."
Su Gengsheng said nothing.
"Do you want to see me ruin myself for you?" I asked. "Could you bear it?"
"I'm sorry." She opened the door and left.
I was heartbroken. What's wrong with a person being a bit rational? Yet my girlfriend wouldn't forgive me for it, and because Rose was involved, it came back to me. How unfair.
In the end, Mum and Dad found out about Rose and Shihui.
Shihui's wife wouldn't let it go. She was a brave little woman. She went, big with child, to my father to complain and expose her husband's secrets.
When I rushed home, Rose had already taken two slaps from Mother. Five finger marks were streaked across her cheek. She sat in a corner without a sound.
My parents' faces were livid. They didn't even intend to spare me.
In front of Mrs. Zhou, Mother asked me with a cold smile, "I hear that you, as her big brother, knew about this all along?"
I said slowly, "Ask little sister. I begged her, and I begged Shihui too. They treated me as if I were dead. I've done all I could."
Mother asked me, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
I answered frankly, "I was afraid you'd take the shock badly."
Father said, "Mrs. Zhou is due to give birth next month, and your sister is planning to go to the Bahamas with Mr. Zhou tomorrow for a holiday. What do you think should be done about this?"
I said, "Lock Rose up. We can't meddle in the Zhou couple's affairs, but Rose must be dealt with severely."
Rose lifted her head and said not a word, her gaze full of venomous resentment. Angrily I said, "Rose, you're only sixteen and a half. One day you'll marry and have children too. If you can't leave Zhou Shihui for Mrs. Zhou's sake, then don't blame us."
Rose stood up to go back to her room.
"Stop right there!" Father shouted, stopping her.
Rose turned her head and asked stubbornly, "What else do you want?"
"Apologise to Mrs. Zhou!" Father said.
Rose burst out laughing. "There are so many stupid women in the world. If I had to apologise to every one of them, wouldn't I be far too busy?"
Father's patience ran out. He grabbed a cup and hurled it at Rose. Tea splashed across the wall, and fragments littered the floor.
I lost my temper too and sneered, "Even if she smashed you to death, you'd deserve it! Keeping you around is a disgrace!"
Rose retorted loudly, "What did I do wrong? I never fell in love with this man. He was the one who came to pick me up and drop me off at school. He was the one who said he'd divorce and be with me. I never once told him to do anything. And now you're piling all the blame on me!" She wept. "It won't do any good even if you beat me to death. There are plenty of girls in the world. If you have the ability, you should lock up Zhou Shihui, not me!"
She ran back to her room and slammed the door hard.
I said to Mrs. Zhou, "We've done all we can. You've seen it."
"Yes……" she murmured.
Mother said to her, "Mrs. Zhou, this is a most unfortunate business, but we can guarantee that Huang Rose will not see Mr. Zhou again." Mrs. Zhou said tremulously, "Why? Why? She doesn't even love Shihui, yet Shihui threw everything away to pursue her. Why?"
I said, "Shihui's mind is a bit muddled. He'll come to his senses before long. Let me walk you home."
Mrs. Zhou let me support her as I walked her back.
That night she went into premature labour. Shihui wasn't home, so I accompanied her to the hospital and into the delivery room. Shihui was nowhere to be found. At half past two in the morning, Mrs. Zhou gave birth to twins, both girls.
Seeing the babies' tiny red faces, I was overjoyed and couldn't resist kissing their cheeks, but Mrs. Zhou kept crying.
When Shihui rushed over, I cursed him: "You bastard."
When he saw the twin daughters, he cried too. The family of four wept together. I felt I couldn't handle the aftermath alone, so I called Su Gengsheng over as well.
Once the family had been comforted, I walked Gengsheng home.
I said, "Well, the broken mirror is made whole again."
Gengsheng didn't answer me.
"Still angry with me?" I asked softly.
"No, not angry."
I took her hand. "Really not angry?"
"Zhenhua, you've all been too harsh on Rose. How long are you going to keep her locked up? She has to go to school."
"It's the summer holidays, so it doesn't matter," I said. "It'll help curb her wildness too."
"Even you think this is the right thing to do?" Gengsheng asked in astonishment.
I asked, "You think that's wrong?"
"Things rot from within before worms appear. Do you really believe there's such a thing as a broken mirror made whole again?"
I didn't dare make a sound.
"You think that once the 'third party' runs off, the Zhous can just glue themselves back together with universal adhesive and be as good as new? No. I don't think Zhou Shihui will ever turn back."
"Then what's to be done? He ignores his wife and daughter?" I asked, alarmed.
"I don't know either," she said. "I'm going to see Rose. Zhenhua, she's your only sister. Try to understand her."
"You're sure this isn't her fault?" I asked.
"Zhenhua, of course it isn't her fault. You said so yourself: if it were you, you would never sacrifice yourself for a woman." She said, "This is a weakness in Zhou Shihui's character."
I was silent.
Rose was locked in her room, making a constant racket. Mother regarded this affair as a monumental disgrace and was determined to teach her a lesson. Nothing would persuade her to let Rose out.
When Rose said she wanted to call the police, the phone line was cut. She shouted for help until her throat went hoarse, and she cried until her eyes were like walnuts.
We pushed the door open, and Rose cursed us roundly.
Gengsheng tried to soothe her.
Rose told me to get out.
Gengsheng signalled for me to step away first.
Frowning, I said to Mother, "How did things come to this?"
"Stubbornness," Mother sighed. "She and I are both the same."
Then I thought of my own bullheaded temper and couldn't say a word.
I quietly walked to Rose's doorway to see how Gengsheng would handle the matter.
I heard Gengsheng ask, "……Do you love him?"
"I've never loved him," Rose answered.
"Then why be with him?" Gengsheng asked, very gently.
"I was lonely, and he was good to me," Rose said.
"How could you be lonely? Don't you have all those classmates? Your schoolwork keeps you busy enough." Gengsheng was a little surprised. "Your brother says you're never home."
"Yes, but no one knows I'm very lonely. No one really cares about me."
"Your brother and I both care about you," Gengsheng said patiently.
"My brother and my parents like me to be obedient. The moment I'm not, they stop loving me. But when I do exactly what they want, I feel like a puppet. I really can't stand it."
"Would you be willing to come and live with me?" Gengsheng asked suddenly.
"Live with you?" Rose asked. "They won't allow it."
"I'll try talking to 'them,'" Gengsheng said.
"Why are you being so good to me?" Rose asked.
Gengsheng was quiet for a moment. "I'm also the youngest daughter in my family. My mother was thirty-six years older than me. Walking down the street, people always thought she was my grandmother. And yet she was never kind to me."
Gengsheng said, "My mother spent her whole life forcing me down a path she believed was right…… You could say I understand your suffering. How about it? Is that reason enough?"
"Enough." Rose's tone was sympathetic. I decided to fight for this freedom for Rose.
I assured Mother that I would take responsibility for Rose's behaviour.
"You," Mother glared at me, "you can barely take care of yourself." After a moment she said, "I trust Gengsheng more than I trust you." Mother handed Rose over to Gengsheng. On the day Rose moved out, she said with a cold laugh, "Mother originally had me to play with, then discovered I wasn't a doll, so she passed me on to someone else." Gengsheng was very sad; she took Rose in her arms. Rose found warmth with Gengsheng. Gengsheng was ten times busier than Mother and had no time to oppose Rose or pick at her faults, so Rose lived very relaxed. She seemed to have already forgotten Zhou Shihui, but Zhou Shihui had not forgotten Rose.
He found his way to my office and demanded, "Where have you hidden Rose?"
I looked him over and asked with disgust, "Go look in a mirror. Look at what you've become!"
His face was covered in stubble, his eyes were bloodshot, and his clothes were dishevelled.
I'd known him for over ten years and had never seen him in such a state.
I said, "Shihui, you're almost forty. Don't let yourself go like this."
"Let Rose out!" he roared.
"Rose doesn't love you. You should know that better than we do. She's happy now and forgot you long ago."
"I don't believe it."
I was impatient. "Of course you don't believe it. You loved for the sake of loving, and now you're tasting the bitter fruit. Rose is still wet behind the ears. She doesn't understand love. New toys are like passing clouds to her. How could you not know that?"
"I want to hear it from her own lips. Only then will I believe it," he shouted. "I want to hear her say she doesn't love me, with my own ears."
I said, "Shihui, you spent thirty years building a career and a family. Now look, look at what you've made of it all with your own hands!"
"Let me see Rose!"
"Shihui, how are your children and your wife?" I shouted at him.
"We've signed a separation agreement. The children go to Zhizhi. She finally agreed to part with me. She already knows that even if she keeps my body, she can't keep my heart."
I stood there stunned.
I told Gengsheng that Rose was, after all, the guilty one.
Gengsheng said, "But look at Rose. Just yesterday I took her to buy sneakers for the new school term. This year she's in the exam class. She even told me she wants to test into HKU and follow in her brother's footsteps. She didn't mention Zhou Shihui once. It seems he isn't in her heart at all."
"Then have her tell Zhou Shihui to his face, so he can give up hope."
"All right, I'll speak to Rose," she agreed.
I asked Gengsheng, "Honestly, does having Rose stay with you cause you a lot of trouble?"
"No. You know that old house of mine has four or five empty rooms, and we keep a servant anyway…… If anything, I've gained a companion."
"Gengsheng," I seized the moment, "you're not the same with me as before."
"I think we still need a deeper understanding of each other," she said simply.
She arranged to meet Rose, and I called Zhou Shihui.
The four of us met in a quiet coffee shop.
Zhou Shihui was wild with joy at seeing Rose, but Rose was very cold.
I said, "If there's anything to say, say it clearly, face to face."
Zhou Shihui said to Rose, "Don't be afraid of pressure from your family. I'll bear everything—"
Rose said coldly, "I don't understand what you're talking about. You've caused me more than enough trouble."
"They've threatened you. Don't be afraid!"
"No one has threatened me," Rose said. "You caused conflict between me and my parents and made my life miserable. I'll never trust you again, and I don't want to see you anymore."
Shihui's face turned deathly pale. "Rose—"
"I don't love you," Rose cried. "Will you stop harassing me?"
Shihui's expression was like someone seeing the end of the world. I truly pitied him and patted his shoulder.
Shihui's lips trembled. He looked at me and couldn't utter a single word.
Gengsheng asked softly, "Rose, you'll study hard, won't you?"
"Of course. I'm only sixteen and a half. What right do I have to give up my family and my studies for some inexplicable man?" Rose stood up. "If I don't get into HKU, Mother will never forgive me for the rest of her life. I've already suffered enough over this, even taken two slaps. Enough!"
I asked, "Where are you going now?"
"To buy books. I arranged to meet a classmate to get next term's textbooks." She walked out of the coffee shop without looking back.
Zhou Shihui trembled all over like a leaf about to fall in late autumn. After a moment, he suddenly let out a cry and fled.
Gengsheng and I followed behind, only to see him break into a mad run and vanish in an instant.
"Poor man."
"Him, poor?" Gengsheng sighed. "It's his children who are truly pitiable. They've barely been born and their father is gone."
I asked worriedly, "Will he hurt Rose?"
"Rose? No. The goddess of his life will always be Rose, especially because he never got her." Gengsheng sighed.
"What a pity. Such a promising young man—I hope he rebuilds his career and returns to his wife's side," I said.
Gengsheng gave me another look.
As for this matter, Mother's view was: "Sooner or later, Rose will get her retribution."
Not long after, Zhou Shihui set off for England. Before leaving, he phoned me.
I asked him what he was going there for.
He said to study.
I could have made a few jokes at his expense, but on reflection I couldn't bear to. I wished him a safe journey.
Rose grew even more beautiful, and she changed completely, becoming very obedient. But because of the business with Zhou Shihui, I couldn't love her the way I once had.
Sometimes she would approach me on her own, eager for my attention.
I was always distant.
Gengsheng said, "Even if this was her fault, you can't refuse to forgive someone entirely just because she made one mistake."
"She's grown up now," I said. "I can't carry her on my back for a mile to see the float parade anymore. Brothers and sisters grow up and inevitably scatter in different directions." I paused. "And you won't agree to be her sister-in-law. It's not right for her to keep living at your place forever. Best to have her move back home, or she can have the spare room at my place."
"You really are all business," Gengsheng said, with a touch of sarcasm.
Sometimes Gengsheng was impossible to reason with. I didn't know what she was unhappy about, but she seemed to want to drag things out with me indefinitely. Though she was nearly thirty, she showed no intention of discussing marriage with me. Fine, if the old spinster wasn't in a hurry, I thought mischievously, then I wasn't worried either.
It was just that Mother kept urging and urging.
On Gengsheng's birthday, Mother gave her a generous gift: an old diamond ring with three one-carat diamonds. Even I let out a "wow." Gengsheng's face flushed red, and she stammered that she wanted to return it.
Mother was displeased. "You're not the petty sort. You're usually very generous. Why are you suddenly acting so sneaky? I'll tell you, the stones are yellow, not worth much. Keep it without worry. It's not a contract of sale."
Gengsheng awkwardly slipped it onto her finger. I winked at her.
Rose was very envious and leaned over to look. "Oh," she said, "that's really nice."
Mother glared at her, and she fell silent.
I laughed and said, "That's the Monkey King's tightening band. Don't you envy it."
Mother said, "When are you going to marry into our family? I still have some good things I've kept for decades. Giving them to a trustworthy person would put my mind at ease."
Mother's health had been poor lately. She liked to see a traditional Chinese medicine doctor, and the medicine she took filled the whole house with its fragrance, but her cough hadn't eased much.
Rose said, "Traditional Chinese medicine is witchcraft." Mother scolded her soundly.
She and Mother were simply too far apart in age; their ways of thinking were as different as heaven and earth.
As time passed, Rose's childishness gradually faded. She grew thinner, her face narrowed a size, her chin turned pointed, and her eyes sparkled even more brightly. Her long lashes cast shadows over her pupils, and her expression held an elusive melancholy. But the truth was not like that. Rose was not a girl with a soul. She had no thoughts at all. Her only culture came from picking up a Zhang Ailing novel or two in my study.
As her brother, I was used to her features and didn't find her especially beautiful, but others who saw Rose for the first time were invariably struck by her beauty. A male colleague said, "The most captivating thing is her lips. Small but full, as if a thousand words might pour out at any moment. But she's so young. What could she possibly have to say? It's truly bewildering."
Is that so? They didn't know the real Rose. To praise a girl like this, purely for her beauty, was a very dangerous thing, and unfair to Rose herself.
Even when we had tea with Rose, sitting in a coffee shop, we would run into talent scouts trying to talk her into becoming a star, shooting commercials, appearing on television.
Those furtive, shifty young men with cameras would put down a card and say to Rose, "Miss, our company can make you a star of tomorrow."
Rose said, "I don't want to be a star."
I followed up with a shout, "Did you hear that? She doesn't want to be a star."
That was how I drove off heaven knows how many toads.
Gengsheng asked Rose, "Is it very troublesome, looking the way you do?"
Rose shrugged. "I'm used to it. The moment people see me they stare, as if flowers had bloomed on my face. I just laugh it off."
I found it quite revolting. What good was a pretty face?
Gengsheng said, "Zhenhua, you're the only one who doesn't find Rose beautiful."
I said, "I'm a mature man. When I look at a woman, I don't just look at her eyes, nose, thighs and waist. I pay attention to the inner world."
"Do you understand my inner world?" Gengsheng asked.
"Your inner world is like a kaleidoscope, I never tire of looking at it - by the way, who is Rose seeing these days?"
"Every boy at the neighboring school." Gengsheng laughed.
"Is there anyone steady?"
"I don't know, probably not."
I said, "Her hair is straight again lately, that's a good sign, and the roller skates have finally come off, that's also a good sign."
"She'll sit nine subjects in the exams." Gengsheng reminded me, "A good student."
"Every student sits at least nine subjects, no need to be nervous - and besides, the colors of her clothes are much plainer now." Gengsheng smiled: "You sound like a father."
"Don't I just." I said, "Brother acting as father."
"Any letters from Shihui?"
"No."
"What about Shihui's wife? Has she been in touch with you?"
"I don't dare go see her, and she hasn't come looking for me either." I said with a bitter smile.
"Shihui was bewitched by the colors of the butterfly, but he doesn't understand that butterflies are colorblind." Gengsheng said.
"That remark, I feel like I understand it, and yet I feel like I don't." I laughed.
I went to Gengsheng's house again, and in the dim living room saw a giant color photograph - Rose in a white dress, standing beneath a flame tree. Fragments of golden light filtered through the flame tree's feathery leaves and scattered over her, fiery red blossoms clustered at the top of the tree; this photograph was truly a rare masterpiece.
Who took it?
"Alexis." Rose said.
"He must have a Chinese name, surely?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"Your boyfriend?"
"No, I only learn squash from him."
My heart was in my throat again, "What does he do?"
"Nothing much, he's a history student at HKU, an athlete."
"You don't even know his Chinese name?"
"I don't know."
I thought to myself: HKU student, athlete. Can't go too far wrong, God bless the poor fellow.
Gengsheng asked: "Have you seen that boy? Extremely handsome, together with Rose they look like a golden couple."
"Oh!"
Lately my company's business was booming, and I didn't have the time to go see Rose's boyfriends - see one, and you can't see ten, nor a hundred.
But if I did have the time, I ought to make her move back, staying at the Su household forever is no solution.
Rose asked that Alexis to help her move.
She nagged and bossed him about, ordering the boy to sweat and toil, I shook my head - there really are so many men who love to be slaves to women.
To each his own.
But that boy was striking in appearance, at a glance he looked like some movie star, tall and handsome, a good match for Rose.
Rose said she had thrown out all of last summer's clothes and asked me to buy her new ones, I couldn't have been happier, and made it clear no garish colors were allowed.
Alexis sat to one side and just smiled, and before long Rose shooed him off.
She said resentfully: "What a fool he looks!"
I was both annoyed and amused, "Come off it, Rose, even if others throw themselves at you to be trampled on, show a little mercy."
"These days, it's hard to find even a decent boyfriend." She said.
"There are so many men on the market, you could grab a handful, blow on them and pick, women the world over can sigh about boyfriends being hard to find, but you, you're Huang Rose!"
"Big brother, don't tease me." She was listless.
"Who's caught your eye? Why don't you take the initiative and capture him?"
"As easy as that?" She retorted.
"Aha!" I jumped up, "Don't tell me you've met your match too."
"You needn't be so quick to rejoice, I haven't met that person yet," she shot me a look, "it's just that many men are simply iron-hearted, like you."
"Nonsense, I am not iron-hearted."
"Your girlfriend says it's all the same to you whether she's there or not."
"Her?" I said, "Like all women, she has too great a longing for love, I think true love should be like warmth, so comfortable and safe you don't notice its existence."
I said: "As for love, warmth - what's fiery is only desire - perhaps because of this difference in viewpoint, she won't marry me."
"Go persuade her then."
"She has great opinions, that's the frightening thing about educated women."
"Su Gengsheng is an extremely lovable woman."
"You two really are heroes recognizing heroes."
"You should respect her more."
"Yes, yes, but don't keep lecturing me, Rose, what do you plan to do after the exams?"
"Enter HKU." She said simply.
"Don't get too familiar with boys." I said, "Let passion arise, but keep it within the bounds of propriety."
"Don't worry, I won't become an unmarried mother." She said.
I patted her shoulder, "Living here with me, behave yourself, don't disgrace your old brother, understand?"
"Understood."
It had been many days since I'd had an open-hearted talk with her.
But before the conversation was even finished, she and Alexis were already deep in a hot romance, traces of the two of them everywhere.
Alexis had one remarkable skill, his photography was truly first-rate, extraordinarily brilliant. The house was filled with photographs of Rose everywhere, large and small, in color and black-and-white, not one of them anything but exquisite and beautiful; every time they went out, he took photos of Rose.
Rose was delighted at first, pasting up one after another, but later she treated them like playing cards, stacking them in drawers by the pile.
Su Gengsheng was very interested, and picked out some especially splendid ones, she said: "A young girl ought to capture her youth in photographs as a keepsake."
I said: "You're an old woman already, and you still have such sentiments."
Rose said: "My big brother here is the real little old man."
Mother coughed and asked Rose: "Are you in love?"
Rose was too scared to answer, she was afraid of Mother.
"Well," I said, "the other party is a university student, not bad."
Mother said: "If your sister loses so much as a hair, I'll hold you to account."
"Yes," I answered directly, "yes!"
I asked Rose frankly: "Should we invite Alexis home for a meal? To explain things to Mother."
"No need." Rose said.
"Aren't you in love?" I asked, "You're not serious about him."
"He's childish, I'm only learning wakeboarding from him."
I said: "Once you've learned all his eighteen martial arts, you can kick him aside?"
"Yes." Rose laughed heartily, "After squash comes wakeboarding, then fencing, horseback riding, flying planes, three years to graduate, one goodbye, and each goes their own way."
"Silly girl." I scolded.
"How do you expect me to marry him? He knows nothing but play."
"And you? Apart from play, what do you know?"
She argued speciously, "I'm a woman, I don't need to know."
"What twisted logic, look at how much Su Gengsheng earns a month!"
"Sister Su is the exception," she said, "I'm not going to be as capable as her, I don't plan to work."
"Then why go to university?" I asked.
"University is not something you can skip, it's a matter of face."
"Hey, good-for-nothing."
"Yes, I'm good-for-nothing." She admitted, "I don't want to sit half my life in a dull office, earning that ten thousand or so, scheming and fighting with people."
She lay on the sofa, her long hair pitch-black, cascading like a waterfall, I admired my beautiful little sister carefully, her hand was resting on her forehead, her fingers slender, wearing the ring I'd given her last year, her nails the pink of seashells.
Rose had fine hairs at her temples, and at some point she had tanned her skin to a sun-brown, that honey-like color, looking at it gave an indescribable comfort.
My heart softened, my little sister really was beautiful in every way, if I weren't her big brother, I wonder what I'd feel.
She turned her head: "Big brother - what are you thinking about?" She lifted that slender, pert chin. The way she looked, by thirty or forty she would only be more beautiful and mature.
I said: "Back then - what did you dislike about Zhou Shihui?"
"He was tacky."
"Oh?"
"He understood nothing, only knew how to draw a few drawings."
"Is that so?" I smiled, "As bad as that?"
"He didn't understand food, didn't understand clothes, couldn't play, didn't read books either, the whole person was a desert, not a bit of inner world, he'd lived thirty-odd years and had never even experienced love, as tacky as tacky could be. What I hated most was how satisfied he was with his own little world, like a frog at the bottom of a well, smug and pleased with himself, his conversation topics never went beyond whose business he'd snatched away, how much profit his company made last year…… he wasn't just vulgar, he was utterly muddled. Later he used my name to kick up a huge fuss, even tackier on top of tacky, with no idea how to handle anything."
I lowered my head and thought for a while, "Shihui came from a hard background, he worked his way through university, so naturally he had no flair, and couldn't play. But Shihui has Shihui's good points, he was sincere toward you."
"Him?" Rose sneered, "He and his wife really are a pair of prize specimens."
"Enough!" I got angry again, "You broke up someone's marriage, and now you get to have the last word."
Rose said: "That's why I say only Sister Su is a clear-headed person. After all this time you still blame me."
"After all this time?" I shouted, "Their child can't even walk yet."
"Sister Su says I was merely Zhou Shihui's excuse to escape reality!"
"You and Su Gengsheng are in cahoots."
"Really, big brother, think about it, what a frightening person Zhou Shihui is, he simply had no real feelings for his wife, marrying and having children was to him merely a formality, an inevitable process of life. Suddenly he discovered this life form didn't suit him, he couldn't face a dull woman for a lifetime, so he used my name to escape."
I was exasperated: "You're all true Freudians, everything can be explained and interpreted. I think Shihui loved you."
"He loved himself most," Rose said, "after meeting me, he realized Mrs. Zhou no longer was worthy of him, that's all."
"You're iron-hearted."
Rose shook her long hair, "Perhaps."
"And Alexis, what about him?"
"I'm very lonely, big brother, he can keep me company."
"If you keep playing like this, your reputation will be ruined, it'll be hard to marry." I sighed.
"Then I'll go abroad," she was not worried in the least, "find some fool in Chinatown, I'll still be the proprietress of ten restaurants."
"You're really not worried?"
"Not worried." She blinked.
What I worried about was Mrs. Zhou dragging her two daughters along to come settle accounts with me again.
Summer deepened, cicadas chirped long on Gengsheng's wide balcony, Rose and Alexis spent all day soaking at the beach. Mother complained, "Tanned like that, sitting on the teak floor, she practically has protective coloration, what a sight."
I laughed and said: "Milk is still milk, white milk has turned into chocolate milk."
Rose's wakeboarding technique became first-rate, she could already use a single ski, watching her rise slowly from the water, only then did I understand what was meant by a lotus emerging from the water.
I reminded her, "Watch out with those nine subjects of yours!"
She said, "Oh, big brother, I have a photographic memory. I only need to flip through any book once and I can recite it. Don't worry."
I was choked with anger. She actually claimed to have a photographic memory.
Rose did not learn fencing with Alexis. Her gaze drifted restlessly, landing on others, and she grew distant from Mr. Lin, who had no Chinese name.
Back home after work, I often received calls from Alexis asking for Rose.
-- "Sorry, Rose is not at home."
-- "I don't know when she'll be back. I'll tell her you called."
-- "I'll tell her you want to see her."
Sometimes Rose was at home, and she would shake her head and play dumb, asking me to cover for her and say she wasn't in. I refused, slammed down the receiver, and said to her, "You tell him yourself that you're not at home!"
Rose stuck out her tongue and made a face, but she was very impatient with Alexis. "Mm," she would brush him off with a few perfunctory sounds, and then find an excuse to hang up. A week later, I simply told Alexis that Rose no longer lived at my place: "She's at a relative's home. The phone there isn't convenient to give out. I know you haven't seen her for half a month. Fine, I'll tell her for you……"
Useless.
A real man need not worry about finding a wife. What use is there in desperately begging a girl? If a woman changes her heart, she has changed her heart.
Besides, I don't believe Rose ever truly gave him her heart. I even doubt whether Rose has a heart at all.
Rose had one good quality: she absolutely never deceived people with sweet talk. She simply couldn't be bothered. So if these men weren't mentally prepared, they shouldn't have become friends with Rose. Rose and Alexis were finished.
That child Rose -- the bills the clothing store sent to my office often came to ten thousand yuan or more.
A few whitish garments, so expensive. I seriously issued her a warning.
"You're still a high school student!" I reminded her. "You're only sixteen."
"Seventeen," she said.
"Sixteen and a half."
"Seventeen."
"I'm not going to argue with you. Stop changing the subject. In short, you're not allowed to spend more than three thousand yuan per season."
"Three thousand yuan!" She nearly fainted. "Three thousand yuan isn't even enough to buy one coat, big brother."
"That's too bad," I said. "Then you just won't wear a coat. Go tell Mom."
I also knew that all advice was useless. Rose was immune to counsel.
Not long after, when I came home from work, I found Alexis Lin waiting at the door.
I was amazed beyond words.
"Alexis, it's no use. Rose no longer lives here. Go back. Don't waste your time."
He said, "I'd rather wait here."
"I won't invite you inside," I said.
"I know."
"Tell me, what's so good about Rose?" I asked. "Why not go out with other girls? Alexis, I believe there are plenty of female classmates willing to keep you company."
He leaned wearily against the wall, his dashing air completely gone. "Rose is a rose is a rose." He answered me with Shakespeare, and I replied with Balzac: "But this rose, like all roses, bloomed for only one morning."
"I love her," he said.
"You're so young. What do you know about love?" I asked. "Come in and have a drink."
"Thank you."
I poured him a whiskey and added ice cubes.
"Give up on Rose."
"Could you talk to her for me?" he asked.
"Impossible. I can't interfere in her emotional affairs. There's no happiness in being with a girl like Rose."
"But she makes me so happy--"
"Then you should be glad and grateful that once, you were happy. Alexis, love is like a battlefield. Failure doesn't matter. If you must lose, lose beautifully. You're an athlete -- where's your sportsmanship?"
"I never used to give women a second glance--"
"You've also been dashing and romantic, haven't you?" I smiled. "You've also made plenty of girls cry. Alexis, go home, get a good night's sleep, and when you wake up tomorrow morning, go ask out other girls."
He looked up at me, his gaze unfocused, and finally he stood up and left. I saw him to the door.
I was very glad he hadn't run into Rose.
Rose came back very late that night. I was listening to music.
She poked her head into the study and startled me--
"You shaved your head!" I shouted.
"I've never seen a big brother like this," she laughed. "Always screaming about his little sister's hair."
I took off my headphones.
"But you had such beautiful long hair," I said regretfully. "Now it's cut to barely an inch."
"I got tired of it. Wanted a change," she said. "Hair grows back quickly. What are you yelling about?"
"No manners!" I scolded.
"Did Alexis Lin come looking for you?" she asked.
"How do you know?" I countered.
"Big brother, don't blame me--"
"Forget it, forget it," I said. "If I blamed you for everything, I'd never stop blaming."
"I'll get rid of him," Rose said. "He won't bother you again."
"Get rid of him quickly," I said.
"Yes, sir!" She laughed and gave a salute.
You see, falling in love is like everything else: winner takes all, loser becomes the outlaw. Rose didn't take Alexis Lin to heart at all. She went about eating, drinking, and having fun as if nothing had happened.
She was now dating another boy, often going to concerts and plays. Rose quite liked art, just as she liked trendy handbags, shoes, and hairstyles -- a rather crude sort of affection.
She took nothing seriously.
Her new boyfriend was a mixed-race boy, not particularly good-looking. Mixed-race people are only beautiful with dark hair and fair skin, but this fellow had hair of an ambiguous yellow, and his skin was muddy too. Still, he spoke well and was very clever. Mixed-race people are mostly eccentric -- either too cheerful, living today with no thought for tomorrow, or very gloomy, like this one. Rose said he often went a whole hour without saying a single word.
I didn't like this boyfriend of hers either. I figured she'd change again before long. But as for Alexis Lin's infatuation, I had greatly underestimated it. That day at the office, Rose called me, saying she was at the police station and asking me to come at once.
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I quickly asked, "What happened to you? Tell me, what happened? What's wrong?"
"Alexis hit someone. He's been detained here. I'm a witness."
"Did he hit that mixed-race boy?" I asked.
Rose said nothing.
I rushed to the police station, my face ashen, feeling very strained. Rose was constantly causing trouble, adding so much unnecessary hassle. I was tired of scolding her and couldn't think of any better way to deal with her. Here's what happened: the mixed-race boy went to pick up Rose, and Alexis had been waiting at the school gate for many days. The two boys met, words were exchanged, and they started fighting at the school gate. The school janitor called the police, and they were hauled to the police station.
In the end, both of them lost Rose, because Rose was given a major demerit by the school over this incident. She was angry and dropped both of them.
The principal summoned me and told me to discipline my little sister. I still didn't dare tell my parents about this.
I said to Alexis Lin, "A person needs to know when to stop. The more you carry on like this, the more Rose will hate you. In the end, you won't even have a good memory left."
He had grown much thinner, his head tilted to one side, tears streaming down his cheeks.
I shook my head. "What a disgrace. The country still expects you to stand up and make revolution -- a real man sheds blood, not tears."
He sobbed, "Mr. Huang, you say that only because you've been especially lucky and have never yet loved or hated."
I was stunned.
I didn't believe it. I sneered. Hadn't I loved Su Gengsheng? She was the good match I had searched half my life for, yet we were rational, peaceful, and happy.
If love meant suffering as they did, then it would be better not to love at all.
"Take care," I said.
He wept bitterly.
That very night, he attempted suicide.
Rose hadn't gone out. She was in her room reviewing her lessons, and I was in the study drafting a contract.
The Lin family, frantic, wanted to find Rose. I said I was her big brother and whatever they had to say, they could say to me. So they came to my door.
Old Mrs. Lin clutched me hysterically, nearly kneeling down. "I beg you, Mr. Huang. I have only one son. He's lying in the hospital now, calling for Huang Rose over and over. I beg you, just go see him, please."
I looked at this pitiful mother, but I felt no sympathy for her. I only wanted to send her away.
"You go first. We'll follow," I said, pushing her out the door.
Rose was so frightened her face went white.
I said, "I'll have Gengsheng come stay with you. It's not your fault. It has nothing to do with you. Don't be afraid. If he can still call out your name, he won't die."
"What about you, big brother?" she asked.
"I'll go to the hospital and make a quick trip," I said. "What a coward."
Alexis Lin didn't die. He had swallowed three or five sleeping pills and kicked up a huge fuss. He was sent to the emergency room, had his stomach pumped, and lay in bed resting. His mother cried beside him as if the world were ending. The whole family seemed to have a great theatrical talent -- very dramatic. I left the hospital and went home as quickly as I could. Gengsheng was in the study keeping Rose company.
I said, "Thank goodness Mom doesn't know about this. Otherwise we'd have to get new locks and put Rose under house arrest again."
Gengsheng shot me a look. "Only you could still be so humorous about this."
"What can we do?" I spread my hands. "Rose hasn't seen this person in over three months. If he insists on dying for love, we'll just have to be a little humorous about it."
Gengsheng laughed. "This time you actually understand."
I glared at Rose. "Understand what? These swarming bees and fluttering butterflies aren't fools. If you didn't lead them on and play coy, would they kill themselves over you?"
Rose sneered. "I've never given them a single kind look."
"If you have the ability to not even deign to chat with them, then I'll admire you!" I roared.
"Sorry, big brother." She lowered her head.
"I advise you not to see that mixed-race boy anymore. He's no good either. Give my ears some peace. Mom's health has been poor lately, and I have enough to worry about."
"Yes," Rose answered.
Gengsheng said, "Go to sleep. You have exams tomorrow."
Chapter Three
During Rose's exam period, we truly had some peace.
When people came looking for Rose, I turned them away on her behalf.
I was rather rude to that mixed-race boy and gave him quite a bit of grief. I remember I said, "Everyone has their own aspirations. Our Rose is going to get into HKU." The implication was: not like you, happy with a little part-time job, never thinking about how you'll support a family in the future. After saying it, I naturally felt I had no refinement or grace, like those snobbish mothers in Cantonese films. But somehow, having slighted him gave me a feeling of satisfaction.
These boys -- they grow a little fuzz and call it a beard, chase after girls the moment they see one, exploiting their innocence and ignorance, never measuring themselves. I disliked them, and I resented Rose for casually giving them encouragement.
Not long after, my father accompanied my mother to the United States to treat her tracheal problems. Before leaving, they naturally exhorted the two of us at length.
Rose was overjoyed, like a monkey let out of its cage. She kept planning how to celebrate her seventeenth birthday, where to hold the party, what kind of dress she should wear, and so on.
I've said before that she's a person without a soul. Don't worry about her. Her mind is shallow; she simply doesn't understand sorrow. Her world is superficial and flashy, just like her beauty -- only a layer of skin.
But her luck really wasn't bad. Gengsheng handled everything for her, went along with her excitement, and arranged the birthday party like a wedding.
This time Rose invited only female guests, but the female classmates could naturally bring their boyfriends along.
And because Rose was "afraid," she didn't plan to invite a dance partner. She begged me to dance with her.
I reluctantly went along with her excitement. Gengsheng, that director of the child psychology institute, had warned me before: things I find dull, my sister fifteen years my junior might find deeply interesting. I had to accommodate Rose. That day I took the afternoon off and came home. Rose was already dressed, deep pink lips, purple eyeshadow……
Her short hair clung thickly to her head. She wore a white lace dress with a low, wide neckline exposing her shoulders, and a string of multicolored beads around her neck.
I laughed and said, "Are we in Rio de Janeiro?"
Rose came over and said, "Big brother, today is my seventeenth birthday. May you remember my good points and forget my faults."
"Happy birthday, Rose." I looked at her carefully. "You look more like a rose than ever."
"Thank you, big brother."
"Where's Sister Su?"
"She'll come later," Rose said. "She went home to change."
"And the guests?"
"The guests will be here soon," she said. "Fifty in all."
A long table was laid out with pastries and drinks. I only glanced at it before walking into the study. The person who should most remember this day was Zhou Shihui. A year ago today, he met Rose, made a grave mistake, and changed his entire life.
Or perhaps Shihui has already forgotten Rose. I hope so. Perhaps Shihui has finally found himself in a foreign land, or perhaps he has now recovered and is living a normal life.
The phone rang.
I answered it.
"Zhenhua?" A bitter voice.
I was startled. Speak of the devil, and he appears.
"Shihui? Where are you?"
"Cornwall."
"Why no word from you at all?" I asked. "How are you?"
He answered a different question: "Is today Rose's birthday?"
"Yes." A thousand feelings surged in me.
"Is she still beautiful?" he asked.
"Yes," I admitted. "Do you want me to call her to the phone? She's living with me now."
"No need."
"Shall I give her your regards?" I suddenly felt tender.
"No need for that either."
"Are you - are you well?"
"Very well, Zhenhua, I'm very well. I'm at the University of London…… I came to Cornwall today for a holiday."
"Write to us when you have time, Shihui. We all miss you."
"Rose must be even more beautiful than last year?" he asked again.
"Shihui -"
"Has she grown up?"
"A woman like her never grows up, Shihui."
"That…… I know that too."
"Take good care of yourself."
"Goodbye." He hung up.
He still cannot forget Rose, I thought with melancholy. He still cannot forget a woman who does not love him and who hurt him.
Music began to play outside. Rose's guests arrived one after another, and the party would soon be lively. There was no room here for Zhou Shihui. No one here remembered Zhou Shihui, but Shihui, ten thousand li away, had only Rose in his heart.
I propped my head on my hand and, on that warm afternoon, felt especially happy, but because I was so self-possessed, the happiness carried a touch of desolation.
Gengsheng knocked on my door and came in.
I took her hand and pressed it to my cheek.
I said, "Although our feelings are not passionate, you are still my queen. Let's get engaged."
Gengsheng stood behind the chair, her arms around my neck. "Did you prepare a crown for me?" she asked.
"It's all prepared."
"Let's get engaged first," she said. "I like engagement ceremonies. Romantic yet solid. It's the most precious moment in a woman's life."
"Gengsheng, in this life and the next, I will do my utmost to treat you well."
"I know……" She hesitated a moment. "But Zhenhua, will you love me?"
"No," I said sorrowfully. "If you want me to love you the way Shihui loves Rose, I can't do it. Perhaps I am too selfish and too fond of myself."
"But before Shihui met Rose, he was the most self-possessed man of all," Gengsheng said with a sigh. "I'm afraid you too will encounter that one moment."
"Gengsheng, you worry too much……"
Rose pushed the door open and came in. Seeing the two of us, she immediately scolded herself: "Damn, I forgot to knock again." But there was not a trace of apology on her face.
"It's all right, Rose," Su Gengsheng said graciously. "Your brother proposed to me."
Rose set down the two glasses of fruit wine in her hands. "Really?" she asked in surprise. "Is this really the first time he's proposed? I thought you had already turned him down thirty times."
Gengsheng tilted her head. "I said yes. We're getting engaged."
"Wonderful, wonderful, lovers finally united. Hurry and tell Mom," Rose said. "This is the news Mom loves to hear most." She kissed Gengsheng.
Gengsheng put an arm around her waist. "Thank you, Rose. You've grown up. This year you're not asking what gift we'll give you?"
"I want you to love me forever," Rose said.
I said, "You are my little sister. I will forgive you seventy times seven."
"But you still think I'm wrong, don't you?" Rose asked.
"Rose, I forgive you, and that's that. How can you ask us to pretend nothing ever happened?"
She sighed.
Someone outside called her: "Rose! Rose, come out and teach us the latest dance steps."
She became lively again. "Coming right away -" She spun out in her big skirt.
Gengsheng watched her retreating figure and said, "The man Rose cares about most is still her big brother."
I was opening the safe and smiled at that.
I took out a velvet box and handed it to Gengsheng.
"Did you buy this yourself?" Gengsheng asked, "Or did Mother give it?"
"Mother put it in my hands long ago. Take a look."
She took out the ring and put it on, examining it carefully. "It's beautiful. Too beautiful."
"Should we have it re-set?"
"No need. It's just right," she said.
"Should we place an advertisement in the newspaper?"
"No need." She smiled.
"Then how shall we notify friends and relatives?" I asked.
"They'll know soon enough. In Hong Kong, China, whatever anyone does, everyone knows," she said.
"How about we hold the wedding on this day next year?"
"Fine," Gengsheng smiled. "If we're still not married by then, we'll have broken up anyway."
We heard laughter, music, and noise drifting in from outside. Rose's guests seemed to have all arrived.
"Like a thousand armies and ten thousand horses," I said, shaking my head.
"Come, don't hide in here. Zhenhua, let's go out and take a look."
Gengsheng and I leaned against the study doorway and looked out. All the living room furniture had been moved into the corner, and Rose was leading a group of young people dancing energetically.
I worried: "Lord bless my two Huang Binhong paintings. I should have taken them down first."
"Such a fussy old woman," Gengsheng said.
We finally got engaged. I was at ease.
The dance party did not break up until eight that day. Everyone was exhausted from playing, left their gifts, and departed, saying, "See you next year."
Rose's cheeks were flushed. She rushed at me and asked, "Big Brother, Big Brother, did you see that boy in the white suit?"
"Which one?" I asked in return. "So many people are wearing white today. How could I see clearly?"
White on a man is the most affected thing, a kind of childish showing off. Most mature men have returned to simplicity and don't need a white suit to attract attention. But women - women in white are just the opposite. Like Gengsheng, who never wears any other color, she has already reached perfection.
"Big Brother, what are you thinking about?" Rose asked.
I sighed. "Rose, the white knights in your eyes all look quite ordinary to your big brother."
"But that boy is different," she argued.
"Whose boyfriend is he this time?" I asked.
"No, he came with his sister. He's already working. He's a lecturer at the Polytechnic, twenty-seven years old, from Shanghai, unmarried," Rose rattled off like an account book. "And he left at three in the afternoon. He frankly said this party was too childish."
"Oh." I nodded.
"I want to see him again, Big Brother. What can I do?"
"You're Rose. If you have no way, who does?"
"If I ask him out, will it be too obvious?"
"Ask your Sister Su."
Gengsheng laughed. "How would I know? I've only been waiting for your big brother to court me. An old miss who got engaged at twenty-nine and a half has no qualifications to host a love-problems advice column."
I said, "Rose, you don't need to be anxious. Maybe right now he's already asking everywhere about your whereabouts. Be patient. Wait a day or two, and this man will, like all other men, deliver himself to your door to be tormented by you."
"If I were really that formidable, there wouldn't be so many fools willing to sacrifice themselves."
"Such coarse language," I said, shaking my head.
The news of my engagement to Gengsheng spread quickly. Everyone was very happy for me, and especially congratulated Gengsheng.
Gengsheng once said with a smile, "I do have a bit of late-life fortune. Everyone says Huang Zhenhua is a good man. As an architect, he rakes in money by the handful, yet his name is never linked with actresses or singers. Nowadays in Central, a man earning five or six thousand yuan a month already wants to invite famous women to dinner. Ordinary girls are beneath his notice."
"So women must be famous."
"No," she said. "The most important thing for a woman is luck. Many people now think I have a bit of luck - not young anymore, and not much to look at, yet I actually captured Huang Zhenhua……"
I was surprised. "Do you care what idle people on the street say? Are country folk's opinions worth taking seriously?" Gengsheng smiled.
"Isn't it enough that I think you are a beautiful and elegant woman?"
"Thank you," she said. "I shouldn't be greedy and try to win over the whole world."
Women!
On the weekend I went out with her to socialize. At the party, Gengsheng pointed and said to me, "Do you see that couple over there?"
My eyes followed her finger. A graceful man and woman were dancing.
Both were dressed in white. In clothing, expression, and age, they matched perfectly. They could be called a perfect couple.
I nodded. "A very beautiful pair. Surely not many people will appreciate them. People all like roses, a kind of exaggerated, shallow beauty."
"No, Rose's beauty is another matter. I won't argue with you about it now, but that man is exactly the lecturer Rose has her eye on."
"Ah -"
I looked even more closely.
He really was a handsome man, tall and slender, with a cold scholarly air on his face. The white clothes and trousers sat comfortably and perfectly on him. His female companion's temperament was unexpectedly similar to his; every movement was pleasing to the eye.
I said softly to Gengsheng, "If I hadn't already won you, I'd go after her."
Gengsheng glanced at me. "Did you ever court me? How come I didn't know?"
"What's his name?" I asked.
She made a round among acquaintances and came back to tell me the man was named Zhuang Guodong, and the young woman was his fiancee, a painter.
As if by a sixth sense, I thought Rose was sure to run aground this time.
Gengsheng laughed and said, "A very grand name. You want to revitalize China, and he wants to be a pillar of the nation." She paused. "That's why I like Rose. She contentedly stays a rose."
"How many chances do you think she has?"
"Chances for what?"
"The man has a fiancée now - Rose still has a chance with him."
Gengsheng thought for a long time without making a sound. After a while she said, "I don't understand why everyone can't just live together in peace. They always have to snatch things from someone else's hands. There are still plenty of single, free men in this world."
I said, "Do you dare say you've never been attached to a married man?"
"Only if he lied to me and said he had no wife?"
"In the countryside there are." I said, "In the city there aren't."
I watched that pair of lovers sit down in another corner.
"Why did Rose have to set her sights on him," I said, "There are still plenty of men like him."
"Don't worry, Rose will like Zhuang Guodong for three months at most." Gengsheng said.
"Three months." I murmured, "Girls these days are really frightening, they're all on the offensive."
"Has any girl ever come up to you on her own to get to know you, Huang Zhenhua?"
"No. I don't wear a white suit, I don't drive a fancy sports car, I don't show up at high-end restaurants, I don't want to play the young master. Who would chase me?"
Having pretty girls chasing after you isn't necessarily a blessing. When a man becomes a flighty social butterfly, going here and there, always swapping the person by his side, his reputation will suffer just the same, and he still won't be able to marry a good wife.
"Let's go." I said.
"How come you suddenly lost all interest?"
I completely failed to understand Rose's emotional problems. She liked to deliberately create predicaments and bring about hopeless situations. The current temporary calm was nothing but the lull before the storm.
Rose would naturally take the initiative and get close to Zhuang Guodong, that much was certain.
Within half a month, my little sister had invited Zhuang Guodong to the house for dinner.
It happened that I had just had a long-distance call with Father and learned that Mother's condition had improved greatly, so I was in a very good mood and sat at home to eat with them.
I watched Rose's expression toward Zhuang Guodong, and my heart sank straight down. God help Rose, she really had developed deep feelings for Zhuang Guodong. She had never been so silent and gentle before, her gaze looked as if it wanted to melt into Zhuang's body.
Because Rose was nervous, I was especially nervous too. The moment I panic, I keep reaching out with my chopsticks to pick up food, so I ate until my stomach was bloated.
And Zhuang Guodong remained poised and composed throughout, completely at ease. We two siblings had utterly lost the upper hand. He was truly a formidable opponent.
Zhuang Guodong said, "…… finding work in Hong Kong, China is really not easy. Studying high-temperature physics, of course, gives even less room to apply it. I'll just randomly find a teaching post and mislead the youth."
Zhuang Guodong said this lightly and casually, but the implication carried an indescribable arrogance.
I didn't like this man.
Rose said, "Then why don't you study architecture like my big brother?"
Zhuang Guodong gave a slight bow, "In the city, just putting up buildings without other knowledge won't do."
Rose's face was full of admiration. She looked at him.
I nearly burst with rage.
Afterward I said to Su Gengsheng, "That damned guy, acting like the center of heaven and earth, like he alone is supreme, I really can't stand him!"
Su Gengsheng laughed, "You - when it comes to little sister's boyfriends, you can't stand a single one. What kind of complex is this?"
"Sister-obsessed maniac," I glared, "Are you done yet?"
Gengsheng pursed her lips and smiled.
"Honestly, just this once, I'm on Rose's side. If this guy capsizes in a ditch and falls at Rose's hands, and if he comes running to me to pour out his woes, I'll laugh out loud."
Gengsheng turned her head and said softly, "I'm afraid the chances of that are slim."
Although I didn't like Zhuang Guodong, I had to admit he was a man of extremely high taste. His clothing, grooming and bearing were impeccable. He never said a single idle word, and every word he spoke had a barb in it. He was an extremely hard person to deal with, hiding his joys and sorrows deep inside. No one had any idea what he was really thinking.
By rights, such a person shouldn't make one feel uneasy, yet he made me feel as if I were sitting on pins and needles. With him present, the atmosphere would inexplicably turn tense, and I couldn't explain why either.
Rose dated him occasionally, but he didn't pick Rose up and drop her off on schedule, nor did I see him driving up to wait at the door.
I asked little sister, "What's the matter, haven't you captured him yet?"
"No." She looked a little dejected.
"Why?" I showed great disappointment.
"I don't know." Rose shook her head, "He says he has a fiancée, that old woman."
"Nonsense, she's not an old woman."
"Twenty-seven and not an old woman?" Rose retorted, "If I live to that age, I'd have long since settled down and stopped bothering with the world."
"You're so cruel!" I jumped up, "If you put it that way, aren't I a thousand-year-old demon?"
"Who says you're not?" She seemed to be in a temper.
"Then what about your dear Sister Su? Is she an old demon too?"
Rose answered off-topic: "His relationship with his fiancée is very good. He always says: in big institutions, all positions are worth nothing. It's just that most people contribute their effort to make one or two people famous. They cooperate, hundreds of people working together on a single thing, but creative careers are the exception. Like his painter fiancée - her work is her own responsibility, and only that can bring true satisfaction."
I sneered, "Oh, is that so. Then what is he doing keeping company with you? He should marry a great writer."
"I've fallen in love with him." Rose said.
"Who'd believe that, what nonsense," I said, "You, in love? You don't love anyone. The one you love most is yourself."
Rose raised her head, her big eyes brimming with tears. She said, "But I love him."
I stared at Rose blankly.
"You - love him?" I asked, "Do you know what love is?"
"No, I don't know," she said, "But for the first time, the first time in my life, I feel that one person's actions affect my joys and sorrows. They say love is like that."
"You're confused." I said.
"I'm not confused. On a deserted island, any man and woman would fall in love with each other. But there are so many men now, and I picked him of all people. How do you explain that?" Rose said.
"Because he hasn't fallen at your feet. You find it exciting, and you've decided to fight this battle." I thrust my face right in front of hers.
"That's not right," she shook her head, "I'm not trying to compete with him. I truly love him."
Her eyes were very deep, dark and bottomless.
"He's not worth your love," I said, "He's not right for you. He'll toy with you."
Rose was silent for a moment, then stood up, "It's already too late."
"Rose, why are you in such a hurry to fall in love?"
"You shouldn't ask that," Rose said, "Zhou Shihui doesn't understand love, because when the time came he married and had children. Big brother, you think you understand love, so you waited until you found a suitable partner and then married and had children. But both of you are wrong. Love's choices are completely beyond control. This isn't about whether I'm in a hurry or not. Love is like a plague - when it comes, it comes."
Her voice was a little hoarse. I listened, dazed.
Su Gengsheng said she had long known that Rose was not as simple as just a rose. Rose had quietly grown up, hiding it from us.
We couldn't help her. Matters of the heart ultimately had to be resolved by herself.
However quirky and eccentric Rose was, she was still a person of genuine feeling. She was the warm type, while Zhuang Guodong and his girlfriend were exactly alike - cold.
When that young woman held her painting exhibition, I specially took time off to go.
She painted surrealism -
A lifelike naked infant sitting in a pile of thorns, bleeding; a bunch of roses gnawed to pieces by worms……
An atomic bomb exploding in Central, the Connaught Centre collapsing blood-red…… every painting was vivid, terrifying, cruel.
The painter herself had pale skin and delicate features. Her beauty, too, had something ethereal about it.
I greeted her and explained that I knew Zhuang Guodong.
I said, "The paintings are good, but it's a pity the subject matter is horrifying."
She gave a cold smile, "Picasso said: art is not meant to decorate your apartment, Mr. Huang. Or perhaps next time you choose wallpaper, remember to pick a pleasing pattern."
I didn't like her either.
She didn't leave anyone any room. I had never seen such a well-matched pair. Rose simply had no hope at all.
The female painter's family was very wealthy, and she had some kinship connection to a shipping magnate. She had talent, and one couldn't say she wasn't a beautiful woman either, but that arrogant air of looking down on everyone was too overbearing -
Or perhaps…… perhaps Zhuang Guodong would be moved by Rose's innocence.
Because my attitude toward Rose had softened, she was overjoyed.
Gengsheng asked, "Why?" I answered, "Because I've realized Rose isn't the most terrifying woman in the world."
Gengsheng smiled.
After that arrogant female painter left for Switzerland to hold an exhibition, Zhuang Guodong and Rose began seeing each other more frequently. For some reason, I also began to feel that there seemed to be a bit of color in his face.
With Rose around, it was hard not to become lively.
Rose still wore brightly colored clothes, living her butterfly-like colorful life.
When my parents in the United States received the news of my engagement to Gengsheng, they were overjoyed. They finished everything they needed to do and decided to return the following month, and Mother's trachea had mostly recovered too.
Joyful events put one in high spirits. I told Rose that after our parents returned, perhaps she should move back home to live.
Rose murmured vague assent. I laughed and scolded, "Stop being so fake! Don't just humor me."
That day at work, the female secretary handed me a pictorial magazine with a smile, placed it on my desk, and mysteriously withdrew.
I looked at the cover of the pictorial. It said "Fashion Model". The cover girl looked extremely familiar - heavy makeup, honey-brown skin, an untamable wild tropical allure, wearing a revealing multicolored swimsuit.
As I looked and looked, suddenly I understood. I clutched my head and let out a wild cry - it was Rose, this cover girl was Rose!
When Gengsheng rushed over, I was drinking brandy to calm my shock.
She asked, "What's wrong with you?"
I said, "Having a sister like this, living in stormy seas all day long, I can't take this kind of shock. Look at the color photos in this pictorial, every one half-naked. She still wants to study for her matriculation? If the school finds out, she'll be expelled immediately. When Mother comes back, she'll skin me alive." I panted.
Gengsheng flipped through the pictorial, silent, showing that she felt the same.
"When did this happen?" Gengsheng asked.
"I don't know."
"Could she be innocent in this? Look, at the time she still had long hair. Could it be that Alexis Lin took it upon himself to submit Rose's photos for publication?"
"Oh, why didn't that coward just kill himself? Now he's doomed Rose." I cried.
"Was her name published?" Gengsheng asked.
"No, it just said she was a 'color girl'. Ha! Color girl. My face right now is probably rainbow-colored too."
"Maybe she can deny it. I don't think the school will necessarily find out."
"This is obviously her. Even my female secretary recognized her."
"But she wears a school uniform to school, not like this -"
"I'm an architect, not a lawyer, Gengsheng. You go deny it for her. I'm not taking this on." I said.
"The moment anything happens you wash your hands of it. Rose will grow cold toward you." Gengsheng said.
"Gengsheng, I have many other things to do. I'm not living in this world just to risk my life for Rose."
"But she is your sister after all, and your mother did entrust her to your care. She's so much younger than you. You can't help but have at least a little loving heart toward her."
"Fine, so this is my fault again?" I roared.
"You don't need to yell. I'm just discussing the matter as it is." She stood up and walked out.
Gengsheng and I were the same. When nothing was wrong, things were great. The moment something came up, we'd each insist on our own view and part on unhappy terms. Her personality was so strong. A woman should more or less be accommodating, but not her. Sometimes it really made me irritable. What reason was there for her to always oppose me?
But when I thought of her good points, I deflated again. No one is perfect, and neither am I. Let my patience express my love for her! Though I don't have vast wealth or the looks of Pan An, I do have patience.
Gengsheng taught Rose to deny that the photo in the magazine was her. Rose asked in confusion, "You want me to lie?"
But when the bigger picture is at stake, a lie amounts to nothing. Rose finally got past another hurdle. The principal summoned the guardian for questioning, and Gengsheng and I denied it in one voice, denying everything cleanly.
- "My little sister is a good student. How could she go and be a photographic model for no reason?"
"People can look alike, things can be similar, that's all."
"It's completely a misunderstanding. The children in our family wouldn't wear such bizarre clothes."
Most importantly, when the matriculation exam results were posted, Rose's score was seven As and two Bs, the highest in the whole school that year.
Rose's exam results were good. In view of this, the principal pursued none of her past mistakes. Rose shrugged, stuck out her tongue, and quite naturally enjoyed her happy summer vacation.
"Seven As!" I said, "Just flipping through the textbook the night before the exam and she gets seven As!"
Gengsheng sighed, "She has a photographic memory. What are we going to do?"
"Seven A's! Plenty of good students study day and night and still fail. This just goes to show there's no justice in the world."
"Justice," Gengsheng laughed, "there certainly isn't any. Otherwise, how did Gao Qiu, who only knew how to kick a shuttlecock well, rise to the rank of a high official? But Rose deserves this kind of good fortune as a matter of course."
I was annoyed. "Can you get through life on luck alone?"
"Many people do," she said.
"Then you may as well take it easy too, and stop arguing with me all the time." I pressed my advantage.
"Huang Zhenhua, you're an opportunist."
Summer came again, and Rose was truly like a rosebud, so vivid and luscious it was almost too much to look at directly.
I weakly protested several times, things like: "You can't wear a swimsuit that small." "If you're going to wear a T-shirt, you'd better add underwear."
"When you look at people, look them straight in the eye. Don't half-smile and look at them sideways. Who do you think you are? Bai Guang?"
Saying it was the same as not saying it at all.
One day I had dinner at Su Gengsheng's place. She opened a good bottle of baijiu for me, and I drank happily, feeling that there were no obstacles in my life and that this trip had been worthwhile. I grew more and more animated and stayed very late, listening to disco music, nearly falling asleep.
Eventually Gengsheng, too sleepy to stay up, chased me out. By the time I got home, it was already three or four in the morning.
I hadn't come home at that hour in a long time. The fresh morning air brought back memories of when I was studying at Oxford, sneaking back to my room at midnight from the foreign girl's dormitory……
That peculiar sensation, cool yet not quite cool, the great years of youth, the impulsive passion, all gone. But in that instant, I missed Oxford and decided then and there that I must bring Gengsheng back to see the place where I had studied for seven years. Life is short, and I wanted to pour out everything from my past to Gengsheng.
I took out my key and opened the door. I heard very soft music coming from inside, so faint it was barely audible. Ah! Someone was still awake late at night. It seemed both my sister and I were people who knew how to enjoy life.
I walked quietly to the study. The door was slightly ajar, and I saw Rose and Zhuang Guodong dancing. They were barefoot, cheek to cheek, and Rose looked utterly intoxicated. I was moved.
Life is short. A moment of happiness is still happiness.
I didn't disturb them. I tiptoed back to my room, took off my clothes without even washing my face, and fell onto the bed, asleep. But the whole night was filled with dreams, and in the dreams there was blissful, barely audible music, faint and fragmentary, drifting in without cease. I felt so happy that my heart was filled with fear, afraid that suddenly everything would be lost.
When I woke up it was half past ten in the morning, and Rose had already gone out.
I hurriedly phoned Gengsheng.
I said softly, "I miss you. I love you."
"You're crazy." She laughed on the other end. "You won't be satisfied until you get me fired from my company. No wonder some big companies get a headache the moment they hear a senior female executive is in love."
"Take the day off today."
"No!"
"Fine," I said sulkily. "If I get cancer tomorrow, you'll regret it."
"I think the chances of that are very slim. I have to go to a meeting. See you after work." She hung up. This woman, her heart was like iron.
The whole day my mood was extremely romantic, full of impractical thoughts.
To be able to fall in love is truly a blessing, no matter how it ends. No wonder my little sister threw caution to the wind and was really going to launch a battle for him. That cold female painter was absolutely no match for Rose. I was confident.
For the first time, Rose changed her style for a man. She let her hair grow long, altered the cut of her clothes to be more elegant, and no longer laughed and talked so loudly. There was a girlish loveliness about her, and she had reined in much of her wildness. She met Zhuang frequently, and each time she would nervously and hurriedly change clothes and match shoes. Every time she went out, her outfit was unforgettable. If she weren't my sister, I would have been proud to have a girlfriend like that.
Gengsheng never dressed up specially for me. She was the way she was, and she looked the same way when she saw me. Of course, she had always been a beautiful girl, and that plain white made many other women look like cheap painted dolls, but……she had never once dressed up specially for me.
Gengsheng would not change her ways for anyone. She wasn't self-centered; she was simply steadfast and true to herself. My heart stirred gently. I loved her. Wasn't that precisely why?
Summer vacation wasn't over yet when Father and Mother came back. We went to the airport to pick them up.
Mother's illness had been cured, and she only needed rest. She had gained weight too. She was very happy to see me and Gengsheng, but she looked Rose up and down from head to toe and merely nodded. I thought Mother's attitude was wrong, but I didn't dare bring it up. I immediately decided to keep Rose by my side and not force her to go home and be a dutiful daughter to our parents.
Not long after our parents returned, the terrible news came.
Late that night, I was still up, troubled by a contract, when Rose came back and slammed the front door with a bang. I jumped. She burst into my study, her face abnormally red, her eyes shining. She leaned against the doorway first and said nothing.
"What's wrong?" I stood up. "Have you been drinking?"
She looked extraordinarily beautiful, wearing a light purple low-cut dancing dress, breathing rapidly, amethyst earrings swinging back and forth on her ears.
"Rose, do you have something to say?" I sensed something was wrong and walked over to her.
"Big Brother," her voice was very, very soft, "Big Brother, he's getting married."
I asked, "Who's getting married?"
"Zhuang Guodong," she said.
I hadn't yet grasped the seriousness of this. Though I was surprised, I wasn't worried. I said, "Let him get married. Boyfriends can be found anywhere."
"You don't understand, Big Brother. I love him deeply."
I held Rose in my arms. "No, don't worry. You'll forget him before long. There are plenty of good boys. I believe you'll forget him."
Rose clung to me tightly, and a choking sound rose from deep in her throat, like the desperate cry of a wounded small animal. For some reason, I became afraid.
"Rose—"
I immediately thought of Gengsheng. Tomorrow I would have to send out another distress signal to her.
"Go to sleep, Rose, go to sleep." I comforted her. "Tomorrow is another day. Remember Scarlett O'Hara's words? Tomorrow is another day."
"Big Brother, he's going to marry someone else."
"Hey, so what? He's not good enough for you anyway." I added, "If you want to cry, go ahead and cry."
But she didn't cry. She turned her head and went back to her room without a sound.
The next day I received Zhuang Guodong's wedding invitation, the ceremony to be held at St. Anthony's Church.
I was more bewildered than angry. I handed the invitation to Gengsheng.
"Look," I said. "I don't understand. A man who's about to get married, why would he take off his shoes and dance barefoot with Rose in my study?"
Gengsheng turned pale with worry.
"You need to keep a close eye on Rose."
"I know," I said.
But I didn't keep a close eye on her.
Zhuang Guodong came to see me. He said coldly, "Mr. Huang Zhenhua, I'd like you to come with me."
"Go where?" I was repulsed. "I completely fail to appreciate your sense of humor."
"To my apartment," he said. "Yesterday, when I wasn't home, your sister had the servant open the door for her, and she tore my place to shreds. I thought you should come see it."
I was startled. "There's such a thing?"
"I think it's better if you see it with your own eyes."
I had no choice but to go with him. When I saw the state of his apartment after the destruction, only then did I admire his composure.
If Rose had done this, I didn't know where she found the strength. It was pure animalistic destruction. Not a single thing in the apartment was intact. Paintings, furniture, curtains, bedding, clothes, all slashed with sharp objects and strewn across the floor. The walls were covered in ink and paint. Not a single light bulb was whole. The only thing missing was setting the entire apartment on fire.
I trembled uncontrollably, not knowing whether from anger or fear.
Zhuang Guodong watched me coldly and calmly.
"We……we will definitely compensate you," I said.
"I could have called the police," he said. "You can't compensate me for my mental distress. Anyone who opened the door and saw this would think a murder had taken place here!"
"Yes, I understand." I was deflated, like a whipped dog.
I said, "I hope we can settle this peacefully. Tally up the damages and let's see what we should do."
Zhuang Guodong turned his head. "You're not even questioning me, not suspecting whether I took advantage of your sister."
I said angrily, "First, I don't believe that between a man and a woman, one takes advantage of the other. Second, if you had any leverage that we could hold over you, you wouldn't be so sure of yourself, would you?"
He was taken aback, then said, "I never even touched her."
"That's between you and her. You don't need to announce it to the whole world," I said. "In any case, this destruction was entirely Rose's fault. We'll take responsibility."
"Rose and I are even now," he said.
I retorted, "Were you ever together? She may have been, but were you?"
I rushed home. Rose had locked herself in her room.
I knocked on the door and said, "Rose, come out. I have something to tell you. I won't scold you. Open the door."
I really didn't intend to scold her.
She opened the door. I held her in my arms. "Don't be afraid. I'm here for everything. I'll pay that man back for everything, but I want you to forget him."
Rose's eyes were empty. She stared straight ahead, but I was certain she saw nothing.
"Rose," I called to her. "What's wrong with you, Rose!"
She lowered her head dully.
"Say something!" I said.
She made no sound.
"Then rest more," I sighed. "Remember, Big Brother will always love you. What's past is past. Whatever you do, don't do anything foolish, understand?" I shook her by the shoulders. "Understand?"
She nodded slowly.
"Rose, he's the most ordinary man imaginable. In the future you'll meet many better boyfriends. You don't need to be heartbroken and act out of character over him. The most important thing is to remember to love yourself. Do you hear me?"
She didn't hear.
"Sleep a while," I said. "Go on. When you're rested, your mood will improve too."
She lay down on the bed, turned her face away, and didn't move.
I became frightened. I found Gengsheng and discussed it with her.
I felt someone needed to look after her for an extended period, so I suggested Rose move back home.
Gengsheng said, "That's right in principle, since we both have to work and don't have time to help her through this difficult period. But we should ask her opinion, since she's never gotten along well with your parents."
"Gengsheng, you ask her."
Rose refused to speak. She had completely lost her willpower and let us do as we pleased. So she moved back home. I began to truly fear and worry about Rose. She grew thinner and thinner, until all you could see on her face was a pair of large eyes. Her complexion turned to a nearly transparent white, and she no longer looked like a real person.
Gengsheng said, "Rose, how did you become like this?"
In just two short weeks, Rose had withered.
She sat in her room all day and wouldn't go out. Three meals were brought to her room. She ate a little, then sat by the window doing nothing, just sitting there.
And Mother actually said, "Rose seems to have finally come around." This broke my heart. Mother had no understanding of her younger daughter's heart at all. She was not a good mother.
Zhuang Guodong's wedding day arrived.
I went to St. Anthony's Church to watch the ceremony.
It rained that day. The air was damp, and petals lay all over the ground beneath the flower clock. The fragrance was very fresh. For some reason, I suddenly wanted to cry.
A Western-style wedding is so similar to a funeral: the same plain white, the same flowers, the same organ music.
My little sister was already out of her mind at home, while the culprit was holding his wedding in a church. I had known long ago that this day would come for Rose. Those who play with fire always end up burned.
The bride and groom came out. Both were dressed in white, very happy, no different from any other bride and groom.
The bride's white satin shoe stepped into a puddle at the church entrance, crushing the rainbow of gasoline into ripples, and water splashed up.
I turned my head away and walked off, my eyes rimmed red.
I went home and talked to my little sister for a whole afternoon.
—"He's really nothing special."
"He doesn't know how to appreciate you. I don't think he even knows what love is."
Rose remained pale-faced, silent, not crying, sitting wanly in the rocking chair, wrapped in a white coat, sitting at home all day and all night.
I held her hand and pressed it to my face. I said, "Little Sister, I love you deeply. I know how you feel. You don't know how much it pains me."
She said nothing.
Because of Rose, even Gengsheng and I grew thin.
It was truly miserable. If this was love, I hoped I would never fall in love my whole life.
"There's nothing more terrible," Gengsheng said. "The Black Death kills people, but once you're dead, that's that. But a broken heart won't kill you. You're tormented alive, and you don't even become immune. You suffer again and again, endlessly. And human nature is so base that people actually long for love to come. Really!"
I don't understand how Rose could have fallen in love with Zhuang Guodong.
He sent me the renovation company's bill, with every itemized price listed clearly, demanding compensation. Without a second thought, I signed the check. Money, I had it. Tens of thousands of yuan, I did not care. If money could buy back Rose's laughter, I would gladly give up my entire fortune.
It was only when Rose stopped acting out and causing trouble that I realized how precious her former liveliness and brightness had been.
I said to Gengsheng, "Carrying on like this is no way to live."
Gengsheng said gently, "True character shows in adversity, true affection shows in hard times. Only now do I realize how good you are to Rose."
It had always been that way. I loved her as I would love a daughter.
I said, "Let her go abroad. Forget studying at Hong Kong University. Let her pick any small university and study some unimportant subject. All I ask is that she forget Zhuang Guodong."
"England or America?" Gengsheng asked.
"I'll ask her."
That night, Gengsheng and I took Rose out to dinner.
Gengsheng changed her clothes and combed her hair for her. I kept up a lighthearted manner the whole way, chatting and laughing, and ordered a table full of dishes.
Although Rose had been tormented into a shadow of her former self and wore no makeup, she still drew countless admiring glances.
She sat there blankly, letting us arrange everything.
Finally I could not hold back any longer, and I said with deep sorrow, "Rose, carrying on like this is no way. I want to send you abroad. Perhaps you will like it. If you are not used to it, you can come back right away. A change of scenery, and naturally there will be plenty of new things to occupy you, guaranteed to be lively. England or America, your choice. All expenses are on your big brother. What do you think?"
She raised her head and looked at me.
"Rose, they have been married for months now. Love is like a battlefield. Either you dump someone or someone dumps you. Do not take it too much to heart, Rose. For revenge, ten years is not too late. As long as the green mountain remains, there is no fear of no firewood to burn."
Su Gengsheng glanced at me, half smiling, and said softly, "Before you only knew how to scold her; now you say all these improper, dubious things to coax her. It is hard to know whether to laugh or cry."
I let out a long sigh. The dishes on the table could not stir our appetite at all.
"Rose," I pleaded, "say something. Seeing you like this, your big brother's heart is cut like a knife."
Rose's lips trembled, and after a long while she said, "I would rather go to America."
"Which city in America?" Gengsheng asked.
"New York, America. I like New York," she said.
Gengsheng said, "All right, all right. As long as it is what you like, we will go and handle the paperwork tomorrow. Your big brother and I will take a month's leave to accompany you to look for a school."
Rose whimpered. She cried.
Gengsheng took her in her arms. "It is all right. Cry."
Rose's tears came pouring down. She said, "I loved him so much."
"Yes, yes." Gengsheng patted her shoulder. "We know."
Rose burst into loud sobbing.
For the next several days she cried constantly. Her eyes were swollen like walnuts.
Gengsheng said, "Crying is better than not crying. Crying means she is letting it out. I was so afraid she would have a mental breakdown."
"What is hateful is that all these days, Mother has not even looked Rose in the eye, has not noticed anything at all, has not shown a trace of expression. Mother is more and more like a crocodile" - I put both hands in front of my mouth, opening and closing them to mimic a crocodile's long snout - "except for the mouth moving, all the other muscles in the face are frozen. Truly frightening."
Gengsheng did not know whether to laugh or cry. "I have realized that Rose's mischievous streak is actually very much like yours. How can you, at your age, still make fun of your own mother?"
"I am angry with her. About something like Rose going to New York, she has no opinion at all, and even mocks Rose for having no hope of getting into Hong Kong University. It is Father, though, who told Rose to be careful, because New York is a complicated city and we have no relatives there."
A few days later, the two of us accompanied Rose as she set off for New York.
She was still crying.
I secretly asked Gengsheng, "She has practically cried a river already. Could she cry her eyes blind?" Even when she was not crying, the mole on her face was like an eternal teardrop.
"Get out of here!" was Gengsheng's answer.
Chapter Four
New York already had a chill in the air. We first accompanied Rose to look for a place to live, then to look for a school, and in our spare time we wandered everywhere.
Rose finally stopped crying and followed us around listlessly. I rented a car, and the three of us toured all of New York.
At first, when I sent Rose into the school, I still had some worries, but foreigners have their own advantages. They were oblivious to Rose's beauty and were quite peaceful and kind to her.
Gengsheng figured out that the Oriental beauty in foreigners' minds was one with a flat nose, slanted eyes, a wide mouth, a flat face, and sallow skin. Rose looked too Western-beautiful, and was almost regarded by them as one of their own, so naturally she did not cause a sensation.
Seen this way, New York was actually an ideal place for Rose to study.
I bought her a small car, left a deposit in the bank, and then planned to head home.
In truth, I could not set my mind at ease.
I asked, "Just leave her alone in New York?"
Gengsheng said, "It is always like this. She will find friends."
"What if she gets sick?" I said. "She is only seventeen and a half."
"University students are all this age," Gengsheng assured me again and again. "Do not worry."
Rose herself said she was willing to try a new life.
I told her, "Money makes the world go round. Do not skimp on my account. Call long distance whenever you like. With three days off, you can come back. Understand?"
At the airport, Rose saw the two of us off back to Hong Kong. She was dressed very bulky, looking even more like a foreign doll.
She hugged me tightly, calling me "Big Brother, Big Brother," and could not speak.
I promised her that I would come to see her whenever I had free time, and then I shed tears.
On the plane, Gengsheng gently teased me. "I never thought you would become so fussy and sentimental."
"This Rose will be a matter on my mind for life. I cannot let it go," I said.
Without Rose, Hong Kong suddenly fell quiet.
For the first three months, almost every other day I had to call to ask about Rose's life.
She had completely changed. Her manner of speaking had grown up too. She reported the details to me clearly and gave me much comfort. Things like: "My grades are outstanding……" "I have gained ten pounds……" and so on.
What shocked me most was that she had changed her major. I nearly rushed to New York, and spent half an hour in a panic on the long-distance call.
Rose said, "I did not want to study business administration. I switched to law. It is very easy to study. Do not forget my photographic memory. Do not be afraid. The procedure is very simple. It was all done long ago."
I asked if she had a boyfriend.
After a pause she said, "No."
"For your eighteenth birthday, do you want me to come keep you company?"
"No need, no need." She cried.
"Is the money enough?" I said.
"Enough. It is enough to spend until 1990," Rose said.
"The weather is cold. Wear more. Do not turn on the central heating."
"It is these same few sentences every time," she laughed. "Big Brother, when are you and Sister Su getting married?"
Having the mood to meddle in other people's business showed she had recovered.
"Are you coming home for the New Year?"
"No. For the New Year I am going to Florida."
"Enjoy yourself well, and your big brother will be at ease."
"I love you, Big Brother."
"Big Brother loves you too."
Gengsheng always said the two of us were sappy. Gengsheng's virtue was that she was never jealous of me and Rose.
Mother was surprised and said that Rose had finally made progress.
Mother, as a mother, was forever an outsider. I admired her from the bottom of my heart.
On Rose's eighteenth birthday, I wired roses to New York, along with a sum of cash.
I told Gengsheng I was worried about Rose. "How can she endure that loneliness?"
"She will not be lonely. Young people abroad play wildly. Besides, she is not in a barren place like Arkansas or Wisconsin. She is in New York."
That night, the phone rang. I went to answer it.
"Zhenhua?" the voice on the other end said. "This is Zhou Shihui."
"Are you not dead yet?" I said irritably. "Do not tell me you are still pining for Huang Rose."
"Zhenhua, I want to hear her voice."
"Old Zhou, your information is too outdated. Rose is not in Hong Kong now. She is studying in New York."
"New York?" Zhou Shihui murmured.
"Yes," I said. "New York, America."
"Where in New York?"
"You think I would tell you? She really is studying."
"Studying what?"
"Law."
"Ah." He fell silent.
"Zhou Shihui, I do not want to hear your voice again. If you do not wake up from that nightmare, I do not want you as a friend either."
"Zhenhua, how do you explain the story of Dante and Beatrice?"
"I want to sleep," I said. "I do not understand mythological stories. Go back to Hong Kong, Zhou Shihui. Come back and I will welcome you with the best brandy, get drunk with you and shed tears together, listen to your troubles. Truly."
"Zhenhua," he choked, "you do not despise me?"
"We were classmates in elementary, middle, and university. Shihui, if I despised you, I would be a bastard."
"To disown me, I think you would rather go to the Personnel Registration Office and change your surname to Sun."
"Do not joke, Shihui. Come back, all right?" I said. "I am begging you. You can step down from your high horse too. Even though wandering is fashionable now, drifting around outside for two full years is enough."
He hung up the phone. I sighed.
This Zhou Shihui would never understand until death.
I had done all I could for him, but to tell him Rose's address, I would not do it. No way, no how. I hoped Rose would study well and stay until graduation.
Rose's letter: "……Yesterday I passed by the second floor of the dormitory and heard a Chinese student playing a song. She said it was sung by Bai Guang. Who is Bai Guang? I seem to remember you mentioning her. One song this female singer sings is called 'If I Don't Have You.' Hearing it puts one under a spell, unforgettable for a long time. To think such a song exists! It made my heart clench."
"……I spend all my time studying and advancing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. One day when I return to Hong Kong, I will be like that count in The Count of Monte Cristo, knowing everything, renowned across the globe."
I read it and wept.
Gengsheng said, "Rose is like one of those martial arts masters. After one failed move, she returns home to retire and never sets foot in the martial world again."
"She will soon make her comeback. Do not worry."
Zhou Shihui returned to Hong Kong before she did.
I went to the airport to pick him up. He did not look haggard, actually, just much fatter than before, wearing wide-legged trousers from two years ago, looking very outdated.
"Hotel or my home?" I shook his hand vigorously.
He shook his head.
"Or……back to your wife's home?" I ventured.
"I have no wife," he said mildly. "I divorced long ago."
"Where are you staying?"
"I have talked with my mother. She will look after me."
"That is good too," I said.
I took Shihui home and left him a check.
He would soon make a comeback, I told myself. A moment later I could not help doubting it. He had already lost that former fighting spirit and desire to rise. Even turning back, he was already a lifetime too late.
He did not beg me. Not long after, he found a teaching position at a middle school and took up the post. Zhou Shihui had become a different person. He was somewhat like one of those down-and-out artists, his fingers yellowed from heavy smoking, his shirt forever wrinkled. Strangely enough, he had a certain quality about him. I came to respect him. Our relationship, compared to before, had grown very distant.
He did not return to his wife's home again.
I decided to set off for New York to visit Rose, to see how she was winning glory for her country in a foreign land.
It had been nearly a year since we parted.
Mother said, "No news, really, perhaps because our ears aren't long enough."
"She's very good now."
"We can't pass final judgment until she's married. And divorce is so fashionable these days, alas."
I also felt that Rose was the kind of woman who could divorce three times and still have men lining up to court her at forty-nine and a half. Her fate was sealed that way. A beauty capable of toppling cities and nations often becomes, against her own will, a source of calamity, and that too is fate.
I was going to marry Gengsheng in New York. This was Gengsheng's idea. I thought about it for a long time and could not figure out why.
She said, "My past life was extremely wild. I'm afraid my former lovers might be unhappy and try to ruin the wedding. Running off to New York, so very far away, will be more peaceful at least."
Gengsheng can be quite infuriating sometimes.
I arrived in New York first. Rose came to pick me up in a small car, grabbed my luggage in one motion, tossed it into the trunk, and dusted off her hands.
I was dumbfounded. "Chinese kung fu?" I said. "Such strength. Be careful, a strained back is no joke."
She laughed brightly. "How could that happen?"
She was very beautiful, her jet-black glossy hair falling to her shoulders, her skin tanned brown, a little like the Indian beauties in western films.
"Have you been sunbathing in Florida?" I asked.
"No, this is from participating in the school's archaeology society, from the sun during fieldwork at the site."
"Ah, that sounds exciting, Rose. You've finally made progress. Your big brother is deeply gratified."
She smiled faintly and nimbly turned the car.
I asked, "Aren't we going back to school?"
"I've moved off campus. The dormitory is too expensive."
"Why scrimp? Where do you live now?"
"I'll take you to see."
She lived in Brooklyn. I was very much against it. "Why have you moved to a slum? The security is bad, it makes us worry."
"It's fine, many classmates live there," she comforted me.
The small apartment was only two hundred square feet, with the living room and bedroom combined, shabby beyond words, all the furniture old. The refrigerator could soon celebrate its thirtieth birthday, and its motor rattled like a locomotive. I let out a sob, too alarmed to speak.
"Rose! How have you fallen to this state?"
Out the window, all I could see was a back alley full of garbage cans.
"Not at all, big brother, this place is great," she said. "Living alone in an apartment, how luxurious. I even have a private car. Worry less, would you?"
"There's no air conditioner!" I said loudly. "I guarantee the temperature here will rise to thirty-six degrees in the heat of summer. What are you doing, planning to make steamed Rose?"
She laughed "ha ha," her temper impossibly good.
My heart ached. "No, I order you to move."
"Sit down, calm down a little." She pushed me into a sofa. "You must be hungry. There's nothing good to eat on planes. I'll make you a bowl of fried rice."
"Rice?" I said in disbelief. "What rice? You cook?"
"Don't underestimate me. Your little sister is now a decathlete."
She went into the kitchen, and after a few deft moves, suddenly the fragrant smell of scallions reached my nose.
I couldn't help sitting up. "Rose, what are you doing?"
She brought out two dishes of food. "Come eat. Yangzhou fried rice and braised beef."
My mouth watered. I couldn't resist picking up chopsticks. "Rose, incredible. How do you know how to make this?"
"I can even cook Western food for twelve people."
"Wow, you've been hiding your talents. Outstanding results. Excellent, excellent."
"Right now what I enjoy most is eating, drowning all my sorrow in food."
I ate everything clean, rubbed my belly, and heaved a long sigh.
"Rose, you're too great," I said.
She propped her head on her hand and smiled without speaking.
I asked softly, "Rose, Rose, what are you thinking?"
She raised her eyes. "Big brother—"
I held her hand. "Is there still anything troubling you now?"
She said nothing. After a long while, she said softly, "No."
"But why do your eyes no longer sparkle and dance, why does your mouth no longer carry a smile?"
"I'm a little tired."
"Then do you want to come home?" I asked her.
"No, no need, I'll be fine." She paused. "Don't worry, big brother."
"I have a feeling, Rose, that you still haven't recovered from that last matter," I said carefully.
"Ah, that matter," she said, casually picking up the bowls and chopsticks to wash. At the kitchen door, she turned her head and said lightly, "I will never recover."
I was deeply shocked. "Rose—"
Her big eyes were very hollow. She said, "This kind of wound never scars over, it stays forever bleeding." The blue mole beneath her eye looked like a tear about to fall but never falling.
I was alarmed. "But Rose, after all this time, we thought you had put him entirely out of your mind—"
"How long do you plan to stay this time?" She changed the subject.
"Gengsheng and I have come to get married, Rose—"
"Married? How wonderful," she said, cutting in. "I'll help you pick out a wedding dress. I'm best at choosing clothes."
Just then the doorbell rang. She wiped her hands and said, "I'll go get the door first."
The door opened and in came an unremarkable young man. I glanced at him, unable to guess who this person might be.
Rose introduced him. "Come meet my big brother. My future sister-in-law is coming to New York in a few days." Then she said to me, "Big brother, this is my classmate Fang Xiewen."
I stared blankly at this man surnamed Fang. He was quite proper-looking, his eyes, nose and mouth all neatly arranged, not one feature missing, but what was there about him that made Rose give him a special introduction?
"Xiewen often keeps me company, big brother. When there's something I don't understand in my coursework, he helps me too."
I didn't believe it. Rose would need his help? I didn't believe it, and I couldn't help showing a look of contempt on my face.
But Rose treated him very well, pouring him tea, asking if he wanted snacks, bringing out magazines to entertain him. The more I watched, the worse I felt. Who did he think he was? This fool with a stupid look, a good-for-nothing appearance. The men Rose had thrown away in the past were far more presentable than him. How had he started to worm his way in?
I didn't like him.
After this fellow left, I asked Rose bluntly, "What's this? You're with that guy?"
"Yes," Rose said. "Almost a year now."
"What's so good about him?"
"Fang Xiewen treats me well."
"There are thousands upon thousands of men who would treat you well," I said disapprovingly. "As long as you give them the chance, they'd be only too eager."
Rose laughed. "Big brother, that makes no sense. You're treating me like Carmen."
"Who do you want to be? The Lady of the Camellias? Picking Armand out of the whole crowd? Armand was very handsome, not like Fang Xiewen, who's just a block of old wood, moving only when you push him."
Rose was very embarrassed. "Big brother, this is sheer blindness, pure prejudice."
I questioned her. "Why can't you be truly independent? Why must you depend on this silly boy? He doesn't even appreciate you. He just treats you as a woman with a little bit of looks."
"Fang Xiewen really takes care of me, big brother. I'm just a very ordinary woman too. I don't want to take up a machine gun and do battle with society. I feel happy being with Fang Xiewen."
I was very disappointed. "Then why are you studying law? You don't plan to hang out a shingle?"
"Big brother, I've said all along that I have no great ambitions."
"Good for nothing."
"Yes."
I sighed. Or perhaps this was just a transitional period. I thought, in a little while Rose could resume her career of turning the world upside down—and I felt slightly comforted.
I said, "This apartment of yours is crude, but it's tidied up very neatly. Your servant is good?"
"Servant?" Rose drew in a deep breath. "I'd have a servant? I'm someone else's servant myself. In my spare time I go help foreign ladies with their housework and look after their babies."
I let out a groan. "Heavens."
When I picked up Gengsheng at the airport, I told her about Rose's current situation.
Gengsheng listened carefully, nodding as she did.
I asked her, "People change, don't they?"
She said, "Yes, everyone has two sides. We're now seeing the other side of Rose."
I said, "I only have one side. I don't want to be a two-faced person." I touched my face.
Gengsheng just smiled without speaking.
Together we went to a clothing store on Fifth Street to pick out a wedding dress and buy wedding rings. Everything was prepared, and Rose wanted to invite Fang Xiewen over for a meal.
I refused. I said, "What, spending a few days with your big brother and you're afraid of slighting that fellow?"
Rose just smiled.
Gengsheng said, "Don't go against Rose. Come, go call him."
In the end we met at an Italian restaurant.
Fang Xiewen came in awkwardly, sat down, and before I could introduce anyone, he suddenly blurted out at Gengsheng, "Auntie-in-law, you've forgotten me? I'm Xiewen—"
I said, "You've got the wrong person."
He still cried out, "Auntie-in-law, I was little then. You were good with my uncle-in-law, weren't you?"
I grew suspicious and turned to look at Gengsheng. Her expression had changed drastically.
Rose shouted at Fang Xiewen, "What are you making a fuss about?"
Hearing Rose scold him, Fang Xiewen instantly fell silent, looking aggrieved.
I felt awful and was about to curse him a few times—
Gengsheng suddenly said very calmly, "Xiewen, your uncle-in-law and I have already separated. No need to bring it up again."
I shot up with a "whoosh." "Gengsheng—" I felt as if struck by thunder from heaven. "You—you—"
Rose turned pale with anxiety and scolded Fang Xiewen. "What nonsense are you spewing?"
"Me? I didn't say anything. She's clearly my auntie-in-law," Fang Xiewen said.
I roared, "Shut up, shut your stinking mouth! Get out, I don't ever want to see your face again!" I lunged at him and grabbed him by the collar. "You idiot!" I slapped him hard across the face twice.
He yelped and instinctively fought back. The pizza and red wine on the table were all knocked onto the floor, and the surrounding guests stared fixedly at us.
Rose screamed, "Big brother! Big brother!"
Gengsheng stood up. "I'm leaving first."
I pushed Fang Xiewen to the ground and chased after her, calling out with a heart torn to pieces, "Gengsheng! Gengsheng!"
Gengsheng had already jumped into a taxi and left.
I jumped into another empty cab and told the driver, "Follow her, don't lose the car in front."
The driver said, "Jesus Christ, more and more people are getting poisoned by TV detective shows. Who are you? Charlie Chan?"
I ignored him. The car drove straight ahead, following Gengsheng. I realized she was actually heading back to the hotel and felt relieved.
I followed her all the way into the hotel. She seemed to have calmed down and stood waiting for me at the elevator.
We went into the room and were silent for quite a while.
Finally I spoke up and asked, "You were married before."
"Yes."
"How long ago was it?"
"Ten years ago."
"Why did you never tell me?"
She said nothing.
"You knew I would forgive you," I raised my voice, "you knew that even if you had been married, I would forgive you."
She stood up and said to me: "What do I have to be forgiven for? What have I done to wrong you, that I need your forgiveness? Everyone has a past, and that past is also a part of me. If you feel dissatisfied - too bad, you're welcome to go find yourself a proper lady, but why should I need your forgiveness? Your thinking is a complete mess - a girlfriend who isn't a virgin has to go through your great pardon before she can go on living, a girlfriend who's been married has to stand trial before you - who do you think you are? You think far too much of yourself, you've made yourself far too big!"
"Listen to me, Gengsheng -"
"I've been listening for two years now, Huang Zhenhua. I'm very tired. Go find yourself another audience. I quit."
I stood there with my mouth hanging open.
She took out a suitcase and began to pack.
"But," I asked, "but why didn't you tell me?"
"Because there was nothing to tell. When I was thirteen I fell and broke my leg, and I never told you about that either……"
"I am an independent adult. I'm not your little daughter, to tell you everything and get your understanding and permission." Gengsheng said.
"You were married - that's a major thing. As your husband, I have the right to know."
"Everyone has a few secrets in their heart. Why must you take it so far?"
She picked up her luggage.
"Where are you going?" I said.
"Back to Hong Kong, China. I never resigned. My cushy job is still waiting for me."
"You feel no attachment at all?" I was both angry and heartbroken.
She smiled gently. "There's too great a difference in our points of view."
"You're too strange, Gengsheng." I said indignantly. "Only you would think this is a small matter."
"I'm sorry, Zhenhua, I don't need your forgiveness, because I insist that I haven't done anything wrong."
"But -"
"Say no more, Zhenhua. We've never quarreled. I don't intend to start now."
I pulled open the hotel room door and left without a word.
When I got to Rose's apartment, she was tending Fang Xiewen's injuries. Fang Xiewen looked dejected, and when he saw me he was very frightened and wanted to stand up and leave.
Rose said irritably: "Sit down, you troublemaker. With me here, are you afraid your big brother is going to kill you?"
He sat down again nervously.
I poured myself a glass of water in a daze and drank it.
"You idiot, big brother really didn't scold you wrong. You really are a simpleton. Su Gengsheng is my future sister-in-law, don't you understand? The moment you saw her, why did you have to claim kinship? Couldn't you take your time and talk?"
"I…… was happy for a moment," Fang Xiewen stammered, "when she married my cousin, I was the flower boy……"
This kid was simply so honest he was both pitiful and infuriating.
"All right, all right," I said, "say no more. Where did he hit you? Does it hurt? Do you need to see a doctor?"
"No need." The kid whimpered.
Rose put a bandage on him.
I said: "I'm sorry, I lost my head for a moment."
"No no, big brother, it's I who deserve to die, I deserve to die!" Fang Xiewen said.
"Ten years ago? You said she married your cousin?"
"Yes," Fang Xiewen said, "I never expected to see her again in New York. I didn't know she and my cousin had separated. Back then everyone liked her, said my cousin was blessed - aiyo!"
Rose pounded hard on his wound. "You're still talking, still talking!" she scolded coquettishly.
Fang Xiewen cowered.
I said: "I want to hear it, it's all right, tell me."
"Big brother," Rose said, "if you truly love her, her past doesn't matter at all. Why must you know? You should value the present and the future. If you quarrel with her over this, then from now on Sister Su and you will be strangers. And for a stranger's past, why should you take such an interest?"
Ah, Rose. Her words hit me like a thunderbolt, and I came to my senses.
"Gengsheng! Where is she?" I stood up.
"Go after her, big brother, go after her." Rose said.
I hugged Rose tightly once, then rushed out the door and hurried to the hotel. The hotel manager said she had already left. I rushed in a great panic to the international airport, and in the waiting lounge I saw her sitting alone on a bench, staring blankly into the air. There was no particular sorrow on her face, but her expression told me she had suffered the deepest wound.
I quietly walked up to her, crouched down, and called softly, "Gengsheng."
She seemed to wake from a dream. When she looked up and saw it was me, she suddenly collapsed from her calm.
Gengsheng shed tears, and we embraced.
"I love you, I love you," I said, "I finally have the chance to prove that I love you."
"Zhenhua!" she choked, "that matter……"
"What matter? We need to find another hotel. You checked out of the room, didn't you? If we can't find a room, we'll have to go back to Rose's and sleep on the floor……"
We finally married in New York.
The past doesn't matter. The present and the future are what matter.
I never imagined I would learn the true meaning of love from Rose.
From that day on, I made up my mind to live the happiest life possible with Gengsheng. Our married life was simple and happy. Gengsheng still went to work, still wore white clothes, still drove her little Japanese car along the highway, hopelessly weaving in and out in zigzags. We didn't socialize. On the occasional dinner or dance, I always kept her firmly by my side. In public, she was always noble and graceful. She always knew when to smile, when to speak.
Usually we were like old friends. She treated me fairly, and Gengsheng was good at adorning herself. She spent her own time doing all this, because I was her respected husband, not her hired hand.
We were generally acknowledged as the best-matched couple in the city. No one knew that our emotional life, too, had once been through storms.
Mom said: "Now the Huang family's fortunes have turned. You've ended your playboy life, and Rose has reformed. Someday I'll go to New York too and taste that Manchu-Han banquet she makes."
But for Rose, my heart was desolate. She had actually become so sensible and forbearing. Just past eighteen, she was already a little matron. A flower that opens early must wither early. Don't tell me Rose had already bloomed to the fullest, no no, she was still beautiful, and now there was an added touch of bleak loveliness. I would remember how, when she spoke of that past romance, her big eyes were hollow and blank……
Mother and Rose resumed diplomatic relations.
She was actually full of praise for Fang Xiewen -
"Truly an impeccable boy, honest and sincere, a gentleman who says one and means one, says two and means two. That Rose could meet him is truly our family's blessing. Xiewen is not only excellent in character and scholarship, his family background is good too. He has only two older brothers, both successful in their careers, and his parents are still young. The whole family has become US citizens. I can say I have no worries for the future."
I couldn't help asking: "But is Rose happy?"
Mom was stunned. "Why wouldn't she be happy?"
"You don't understand Rose at all. Mom, in the past eighteen years, you treated Rose no differently from a little dog in the house. You never once considered whether she was happy, never paid attention to her needs. You always thought that as long as a child had clothes to wear and food to eat, that was enough." I spoke very fiercely.
Mom's face changed color, like the ashen gray of a pot bottom. She said shrilly: "What are you saying? You're actually saying I treated Rose like a dog? I may not know how to be a mother, but you still grew up, didn't you!"
Mothers are always in the superior position. There's no help for it.
Gengsheng gave me a hint by tugging at the hem of my shirt from the side, and so I lost another battle to Mom.
Rose wasn't angry at all. She said, "A person like Mom, if she climbed into politics, would be the female version of Comaneci. We should be thankful she's only our mother, not the leader of our country - otherwise, things could be even worse."
I laughed until my stomach hurt.
She was still with Fang Xiewen.
Still not switching to someone else after so long. This simply wasn't Rose.
I muttered.
Gengsheng said: "According to psychology, you want your sister to fulfill your secret inner wish, to become a Casanova for you, turning all the world's heads."
Gengsheng said: "In the past, when you complained about her, your words sounded regretful but your heart was actually pleased. Now that she's living down-to-earth, you feel your life lacks color, so you've become impatient, haven't you?"
I said: "Too complicated, I don't understand. What's going on? I tell my sister to go be a man, so as to fulfill my secret wish to be a man? But I'm obviously a man. Otherwise how could I marry you?"
"Get out of here!" Even a bright, straightforward woman like Gengsheng was provoked by me into a little fit of pique, and she gave me a hard shove.
On the day Rose got engaged, I felt grief and indignation in my heart.
That kid?
He's worthy?
I knew he was a good person, but there are plenty of good people in this world. Who isn't a good person?
How could she marry him? It was simply a rose stuck in cow dung. She had been wasted on her beauty all these years, and it turned out it was all for this toad. How could anyone accept it?
I was very agitated. I said to Gengsheng: "Everything in life depends on good fortune. When your lucky star comes, you can't push it away even if you try. That kid Fang Xiewen, aside from his horoscope, what's good about him? To lay it out fairly, all those boyfriends Rose had before were stronger than him one by one. And he's an American besides. For Rose to marry beneath her to him is simply like Zhaojun going beyond the frontier - gone and never returning. That kid is terrible. He wants Rose to wait on him for everything, tea in hand, meals served. Rose is doomed to misfortune."
Gengsheng asked: "Should I record this speech of yours on a tape recorder? Huang Zhenhua, you're going through menopause. You should listen to your own tone. So long-winded."
I was so angered by her that I stamped my feet.
Yet in the end Rose did get engaged. At least for now she was firmly with Fang Xiewen, and moved to the Fang family home on Staten Island.
I still didn't give up. I didn't believe Rose's story ended here.
Gengsheng said: "I believe she will marry Fang Xiewen. The way of husband and wife is to make up for each other's shortcomings."
I howled: "Su Gengsheng, you dare to risk your life to contradict me? You'd better watch out!"
Rose married not long after.
Gengsheng accompanied my parents to New York. I stayed in Hong Kong, China because of a business deal.
I planned to build several low-rise buildings in the suburbs, novel white structures, going against the vulgar Spanish style. But the real estate company made all sorts of difficulties and wouldn't make things easy for me. After several protests from me, they sent a new sales representative to discuss with me, and even demanded that I come to their office in person.
I was furious, but since I needed their help, I had no choice but to yield. When I got to that office, my anger had already subsided.
A secretary received me first and explained the whole situation to me clearly, and I immediately felt I was in the wrong.
The young lady said with a smile: "Mr. Huang, now that you understand, it will be easier for us to work things out. I'll ask Mrs. Watson to see you. She just finished a meeting."
Mrs. Watson pushed the door open and entered. She was a young married woman dressed extremely fashionably, with a streak of her short hair dyed blonde, wearing a beautiful suit in black and white that made the eyes light up, very striking.
I hurried to greet her.
The moment she saw me she was startled, and immediately blurted out: "Zhenhua, it's you!"
She looked as if she had seen an old friend, but I couldn't remember where I had seen her.
"Zhenhua, I'm Guan Zhizhi."
I still stared blankly, extremely embarrassed.
"Zhenhua," she stepped closer and said softly with a smile, "I was Zhou Shihui's former wife. You forgot."
I cried out, "It's you," I said sincerely, "you're much prettier, radiant with spirit. I actually didn't recognize you. Sorry. How are things? Is life pleasant? Hmm?" I shook her hand warmly.
Mrs. Watson signaled the secretary to leave, then sat down with me.
She seemed not to know where to begin. I looked her over. She wore just the right amount of jewelry, noble, poised, magnificent. Her makeup was just right, fully displaying the charm of a mature woman. Her bearing was full of confidence. No wonder I hadn't recognized her. I believe that even Zhou Shihui could not have pointed out that this lady was that once bewildered, agonized, panicked little woman.
I was too happy for her, and my true feelings showed. "You've come out to work. Are you used to it? From the look of things, you're a successful person. You should belong to the female powerhouse type."
She suddenly took my hand and said with emotion: "Zhenhua, you've been so good to us!"
"I've been good to you?" I was baffled.
"I've seen Shihui. He said you always treated him the same, not only supporting him spiritually but never stinting on money either."
I was ashamed. "What are you saying? This was entirely my family's fault -"
"No, it wasn't. It was that Shihui and I couldn't get along. He's actually a very romantic person…… I'm not angry with him anymore. Because of the children, we still see each other often."
"How are the children?" I asked.
"Very well, they're in kindergarten. You don't know, even kindergartens have famous schools now. It's terrifying."
"When will you bring them out? You know, I'm married too." I said.
"Congratulations, congratulations."
"But we don't plan to have children." I added.
"It's just as well not to. Life has more pain than joy. Even though I'm doing well now, I still had to go through all that to get here……"
"You've remarried?"
"Yes, Watson treats me very well. He encourages me, finds things for me to do. He's quite well known in banking circles, he's... director for Southeast Asia at the bank."
"I'm really happy for you."
"By the way, Zhenhua, you came to our company because of that plot of land?" Mrs. Watson said.
"Oh my, I nearly forgot! It's about that plot of land."
"Listen to me—"
We talked about this matter for a whole afternoon. She spoke so convincingly that I couldn't help but be won over.
Guan Zhizhi had completely become another person. She had already put Zhou Shihui behind her. It was precisely because he no longer existed in her heart that she could mention his name so casually, naturally and calmly.
She was clearly very satisfied with her current life. By the end of our talk, she said she would fight for my interests, and then Mr. Watson came to pick her up for lunch.
She sincerely invited me to join them, and I was happy to.
Watson was an Englishman, white hair and white beard, pink complexion, blue eyes. At first glance he looked very dashing, like Hemingway; looking more carefully, one could tell he was no longer young. He had made up his mind to enjoy his later years in comfort, and Guan Zhizhi could satisfy him.
Throughout the meal, Watson kept his arm on his young wife's shoulder, showing her endless tenderness.
They were so happy and blissful that my heart was completely set at ease. The burden was lifted. The trouble Rose had caused had unexpectedly reached such a perfect ending.
That day when I got home, before I could even put down my briefcase, I told Gengsheng the whole story from beginning to end.
After hearing it, Gengsheng laughed and said, "You're chattering on and on like a gossipy woman."
I ignored her. "I think if it weren't for her failed marriage, Guan Zhizhi would never have become as outstanding as she is today. Her manners are excellent, her conversation elegant. So you see, a loss may turn out to be a gain."
Gengsheng thought for a moment, then said, "Women are very devoted. Unless a woman runs into something she has no choice about, she won't turn to developing a career."
"What about you? Are you not going to be a career woman anymore?"
"Isn't it easier to be a career woman in a small family? Have two children, order them around, just like Empress Dowager Cixi, controlling and manipulating your husband... fantastic. In society, you're always just a minor player!" Gengsheng said.
"So you've got your thinking straight and have no ambition to get ahead?" I asked with a smile.
"Naturally. Now I have a backer, my days are secure. Whatever the boss says, I treat it like dog fart—are you done?" She looked at me.
I laughed heartily.
My bungalow in the suburbs was never built successfully. Guan Zhizhi did her utmost for me, but the deal didn't go through. It wasn't her fault.
Mom came back from New York and kept praising how much Rose had come along. Now she was Mrs. Fang, I thought blankly. Jia Baoyu said that once a daughter marries she turns from a pearl into a fish eye. Ah, fish eyes passing for pearls—what did Rose look like now?
I passed her news on to Zhou Shihui. Zhou listened foolishly, then said, "If you go to New York—I'm very busy now—give her my regards."
At that moment the radio was playing Dylan's famous song "Girl from the North Country":
coc1If you're travelin' in the north country fair
Where the rivers freeze and summer ends
Please see for me if she's wearing a coat so warm
To keep her from the howlin' winds
Please see for me if her hair hangs long
If it rolls and flows all down her breast
Please see for me if her hair hangs long
That's the way I remember her bestcoco.
Suddenly I felt an indescribable desolation. Zhou Shihui would forever remember that mischievous look of Rose's. He could never forget her, just as Rose would remember the person who broke her heart, forever and ever.
I saw Rose in New York, in the depths of winter. Snowflakes danced, the north wind howled. The central heating in the Fang household was turned up to 75 degrees. It was a little stuffy indoors, so I opened a window a crack, and the cold air struck my face like a thin blade.
Rose was in the early stages of pregnancy. She was still attending school. Zhou Shihui's girl from the north country now had a slight double chin and a somewhat dulled manner, yet there was a dignified beauty about her, like a plaster statue. The most jarring thing was that she kept smoking.
I said, "Like an old chimney, Rose. You look completely like an American woman now."
"What's wrong with Americans? They have no cultural burden at all, living their rough, technologically progressive, free-and-easy lives."
"Never mind what Americans are like, a pregnant woman shouldn't smoke."
She hesitated slightly, then stubbed out the cigarette.
I asked, "Are you determined to spend your whole life with Fang Xiewen?"
She nodded.
I said softly, "If you knew it would come to this, you needn't have suffered so much back then."
She answered without missing a beat: "People don't learn without suffering."
"You don't plan to make a comeback?"
She shook her head.
"Then you needn't have picked Fang Xiewen either."
She lit another cigarette. "He gives me a sense of security."
"Your security percentage needn't be that high."
"I know I can completely control Fang Xiewen."
"What about love? Are you not going to talk about love anymore?"
She smiled bleakly. The mole on her face looked as if it might fall off at any moment.
"One failure, remembered forever?" I asked.
"Once in a lifetime is already too much." She ended the conversation there, unwilling to talk further.
"When is the due date?" I asked.
"Next summer, around my own birthday."
"Do you hope for a boy or a girl?" I said.
"A girl." Rose said.
I looked at Rose. Her face was expressionless. I could see that her wounded heart had not yet recovered and was still bleeding—
Back in Hong Kong, Gengsheng had tidied up the balcony of the house and bought a type of begonia, white flowers with red centers, arranged in a row on the balcony.
Gengsheng said this flower had a very pretty common name, called "bleeding heart." Ah, the price people pay for love...
Rose gave birth to a baby girl, born on the same month and same day as her.
Because her husband's family took very good care of her, we didn't rush to New York again.
Time flew by. Everyone around us had already forgotten Rose. Rose's place had been taken by Mrs. Fang Xiewen. After graduation, Rose chose another subject and continued as a perpetual student. Fang worked at a bank, starting from the bottom, earning a barely-alive monthly salary.
Because I resented Rose for being so willing to accept defeat, I paid her no attention and lived quite comfortably.
When Rose notified us that she was coming home, I counted on my fingers—she hadn't been back to Hong Kong for six or seven years.
Gengsheng said I wasn't nervous at all. After so many days without seeing Rose, I wasn't even worried.
I said with half-closed eyes, "In times of peace and prosperity, what's there to be nervous about? Just you wait—sooner or later we'll need to impose martial law and prepare for battle. It won't be too late for big brother to take action then."
Gengsheng said she had never seen a big brother who hoped his little sister would stir up trouble.
I folded my arms across my chest and said, "Now you have."
Rose brought her husband and daughter home to visit. Mom had been excitedly preparing to meet the plane since early on. I followed behind her and arrived at the waiting area early to wait. But when Rose came out, I was still sitting there, because I hadn't recognized her.
I hadn't recognized Rose.
She was holding her daughter in her arms, with a large travel bag on her back, her hair tied up with a rubber band, wearing a safari suit, her makeup a bit oily. Without a doubt, in others' eyes she was still a pretty young matron, but Rose! The beauty Rose once possessed had been breathtaking. This...
I stared at her blankly.
She flew over to me. "Big brother, big brother, come see your niece."
My heart had long since broken with grief. I was completely speechless. This was Rose?
"Big brother, what's wrong with you?" She held out a doll-like baby to me.
I had never seen such a beautiful infant, snowy white and tender, with a blue mole under her left eye too, her thin little lips transparent. She stretched out two chubby little arms, smiled at me, signaling that she wanted me to hold her.
As if bewitched, my hands moved beyond my control. I took her and held her in my arms.
A soul borrowed a body to return; Rose reborn.
This child didn't look at all like that dull young man. I looked at her carefully, and I felt afraid. Wasn't this Rose herself? I clearly remembered that day after school when I went with my father to the hospital to visit my mother, the baby the nurse brought out looked exactly like this. Twenty-five years later, I was holding an identical baby in my arms again. I was bewildered. Was this the greatest mystery of life?
Rose was astonished. "Big brother, what's wrong?"
Gengsheng slapped my shoulder hard. "He's a bit confused, that's what it is! He doesn't understand how he got old all of a sudden, and soon someone will be calling him uncle. Men are afraid of aging too, you know."
I shot Gengsheng a look.
I never let anyone else hold the baby. I held her tightly, precious as a pearl. Even Mother couldn't hold her, which made Mom scold me for being shameless.
The baby kept babbling to me, and every three minutes I would answer her with an "ah," and she would laugh, as if she understood perfectly. Though only a few months old, her hair was already long and black, tied with a butterfly bow. I couldn't resist pressing my face against hers.
Gengsheng smiled and shook her head.
That night, our whole family gathered together for a big reunion dinner.
Rose handed the child to the servant and attended with her husband.
She wore a very ordinary outfit, fake gold earrings, her hair let down, very oily. She wasn't very fat, but there was enough fat to fill out all the spirited contours of her face.
For a long time I didn't know what to say to her.
Then I heard myself say hypocritically, "So? Is married life treating you well?"
Rose said quietly, "Many people think marriage is an escape—that once you're married you can rest. In fact, the war only begins after marriage. Between husband and wife it's also a very hypocritical kind of relationship—"
I cut her off. "But you won't have that kind of trouble. How could a war ever start between you and Fang Xiewen?"
She smiled.
I added, "Gengsheng and I don't fight either. Our status and intelligence are equal. We owe each other nothing, and we sustain things on affection alone. The day affection disappears, we'll part peacefully."
The whole evening Fang Xiewen poured tea for Rose, served her food, pulled out her chair, helped her with her coat, lit her cigarettes, waiting on her hand and foot.
Fang Xiewen hadn't even reached middle age and already had a beer belly, a dull look about him, always frowning, his forehead covered in sweat, every so often pushing up the frame of his glasses with his hand, constantly complaining that Hong Kong's weather was hot, the people crowded, the competition too fierce. This bumpkin had already come to regard America as his hometown.
I sized him up and down, left and right, with an objective eye, and no matter how I looked at him, I found him unpleasant.
That day when we got home, as Gengsheng changed into her pajamas, she said, "How can Rose be satisfied with that kind of soulless life?"
"Exactly."
"Is she really happy?"
"Gengsheng, happiness is a very complicated thing. The reason Rose has become so muddled today is that she's been through a fall. It's the path she chose herself, so I can't just dismiss it and say she's unhappy."
"But it's simply heartbreaking. She tried on my mink coat and said she wanted one made too. You know my clothes are all loose-fitting, but she still couldn't get into it. I'd say she's gained at least thirty pounds, and more." I nodded.
"Think about how she used to look in shorts and roller skates!"
"She herself doesn't feel it's a pity, so what's the use of you worrying about her? Turn off the light and go to sleep."
Gengsheng turned off the light.
After a long while, just when I thought she had fallen asleep, she said again, "You could simply delete her name from the 'Record of Beauties.'"
I turned over. "If Zhou Shihui saw her now, he'd regret it so much he'd spit blood."
"Zhou Shihui only saw the Rose he wanted to see," she said. "That's how people are."
I said, "The story of Rose is, up to now, finished."
"Do you know what she asked me? She asked me whether Stanley sold jeans for seven yuan a pair. She wanted to buy thirty pairs to take back to America to wear slowly, and she also asked about leather shoes for fifty yuan a pair. What was I supposed to say?" I didn't respond.
After another long while, I nudged Gengsheng. "It doesn't matter. There's hope in the world. Rose's daughter will grow up quickly, and our family will be lively again." I said.
"You're crazy."
That night I slept deeply, filled with boundless hope. In my dream I saw the beautiful Rose, ripe and lovely, wearing a black mesh dress, captivating everyone. Then I woke up, not knowing whether to feel sorrow or joy. We had originally thought Rose could stay beautiful until she was forty-nine.
Part Two: Rose in Full Bloom
Chapter One
When I saw Huang Meigui (Yellow Rose), she was already thirty years old.
The Huang family was in mourning. She had come home from abroad and hadn't left afterward. She wanted to renovate the house, so she asked her brother to find someone to help. Huang Zhenhua, the architect, was a famous man-about-town in the profession. The younger generation all admired him. When he gave an order, I obeyed without fail.
When I saw Huang Meigui, I was stunned by her beauty. It was a rainy day. I rushed to the old house of the Huang residence. Because of traffic congestion I was twenty minutes late, and I had forgotten to bring an umbrella. I ran upstairs in the rain, my trousers half soaked. I hurriedly pressed the doorbell, and when the door opened, I was dumbstruck.
I'm sure my mouth must have hung open and I couldn't close it, because I've never been one to worship beautiful women, believing that a woman's charm lies in her temperament, but when I saw this woman standing inside the doorway, I was stunned and could not compose myself.
How should I describe her?
She was very tired at the time; as soon as she opened the door she leaned against the door frame, her small face tilted slightly upward with an inquiring expression, her skin so white it was crystalline, a mole below the corner of her eye, yet her eyes were a somber, deep black, her hair pulled back and tied with a rubber band, wearing a long black silk gown with a white flower pinned to the front.
Her beauty was fluid, making one unable to resist looking again and again. She seemed quite used to such gazes, and just quietly waited for me to speak. After a while, I said, "My name is Pu Jiamin. Mr. Huang asked me to come."
"Ah, please come in." Her voice was like music.
I followed her into the house. Her qipao was very loose, fluttering as she walked, its hem brushing against her calves, her ankles as delicate as marble carvings, and on her feet a pair of purple embroidered slippers embroidered with white silk-thread flowers.
She sat down and waved her hand, gracefully inviting me to make myself at home.
The maid served a cup of tea and withdrew.
She lit a cigarette, took a drag, and lowered her head, as if gauging how to begin. Strange, all we were to discuss was renovating the house, yet her bearing was so gentle and subdued, as if she had a thousand words she could not bring herself to speak, her whole person as lovely as a painting. Outside, the rain gradually fell harder.
Inside the house, however, all was silent.
She propped her face on her hand, gazed for a moment, then spoke: "My elder brother says this house should be torn down and a building constructed jointly with a developer."
After saying this she showed no intention of continuing, stopping abruptly. I leaned forward to listen for what came next, my wet trousers clinging to my legs, a very ambiguous sensation.
The rain came down in sheets, and outside the terrace the thin bamboo blinds slapped against the wall with a pitter-patter.
I was bewitched. In this dim, old-fashioned parlor, I faced a beautiful stranger…… the old crystal chandelier hung low, its pieces clinking softly "ding ding" as they touched in the wind. Ah, I actually wished time could stand still and not move another inch. No woman had ever given me this feeling before; I was deeply shaken.
She raised her eyes and said slowly, "I want to make some alterations to this house, but I don't know where to begin. Mr. Pu, you must help me."
She stood up to show me the layout of the house, and I followed behind her.
The old house had altogether ten or twenty rooms, and she took me through all of them. I followed behind her in a daze, hearing her say, "Think about it for me, how should this be rebuilt and decorated, but please don't touch this study. This study holds a special meaning for me."
I murmured assent. She suddenly turned her head, her eyes as deep as the waters of a rain pool, and said, "I never realized before that within this house I spent the happiest time of my life." Beneath her voice lay boundless sorrow.
That such a beauty should harbor so much grief, I could not believe.
When I left the Huang residence, I no longer had any excuse to stay.
When I saw Huang Zhenhua, I could not control my emotions, and poured out my feelings for Huang Meigui in a fluent stream.
Huang Zhenhua had his back to me, lifting his head to look at a Tang Yin fan painting hanging on the wall of his office.
After a while, he turned his head and asked in a tone of utter bewilderment, "Please tell me, what exactly is so wonderful about Meigui that you all rush to the front lines one after another to sacrifice yourselves? She is already thirty this year, and the mother of a child. Think clearly."
I was astonished. What was going on? I did not understand.
Huang Zhenhua then waved his hand, "Forget it, forget it. No matter how beautiful she is, it has nothing to do with a youngster like you."
I disagreed, "What youngster? I am thirty-one this year, a year older than she is."
"So what? You've already been bewitched by her, haven't you?"
I felt awkward, "This—"
He struck the table hard, "Meigui is truly a thorn in my heart!"
I stared at him wide-eyed. Huang Zhenhua was the handsomest of architects, elegant and accomplished, always an object of women's admiration. For some reason he had always kept to himself, not marrying until his thirties. Now his hair was slightly graying, which only added to the charm of a middle-aged man—successful in his career, in the prime of life, exceedingly refined. Even other men felt admiration for him in their hearts. I had never seen him lose his composure, but today he was rambling and venting complaints.
Clearly he also felt he had been improper, and cleared his throat.
I said, "I didn't expect her to be so young."
"She is my little sister," Huang Zhenhua said.
Just then Mrs. Huang pushed the door open, and seeing me she laughed, "What? Jiamin, you've been to the old house?"
"Yes."
"What did you think?" she asked with a smile.
"A very good house, with great potential," I said.
She nodded and sat down. Mrs. Huang was an elegant woman. Of all the women in the city, she alone had class. She and Huang Zhenhua were truly a match made in heaven, flawless, a perfect pair.
I said, "I met the mistress of the house.".
"Meigui, you met Meigui?" she asked. "Yes, she is now the mistress of the house. Mother passed the old house on to Meigui."
Huang Zhenhua said, "The ideal approach would be to tear it down and build a tower, named after Mother."
Mrs. Huang smiled gently, "Meigui does everything purely on feeling, beyond reasoning."
I hoped to get news about Huang Meigui from Mrs. Huang, so I said, "Let's go out for a cup of tea." I took her arm.
Huang Zhenhua laughed, "You rascal, chattering with my wife right in front of me."
I said, "I admit I am your junior. True, I work in the office attached to your firm, but I am not a youngster. I am already thirty-one. Remember that, Mr. Huang."
Huang Zhenhua laughed, "Yes, I will remember, Mr. Pu."
Mrs. Huang asked, "What do you want to drink tea with me for?"
"I have something to tell you."
Huang Zhenhua said, "Jiamin, remember what I said earlier."
I said, "I am already thirty-one." And I pulled Mrs. Huang out.
Mrs. Huang asked and laughed at the same time, "What's wrong with you, child? Today you wish you could paste your birth certificate on your forehead, telling people every minute that you're already thirty-one."
I pulled her into a nearby teahouse and sat down.
"If you have something to say, say it," she said, very forthright.
"About Huang Meigui—"
"Meigui?" She gazed at me, her expression shifting slightly. "What about Meigui?"
I asked with a smile, "Why is it that whenever Meigui is mentioned, your expressions are like you're speaking of a flood or a beast of prey? Is she a terrifying woman?"
"No, she is a lovely woman." Mrs. Huang let out a breath. "Too lovely."
"I think so too. In my life I have never seen such a beautiful woman. An ordinary black garment, worn on her, brims with a thousand charms……"
"And Mimi?" she suddenly asked.
"Mimi? What does Mimi have to do with this?" I disagreed.
"You should remember that Mimi is your girlfriend, Jiamin."
I said, "We are just very good friends."
Mrs. Huang said, "Jiamin, be fair."
I felt guilty. "But…… but……"
"Jiamin." Mrs. Huang's hand rested on my shoulder with understanding. "Jiamin."
"Meigui is already married, isn't she?" I finally raised my head again to ask.
"Married long ago. She has a daughter."
"How old?" I asked.
"Almost eight."
"Is she good-looking?"
"Exactly like Meigui." Mrs. Huang smiled. "She has a mole here." She pointed below the corner of her eye.
"Yes," I recalled as if under a spell, "a blue mole, like an eternal teardrop."
Mrs. Huang admitted, "She is indeed a beautiful woman. At one point she wanted to give up this career, but now she has returned. After Mother passed away, she had no more scruples. She told me she has decided to divorce."
I said, "Ah, what kind of man is her husband?"
"A very ordinary person," Mrs. Huang said.
"How could that be!" I was astonished.
Mrs. Huang let out a long sigh, "People love some people, and marry and have children with others."
I savored this sentence, then asked, "And what about you? You and Mr. Huang?"
She smiled, "I count myself a fortunate person, but Jiamin, we too have our story, a story that can never be fully told." That smile had a somewhat desolate meaning. "He and I both married late, both went through our share. In the end, though we found our haven, because we know too well that we are blessed, the happiness feels very bleak. Like me, I always have a sense of disbelief. Ten years now, every morning when I get up, I gaze at Huang Zhenhua's face, not believing my own luck……"
I listened intently, deeply moved.
"This world is not as we imagine it," she said. "Zhenhua came, but he came ten years late, and in between lay ten years of bitterness, too much to tell. You and Mimi are different; you settled your lives long ago."
"No, Mrs. Huang," I could not help but say frankly, "when I first laid eyes on Meigui, it was already over between Mimi and me."
Mrs. Huang was shocked: "Jiamin!" She nearly shed tears. That expression of impending disaster I had also seen on Huang Zhenhua's face.
I asked, "Why won't you let me get close to Meigui?"
"No one is preventing you from getting close to her," Mrs. Huang said. "But how does this love at first sight happen? I understand she is beautiful, but there are plenty of beauties in this city……"
"She is different. Her most beautiful aspect is her bewilderment. She does not trust her own beauty, and so she is all the more indescribably beautiful."
"Perhaps, but Jiamin, think thrice before you act," Mrs. Huang said.
"I know," I said.
"Jiamin, discuss whatever it is with your elder brother."
"Him?" I laughed. "What does he know about feelings?"
Mrs. Huang smiled, "It doesn't necessarily take someone who rolls around in a crowd of girls to understand feelings."
"That I understand."
"Jiamin, you are a clever person," Mrs. Huang said. "Don't hurt Mimi for the sake of a momentary impulse."
"I know."
She suddenly grew sad, "No, no, you haven't taken our words to heart. You no longer care what Mimi thinks. I have seen examples like this." She turned and left.
Back at home, my elder brother was in the study practicing the violin. I suddenly felt mischievous, and kicked his door hard with a "bang bang," shouting, "SHUT UP!" I was thrilled to death. The music stopped, the door opened, and my elder brother frowned, "You're back?" he asked softly. My elder brother's voice was always barely audible; in my whole life I had never heard him raise his voice once.
"Elder brother, let me tell you something," I said.
"What is it?" He put down the violin and lit a cigarette.
"Today I saw a beauty."
My elder brother chuckled, "A beauty—any woman with a clean face and neat features is a beauty to you."
"No, no, this is real," I protested. "A real beauty. I was instantly enchanted by her. The moment she raised her head and her gaze hit me, I was as if possessed. It was terrifying. I completely lost control of myself."
My elder brother was both exasperated and amused, "You've never been in control of yourself."
"Elder brother, this time it's real."
He nodded, "I believe you."
"Hey, elder brother, don't give me that insincere smile, all right?"
"Are you finished? If you're finished, I'll go back to practicing."
"Elder brother—"
"I understand she is a beauty." He smiled and stubbed out his cigarette.
"You eccentric," I cursed.
"Jiamin, you're thirty-one too. Grow up." He closed the study door.
"Elder brother, hey hey, elder brother, Pu Jiaming!" I pounded on the door. "Have dinner with me."
He made no sound, and began practicing the violin again.
The sound of the violin was like a human voice, forever pouring out some inexplicable love, so plaintive it made one's heart ache.
The maid set out the food. While I was drinking soup, my elder brother came out.
I asked, "Not going out again tonight?"
He shook his head.
"What are you up to?" I disapproved. "Practicing the Ancient Tomb Sect's martial arts?"
"And what are you up to? Practicing the Don Juan technique?"
I burst out laughing. My lovable elder brother.
"What case are you working on lately?" I asked.
"Just a routine criminal case." He was unwilling to say more.
"Brother, I'm telling you, there's a party today, if you'd come—"
"I'm not going."
"What are you trying to prove?" I asked. "Pu Jiaming, I can tell you honestly, if you insist on never going out and about, that young lady is not going to come knocking on your door."
He smiled faintly. "That sort of thing can't be sought, only encountered."
"I believe that too, but you won't even meet people—"
"Eat your meal."
"Yes, Brother." I laughed. He lit another cigarette.
"You've got white hairs already," I said with regret.
He reached up and touched his hair absentmindedly, saying nothing.
"Brother," I said, "there are plenty of pretty, clever girls out there willing to relieve your loneliness."
"And my loneliness isn't some easy game of 'Shang Daren Kong Yiji' that can be solved so easily?"
I murmured, "I'm afraid there aren't many young ladies left nowadays who even know 'Shang Daren Kong Yiji.'"
"And you," he smiled, "are you still with Mimi?"
"Brother, that young lady I met today—"
"Mimi is already quite good," Brother said. "Jiamin, at thirty you should settle down and start a family. I appreciate Mimi's liveliness. Don't go making complications."
"But this young lady today—" I lowered my head. "Brother, she can't be compared to any ordinary girl."
"Does she have three eyes?"
"No, Brother, you don't understand, she—" I couldn't go on.
Thinking of Yellow Rose, I could never be lively again. Her lovely image gradually turned into a lump of lead pressing on my heart. I had to see her again, for my own sake, otherwise I could neither eat nor sleep in peace.
Brother left the dining table.
I clenched my fists, preparing to go see the goddess of my heart again tomorrow.
The maid came in and said to me, "Second Young Master, Miss Qi is looking for you."
"Ah." I had forgotten my date with Mimi.
The moment I picked up the receiver, she scolded, "Where on earth has your soul gone?"
"Yes," I smiled bitterly.
There was a corner called Rose, and my soul was there.
"What's going on now?" she asked me. "Are you still coming?"
"I don't know," I truly didn't know.
"How can you not know?" she asked. "You sound off. I'll come see you. You're not feeling unwell, are you?"
"I am a bit off," I seized the chance to say. "Don't come."
"I'm coming right away." She had already hung up.
I sighed deeply. How could this faithless heart of mine change so quickly? Now there was no place for Mimi in my heart. How was it possible? Just the day before yesterday, Mimi was still the center of my life, everything revolving around her, and now I had found another sun and left Mimi's orbit.
I propped my head with my hand, thinking of a line that often appears in Chinese-language romance films: We live in two different worlds.
That night Mimi came, wearing the pink she had always loved. Mimi was a simple kind of pink.
She sat there chattering on about many things. Those trivial matters I once found so amusing now merely floated past my ears. My thoughts were on the black-clad Rose I had seen that morning.
Those luminous eyes, those slightly full lips, and that eternal tear mole, that expression of words left unspoken—my spirit flew far, far away, and I could no longer control it.
I said, "Mimi, you must be tired. Go home. I'll walk you back."
I had to be distant with her for a while, then tell her the truth.
Mimi was most unwilling as I walked her home, and I—
I tossed and turned in bed.
The next morning, I went straight to the Huang residence.
It was a bright sunny day. The maid came to open the door. Rose was in the living room speaking French on the phone. She looked up and greeted me with her eyes, and I felt shaken. Just being near her brought contentment. I slowly strolled out to the terrace.
She said briskly, "……Yes, August 24th, Truffaut's film, very much worth seeing. 'Jules and Jim' is wonderful. 'The Soft Skin' can't be missed. Might as well see 'A Girl Like Me' too—that's (UNE BELLE FILLE COMME MOI). I hear it's the first time it's been shown in Hong Kong, China……"
"……In the evening they're showing 'The 400 Blows'……I'll just have to buy a baguette and bring it in to eat. Yes, no time for dinner." She hung up with a light laugh.
I was utterly captivated. Leaning against a large goldfish tank on the terrace, I looked down and saw the goldfish swimming toward me, kissing the surface of the water.
Rose had already walked to my side. She said, "These fish have been kept so long they're used to people, just like children, always begging for food."
I turned to look at her. Her long hair was tied back, the side locks trailing long against her snow-white skin. Still no makeup. That white was semi-translucent, not like human skin, but like porcelain.
My throat was dry, my whole body soaked with sweat, my shirt clinging to my back. It was a long time before I said, "Going to see Truffaut's film and not inviting me?"
She was surprised. "You like Truffaut too, Jiamin?"
I was overjoyed. I had never known my own name could sound so beautiful.
Jiamin—she called me so affectionately.
"I don't mind. My favorite is 'The Story of Adele H.'"
She smiled, and in that smile I vaguely saw Huang Zhenhua.
"Come sit. It's so early—have you had breakfast?"
She welcomed me. On the table was a simple Western breakfast, but the tableware was white with gold rims, Rosenthal, and the cutlery was all silver. She picked up her teacup and said, "I've been on a diet for three years now. There was a time, after I had the baby, when I got so fat it was simply outrageous—I frightened myself to death. In the end I had to grit my teeth and be ruthless—and now I haven't had sweetened tea for three years. How terrible." She laughed softly. "If a woman isn't ruthless with herself, men will be ruthless with her."
I watched her posture and listened to her speak with delight.
"Did you come today to tell me you've decided to renovate this house for me?"
"Ah, yes. Mr. Huang has already given me the floor plans, but I'm afraid you'll have to move out temporarily," I said.
"Naturally. This place will probably be torn apart like an air-raid shelter." Rose laughed.
"You're giving me full authority over the renovation?"
"Full authority, except for that study."
I wanted to ask something, but finally held back, afraid of offending her.
I said, "I'll finish the design drawings and bring them for you to look over."
"Are you familiar with old calligraphy and paintings?" she asked.
"I have an elder brother who's quite expert in that sort of thing. Why? Thinking of buying some calligraphy and paintings?" I was very happy to help her. "That Tang Yin in Mr. Huang's office is from his collection."
"I'm afraid they're very expensive," she said.
"We can go take a look."
"I know," she smiled. "Jiguzhai." She folded her arms and leaned against the door frame.
This was her favorite pose—forehead and shoulder against the door frame, arms folded, a picture of delicate languor. This pose made me dazed and unsettled.
"You want to go take a look?"
"Naturally," she said. "Let me go change."
She was indeed a master of dressing. Though it was mourning attire, all in black, because of her figure it looked comfortable and well-fitted, quite lovely. Her long hair was woven into a thick braid, and around her neck was a string of round, lustrous freshwater pearls.
My heart kept pounding. I thrust both hands in my pockets and followed at her side.
"What car do you drive?"
"When it's not raining, a Morgan sports car," I said. "It's not raining today."
She said, "In this kind of weather, driving a convertible would be too hot."
I flushed red.
She smiled. "And when it rains? What do you drive?"
"A small Japanese car," I said. "And you?"
"I drive a Citroen all year round," she said. "Ride in my car." Even a command, spoken with such modulation, sounded like a plea.
I could not resist. Against my own will, I got into her car.
We lingered a long time at Jiguzhai. I explained piece after piece to her, as much as I knew.
She asked, "Why, among so many famous artists, are Pu Xinyu's paintings so cheap?"
"That would take an expert to answer. I'm not sure either. His work is good—worth buying."
"To decorate the apartment? Brother would say I'm being disrespectful," she laughed.
We wandered down another street. She bought two very beautiful old crystal lamps and said, "Paired with the two at home, it'll be quite a spectacle. You decide—see if they can be used."
I understood her meaning. She wanted to renovate the house but also preserve its original style. In other words, she wanted a new house born of the old, with fittings more antique and more refined than before.
I was quite pleased with myself. Understanding a beauty's heart is truly no easy thing.
I drove her home and arranged to show her the sketches within a week. At the same time I found excuses to see her after work, saying only that I was taking her to a friend's house to look at paintings. I was never nervous about asking girls out, but this time my mouth was dry, my lips parched, my hands and feet at a loss. If she nodded, I would leap with joy; if she shook her head, I would be like a prisoner sentenced to death.
She agreed.
I was walking on clouds, beside myself.
Back home, I lay down on the sofa without changing, staring blankly as I thought about what had just happened. Every minute was worth remembering.
I was startled with fright. Oh heavens, I understood—I was in love. I had fallen in love with Huang Rose!
How had this happened? My nose stung. I was not an inexperienced man. I had known countless women, and from them I gained confidence. I knew I was an eligible bachelor with all the qualifications, the ideal son-in-law in countless mothers-in-law's eyes. Among them I had chosen Mimi, a girl who in family background, education, and appearance was worthy of me.
But from beginning to end, I had never loved her. We were happy and harmonious together, but we were not in love. Love is something else entirely.
Now I knew—love is a completely different thing.
I turned over and lay on the sofa like a stone statue. One arm gradually went numb from the pressure, but I didn't want to move.
I had tasted this feeling now. Poor me.
I buried my face in both hands. Poor me—before yesterday I had been carefree and unburdened, and now my very breath seemed to hang by a thread in Rose's hand. How unfair, and yet I took joy in this suffering.
Brother came home from work, in his usual dark suit. He set down his briefcase gently. Seeing me lying there, he asked in surprise, "Why haven't you gone out?"
I said nothing.
He looked me over. "What's wrong with you?"
I still said nothing.
The maid came over. "Second Young Master, telephone."
I choked out, "I won't take it."
"Jiamin," Brother said with a smile, "what's the matter with you?"
"Second Young Master, it's a Miss Huang," the maid said again.
I leapt up whole, rushed into the drawing room, knocked over a tea table with my knee. I lunged in and grabbed the receiver, heard Rose's "hello" on the other end, and I was already so heartsick I collapsed over the table, eyes tightly shut.
"Yes, it's me. Is something the matter?" I asked softly.
"That appointment tomorrow—" Rose said.
My heart leaped up. She was going to cancel on me, she was going to cancel on me.
"I was thinking of bringing two pieces of calligraphy along for that old Mr. Luo to appraise. Would that be convenient, do you think?"
My heart returned to my chest. "Of course it's convenient."
"Then good. See you tomorrow, Jiamin."
"I'll pick you up at four tomorrow afternoon."
"Thank you. Goodbye." She hung up.
My face pressed against the cold mahogany tabletop. Oh, this heart of mine—I couldn't hold back the tears.
Brother's voice: "What's wrong with you, Jiamin? You should hang up after finishing a call."
I did not open my eyes.
"Who is Miss Huang?" he asked, sitting down beside me.
"Huang Meigui. Yellow Rose."
"What an interesting name. Is she as her name suggests?"
"Mm."
"A kind of gaudy beauty?"
"If people didn't love roses so much, she'd just be beautiful, not gaudy," I said.
"I've never seen you so infatuated. Over the years your girlfriends have changed like a revolving lantern, and you've seen your share of the world."
"This time I'm done for," I wept again. "This time I've fallen in love with her."
My eldest brother nodded. "The hour has come."
I said nothing.
"Is she Huang Zhenhua's sister?"
"Yes."
"Huang Zhenhua has a sister that young?" my brother asked. "He's never mentioned her."
"She's always been abroad. Married for ten years already?"
"Ah," my brother said. "That's not a problem. A child doesn't matter either."
"Of course it doesn't matter, but how am I supposed to live my days from now on?" I said. "After seeing her once I want to see her again. If I could hold her hand, I'd want to go further and embrace her. From now on I'll live forever in contradiction, agonizing over every gain and loss, inexplicably nervous. I'm finished."
"Then leave her," my brother said. "You're much happier with Mimi."
"It's not like that," I said. "With Mimi there isn't much pain, but there's no extreme joy either."
"Then be brave and accept this fact."
I said nothing.
"Let's eat."
"I can't eat."
"Dazed with love all day long," my brother said.
"Don't mock me so much," I said.
The next day, I sat blankly in my office, thinking of nothing but Rose's every word and phrase. I'd gotten the blueprints of the old house from Huang Zhenhua to study carefully. I wanted to renovate this room for her until it was perfectly beautiful.
After work I rushed to the Huang residence to pick up Rose. Because she'd teased me about my Morgan sports car, I'd driven my brother's Mercedes. She didn't make me wait. When I arrived she was already ready, wearing a white shirt, fitted black fine linen trousers, black peep-toe heels, holding two scrolls of paintings.
At the old gentleman's home, she looked at the paintings, and I looked at her.
She was an extremely clever woman, understanding everything at a hint.
From the dialogue between old Mr. Luo and her, I learned that during her ten years in America she had earned three diplomas: in law, pure art, and European literature. She was a professional student. I was astonished by her wealth of knowledge, yet she had none of the pretension of an intellectual, innocent as a child. There are many women here who, after studying one subject like hotel management, think they've received a profound education.
The old gentleman invited us to drink Chinese tea, slowly brewing Biluochun. She smiled and said, "Hong Kong, China is so lovely, I can't bear to leave."
The old gentleman gazed at her face and smiled.
I said, "The old gentleman is good at palmistry, Rose. Would you be interested?"
She innocently held out her hand.
The old gentleman couldn't decline. He glanced at it briefly, then refused to speak.
Rose asked, "Is there something difficult to speak of?"
"The palm is very good," the old gentleman said.
Rose asked, "And what else?"
"Romantic entanglements."
"Romantic entanglements?" Rose glanced at me. "You mean romantic luck? I thought only men had romantic luck."
The old gentleman laughed heartily, pushed back his chair and stood up. I knew he wouldn't say more, and I couldn't help worrying.
Rose walked to another corner to look at a mother-of-pearl inlaid silver-wire screen. I took the opportunity to ask Mr. Luo about Rose's palm lines.
The old gentleman looked at me deeply. "There is a kind of woman whom any man would take as his confidante, when in fact her heart holds no ulterior motives, pure and childlike throughout. This Miss Huang Meigui is such a one. Don't flatter yourself."
I said, "I understand, but it's already too late." I was melancholy. "Is there any hope in my pursuit?"
"I don't know how to calculate the fleeting years," the old gentleman smiled.
"Let's take our leave," I said.
The old gentleman stood to see us off. "I'll keep those two paintings of yours to examine closely. I'll let you know as soon as I have any findings."
Rose and I bade him farewell.
She asked me, "What does 'romantic entanglements' mean, Jiamin?"
I was very embarrassed. "I don't know either. Probably that you have many boyfriends."
Only then did she say, "I don't have a boyfriend. My divorce wasn't because of a third party either."
"Then what was it for?" I couldn't help asking.
"Living with him was unhappy," she said.
"When did it start?" I said.
Rose smiled very bleakly. "From the day we met."
"Then why marry him?" I was shocked.
"Because…… people love some people, and the ones they marry and have children with are other people."
This sentence was so familiar. Mrs. Huang had said it too.
"At that time, I had no choice. All I could do was that."
"Did he agree to the divorce too?"
"I'd made up my mind. It was useless whether he agreed or not," Rose said lightly.
"Why drag it out for ten years?"
"Because of my mother, to make her happy."
"What a great price."
"My husband…… he actually treated me very well. The two of us just have different temperaments." Rose said no more than that.
When I spoke with Huang Zhenhua about his brother-in-law, he made no attempt to hide his feelings, calling his brother-in-law a "bumpkin."
He said, "Forever dressed sloppily, wearing those ambiguous-looking shirts. When big collars were in fashion, he wore small collars. When small collars came into style, his collars suddenly got big again. Truly horrifying." Huang Zhenhua's own attire was first-rate, so when he got to this point he couldn't help knitting his brows tightly. "Trousers slightly flared, shoes slightly heeled. In short, indescribably awkward. Ten years with Rose and he didn't even learn this much. A veritable miracle. I sincerely admire that he manages to keep living just the same."
I listened with my mouth hanging open.
Mrs. Huang laughed and said, "Zhenhua is prejudiced against him."
"Gengsheng, tell the truth. How could Fang Xiewen be worthy of Huang Meigui? Working at an American bank, stuck in that same position for ten years. Thank goodness they're getting divorced, otherwise he'd be a living illustration of 'a flower stuck in cow dung.'"
"Zhenhua!" Mrs. Huang was slightly annoyed. "How vulgar you sound."
I looked at Huang Zhenhua's Lanvin shirt, Yves Saint Laurent suit, Bally shoes, the whole ensemble in light grey setting him off flawlessly, and couldn't help laughing.
Then I said with a straight face, "I intend to pursue Rose."
Huang Zhenhua said, "A single man has the right to pursue any woman. I can only advise you to take care."
I lowered my head and said, "I'm determined to pursue her."
"Rose, oh," Mrs. Huang sighed.
"She isn't my dream girl," I paced. "I never dreamed there could be such a lovely woman."
Huang Zhenhua shook his head. "Exactly the same."
"Exactly the same as what?" I asked.
"Nothing," Mrs. Huang said. "There's one thing I want to mention. Fang Xiewen has decided to rush over to save this marriage."
"When?" I asked in shock.
"Early next month. He's already gotten leave."
"Can it be saved?" I asked in shock.
Huang Zhenhua shook his head. "Once Rose decides something, it can't be retrieved. She's a person who lives by intuition."
Mrs. Huang looked at me and said, "This doesn't mean you have hope either."
"I know my fate is tragic. This heart of mine will sooner or later be shattered by Rose."
"Alright, alright." Mrs. Huang was both annoyed and amused. "You bunch of monkeys, usually all like Sun Wukong, bouncing around full of life, but the moment you see Huang Meigui you all collapse in unison. What a sight."
I sighed and gathered up the documents.
The weather was gradually turning a bit cool. I drove to work, turned on the radio to listen. At a red light I rested my head on the steering wheel. The radio was playing a Rod Stewart song - "I don't want to talk about it / how you broke my heart / if I stay here just a little bit longer / would you listen to my heart / oh-oh, my heart / my heart / my old heart"
Thinking of Rose, my heart contracted. At this rate, I'd get heart disease sooner or later. I smiled bitterly. A car honked behind me. I woke as from a dream and started the car again. The car wouldn't obey, heading toward Rose's home.
She came to the door, and seeing me said, "Oh, Jiamin, how do you have so much time?"
I didn't know how to answer.
She had just washed her hair, the long strands all wrapped in a towel, water droplets at the edges, wearing a loose white long garment, the little bit of makeup washed from her face, yet she looked very childlike, several years younger than her real age.
"What is it?" she asked with a smile. "What's the matter?"
My voice was a bit choked. I said, "I just wanted to see you." I sat down by the terrace edge, letting the sunlight fall on my back, my chin propped in my hand.
She gently unwrapped the towel from her head, letting the cascade of black hair fall onto her shoulders, slowly combing it straight.
Her black hair gave off iridescent light in the sun.
I heard myself say softly, "Rose, I think I've fallen in love with you."
She was startled, but said nothing, braiding her hair into a single plait. After a long while, she said, "Jiamin, your feelings are a bit too impulsive."
"My feelings?" I gave a cold laugh. "My feelings are not impulsive at all. Otherwise I'd have married long ago. So many girls have circled around me. I'm not exactly a man who keeps himself chaste, but all these years I've never felt true love for anyone, thinking no girl was worthy of me, until you appeared…… I won't admit my feelings are impulsive."
She smiled. "I love hearing everything you say. Women all like to hear such praise, but I'm afraid you haven't seen clearly what kind of person I am. I'm not a lovable person."
"Why do you say that?"
She let out a soft breath. "I'm a divorced woman, my child is almost eight, recently in the throes of a marital breakup. My character is free and undisciplined, I have no learning or skill, I can do nothing but dress up and spend money. I can't even support myself, I just live off my family. I consider myself a person of no worth at all."
I understood her feelings very well. She had never known her own value.
"Nonsense, Rose."
"Before, you could still say I was a beautiful woman, but now -" she stretched lazily and said without the slightest regret, "now I'm old."
I said, "I wish you would age, Rose. Then all would be peaceful in the world."
But that was far off. She had not aged. I could imagine how she'd looked when young. As charming as a doll, yet without thought or soul. But now, one of her eyes was a captivating poem. Perhaps if I'd met her ten years ago, I would have asked her out, but I wouldn't have fallen in love with her as I did today. She was wrong.
She said, "Jiamin, I really appreciate your character, but to speak of love now is premature. How about we be good friends?"
"Good friends……" I murmured. "I don't want to be your good friend. Once you're relegated to the friend category, there's no coming back."
"You're a willful boy. Whatever you want, you must have. I've seen this type before."
I sulked. "Your whole life you've been busy being loved. May I ask, have you ever loved anyone?"
"You underestimate me too much." Rose said quietly. "Of course I've loved someone, and I didn't get him."
I was greatly shocked. "You didn't get him?" This was impossible.
"What do you think I am, an all-conquering Wonder Woman? He didn't not love me, but he was too self-loving and selfish. He'd rather be loved than love, so he married someone else. I followed his example, but soon discovered that loving someone still holds a share of painful pleasure, whereas being loved, apart from a suffocating feeling, yields only dullness. I decided to divorce."
I asked blankly, "That man…… what kind of person is he?"
"I told you, an extremely selfish person," she said.
"What does he do?" I asked sourly.
"Jiamin, I've arranged to meet a friend. I need to go out now. Would you give me a ride? I'm having lunch with my brother at noon. Would you like to come?" She stood up.
"Rose -"
She held my hand. "I understand," she said gently. "I understand it all."
She could have said nothing, but having said it, I only felt more bitter. Over the past ten years, she must have dealt with countless men who confessed their love to her. This kind of gentle, considerate consolation was her usual tactic. I had never dreamed that I, proud as I was, would be reduced to one of those ordinary masses. I grieved for myself.
In the car she asked, "What has my big brother been up to lately?"
"Fighting the Public Works Bureau in court over land. Racking his brains to renovate the International Bank, but the computer room can't be moved out, and he's losing sleep over it night after night. And designing the new airport……"
"Poor sister-in-law, married to a machine." She laughed.
"Mrs. Huang gets along with him very well," I said.
"Gengsheng jie has a hero worship complex," she said. "All women have that childish ailment, so men all rush off to become architects, lawyers and doctors, and the poets sourly slander women for worshipping money."
She said, "That's not really how it is. When a man holds an important post, the satisfaction of his work can make up for other flaws in his character. Women can't resist that."
I was quite taken with her fresh way of arguing. What a clever girl.
She went on, "Actually, what virtues does my big brother have? All his merits are written on a name card. Meeting Gengsheng jie was truly the luckiest thing in his life. I may be the only woman in the city who doesn't worship him, which is why I see him so clearly. Apart from that one professional skill and a few titles, my big brother has nothing."
I was unconvinced. "He's still Huang Zhenhua, the famous architect Huang Zhenhua."
"Isn't that already printed on the name card?" She laughed.
When she got out of the car, she patted the back of my hand. "Work hard." As if I were a child.
I held her hand for a moment. She let me hold it, like a kind-hearted act of charity.
When I see her I'm unhappy; when I don't see her, I'm also unhappy. This is how I'll live out my whole life.
I watched her retreating figure, then drove back to the office.
Chapter Two
Huang Zhenhua lectured me with a livid face. He said he never meddled in his employees' private lives, as long as they did their work well. Keeping three wives and four concubines at home and then going out to chase women was one thing, but if I didn't clear the work off my desk, he would fire me.
What I saw before my eyes was a blank. The Pu Jiamin who once handled a thousand affairs a day was now at his wit's end. Huang Zhenhua's prized disciple had not only failed his mentor, but also failed himself.
Then he told me to sit down and earnestly told me a story. The male lead of that story was a man named Zhou Shihui, and the female lead was Huang Meigui.
"That man is still alive. Do you want to see him and enjoy his down-and-out look?"
I lost my temper. "Huang Zhenhua, you don't know the first thing about what love is. You don't know how impoverished your own life is. Apart from the titles on your name card, you have nothing!"
He was stunned. Slowly he turned his head away and said slowly, "Then go. Go drown yourself in emotion."
I said, "At least I have the courage to love. What about you? True, you have no pain, but do you have any happiness? Huang Zhenhua, don't tell me that successfully relocating the International Bank's computer room will bring you happiness."
Huang Zhenhua's expression changed.
I said softly, "I'm sorry…… I'll go out and work. I'll try to control myself."
"Then when we have lunch with Meigui later, you'd better not come."
My heart ached sharply. "Let me go," I begged bitterly. "This is the last time."
Huang Zhenhua turned his head away, too annoyed to bother with me.
I sat at my desk, working numbly. Zhou Shihui was different from me: he had a family, and I did not. Thinking of this, I felt somewhat comforted. I called my secretary over to take down several letters, opened the file folders, and threw myself into business like a house on fire.
At noon, I didn't dare make a sound. Huang Zhenhua walked over to me and said coldly, "Still sitting there? It's time to eat."
My nose stung and tears filled my eyes.
Huang Zhenhua said gently, "You two brothers have no father and no mother. You've barely made it to today. You must take care of yourself. We live in a real world. Emotion isn't everything. Do you think I don't know how to enjoy myself? Do you think I don't appreciate love? But in this world, we have fixed responsibilities. Think it through clearly."
I burst into tears.
A grown man weeping in public. The secretaries who usually admired me stared at me, dumbfounded. Huang Zhenhua shook his head and sighed.
At lunch that day, I sat there listlessly without saying a word. Meigui was as beautiful as ever. Mrs. Huang quietly looked after me and kept me company in conversation.
Meigui wore a peacock-feather earring, paired with a black top and skirt. When a woman is beautiful to this degree, she attracts the gaze of strangers - and how was I any different from an ordinary stranger? I thought bitterly. It was just that Meigui remembered my name.
I tried my best to restrain my feelings. Huang Zhenhua approvingly placed his hand on my shoulder.
After lunch I went back to the office and worked fiercely all afternoon. By quitting time, people had left one after another, and I masochistically stayed behind.
Mimi came to find me. Her tone was full of emotion, her eyes full of concern. She tenderly kissed the stubble at the corner of my mouth.
She said, "What a good boy, working so hard, your beard has grown so fast."
I choked up and asked, "What did you come to find me for?"
She said briskly, "A movie. Let's go see Zhang Che's new martial arts film."
I turned my head away. "I'm not going."
"What, rushed with work?"
"Yes."
"Is Huang Zhenhua driving you hard to work?" she asked softly.
"Yes."
"That hateful Huang Zhenhua. But I forgive him. I'll go on ahead. When you leave, call me and I'll have tea with you."
I nodded randomly.
She picked up her handbag and left.
I worked until late at night. When I left, I didn't let Mimi know. I was going to make her angry sooner or later, so sooner was better than later.
When I got home, my big brother was still practicing the piano. The music sounded like resentment and longing, like weeping and lamenting. I threw myself onto the bed without undressing and fell asleep from utter exhaustion.
I restrained myself for a full five days, finished the design drawings for the Huang residence, and placed them on Zhenhua's desk, without going to the Huang residence to look for Meigui.
I hadn't shaved for days, neither sleeping nor resting, smoking more heavily than even my big brother. In just five short days I had grown thin all over, my eyes were bloodshot, and I clenched my teeth as I did battle with Meigui's shadow.
Mimi came to see me. I was cold to her, leaning my head against the wall with my eyes closed, ignoring her completely. Mimi assumed I was exhausted from work and facing difficult problems. Though unhappy, she did not complain. She really was a sensible, good girl, with a face as delicate as a narcissus and a pure heart. But my heart had already flown far away.
Huang Zhenhua said to me gently, "Things always pass. They pass in an instant. Mimi is universally acknowledged as a lovely girl. You should be satisfied."
I answered him with a line from Dream of the Red Chamber: "Even if we treat each other with respect like a married couple, in the end my heart is still unsatisfied."
The matter was not easy to resolve. In a past life I must have owed Meigui a great deal - that was the only way to explain it. On the very day that renovation work began at the Huang residence, she actually appeared before me.
I looked up and was utterly shocked to see her, speechless and gaping, unable for a moment to tell whether it was an illusion or reality.
But she had already grabbed my hand, shook it twice, and said softly, "Jiamin, how have you disappeared entirely? I've been missing you."
How could my already fragile heart withstand such a blow? It shattered instantly into pieces. I took her hand gently in mine and decided to die beneath her green silk skirt. Strange to say, once I resolved to throw caution to the wind and stop caring, my mind actually grew calm. I accepted my fate.
"Why have you gotten thin?" she asked me.
I answered casually, "The belt grows ever looser and I do not regret it; for her I grow thin and haggard."
She smiled tenderly. "You child."
I pressed her hand to my face. "Let's go out to dinner after work," she suggested.
I said, "I'll come pick you up at eight."
After Meigui left, Mrs. Huang came.
I told her everything in a low voice.
She didn't look at me, only said quietly, "Go then. Being happy for a while is good too. You're a single man, and she'll be divorced soon. There's nothing unreasonable about it. I can see you're about to die from holding it in."
"Thank you," I said softly.
She sighed. "I'm happy to do this favor. No one can turn back the raging tide once it has already fallen."
"I feel happy," I said honestly. "It's the kind of happiness like the last radiance of the setting sun. I know Meigui won't love me. Her coming to find me is just because she doesn't mind having me as company."
"I wish you luck," Mrs. Huang said gloomily.
"Mrs. Huang, are you happy?"
"Me?" She raised her head. "Zhenhua and I are both good at controlling our feelings. My views on love differ slightly from ordinary people. Most people think love is a good thing, but I feel it's a kind of plague. If one could live one's whole life without love and without anger, that would be true happiness. Therefore love is actually unfortunate."
I answered gently, "That's because most people don't really love. When the time comes, they marry and have children, with no choice in the matter at all. If they meet an opponent of slightly higher qualifications, they pursue her bitterly for a while, and then they fancy themselves in love."
Mrs. Huang said gloomily, "Then most people are still quite happy."
That evening, my happiness was no less than anyone else's. I went to get a haircut, shaved clean, put on my best light-colored suit, and went to see Huang Meigui in high spirits.
Meigui wore a white low-cut dress, with a thin diamond chain, her face deliberately made up, beautiful beyond description. Her hair was trimmed to shoulder length and pinned behind her ear with a flower. Her honey-colored skin was soft and smooth. On her feet were a pair of white sandals, and her toenails were painted light rose red.
I was intoxicated by her beauty. She walked over, slender and graceful. I gently embraced her, feeling like the happiest man in the world.
I held her slender hand all evening and danced with her. We didn't say much. After all, we were both adults. We knew what we were doing - she was enjoying a happy evening, and I was in love.
There was moonlight that night. We strolled along the road for a long time.
I was afraid she might tire, but she didn't say a word, so we kept walking, toward eternity. The farther we walked, the better my spirits became.
Then we drank at a small shop. Before my lips even touched the alcohol, I was already drunk.
I saw Meigui home. She leaned against the door frame, her hands folded across her chest, infinitely delicate and lovely. The mole beneath her eye still looked like a drop of tears.
She said softly, "When the old house is renovated, I'll invite you in to sit. This is my brother's home."
"Goodbye." I was reluctant to part.
"See you tomorrow."
"I'll come pick you up tomorrow," I said.
The next day Meigui was not at home. Huang Zhenhua had gone with her to pick up her daughter. I came away with nothing.
I had no choice but to go back to the office and attend to proper business. Every hour I went to inquire once. Mrs. Huang promised to notify me as soon as Meigui returned and told me not to worry. I begged Mrs. Huang to put in a good word for me, so that Meigui would allow me to see that little girl.
At noon, Mrs. Huang told me they were having lunch at home, and I said I would rush over immediately. Huang Zhenhua took the phone and said he would only allow me one hour of leave. Unexpectedly, his voice was very calm, without reproach. I was instantly ashamed. I had not kept the promise I made to him, and he had already given up on me. Just as I was about to leave, Mimi came to find me and asked me to have lunch with her. I had no choice. I told her I was busy and had important things to do.
Mimi gazed at me without a word, picked up her handbag, and left.
I couldn't bear it and pulled her back.
Mimi wasn't angry. She said softly, "Even if I'm a fool, I know what's happened. I think the best way is for me to bow out."
I didn't know how to answer.
"I can see you've suffered enough, and you've struggled bitterly, but by now you've already decided to give me up. I don't blame you. People naturally only do what benefits them."
I lowered my head, yet refused to let her go.
"I love you very much, Jiamin, but I've decided to take things as they come. If you'd just look at me, you'd realize that in these past two weeks I've truly grown thin for you. Everyone is a fool for someone else."
I raised my head to look at her and realized she had indeed grown very thin. For the past half month and more, she had tolerated me until there was no room left for turning.
"Goodbye, Jiamin."
"Mimi -"
"Don't worry, I'll always be here waiting for you. I won't stand in your way." She broke free of my hand and walked off without looking back.
On the way to the Huang residence, my heart was heavy, until I saw little Meigui.
It was Huang Zhenhua who opened the door for me. Beside him was a little girl, about seven or eight years old.
Huang Zhenhua was beaming. He bent down and said to the little girl, "Little Meigui, say hello to Uncle Pu."
The little girl didn't call me. She raised her head and looked at me for a moment, then pressed her lips together in a smile and hid behind her uncle.
I was stunned. This was simply a miniature Meigui. Even the blue mole below the corner of her eye was a perfect replica.
Meigui came running out after her. She was wearing a black gambiered Canton silk tang suit, with a pair of embroidered slippers on her feet. Seeing me, she said familiarly, "Jiamin, have you met my daughter?"
Seeing Meigui, my heart tightened.
Meigui's outfit, like that of a red-card courtesan of Shek Tong Tsui, made my heart sway. On her left wrist she wore two pure gold twist bracelets. I had never seen a woman dressed so exquisitely, as if by magic. Her beauty could be unleashed endlessly, without limit.
I sat in a corner and admired her to my heart's content.
She came over to me. "Jiamin, are you unhappy? Why do you look so awful?"
I lowered my head. "Yes, I've fallen out with a friend."
"A girlfriend?"
I nodded.
"Because of - me?"
I nodded again. "She didn't argue with me. She understood very well. She turned and left."
Meigui was surprised. "How elegant."
"Yes," my eyes reddened. "She's a good girl, with a very special character, and proud. To leave without a word, with a flick of the sleeve, is the greatest pride of all."
Rose glanced at me. "I couldn't do that. I'm the most violent-tempered person there is. If I ran into something like this, I'd have to drag us both down together."
"You're different. Whatever you do, you'll be forgiven."
"Really?" She smiled, and her expression suddenly drifted far away. "Jiamin, you tolerate me and treat me well, but that doesn't necessarily mean everyone does. Do you all think I'm invincible when it comes to love? The truth is, it's not like that at all."
I was just about to answer when Little Rose came running over, leaned against her mother's knees, and looked up at me.
I reached out to her. She hesitated for a moment, then grasped one of my index fingers.
Bitterly, I asked Rose, "Eight or ten years earlier, where were you?"
She knew what I meant, so she smiled and answered, "Busy making trouble, falling in love, studying and stirring things up."
Huang Zhenhua called out loudly from a corner, "Hey, come over and have some lotus seed and lily soup."
"Eldest Brother isn't as angry with you anymore," Rose said with a smile. "He's the type with a 'mandarin duck' complex. Whenever a man gets along a little too well with me, he thinks the fellow is courting me, and then he puts on the face of a stern uncle-in-law to bully him. Really, there's something wrong with one of his screws."
She said it so wittily that I couldn't help laughing out loud.
Rose added, "As for your girlfriend, just explain things to her and it'll be fine. Don't let there be any misunderstanding on my account. It's not worth it. Jiamin, look, my daughter is already this big."
I held Little Rose's little hand and pressed it to my cheek. Before I could speak, Huang Zhenhua shouted again.
"Hey, chilled lily soup won't taste good if it sits out and gets warm. What are you all whispering about over there?" He was extremely impatient.
I said softly to Rose, "What I feel for you…… is real."
Rose looked at me with pity. She was just about to say something.
Mrs. Huang brought the lily soup over to us, and Huang Zhenhua, sulking, led the little girl into the study to look at comic books.
Mrs. Huang asked me, "Jiamin, how are you?"
Rose glanced at me. "He's doing terribly. His girlfriend ran off." Then she followed them into the study.
Mrs. Huang said with regret, "Mimi is a rare good girl in this city. I'm not worried she won't be able to find a husband. What worries me is you. I think you also know that Rose won't fall in love with you."
I drank the sweet soup, bitterness in my heart. The lily's peculiar sweetness with its hint of astringency was like my love for Rose. I asked lightly, "What exactly are her criteria for choosing a partner?"
"What criteria could there be? It all comes down to one word: encounter," Mrs. Huang said. "Rose has true feeling, unlike the rest of us."
"Mrs. Huang," I raised my head, "in your opinion, have I fallen in love with Rose?"
Mrs. Huang sighed. "Of course you have. The symptoms of your condition couldn't be more obvious." She smiled. "Dizziness, feverish body, racing heart, restlessness in sleep and appetite, fretting over gains and losses, a dazed mind. Isn't that so?"
I smiled bitterly. "So love really is a thing in this world."
Mrs. Huang nodded. "Yes, a plague, enough to kill. Don't forget Romeo and Liang Shanbo."
I lay on the Huang family's sofa. I didn't want to be like them. The two of them were nothing more than a rush of murky breath rising up, dead and that was that. The style was really not lofty at all.
"I know who you want to be. Dante to his Beatrice, isn't that right?" She laughed.
I said sincerely, "Mrs. Huang, you really are a wonderfully exquisite woman. Mr. Huang is truly fortunate."
"Oh, he chose me only because I'm a little more brilliant than the average girl," Mrs. Huang laughed. "Huang Zhenhua can't stand women of the 2+2=4 or 3+5=8 type, and as for me, I'm (9A+8A-2A)+5B. So he was satisfied."
"And what is he himself?" I asked with a smile.
"He thinks he's calculus."
No matter how bad my mood was, I couldn't help roaring with laughter. The liveliness of the way this family spoke was enough to make any outsider unable to hold back a smile.
Huang Zhenhua came out and scolded, "You brat, you don't study or learn anything, all I see is you teasing my wife. Watch out or I'll beat you."
I was still laughing, and accidentally knocked over a chair. My whole body flipped over like a sycee ingot and I took a tumble, hurting so much that tears came out.
Laughter mixed with tears, there is nothing more bitterly sad than this. Except for the moon at the edge of the sky, no one knows.
I could never summon the courage to ask Mimi out. Thinking about it, I had wronged her too. After all these years together, to leave her behind without a word, just a silent 'sorry,' and not even remain ordinary friends.
I wrote a letter. I tore up an entire pad of letter paper and still couldn't finish it. I racked my heart and drained my blood, yet could not explain the thousands of words in my heart. I sat blankly at my desk. This letter had to be written. It was my only accounting.
I took out another stack of letter paper, bent over the desk, and after a long while had written only half a page. I wrote all the way until dawn, and finally managed to send the letter off.
Believe me, there was not a bit of happiness in doing this. It was extremely painful. Although I was the one who took the initiative to abandon her, so I could be called the victor.
I didn't sleep all night. When my elder brother got up, I was eating breakfast.
My elder brother glanced at me. "You've been sleeping very poorly lately, haven't you?"
"I've practically not slept at all," I said.
"Because of Huang Rose?" he asked with a smile.
"Yes, because of her."
"This is a kind of painful enjoyment," he said, sitting down.
I handed him tea.
I said, "I'm not like you. You control it so well. You're well disciplined."
His voice was very calm. "You can't know about these things until they happen to you. Maybe one day, when I meet that person, I'll fall even harder and more painfully than you."
"Impossible." I didn't believe it. "Eldest Brother, your blood must be three degrees colder than ours."
He chuckled softly a few times.
"Eldest Brother, a person like you……" I said with regret, "you simply shouldn't be living today. The way you are just won't work."
He raised his head, his eyes looking far away, and propped the back of his head with his hand. He said, "What does it matter whether it works or not? Marry early, have nine children, and the problem is solved."
"And you?"
"Me?" He didn't go on.
My elder brother, I don't know what was wrong with him, but he was filled with a negative air that made me worry. I said, "Why must you be so attached? As long as a woman loves you and is willing to have children with you, that's enough."
I said, "Eldest Brother, you can't demand that they understand as much as you do. A divine couple is very rarely seen. Can you name a perfect pair?"
"Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Huang Zhenhua right in front of us." My elder brother lit a cigarette.
"That fellow Huang Zhenhua," I said with a smile, "really has good fortune."
"They also married late," my elder brother said. "Old Huang, that man, searched for more than ten years before he met his ideal."
"Sometimes affection can be cultivated," I said.
"I don't need that kind of affection," he said.
"You love your violin your whole life, and it won't marry you or bear you children…… Really, seventy thousand US dollars for one instrument," I said.
My elder brother smiled. He had always indulged and endured my criticism of him. He said, "How is that different from you buying a Morgan sports car?"
I argued stubbornly, "More girls appreciate a Morgan sports car."
"I really don't care about women appreciating me," my elder brother said.
"Oh, so stubborn, taking violating nature as your principle," I said. "When you finally marry a wife in the future, I'll repeat these words to you."
"That would be wonderful," he said, standing up.
"You're going to practice the violin again? Fine, you keep hiding at home, and she'll come looking for you." I mocked him again.
"Maybe she'll knock on the wrong door," my elder brother said with quite a bit of humor. "Today I might get to see her."
He went in to change clothes.
I picked up my briefcase and went to work.
When Huang Zhenhua saw me, he naturally started complaining. He said that Rose's husband, Fang Xiewen, absolutely refused to agree to a divorce, and had now rushed over to negotiate with Rose. This person would arrive sooner or later.
I knew how much Huang Zhenhua detested this brother-in-law, so I took a neutral stance.
I was currently pursuing Rose. With my pride, I disdained to trample down this Mr. Fang to elevate myself. There was no need at all. I knew my own worth.
That day I wanted to arrange to meet Rose, but she told me she really couldn't spare the time, so I had to let it go.
On the way home driving, I said to myself: Has Mimi received that letter by now?
And how would she react? I would never know. From then on, Mimi and I were strangers.
My elder brother had gotten home earlier than I had. His cooking skills had always been superb. He made a big pot of fragrant borscht, and even the maid praised it. As I ate, I sighed. What kind of thing was this? A barrister proficient in Latin, and besides practicing the violin, he shows off his skills in the kitchen…… No wonder he can't get a wife. He steals the scene too much. What ordinary woman would dare stand beside him?
In recent years he had not aged especially, but he had become even more delicate and melancholic than before.
He asked me how the soup tasted.
I said with a cheeky grin, "The soup's not bad. When did you learn to sew? I have a few pairs of jeans that need altering. Also, while it's still cool, knit me a wool vest."
"You're in a good mood," my elder brother said. "Today Mimi came to my place and cried for a full hour."
I put down the soup, and a dark cloud covered my heart. "What did she say?"
"She didn't say much, just wept. I'm most afraid of girls crying. It breaks my heart." He shook his head. "Is this kind of thing really unavoidable?"
"She really didn't complain about me?" She had received that letter.
"She didn't bless you either. Sorry, she didn't put on a show of magnanimity. When she finished crying, she stood up and left. She really is a noble girl," my elder brother said with regret. "Even girls like this are rare nowadays."
I didn't dare make a sound.
"But I believe you've thought it through. It's not convenient for me to meddle in your affairs," my elder brother said.
"Eldest Brother," I said, moved, "all these years, it was you who taught me and raised me. I will certainly obey your orders. If you told me to marry Mimi at once, I would certainly obey."
"Nonsense!" he said in a low voice. "Why would I make you unhappy?"
I quickly smiled apologetically and said, "Yes, yes, I was only saying it."
He had already gone back to the study.
I sighed. I felt it was too hard to please this elder brother of mine, with his solitary nature.
Just then, the doorbell rang loudly, like a mischievous child standing outside the door impatiently begging for candy. The maid went to open the door, and Rose stood outside.
I shot to my feet. "Rose!"
She was flustered and out of breath. "Jiamin, I just came back from the old house. They tore down my study. I was frantic and came right away. Didn't we agree? Anything can be touched except that study."
"No, no, don't worry. They're only moving that wall. The study isn't being touched. You mustn't worry." I didn't know how to comfort her.
"Oh." She patted her chest like a child. "You scared me."
Her hair was tied in a ponytail, she wore narrow-legged jeans and a loose white shirt, with no makeup on her face, and her forehead was covered in sweat. My heart ached. I reached out my index finger to wipe away the sweat for her.
I said softly, "Whatever you've said, I keep firmly in mind. How could I forget? If you don't trust other people, you should still trust me."
She smiled gently and leaned against the doorframe. I noticed she was wearing a pair of old Japanese slippers, and there was no bra under her shirt. Her beautiful breasts were faintly visible. I suddenly turned my head away, not daring to look again, my face red and my ears burning.
I suddenly remembered when I was fifteen or sixteen, learning to dance with a female classmate at a Christmas party, the first time I embraced someone of the opposite sex. The feeling was similar. Ah Rose, Rose, I am overwhelmed by you.
She tilted her head and asked me, "Who's playing the piano?" She seemed a little surprised. "I've never heard such an emotionally rich, impulsive, tense movement."
I answered, "That's my elder brother."
"Is he a musician?"
"No, he's a barrister, but he began practicing the violin at nine. He's an odd person." I shrugged.
"What is that movement?"
"You haven't heard it? That's the 'Meeting on the Terrace' section from the Butterfly Lovers Violin Concerto. Zhu Yingtai tells Liang Shanbo that she has already been promised to the Ma family. The movement is taut and mournfully beautiful, though my elder brother says you shouldn't listen to music so rationally."
The movement had already stopped. I noticed Rose gazing past me. I turned my head and saw my elder brother standing at the study door. When had he opened the door?
I cleared my throat and introduced them. "This is my elder brother Jiaming. Eldest Brother, this is Rose, Huang Rose. Eldest Brother, Eldest Brother?"
My elder brother woke as if from a dream and said softly, "Miss Huang, hello."
I couldn't help laughing out loud. How cliché. Huang "Miss."
But Rose said, "Mr. Pu, your music…… is too beautiful."
I said with a smile, "Eldest Brother, you've met someone who truly understands you."
My elder brother didn't answer. He gazed at Rose for a moment, said, "Forgive me," and turned back to the study. I had to explain on his behalf. "My elder brother is solitary by nature. Don't mind him. Come, I'll take you home."
"But he doesn't look like you," Rose said.
"You don't look like Huang Zhenhua either," I said with a smile.
"People usually describe a beautiful woman as 'not eating the food of the mortal world.' Today, seeing your elder brother, I realize a man can have that kind of appearance too."
"He's gone too far off the path," I said.
"Is he married?"
"Never been married."
"Does he have a girlfriend?"
"No woman is good enough for him."
"He's never been with a woman?"
I shook my head, "No one would believe it, never, I suspect he's still a virgin." I couldn't help smiling again.
"That's impossible." Rose's eyes went wide, "We're only flesh and blood."
"I'm not like him. My big brother keeps himself pure as jade, but me, I'm just an ordinary man. I love all beautiful things, especially beautiful women." I said frankly, "Beautiful women always make my heart race."
"Doesn't he feel lonely?" Rose asked.
"Who? Big brother? Him? There was a period when, so I could go to university, he worked so hard he simply had no way to meet a girlfriend. Later things got put aside, and he devoted himself to music……I guess he is lonely. But he's an extremely noble person, he never explains, never complains. He's the person I've admired most in my whole life. He suffered quite a bit for my sake, but my life was cared for by him to perfection. Because of me he never married, and now that I'm able to stand on my own, he's lost his chance. I guess he'd never want to marry some ignorant seventeen- or eighteen-year-old girl."
"But plenty of girls would like him."
"What do they know about appreciating him," I said, "These days the ultimate goal in life for girls in Hong Kong is nothing more than riding in a Mercedes limousine with a chauffeur."
"That wish isn't hard to achieve." Rose smiled.
"So big brother never got close to women either. He's an exceptionally pure-hearted, desire-free person. You know, every Sunday morning he practices calligraphy—"
"What style does he practice?"
"Slender Gold style."
Rose fell silent.
We drank coffee at Repulse Bay under the moonlight.
I talked on and on to Rose about big brother.
"—And women aren't willing to delve into his inner world anyway. They only know he has a good profession—that's all. His merits go beyond the title printed on a card, and besides, a barrister isn't even allowed to print a title on a card. The card only lists name, address, and phone number."
Rose folded her hands and rested her chin on them.
"Gradually he just stopped looking for a partner. He told me time and again, such things can't be sought, only encountered, can't be sought, only encountered. He sacrificed so much for me, and I can't help him. He's grown more and more silent."
Rose raised her eyes, "That's not so. He's not silent."
"Why?" I was surprised.
"All his thoughts are in his playing." Rose asked, "Didn't you hear it?"
"What? I never thought of that. How could such a thing be?"
"Just listen carefully and you'll know."
I tilted my head and thought for a moment. Rose was a woman of icy intelligence and a delicate heart. Ha, she had understood big brother's music.
After a while she said, "Fang Xiewen arrives in Hong Kong tomorrow."
"Don't be afraid of him."
"Thank you, Jiamin."
"I'll support you." I said.
Fang Xiewen, just as Huang Zhenhua had described him, was a hopeless figure.
He was fat, slovenly, stupid, slow, couldn't even manage ordinary social pleasantries. Placed among the Huang family's circle of sparkling, refined people, he simply had no place to stand. He probably understood this very well, and so gave up all the more, constantly wiping sweat with a greasy, crumpled handkerchief, wearing the kind of shiny synthetic-fiber suit Americans wear.
Fang Xiewen's suit collar was still very wide, with a carelessly knotted tie fully four inches wide, a pair of leather shoes already scuffed at the toes, and the elastic in his socks had gone slack.
The average small bank clerk in Hong Kong still dressed more fashionably and neatly than he did, but like all Chinese who had lived too long in small foreign towns, he had to reveal his sense of superiority everywhere in his speech: everything American was better, even a fish fried by an American tasted better, the American moon was square.
But I couldn't be bothered to argue with him. Why should I? He was a frog at the bottom of a well. As long as he was happy, what did it matter to us?
In my heart I was only secretly shocked that Rose could have spent ten years with such a man.
Fang Xiewen had absolutely nothing to do with Rose and her daughter, from beginning to end. He was an outsider.
Just as Huang Zhenhua said, "Little Rose would actually have such a father."
Fang stubbornly refused to divorce Rose. He still wanted to control her, hoping she would go back with him.
Rose's expression was cold and calm, with a sense of it having nothing to do with her.
Fang: "I won't divorce. You're still my wife."
Rose: "Impossible."
Fang: "The child is mine."
Rose: "The whole thing is impossible. Even if I die in front of you, I still want a divorce."
I pitied Fang Xiewen.
He still wanted to say something, but Huang Zhenhua had already stopped him: "Fang Xiewen, a person must know when to stop. Rose has already given herself to you, the best ten years of her life. May I ask what you're still not satisfied with? Her being with you was a mistake to begin with. You should count yourself lucky to have had the chance to live with her. Know when to stop."
When Huang Zhenhua said this his face was ashen, and Mrs. Huang shook her head secretly to one side.
Rose stood up, "Jiamin, would you mind taking me out for a drive."
I drove her to Shek O.
We sat on the beach for a long time before she raised her head and said in an extremely bewildered voice, "How did I end up marrying this man? How did I spend so many days with him?"
I didn't know the answer.
At the breakfast table, I brought this up with big brother.
I said, "The matchmaker is a great prankster, deliberately dragging two unrelated people together. Who knows how Rose has gotten through these years."
Big brother drank his mineral water and asked, "So you count as her boyfriend now?"
I smiled bitterly, "Do I have that kind of good fortune?"
Big brother said nothing.
"What do you think of her?" I asked.
"Beautiful."
I nodded, "A beauty that makes your heart tremble. At thirty she's still this beautiful."
"Thirty is a woman's most beautiful time." Big brother said.
I went on, "Like a rose in full bloom. Because you know she's about to wither, she's extra poignantly lovely. I simply can't withstand the blow. Her skin has slackened slightly, yet her contours are as perfect as ever. That tired look, still with a touch of childish tone in her voice—if only I were worthy of watching her grow old."
Big brother said nothing.
I was completely bewitched by Rose, and big brother knew it.
I said, "Big brother, maybe you'd find it tiresome to look after a woman like that, but—"
Big brother cut me off. He stood up and left for work.
I sat there stunned. Perhaps he didn't approve of my seeing Rose, since he himself lived a life of icy purity and had no sympathy for other people's emotional entanglements.
Fang Xiewen was driven off to stay at a hotel. Huang Zhenhua was furious that this honest man had brought him endless trouble.
Mrs. Huang felt Huang Zhenhua was too much of a snob. And me, I wanted to propose to Rose.
Huang Zhenhua said, "I'd rather she married you, but she won't be willing. She won't give herself a good life."
I smiled. I was willing to wait.
Off work.
Big brother wasn't home. I asked the maid, and she said he'd gone out.
Gone out? He hadn't gone out in ten years.
With whom? The maid didn't know.
I sat at home alone drinking whiskey soda. Could it be that Mimi had something to say to him? For years he'd treated Mimi like a little sister. Thinking of Mimi, I felt afraid, and stayed silent for a long time.
How was she now? Who was she with?
After watching the TV news and dragging myself to dinner, I felt boundless loneliness.
Leaving Mimi had been extremely unwise. We shared the same interests, we'd grown up together, we understood each other in everything with unspoken accord. I believed she would be a good wife. The two of us could easily have grown old together, living a calm and happy life.
Calm.
Happy.
A person shouldn't ask for more, and yet I'd actually given up Mimi to pursue a vague, illusory love. Though I hadn't ruined my reputation, I was still badly battered. But now I could no longer settle for any woman beneath Rose.
I suddenly understood: meeting Rose was the greatest misfortune of my life.
When big brother came home, his pale face had a flush of color, as if he'd been drinking.
I asked in surprise, "Out with friends? Colleagues?"
A lock of his soft hair had fallen onto his temple. He smoothed it gently, with a touch of hesitation.
"If you don't want to say, forget it," I laughed, "We brothers should trade places. From now on I'll drink at home and you go out and about."
"I'm going to sleep."
I sighed deeply.
Big brother was the only man I knew who could be called truly captivating. He had a look of words left unspoken, an indescribable reserve and melancholy. A careful woman who saw it would have all her maternal instincts stirred, irresistibly, but people in this commercial society are careless, and his virtues went undiscovered.
The renovation of the old Huang house proceeded at breakneck speed. I went to look, the furniture was already in place, about seven or eight parts done, retaining the original spirit and adding a fresh touch, looking incredibly comfortable. The study hadn't been touched, but one wall had been altered, with a row of rosewood paneling near the ceiling, adding a great deal of atmosphere.
I was very satisfied.
The workers told me I could move in a week later.
The changes over these successive days were greater than in the previous ten years, all because of Rose.
For several days in a row, I wanted to ask Rose to see the new house, but couldn't find her.
I asked Mrs. Huang whether she'd gone away, but she wouldn't say.
"She's in Hong Kong, but this past week we've hardly seen her."
"Is it because Fang Xiewen is giving her trouble, and she's avoiding him?"
Mrs. Huang mused, "No, she's never been afraid of Fang Xiewen."
"He won't do anything, will he?"
"Of course not, don't worry. She still comes back to sleep, she just goes out early and comes back late. Jiamin, stop being so suspicious."
"Please have her get in touch with me." I said, "Huang Zhenhua is sending me to Hawaii for a meeting, I'll be gone ten days."
"Do your work well." She advised me.
Right up until I boarded the plane, Rose hadn't given me a single phone call. I was very disappointed, but I couldn't expect a beautiful woman to act like ordinary people, so I boarded the plane in loneliness.
Once in Hawaii I deliberately called Rose at Hong Kong morning time.
Mrs. Huang answered the phone. I'd woken her from her sleep, so I apologized.
Mrs. Huang said, "Rose has moved back to the old house." There was a hint of hesitation in her tone.
I immediately grew suspicious, "What are you all hiding from me?"
Mrs. Huang laughed, "You child."
"Has Mimi gotten married?" I asked.
"No reason to. Who would she marry in an instant if you told her to?"
"I'll settle accounts with you all when I get back." I said.
"Enjoy the sights of Hawaii."
"Bores me to death." I said, "Swimming and sunbathing are best done two days apart, otherwise you finish it all at once and have nothing to do."
"Don't be like that, all right? You've long been spoiled by Hong Kong and Hong Kong's girls."
"See you when I get back." I held onto a thread of hope, "Is the phone number at the old house still the old one?"
"Forget it, you," Mrs. Huang said, "disturbing people's sleep at four thirty in the morning."
The day I returned to Hong Kong, Mrs. Huang came to pick me up at the airport. She was as crisp as ever, in a white linen suit.
I happily spread my arms, "Mrs. Huang," I said, "so glad to see you. If Rose is a rose, then you're a narcissus."
"Don't be so corny."
"What about Rose, is she at home?"
"She wasn't home when I left - so how did the business go?"
"Don't take that boss's-wife tone with me." I asked, "How about asking Rose out tonight?"
"Jiamin, come to our house for dinner tonight, I have something to tell you."
"What is it? At most you'll tell me to find another job. You two, husband and wife, have never had good intentions."
Mrs. Huang was very silent. She was a poor driver, always veering in zigzags, but since she didn't go fast, it wasn't frightening. Women driving, that's just how it is.
Mrs. Huang suddenly asked, "How much do you love Rose?"
I countered, "How much do you think?"
"I only know you've already given up Mimi for her."
"Not only that." I lifted my head, "I love her more than I love myself." I felt my voice was very desolate.
"Has she ever said she loves you?" Mrs. Huang asked carefully.
"No."
"Would you put her happiness first?"
I turned my head and glared at Mrs. Huang, suddenly turning irritable, "Say whatever you want to say, stop beating around the bush. What exactly has happened to Rose?"
She parked the car in front of my house, "You go back first, take a shower, then come to my place, and I'll tell you."
"All right, I'll be there in an hour." I said.
I carried my luggage upstairs, took out my key and opened the door.
It was about three or four in the afternoon, the house was silent, only the sound of music. I shook my head. My brother, this man, even when he occasionally has time at home, must listen to music.
I put down my suitcase and walked toward the study. The study door wasn't quite closed, and a mournful violin drifted out faintly. I saw my brother sitting in the armchair - wait. My blood froze.
Who was that leaning on his knee?
I felt as if struck by lightning!
Rose, it was Rose!
Rose slightly raised her face, gazing at Pu Jiaming, and Pu Jiaming's hand rested on her shoulder, completely lost in their own world.
Everything gradually went black before my eyes. I understood - why I could never find Rose, why Mrs. Huang hemmed and hawed. I understood. My brother and Rose were in love, and they had kept it from me alone.
I turned and left. My actions were calmer than I had expected of myself. I went to the garage, found my car, and shot out with a roar, heading straight for the Huang residence. I pushed the speed to the maximum, ran yellow lights, cut corners.
I was already dead. What controlled my actions now was merely my nerve center, not my heart. My heart was already dead.
The car drove onto the lawn of the Huang family garden and stopped. I ran to the front door and rang the bell.
Mrs. Huang came to open the door for me herself. She was stunned when she saw how I looked.
"Jiamin -"
I braced my hand against the door frame, feeling dizzy, as if all my strength had been used up on the road, and I was about to collapse.
I closed my eyes and said softly, "I understand it all now."
"Jiamin -"
I could hold back no longer, and howled loudly, "Why, why, why is it Pu Jiaming? Why must it be Pu Jiaming?" I pounded the wall hard with my fists.
Mrs. Huang grabbed my hands with force, "Jiamin! Jiamin!"
I wailed and sobbed, crouching on the ground, holding my head in my hands, "Why is it Pu Jiaming?" I cried over and over, "Why is it Pu Jiaming? I wish I could die right now, I'd rather die."
Mrs. Huang held me, "Jiamin, you must look on the bright side. These two people are the dearest to you in all your life, you should be happy for them -"
"No - Rose is mine, I saw Rose first, I hate him, I hate him!"
Mrs. Huang shouted sharply, "Pu Jiaming is your elder brother, his kindness to you is as heavy as a mountain, how dare you say such things!"
I was already dead.
I didn't dare lift my head again. This world meant nothing to me anymore.
I struggled to my feet.
"Where are you going? Jiamin, where are you going?"
"I don't know," I said wearily, "I want to drink some wine and have a good sleep."
"Rest here at our place, I'll look after you."
"Ah yes," I nodded, "I can no longer go back to my own home."
"Sit down -"
"I shouldn't intrude on you two."
"Jiamin, don't say such things."
"I want to leave."
"I forbid you to drive, you can't leave," she said firmly, "I beg you to give me some face."
I asked in surprise, "Are you afraid I'll go kill myself?"
Fear showed in Mrs. Huang's eyes.
"I died long ago," I said.
Mrs. Huang suddenly burst into tears. She cried, "Why are all of you people like this? What am I supposed to do? Jiamin, don't frighten me. I watched you grow up, you can't do this to me."
I sighed, "I want to sleep."
Mrs. Huang was truly the most tolerant and most maternal woman in the world. She tended to me and settled me in the guest room, gave me boiled water to drink. I understood she had mixed sleeping pills into the water.
I quickly fell into a deep sleep.
When I woke, it was two in the morning.
The guest room's air conditioning kept the air very fresh, and it was perfectly quiet.
I got up silently, went to the bathroom to wash my face, hair, and body, shaved my beard, and walked out of the guest room.
Mrs. Huang had not slept. She came to meet me.
I said, "Mrs. Huang, I've put you out."
She gazed at me, "I discussed it with Zhenhua. You'll stay here now, go to work and come home with him every day. I've already sent someone to bring over part of your clothes."
"Thank you," I said.
"Zhenhua has gone to bed first, he has several meetings tomorrow."
I said, "I'm hungry, I'd like something to eat."
"Come to the kitchen with me."
She had me eat a sandwich and beer.
The cold beer sobered me. I told myself: Pu Jiamin, from now on, you are a dead man. A dead man has no joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness, so you must live your days well.
"Jiamin, are you feeling any better?" Mrs. Huang appeared behind me.
I gripped Mrs. Huang's hand tightly and pressed it to my face. "You treat me so well."
Huang Zhenhua's voice came from behind us, "Pu Jiamin, stop sweet-talking my wife, or I'll kill you." He laughed first.
The two of them spoke to me so gently that I could bear it no longer. I said, "I…… my heart feels like it's being cut with a knife."
Mrs. Huang said, "Jiamin, Jiamin……"
Huang Zhenhua said, "Loving her doesn't mean you must possess her, Jiamin, you should understand that."
My tears flowed in streams.
Huang Zhenhua sighed, "I'm going to bed. Gengsheng, talk some sense into him."
I said, "No no, Mrs. Huang, go rest, I'll sit here alone."
Mrs. Huang said, "Don't worry, I'm the idlest person in the world. I don't work, I don't manage the household. If I don't take on these things, what else would I do?"
I said, "I want to be alone for a while."
"I'll be in the study." She stood up and walked away.
I rested my head on the dining table.
Mrs. Huang was truly a woman of education and courtesy, gentle and considerate in every way.
If only Mimi could also achieve such things, what more could I wish for? The sea of suffering is boundless, but turn back and the shore is at hand.
A hundred years from now, whether I had met Rose or not, what difference would it make?
The most important thing is to live happily now.
Having lain on the table for a long time, my neck gradually grew stiff, but I did not move.
I could not compete with my brother for a woman. I owed him too much in this life. If I couldn't help him achieve his happiness, so be it, but I could not compete with him, and I had to make him believe that I had no real intentions toward Rose.
Chapter Three
Day broke, and at last I raised my head in despair. Mrs. Huang was right, it was best for me to stay here for now.
Later…… later I might be able to return to Canada. I had a passport for there, and could go far away from Hong Kong, out of sight, out of mind.
I washed my face and sat in the kitchen without moving.
Huang Zhenhua got up, "Jiamin, what's wrong with you? Has your backside glued itself here?" He peered in from the kitchen doorway.
I said to Mrs. Huang, "I want to see someone, you have to help me."
Mrs. Huang gazed at me, "I know, I've already called her here."
"When?" I was startled.
"She's arriving now."
Ah, Mrs. Huang truly moved me.
Before she had finished speaking, the doorbell already rang.
The maid went to open the door while still buttoning her clothes, and Mimi stood outside.
I stepped forward.
Mimi looked somewhat wan, her eyes slightly red and swollen, yet her face seemed even more delicate, because she had grown thinner.
Sorrow surged up in me. She loved me so much, and even with this chance she did not put on airs with me, loving me without reservation. I took her in my arms, buried my face in her beautiful hair, smelled the perfume I had once known so well, and said in a choked voice, "Mimi, I beg you to forgive me, and marry me as your husband."
Mimi cried, and said, "All right, all right, Jiamin, I'll marry you."
I could not bear her magnanimity, and was overwhelmed with shame. I said, "Mimi, you won't be ashamed of me, I will be a good husband."
Mrs. Huang said, "No need to explain." Her arms encircled the two of us.
I said, "I need to find a place to live, and there's the renovation, the furniture, we need to go on a honeymoon -"
"The most important thing is to buy wedding rings." Huang Zhenhua said.
Mimi said nothing, only held my waist, her head resting against my chest.
I said, "Mrs. Huang, please let my brother know that I'm engaged."
"I'll give you a week off," Huang Zhenhua said, "Gengsheng, what are you still standing there for, hurry up and drive me to work."
The husband and wife walked off affectionately together.
I faced Mimi, not knowing what to say.
The weather had already turned cool, with a touch of autumn in the air. I suddenly missed the place where I had studied for ten years.
I held Mimi's hand and said, "Let's go to Quebec for our honeymoon. It snows heavily there, we'll dress up warm, walk in the park, skate on the lake, and we'll live very happily. When summer comes again, we can rent a big house, the kind with a garden in front and back. We'll have many children, because children have the right to live. You'll manage the home, I'll earn the money. Mimi, we won't come back, what do you say?"
"All right."
"We'll get married here and then leave." I said.
"All right."
"We won't drive the Morgan sports car anymore, we'll buy a practical station wagon, all right?"
"All right."
"We would be very happy." But I felt no happiness in my heart. I was already a dead man; happiness had nothing to do with me. All that remained was a boundless desolation.
Mimi and I talked and chattered the whole morning. The tiniest little things from my student days abroad, I brought them all out to tell her.
Actually, we had known each other for a long time. She should have heard all of this before, should have remembered it, but I wanted her to know it once more.
With the help of Mimi's family and Mrs. Huang, everything proceeded at flying speed. The date was set, the banquet was booked, the clothes were all arranged. My performance was no worse than that of any ordinary bridegroom.
As for how I had suddenly decided to marry her, Mimi said not a word and asked not a single question. Take a wife for her virtue; what more could a man ask for?
My elder brother asked me, "Your marriage is happening very hastily."
I was at home packing winter clothes to go to Quebec. Hearing him say this, I hurriedly put on a smile. "Not at all. Mimi and I have been together quite a while, you know that."
"But - what about Rose?" my elder brother asked with deep meaning.
My heart felt as if pierced by a sharp knife. "What about Rose? She's been married, and she has a child. That kind of trouble I fear most. Besides, her husband is all tangled up and impossible to deal with, and she herself only knows how to be waited on - it wears you to death. And Huang Zhenhua doesn't like anyone touching her. I just feel I can't take it."
My elder brother smiled, and there was a great deal contained in that smile.
I folded the woolen sweaters one by one and packed them into the suitcase.
"Did you know that I've been seeing Rose recently?" my elder brother asked in a low voice.
I hurriedly put on a look of surprise. "Really? Her?"
"Yes."
"She really is a beautiful woman," I said.
"I remember you were once utterly infatuated with her, Jiamin."
I laughed with all my might. "Elder brother, infatuation is one thing and marriage is another. I'm no artist, no romantic fool, to cast aside a woman who will wait on me and go chasing after some ethereal woman who wants me to wait on her. Isn't that the old man seeking arsenic to eat?"
My elder brother gazed at me.
I shrugged. "You know me. My love of playing around never changes. I've never been willing to sacrifice for love. And now Mimi's family won't let me go-"
I said, "Hey, elder brother, I'm going to raise nine children, and you're going to have to be responsible for naming them."
"Nine?" My elder brother's attention was diverted. He frowned. "Really that many?"
"Not many," I patted my elder brother on the shoulder. "People in the old days had this many. The population explosion won't care about my few. Smart people can have more children; stupid people don't need to."
My elder brother laughed and shook his head.
"And so I'm settling down and starting a family," I said. "How many single young ladies in Hong Kong, China will secretly shed tears."
"Stop bragging," my elder brother laughed.
"Really. You should hurry up and find a match yourself," I said idly.
My elder brother hesitated for a moment and said, "I've actually been discussing this matter with Rose too."
I thought to myself in secret: then I did the right thing. I had no choice but to bow out.
My elder brother said, "But that Fang Xiewen is truly difficult to deal with. Now he's simply living in Hong Kong, China and won't go back to New York. He follows Rose around every day. It's very troublesome."
"Avoid him for now. You two go to Paris. Surely he won't follow you to Paris," I said.
"But he is the child's father, and Rose is not willing to return the child to him."
"The divorce went through, didn't it?" I asked. "He finally agreed to the divorce?"
"It's precisely because he finally agreed to the divorce that Rose can't bear to be too harsh with him."
"He's just a nuisance, a spineless fellow. I don't think he's dangerous."
My elder brother changed the subject. "Let's not talk about these things. You haven't seen Rose in a long time either. She has always treated you like a brother. Just bring your new sister-in-law out to meet her."
Treated me like a brother? I was silent. Elder brother, are you truly muddled or only pretending to be?
"Jiamin?"
"Yes, tomorrow at noon then," I said.
I picked up the suitcase and headed back to the Huang residence. Mrs. Huang checked it for me. She asked, "Why is it all sweaters and no trousers?"
My poor head leaned against the window without a sound.
On the radio, an old Rod Stewart song was playing again:
coc1I don't want to talk about
How you broke my heart
My heart
My old heart - coc2
I asked softly, "Who turned on the radio?"
"I did." Mrs. Huang put down the sweater.
At noon the next day, the whole Huang family, we two brothers, and Mimi all had lunch together.
Mimi was so poised and calm that I admired her. She was indifferent, wearing the look of one who would not flinch even if Mount Tai collapsed before her - until she saw Rose, and then she was as stunned as I was.
Rose was no longer in mourning. Her makeup was radiant: gold-purple eyeshadow, rose-red lips, her hair woven into the most fashionable little braids of the day, with golden beads dangling at the ends of the braids. She wore a pair of rose-colored satin trousers, a white cotton voile blouse with lantern sleeves, and a large string of glass bracelets on her wrist that jingled with every movement.
The heroine of One Thousand and One Nights stepping out of a painting.
And my elder brother, as always, in a white shirt and black suit, meeting Rose's constancy with his own unchanging steadiness.
My sacrifice was worthwhile. The two of them were a perfect pair, and they should have met ten years earlier. My heart ached with a wrenching pain.
Huang Zhenhua frowned. "Little sister, you're just coming out to eat a sandwich, and you have to dress up as if for a carnival. I really can't take it."
Rose said, "All I know is how to dress up. That's my only skill. It would be a pity to have learned it and not use it." She smiled like a rose in full bloom.
Huang Zhenhua glanced at my elder brother. "Your skills aren't limited to that. You also have the ability to melt an ice man."
My elder brother smiled apologetically.
"Rose, Pu Jiaming is the best man you will ever know in your life. Take good care of this," Huang Zhenhua said.
"Yes, elder brother," Rose said, tilting her head and gazing at my elder brother with deep feeling.
I hurriedly lowered my head.
"And you, Jiamin," Huang Zhenhua said. "You must treat Mimi well."
Mrs. Huang came to the rescue. "Zhenhua, stop pulling rank and being so long-winded. You've only had one cup of tea and you're already putting on the airs of a drunk."
Huang Zhenhua patted his wife's hand apologetically.
Rose said, "Congratulations, Jiamin."
"No need for courtesy," I forced myself to be calm.
She then said to Mimi, "Jiamin and I are really like brother and sister. Now that he's settling down and starting a family, of course I'm happy." She took a glittering diamond necklace from her handbag and wanted to put it on Mimi. "This is my gift to you."
Mrs. Huang laughed and said, "In broad daylight, what are you putting that on for? It's like hanging an electric lightbulb around her neck."
But Rose had a kind of childlike stubbornness and insisted that Mimi wear it.
Mimi actually did not object, and so she put it on.
I could only say, "It looks very nice." I kissed Mimi on the cheek.
That afternoon, on the way to collect the plane tickets, Mimi was very silent. She flicked the diamonds one by one with her finger, and then she said, "She is so beautiful that even women can't resist her charms. Even an iron man would melt." She paused, then added, "That kind of beauty of hers makes people willingly commit crimes for her."
I was irritated, so I said, "What does that have to do with the two of us?"
"She and Pu Jiaming are a match made in heaven. Neither of them seems like someone living in this world: a tale of exiled immortals."
We finally got the plane tickets. A week later we set off for Canada.
We were exhausted half to death. The wedding banquet had invited a thousand guests, and nearly five hundred of the female guests could not compare with Rose's dazzling radiance.
Her short tulle dress of purple-rose color with a bare back drew the eyes of everyone in the hall. She nestled close to my elder brother, and the two of them held hands the whole evening.
Huang Zhenhua said to me with a smile, "I always thought Pu Jiaming was a man of iron and stone," sounding as if he regretted it though he was truly delighted, "so it turns out the time simply hadn't come yet."
After the ceremony we saw off the guests, and it dragged on until the middle of the night. Back at the hotel, I fell asleep before even undressing.
I woke in the middle of the night and found that Mimi had already taken off my leather shoes for me. She had at least managed to change into her pajamas and was sleeping soundly in bed.
I felt an infinite emptiness and desolation.
Ah, people love some people, and the ones they marry and have children with are other people.
My heart was utterly cold and ashen. I walked to the bed and lay down. Mimi turned over. I held her and could not help but cry.
My old heart.
The next afternoon, we set off for Canada.
Mimi said that as soon as she got there, she was going to sleep her fill. She said she couldn't take it anymore.
In fact, she was already sound asleep on the plane, her head resting on my shoulder.
So, like all husbands, I covered my wife with a thin blanket and began reading a news magazine.
Being a good husband doesn't require genius. I would make Mimi's life happy, and she was a clever woman. She understood that the happiest person in the world is the one who is content.
In the suburbs of Quebec, Mimi and I went to look for a house. Mimi spoke her fluent French and haggled with the real estate agent.
The house prices were much cheaper than in Hong Kong, China. I couldn't see what there was to haggle over, but I was happy to have a shrewd wife.
We took a fancy to a bungalow with five rooms. On both sides of the house were oak trees, with red squirrels darting in and out. It was simply like a paradise apart from the world.
I said, "Let's buy it." It would be worth it even to come once a year.
"Nine children," Mimi laughed. "Better to install a zipper on your belly."
"Thank you for your hard work."
"Can you afford to raise them?" she asked with a smile.
"Marriage requires money," I said. "If you don't have that ability, you needn't take a wife."
"But what about the children going through a lifetime of birth, aging, illness and death?" she asked.
"I will do my best to provide for them and care for them. If they are still not satisfied, or suffer from emotional torment, or are pained by success and failure, gains and losses, then those are their own troubles."
Mimi hugged my waist tightly and laughed.
Our one-month honeymoon passed pleasantly and comfortably. Mimi took care of my every need. Every morning she even handed the coffee to me. What complaints could I have? My mood gradually brightened, and my life seemed somewhat revived.
Every morning I asked her the same question: "Are you pregnant yet?"
Every day she laughed and scolded me: "You're crazy."
We were so happy we forgot to go home and did not want to return to Hong Kong, China.
I had no desire to get rich anyway. I could find some random job anywhere and survive. Mimi was not the kind of woman who craved the limelight and fought for fame and profit either. She would accommodate me. Let us just live in seclusion here. What would we go back to Hong Kong, China for?
Once this thought arose, it could not be stopped. So I wrote a letter home to tell my elder brother where I was going.
As I dropped the letter into the mailbox, I thought, he is my elder brother after all, the only person in the world connected to me by blood. However much I blamed him, I could not blame him for this.
On a bright and beautiful morning, Mimi and I were taking a walk in the park.
She asked me, "Are you happy?"
I answered, "I am very glad."
"Are you happy?" Mimi became stubborn, like an ox.
"No," I said. "I am not happy. Happiness is a very profound thing."
"Do you love me?"
I patted my forehead. "Women all over the world love to ask this question. What kind of answer do you want to hear? Saying I love you doesn't cost any effort. Why do you insist on hearing it?"
Mimi smiled and said nothing.
"Huang Zhenhua never loved Su Gengsheng madly, but can you say they are not a good couple? Who says we are not a good couple?"
Mimi was silent.
"Women all hope a man will die for them, don't they?" I laughed. "If I died, what happiness would you have?"
Mimi raised her head to look at the blue sky and white clouds, and she smiled. What I feared most was this smile of hers, as if she had seen through all the affairs of the world, had turned countless somersaults, and had reached the point of "what a nice cool autumn day" - as if everything no longer mattered, as if she had already accepted her fate. I sighed.
I would rather she scold me, act spoiled, throw little tantrums - a woman too mature and sensible is like a brother to a man, lacking that warmth. As a friend, Mimi and Mrs. Huang were of course ideal, but as a lifelong companion... I looked at Mimi.
In Dream of the Red Chamber there is a line: "Even if we respect each other as husband and wife, in the end my heart is still unsettled." Now I understand this line.
So I too laughed bleakly, just like Mimi.
A husband and wife smiling at each other with such understanding - would you call it sorrow or joy?
I gripped her hand tightly.
"You're staying in this barren place - I'm afraid it's a kind of escape," Mimi said.
"Yes," I said, "please, don't ask any more."
"All right, Jiamin, I promise you, I will never ask another question."
Mimi said, "You know full well that a word or two of lies would make me happy, but you insist on being completely honest with me, because I can bear it."
"No," I answered, "it's because you are an educated woman - nothing I do behind your back can escape you."
"Have I ruined my whole life by being clever?" She laughed again.
"You did," I said, "we have both ruined our whole lives by being clever."
To be able to talk so freely with one's wife - that is no small pleasure.
When I got home, there was a telegram on the table. It read: "Urgent matter, please return, Huang Zhenhua."
I asked, "What is it?"
Mimi thought for a moment: "Huang Zhenhua himself would never be the one in trouble - he was always a calculating, steady, careful man."
"Then it's about Rose," I said, "what does Rose still have to do with me?"
"It wouldn't be about Rose either," Mimi said, "Huang Zhenhua is extremely tactful in everything he does. He wouldn't drag you into Rose's affairs."
"Expert in deduction, then whose business is it?"
"It's your elder brother's business," Mimi said.
My blood ran cold. Of course!
"Elder brother?" I repeated, "What's happened to elder brother?"
"Make a phone call back! Hurry," Mimi said.
I had forgotten even to do that - thank goodness Mimi was by my side.
The call went through, and it was Mrs. Huang who answered.
I asked, "What's wrong with my elder brother?"
"Your elder brother wants to see you."
"What's happened?"
"Just hurry back - how can things be explained over the phone?"
"Is my elder brother all right?"
"He -"
"Who's in trouble?" I paused. "Is Rose in trouble?"
"Rose is fine, Jiamin. My mind is in a turmoil. Can the two of you hurry back as soon as possible? Your elder brother needs you by his side."
Mimi and I looked at each other, unable to guess what was going on. Mimi took the phone: "Mrs. Huang, we'll come back at once." She hung up.
Mimi picked up her handbag and coat.
"What are you doing?"
"Buying plane tickets back to Hong Kong, China."
"I'm not going back. Nobody's in trouble. All this hemming and hawing - what am I going back for?"
"Something's wrong with someone," Mimi said, "I have a feeling they're in deep trouble."
"Who's in trouble?"
"We'll know once we get back."
"I'm not going back. Even if someone's died, it's none of my business," I swore.
Mimi was silent.
I said, "All right, all right, this is no time for petty pride. I'll go with you, but I was just about to begin a new life -"
Mimi raised her head and asked, "And what has become of your old life?" Her tone was unbearably bitter.
I put an arm around her shoulders, "We'll go together."
After booking the plane tickets we contacted Mrs. Huang again. She was sobbing on the other end.
I felt something was very wrong, my heart pounding.
Mrs. Huang was the type who could face Mount Tai collapsing before her without a flicker of emotion. Even if she had caught Huang Zhenhua having an affair, she would only nod and say "Hello." If her emotions had changed so drastically, the matter was no small thing.
On the plane I felt nauseated and couldn't eat, as though a lump of lead had settled in my heart.
Mimi felt the same. The two of us, four hands, were ice-cold. The twenty-four-hour journey was not easy to endure.
I said, "I only have this one elder brother,……" My voice kept breaking off.
Mimi said nothing.
"If anything happens to elder brother -" I couldn't go on.
I rested my head in my hands, not sleeping the whole way, stars bursting before my eyes. The closer we got to Hong Kong, China, the stronger the sense of foreboding.
Finally we arrived at the airport. We had no luggage. We dashed out and saw Huang Zhenhua and his wife standing in the waiting area, their faces ashen.
My heart nearly leaped out of my chest.
I asked sternly, "Where's my elder brother?"
Mrs. Huang said, "You must stay calm -"
"Where is he?" I grabbed Mrs. Huang and asked, "You said he was fine, you said he was fine -"
Huang Zhenhua barked furiously, "Will you calm down! I've never seen you composed, ever. You're past thirty, it's not as if you've never been educated, and you cry and shout over the slightest thing!"
"Zhenhua -" Mrs. Huang tried to stop him.
Mimi stepped in front of me, "We're prepared, Mrs. Huang. Whatever the bad news is, please just tell us."
"Jiamin, your elder brother is ill. He only has three months to live," Huang Zhenhua said.
Mimi staggered back three steps and bumped into me, "No!"
I felt all the blood in my body rush to my head, I couldn't even stand steady, a buzzing filled my ears.
After a very long time, I took a step forward, my feet unsteady. I heard myself ask, "Elder brother, ill? Only three months to live?"
Mrs. Huang's tears fell, "It's true."
"What illness? How did I not know at all?" My legs went weak.
"He didn't tell you, he never told you," Mrs. Huang said, "Now everyone knows, but Rose insists on marrying him."
"Where's elder brother?" I asked, my voice trembling.
"At home," Huang Zhenhua said.
"And Rose?" I said.
"At our house," Huang Zhenhua said.
Mimi said, "Let's talk about it once we're home. Let's go."
Sitting in the car, my lips parched and my tongue dry, I thought of all of elder brother's disheartened actions, and suddenly I understood everything.
He had known long ago that he was ill.
But he hadn't told me. He only told me to hurry up and marry and have eight or ten sons, and then he would have fulfilled his duty.
I buried my head in the crook of my arm, wanting to cry but unable to shed tears.
Mrs. Huang sobbed, "What on earth is cancer, that it can senselessly take away the lives of those we love most?"
Huang Zhenhua murmured, "Now we have to save two people - Rose and Jiaming."
I didn't care whether Mimi would be suspicious; heartbroken, I asked, "What's happened to Rose?"
"She insists on marrying Jiaming no matter what. She has already returned little Rose to Fang Xiewen. Fang Xiewen has divorced her and taken their daughter back to the United States."
I asked blankly, "She gave up little Rose for elder brother?"
"Yes, but Jiaming refuses to marry her," Mrs. Huang said, "Jiaming only wants to see you, but after you and Mimi left Hong Kong, China, we lost all trace of you both, until you sent a letter and we got the address." Mrs. Huang was so exhausted she could barely stand, "It's good that you're back, Jiamin. I've had a fever for a week now. The doctor comes to our house two or three times a day."
When we reached the Huang house, I didn't care what Mimi was thinking - I went to find Rose first.
I pushed open the door. She sat by the window like a stone statue, like something carved from clay or wood, not moving at all. Her face was pale, her cheeks sunken, barely resembling a human form.
"Rose!" I called her.
She raised her head, saw it was me, and stood up, "Jiamin!" She ran toward me, knocked over a tea table, and fell to the ground.
"Rose!" I went over and helped her up.
She held me tightly, still unable to cry, "Jiamin."
I held her head, my eyes turned toward the sky with an accusation, and a sound like a wounded animal came from my throat.
Mimi turned her head away. Huang Zhenhua and his wife watched the two of us, dumbstruck.
I said, "Rose, you stay here properly. I'll go find elder brother. I will make him see you, don't worry. I only have him, and he only has me. He has to listen to me."
Rose's eyes were full of despair. She clutched my hand and wouldn't let go.
"Rest a little first," I said, "I'll go home right now to find him."
Rose lifted her head and said softly to me, "I love him. Even if it's only three months, it doesn't matter. I love him."
My heart was cut like a knife, "Yes, I know, I know."
Mrs. Huang said, "Rose, go lie down for a while. Don't make Jiamin worry."
Rose's soul seemed to have left her body. She gave a faint "Oh" and let Mrs. Huang hold her.
Huang Zhenhua gave me a look, and I followed him out.
He said, "Let's go find Pu Jiaming."
My throat felt as if a large lump of lead were stuck in it. With one hand I held onto Mimi and wouldn't let go.
Tears streamed endlessly down Mimi's face.
I said over and over, "I only have this one elder brother -"
When we got home I unlocked the door with my key. The maid came out at once, "Second Young Master, the Eldest Young Master is not seeing guests."
"I'm his brother!"
"The Eldest Young Master asks the Second Young Master to come in. No guests at all." The old maid, when she chose to be firm, was like the lady of the house.
I said, "Is this an outsider too? This is the Second Young Mistress!"
Mimi quickly said, "I'll just wait here."
Both sorrowful and furious, I followed the maid into the study.
Elder brother sat at his desk adjusting the strings of a violin. He looked calm.
"Elder brother!" I went up to him.
He didn't raise his head. "You've heard the news too?"
"Elder brother, why did you have to hide it from me?" I was nearly spitting blood.
"With that temperament of yours," he said with a faint smile, "was it possible to tell you?"
"Elder brother -"
"In the end Rose still found out. She is a careful woman," elder brother said, "She couldn't be kept in the dark."
"How much longer can you live?"
"Three months." He was very calm, "Perhaps sooner, who knows."
"But Rose -"
"So you must tell Rose: what need is there for a wedding ceremony? If she is willing to accompany me until the day I go, I don't mind, but marriage - that is unnecessary."
"She loves you."
"I know." My brother lit a cigarette. "I love her too. We met at this time, and she brought me the last radiance of my life. I am very grateful to her." He smiled. "I know I don't have long to live, so I indulged myself and snatched her from your hands. Jiamin, do you think I would do such a thing if I could live to seventy?"
"You knew all along," I said.
"Yes, I knew all along. I also know you love her. Jiamin, but I think you will forgive me," he said matter-of-factly.
"What did the doctor say?" I asked in pain.
He pulled open the drawer. "The records are all here. Take them and look for yourself. I don't want to say more."
"Rose wants to see you."
"I will not marry her."
"She loves you very much, and she is willing to marry you."
"Her mind can't wrap around it. She is too romantic. She cannot understand that after three months, I really will die, and she really will become a widow," my brother said.
I said, "I don't think she is that childish. You should not belittle her feelings."
My brother lifted his head. "Sooner or later she will forget me, Jiamin. Time heals all wounds."
"Brother--"
"Go back and tell Rose that our time is too short. Don't force me to marry again," my brother said.
"Brother--"
"Say no more, Jiamin. You should be happy for me. Thirty years of life is not a premature death; I am already forty-two this year."
I closed my eyes, and tears gushed out like a spring.
"Jiamin," my brother said, "you still haven't gotten over that crying habit of yours. From childhood to now, whenever anything goes wrong you shed tears. Call Mimi in. I have something to say to her."
Mimi came in at the sound, her eyes red and swollen from crying.
My brother was astonished. "I'm not dead yet, and you two are already like this!"
"Brother!" Mimi went over and clung to him, then simply burst into loud sobbing, crying out, "You can't go, brother, you can't go."
My brother held her, yet still showed no sign of being moved.
I propped my head in my hands. Huang Zhenhua said softly to me, "Jiamin, come over here. I want to say a few words to you."
He pulled me out to the terrace.
He said, "Jiaming needs a period of peace. We must help him fulfill it. Go back and try to persuade Rose. Tell Rose to accompany him for another three months." Huang Zhenhua waved his hand. "Everything he does is for Rose's sake."
I said, "The two of them met at this time--" I took out a handkerchief and wiped my tears.
"Yes," my brother stood smiling behind us, "that I should actually meet her in my lifetime, how lucky I am."
I couldn't bear it. "You're still smiling, brother, you're still smiling!"
"People always have to die," he said very gently. "Five hundred years from now, what difference will it make? What matters is that while you are alive, you must live well."
I hugged him tightly.
He was happier than many people. Life need only be good, not long. He was right. He was able to find the person he loved in his lifetime, and the person he loved loved him too. That alone surpassed countless lives in this world.
From then on, our whole family had to restrain ourselves and not mention the word death.
I talked with Rose through the entire night.
She nearly went mad.
"I searched for him half my life, and when I found him, only three months of his life remained." Her eyes were hollow.
"Some people search their whole lives and never find him." I had caught my brother's brave philosophy.
"I love him."
"We all know," I said.
"I love him very much, very much." she said.
My heart broke, but I still said, "I know."
"I love you too, Jiamin, but that is different. I love you as I love myself. I love Jiaming, but more than I love myself."
"I know."
"If he insists on doing what he thinks is best for me and refuses to marry me, there is nothing I can do. I still love him, and I am willing to accompany him for this period."
I said, "My brother really is the luckiest person in the whole world."
Rose said bravely, "You may not understand my feelings for Jiaming. Actually, I have known him for more than just these days. The first time I saw him, I had a feeling: I knew this person had already existed in my heart for a long time. He is my beloved. Does Jiamin understand? The one in my heart, he has already existed for a very long time."
Beloved. I thought bleakly: Rose, Rose, have you not also been my beloved.
"Tomorrow I will move in and live with him," Rose said. "You won't object either, right."
I shook my head.
"Perhaps you don't know," Rose said, "I can cook very good dishes, I can also knit sweaters, I will serve Jiaming and make him comfortable and at ease. We are actually very happy. We only have three months. We won't have time to quarrel, and we won't have the chance to fall out. We enjoy all the joy of lovers, but not their troubles." Rose suddenly became optimistic. "Jiamin, encourage me."
I held her in my arms. "I bless you."
Rose moved into my brother's house.
That day, my brother leaned by the study door to welcome her. She saw that his eyes were full of tenderness and admiration, and at the corners of his mouth was a beautiful smile. She was still thin and pale, bearing the look of someone deeply tormented, but still as beautiful as the Mona Lisa under Leonardo da Vinci's brush, and thus her face gained a kind of holy radiance. My brother held her hands and shook them, saying with a smile, "You finally gave in?"
There was no one else in their world anymore. Mimi and I quietly withdrew.
Mimi said with emotion, "We are only ordinary people."
I looked at Mimi and said, "We are going to grow old together. I want you to bear me many children. Daughters don't count; at least three sons. I am not that noble. I know life is full of disasters and hardships, but I like seeing children running around. Mimi, get pregnant right away."
Mimi nodded. "Fine, let's do the most vulgar thing: be intellectuals and desperately have children."
"I'm putting you through trouble," I patted her shoulder.
"Not at all, Jiamin. Perhaps I will never have the chance to prove my love for you, but I truly do love you more than myself."
I said, "Mimi, this matter was proven long ago."
We had never been more sensitive to time.
Every day when the sun rose, I would sigh: another day, and this was the first day of the days remaining to Jiaming.
When the sun set, I would think again: Jiaming's life has one less day.
At every moment my heart ached sharply.
Because I could not concentrate on work, both Huang Zhenhua and I were in a semi-resting state.
Rose displayed boundless perseverance. She was cheerful as if nothing were wrong, and my brother's mood was as calm and peaceful as ever. When we invited the two of them out, we mostly failed. Their reason was simple and true: "No time."
I often took Mimi in the afternoon to visit my brother and Rose, watching the two of them flirt and tease, living what seemed like a normal life.
My brother still practiced his violin. Rose deliberately raised her voice and then pretended to whisper, "That sound of the violin is really no different from killing chickens and ducks. Back then, in order to pursue him, I had to pretend to be a connoisseur. Now that the days have grown long, it is truly like torture."
My brother naturally heard every word. He said loudly, "Serves you right!"
I said, "You can learn from me: kick his study door hard and tell him to stop."
Rose said helplessly, "I'm afraid. He said if I insulted him like that, he would, he would--"
"He would what?" Mimi asked in surprise. "Hit someone?"
"He would cry." Rose blinked.
I laughed wildly, my eyes full of tears.
Why could such a perfect couple not live to see five generations under one roof? My brother had more right than anyone to live on, and Rose had more right than anyone to bear his children.
At dusk, Rose personally cooked delicate dishes, valuing quality over quantity. Usually there were only two or three plates, perfect in color, aroma, and taste, so good that one nearly swallowed one's own tongue.
My brother deliberately and unintentionally provoked Rose to anger--
"Salt seems to be very expensive lately. We really must use it sparingly; that's why this dish is so bland."
Rose would pounce on him and hit him.
He would cry out, "Hey, hey, hey, the two of us together are over seventy years old. Stop fooling around. This will become a joke for the younger generation. Hey, hey, hey--"
I envy only mandarin ducks, not immortals.
One day Mrs. Huang said quietly to me, "Only after seeing them do I understand what love is: so blind, so unrestrained, so breathtaking. We are merely inferior creatures who married and had children when the time came. Once anything is compared, superior and inferior are immediately distinguished."
Mimi said, "But they have compressed time. Their days are few."
"And us?" Mrs. Huang smiled bitterly. "Among us, who can guarantee they will live to one hundred? Who is not racing against time? Tomorrow may never come." Her voice was infinitely bitter. "At this moment I feel that I have never truly lived at all."
"You and Huang Zhenhua--" I was speechless.
"Zhenhua and I--" She lifted her head. "Zhenhua is an eternally calm person. Apart from his career, everything else is an appendage to him."
"There is no such thing as love in his life, and the greatest flaw in my character is that I vainly pursue love," Mrs. Huang said. "Am I old? Am I no longer qualified to speak of these things? Not necessarily. In my heart I have always been in great pain."
I listened blankly, extremely surprised.
"Zhenhua gives me impeccable care in life," Mrs. Huang smiled. "Most women would think he is a good husband."
She smiled again. "I myself am a capable and competent woman. I am luckier than others. With my own two hands I can also solve the problems of life, and therefore I have time to pursue a spiritual life. If Huang Zhenhua cannot satisfy me in this regard, what is there for me to cling to? There is no reason for me to keep accommodating Huang Zhenhua."
I asked dumbly, "You mean--"
"I want to leave Huang Zhenhua." she said gently.
"What?" I jumped up. "You and Huang are the ideal couple acknowledged by the whole city."
"The people of the city?" She smiled indifferently. "What do the people of the city know? Do I live for them?"
Mimi pondered for a while. "Does Mr. Huang know about this?"
"No. This is a special time now. I have no intention of causing greater chaos."
We understood what she meant. She was, after all, a good wife.
I was shocked, and my faith in marriage was greatly shaken.
"For these ten years, I alone have known that we are not a perfectly matched pair. I accommodated him in every possible way," Mrs. Huang said. "His favorite phrase is 'We might as well...' After hundreds of 'might as wells,' I had completely lost myself and become his shadow. Then he was satisfied, never realizing that this was me alone striving deliberately to make everything perfect."
I listened carefully.
"At first I did not understand either. I thought the way of husband and wife must be mutual accommodation. Now, after seeing Jiaming and Rose, I know that is not how it is. I am not happy. Perhaps my demands are too high and too unreasonable, but why not? Like everyone else, I can only live once."
Mimi opened her eyes wide and looked at me. It was not that she felt no sympathy in her heart, and the grievances she had suffered for me now, would they someday erupt as Mrs. Huang's had?
Mrs. Huang sighed deeply. "I do not ask the world to forgive me."
Mimi said impulsively, "I forgive you!"
"Back then I married Huang Zhenhua... because I wanted to fight for my pride--did you think I was finished? Far from it. A breath of pride," she laughed heartily, "how ridiculous."
"You do love him, don't you?" I could not help asking.
"Of course I love him, but from beginning to end, he never loved me. Before we were married, he lived comfortably in his parents' home and made me wait three and a half years. He never thought that I wasted those more than a thousand days in an apartment, every day like a year--ah, you are still young. You do not understand these endless stories. Though I am old, I still have my stories."
Mimi gripped her hand tightly. "I am your successor, Mrs. Huang."
Mrs. Huang shook her head. "Jiamin understands affection. You two can grow old together. But only Zhenhua, he does not understand Rose, does not understand Jiamin, and does not understand me either. He is flawless in every way, but he does not understand love--"
"On that point I agree," I said.
Mrs. Huang said, "How unfortunate."
Mrs. Huang's tragedy is that she must pursue ideals within an environment that has already become fact.
I never expected that even this pair would have problems. For two people to live together, how could it be merely an art? It is simply building the Great Wall, a bitter project.
The dying insist on being together, while the living must separate.
Huang Zhenhua poured out his grievances to me, bitter as coptis.
Women, he said, he did not understand women. For ten years, he and Su Gengsheng had been acknowledged as the best couple. Now she was in a cold war with him, had moved to the study to sleep, was still listening to Tchaikovsky's piano concerto at three or four in the morning, and yet the next day after getting up acted as if nothing had happened.
Huang Zhenhua said, "She loves me. This woman still loves me very much even now, but she is willing to treat me like this. I truly do not understand this woman's heart."
I said, "Perhaps she thinks you do not love her."
"I do not love her?" Huang Zhenhua pointed his finger at his own nose. "If I did not love her, would I have married her? For ten years she has accused me of not loving her. Women all hope men will become clowns for them, that one by one they will die for them. What they never consider is that if their husbands die, they will become widows."
I did not dare make a sound.
"It is not that I am saying this, but even though Rose has a thousand faults, she has one good quality: she never argues with men over these things. Rose's mind is the simplest. Love is love. She does not calculate how much she gives or how much she gets back. She never puts love on a balance scale to weigh it. Wouldn't you say so?"
My heart ached with a gentle, twisting pain. How could roses ever be the same? How many roses are there in this world? We are all ordinary people, and among ordinary people, Ms. Su Gengsheng is one of the most genuine souls around. Huang Zhenhua cannot say otherwise.
Huang Zhenhua said: "Women! An uneducated woman is like a savage, and an educated woman wants to start a revolution."
A woman as flawlessly lovely as a rose, and yet her fate is so cruel.
She decided to go on vacation to the Bahamas with my eldest brother, and we all tried to dissuade them. My brother already had to go to the hospital regularly every week for medication and injections, and leaving a familiar environment was a very unwise thing to do.
My brother laughed with an easy open-heartedness, saying it did not matter. "Not going to the Bahamas doesn't necessarily mean I'll live ten more years. If I can't do as I please now, then when? Do I really want to go through a tunnel of white light and wait for the next life?"
Rose also smiled and supported him, standing behind him, one hand on his shoulder, the other gently stroking the back of his neck, treating my brother like a little child.
The two of them had that calm composure of people who look death in the face without flinching. It was no pretense, and that only made us more frightened and shaken. We watched the two of them board the plane.
Before leaving, my brother said to me: "Jiamin, those few qins in the study at home are worth a fair bit of money. Don't throw them out like rotten wood. You can trade them for a few Ferrari Dino Spider sports cars." He laughed.
Hearing this, my heart felt like it was being cut with a knife, and I hugged him tightly.
Rose wore a rainbow-colored floral shirt, cropped flared trousers with side slits, her hair in a ponytail, big hoop earrings, full of tropical flair, without a trace of sorrow.
My brother joked: "Compared to Rose, I'm simply a black-and-white newsreel print standing next to a Technicolor musical."
Rose laughed until she was doubled over, and Mimi also smiled along with her.
They finally left, like any young couple on a honeymoon, except they had no future, and they would not grow old together.
On the way home, Mimi suddenly said: "I understand now. I understand why you fell so madly in love with Rose."
I was startled and said nothing.
"She really is the most beautiful woman in the world," Mimi said from the bottom of her heart.
I said: "I think so too."
"Which one of us can be loyal to others, loyal to ourselves, and at the same time bravely keep on living? No matter whom she faces, she has a clear conscience, even with Fang Xiewen. She gave him the best ten years, she gave him an angel-like daughter," Mimi said. "She never calculates gain and loss. I cannot do one tenth of what she does. Asking me to learn from her is harder than a camel passing through the eye of a needle."
I sighed inwardly.
I said: "We are lucky. We can circle around in the realm of emotions. Some people work from morning to night just for three meals, squeezed into packed buses in pouring rain. They have even less chance to bring a great character into full bloom……"
I said: "Mimi, people cannot be compared with one another. God is not fair. Life is an illusion. My only promising young brother is about to leave me, and I am helpless, while that old beggar on the street corner to the left of the office will keep squatting in the dust for another thirty years, begging passersby for a coin. Can you explain this phenomenon?"
Mimi turned her head away and said nothing.
After a long while, she said: "Jiamin, I'm pregnant. Our first child will be born next June."
"Ah—" In the midst of my tangled sorrow I saw a ray of dawn. "June, Mimi, if it's a girl, we can call her June."
"And if it's a boy?" she asked me.
"Call him Xiaoming. Just a little bit like Jiaming is enough," I said.
Mimi smiled. "Very good. Our child doesn't need to be too clever either. Just a tiny bit clever is enough."
"What's wrong with focusing on the small things?" I said. "Only small people are happy."
Mrs. Huang Zhenhua clearly did not think so. Three days after Rose and Jiaming left, she asked Huang Zhenhua for a separation.
Huang Zhenhua had not expected this move. He was so shocked that he was extremely tense and could not cope with work, asking again and again: "Why? Why?"
Mrs. Huang remained silent.
Huang Zhenhua roared: "Do you want me to get blood cancer too, so we can die in each other's arms and prove my love for you?"
Mrs. Huang packed a small suitcase to leave.
Huang Zhenhua broke down. "Gengsheng, please don't leave me. This is the second time in my life I've begged someone. The first time I begged you, and the second time I'm begging you too."
Mrs. Huang said palely: "You don't understand, Zhenhua. You will never understand."
Mimi and I, acting as intermediaries, went and sat there listening to a husband and wife arguing and cursing at each other. It was unbearably painful.
"I know, you want me to be attentive to your every need. At the beginning you hoped I would pick you up and drop you off from work. I didn't do that, and you held a grudge. I didn't wait for you for an hour at the meeting place, and you—"
Mrs. Huang raised her head and looked at Huang Zhenhua. Huang Zhenhua suddenly stopped talking. He sighed. "I always took care of you in the big things."
"Big things?" Mrs. Huang said. "When is World War III? I'm sure that on that day, you would definitely take me along to flee. But Zhenhua, these past ten years, I've gone to work alone, come home alone, you had no time at lunch, you had social engagements at night, and when I got sick I found a doctor myself. Zhenhua, when there's no war and no big events, even seeing your face is hard."
I lowered my head.
Mrs. Huang said: "I am still a lonely woman. Your sunlight is too high and too far away to shine on me. Huang Zhenhua, I am not worthy of you. Go find someone else."
Huang Zhenhua said: "Gengsheng, there is no such thing as a perfect person in this world."
Mrs. Huang said: "Freezing three feet of ice does not happen in a single day, Zhenhua."
Huang Zhenhua said: "Gengsheng, I advise you to think it over carefully. If we both have to separate—"
Mrs. Huang said no more.
Huang Zhenhua sighed, stood up, and left.
At the doorway, he turned around and said to us with infinite desolation: "I have lived too long. If I had died last year, I would also have been the best husband in the world."
Mrs. Huang still did not speak.
Until he left, she said no more.
She had clearly made up her mind.
I only felt disappointment. The two of them were not even a couple who had married young, and yet even a pair like this had to separate. I did not know who on earth could really grow old together.
Mimi seemed to see right through my thoughts. She said: "Oh, plenty of people. Those who want to save face, those who follow convention, the cowardly, those who depend on a meal ticket, those who use each other. Jiamin, there are plenty. Plenty of people grow old together. What's the big deal? When a relationship breaks, there is a special husband-and-wife brand all-purpose glue. Stick it back together and it's as good as new. Don't worry so much. The streets are full of loving couples, and children are constantly being born to strengthen their bond. Don't worry, Jiamin. We are the best example."
Mimi cried.
That was because after I changed my heart, she did not have the courage to leave me.
And I, after Rose rejected me, could not reach the state of seeing no cloud except that one over Mount Wu.
In this world full of holes and wounds, there are truly a great many things worth crying over.
My brother and Rose returned to Hong Kong, China three weeks later.
Rose walked out; my brother was carried out on a stretcher.
Rose looked very unwell, but she was strong and calm. There was a trace of emptiness in her eyes. She gripped my hand tightly.
In the car she said softly to me: "He said he loves me. He said he is very happy."
I nodded.
My brother did not speak again. He remained in a state of shock.
In the hospital room, the two of us as a couple and Huang Zhenhua took turns keeping watch, but Rose was there the whole time.
Her hair was braided into two plaits. She wore a loose white shirt and a pair of faded jeans, and often held a cup of coffee.
Rose's expression was very calm, and she spoke very little.
We knew that Pu Jiaming would not speak to us again. His life had already reached its end.
I had already been hysterical, but Rose's constant calm had a good effect on us, and we were able to discuss Jiaming's affairs after his death rationally.
Late on Sunday night, following the doctor's instructions, we rushed to the hospital to see my brother one last time.
Rose had not slept or rested for several days. She sat on the edge of the bed, lowered her head, held my brother's hand, pressed it against her cheek, and looked at him with deep devotion.
She did not cry.
By this time my brother was long since not the brother of ordinary days. His organs had begun to decay, and every breath gave off a foul odor. His long period of coma had caused his limbs to die, and his muscles had taken on a grayish-white color.
A man who had once been handsome was now no different from any long-ill skeleton.
But in Rose's eyes, he was still the elegant, handsome, refined Pu Jiaming. She did not mind in the least, and gently kissed his hand.
Mimi's eyes were already wet.
The doctor gave him an injection and told us he would have a moment of clarity.
This was what is commonly called the last radiance of the setting sun.
Rose raised her head, saw us, and said: "He really is tired. It's time for him to go. Holding on is useless." Her tone was not sorrowful, nor agitated.
Mimi threw herself on my brother and wept.
My brother slowly opened his eyes, moved his lips, and wanted to speak. We leaned forward, but he made no sound. A healthy person could never know that even saying one sentence requires such strength.
His gaze moved slowly over us, and finally landed on Rose's face. His sunken eyes could still emit a soft radiance. Rose's mouth was close to his ear, and she said clearly: "I love you."
He heard it and nodded slightly.
"I will love you forever and ever," Rose said again.
Mimi was choked with sobs.
Then my brother's throat made a gurgling sound. I gripped his hand as it gradually grew cold. He breathed his last breath. I knew his soul had already left. I roared wildly and violently, the sounds unable to form sentences. The nurse reprimanded me. Mimi wrapped her arms around me and wailed.
I wished I could follow my brother. Birth, aging, illness, and death are none of them according to our own wishes. Is life ultimately bitter or joyful?
Rose raised her head and laid my brother's hands properly. The nurse covered his face with a white cloth. From then on, this life was crossed off from the world, and the sun could never shine on him again.
Rose came over and patted my shoulder. "Jiamin, don't be sad. Don't be sad."
At this time Huang Zhenhua and Su Gengsheng also arrived, one after the other.
Huang Zhenhua's eyes were red and swollen. His separated wife, always dressed in white, looked utterly haggard.
Rose seemed to take on the responsibility of comforting everyone. She had no fear of death at all. She accepted this fact just as she accepted being born a beautiful woman.
"Let's go," she suggested. "I'm very tired. I want to sleep well."
Mimi said: "We'll stay with you—"
"No need," Rose said gently. "I'll be all right. Just take me back to the old house."
Huang Zhenhua said: "Rose, I'll take you. Jiamin's emotions are not very stable, so it's not suitable for him to drive."
Rose said: "The person here most suitable to drive is me."
"Don't say that."
I drove Rose home. The old house was dark and gorgeous, as if it were the day I first saw her. It was raining, I had forgotten my umbrella, and she came to open the door for me. I was utterly dazzled by her beauty. By this moment it seemed a century had passed.
She said: "Please go back. I want to rest."
Mimi asked: "What do you plan to do?"
"First, have a good sleep," Rose said.
"And after you wake up?" Mimi asked.
"Eat a very full meal."
"And then?"
"Tidy up the house a bit—" Rose asked in surprise. "You don't believe I will live as usual?"
"But—" Mimi stammered. "Jiaming is no longer here."
"I know he is no longer here," Rose said. "But he hoped I would live on. He would hope I would live on happily and normally."
"Can you do it?" I asked.
"I will learn," she said. "For Jiaming."
She pushed open the door to the study.
She had an immense fondness for this old study.
"Please go back. I want to drink a cup of tea and smoke a cigarette," she said. "There is a maid here, so you can be at ease, and you can call anytime to check."
We had no choice but to take our leave.
"Jiamin." She called me back.
I turned around.
"Jiamin, don't be too sad," she said.
Numbly, Mimi and I withdrew. Back home, we nearly fell apart. Mimi said I called my brother's name for several nights in a row.
Pu Jiaming was from then on no longer here.
Without Su Gengsheng, Huang Zhenhua could accomplish nothing. Su Gengsheng, after all, still remembered old ties and often came back to help us.
My brother left all his property to me.
He divided his love into two parts, one for me and one for Rose. His life was abundant. He gave, and he also asked. His life was not short either, forty-two years, more than enough. Life only needs to be good, not long.
Rose was free again.
She was much quieter than before, lingering in the study of the old house, seldom going out to socialize.
Rose was still breathtakingly beautiful, and she did not wear mourning for Jiaming. She did not care for such superficial worldly conventions, and still wore colorful fashionable clothes as before.
She had started smoking again. She had already quit, but now, keeping Jiaming company, she had taken it up heavily once more, usually going about with her former sister-in-law.
I had offered to keep her company, but she politely declined.
She said, "At my age now, I must learn to avoid suspicion. Jiamin, you are a married man, your wife is about to give birth, your time should all go to your wife."
Her reasoning was impeccable, so I had no choice but to retreat.
After Jiaming's funeral, our family quieted down.
His music was heard no more, and my body seemed to have suddenly lost half of itself, unable to balance.
Mimi's pregnant body was gradually becoming inconvenient, but she was very strong and still worked. Sometimes she was extremely tired, and I urged her to resign, but she refused, still propping herself up to go to work, leaving the housework to the maid.
After urging her a few times, I saved myself the trouble. I felt apologetic toward her; my feelings were faint, not like the fire and passion I had for Rose.
Mimi and I were a lifelong matter, and it would not do not to conserve my energy for later use.
In just three short months I had become a standard stay-at-home man. After work I was utterly listless, and upon returning home I would take off my leather shoes and loudly ask, "Where are my slippers?"
The maid would pour me a cup of ambiguous green tea. It was fragrant, but I did not know what kind or type it was, and I drank it anyway. There were several inexplicable paintings in the study, and I hung them up too, and it did not matter.
Opening the newspaper, I could read for a full hour without lifting my head. Gradually I became addicted to the serialized fiction in the supplement. A man named Weisi Li wrote his science fiction, telling us that life is truly an illusion, and I followed it day after day.
When the maid said dinner was ready, I would sit down and eat, eating a lot, not fussy about the dishes, rather preferring simple easy-to-eat meats like poached chicken. Soon I had grown a ring of fat on my belly, and my waistband was a bit tight, but I did not deliberately attend to it. I knew I had already given up.
In April our child was born. Waiting at the door of the delivery room, I was not very nervous either.
The child was born naturally, strong, a girl. I was somewhat happy, patted Mimi on the shoulder, and half-jokingly said, "Comrades must still strive."
My life, it must be over just like this.
My life and Mimi's life.
But Rose's life was still far from over.
Sometimes we saw her too. She never aged, only continued to mature, beautiful, elegant, silent, her face like a gemstone, flashing with strange luster when it turned.
Many pursued her, and women's magazines still considered it an honor to publish interviews with her. Even if not for her beauty, now the plot of land of the old Huang family house alone was enough to make her one of the richest women in the city.
She possessed all the best conditions of a woman.
I asked her, "Are you happy?"
"Of course I'm happy," she said, "Why should I be unhappy?"
At that time in her study, we drank brandy of unknown vintage and chatted, while Mimi and the child played in the living room, and Huang Zhenhua brought his new girlfriend.
"But—"
"But what?" She smiled, looked up at a violin hanging on the wall, "Because of Jiaming, should I be unhappy? When I think of Jiaming, I am indeed sorrowful, but I think that since a person has everything she wants, she ought to be happy. Jiamin, you should be happy too. Even Sister Gengsheng, I advise her the same way. There is no such thing as perfection in this world."
I lowered my head, and she quickly changed the subject.
"Just now I told Mimi that now that you are relaxed, with the child born you can really breathe a little easier. Guess what she said? She said, 'I'm pregnant again.'"
Rose laughed, "I think she is qualified to invest in buying Hestron maternity clothes. She is going to have seven children anyway, one outfit for seven years, and no matter how expensive the clothes are, they are worth it."
I smiled.
"If a woman loves her husband to the point of bearing seven children, she truly is……" she said gently.
I said, "I know she loves me."
Rose said, "Now that you are a father, how does it feel?"
"A heavy responsibility," I said truthfully.
"This matter between Big Brother and Sister Gengsheng……" Rose said, "The two of them are now good friends and see each other often."
"Doesn't he have a new girlfriend?" I disapproved.
Rose laughed, "How could those women satisfy him? He is very good to Sister Gengsheng now. Once he went with me to Nina Ricci's shop and bought several white dresses, and had someone deliver them to Sister Gengsheng. In the past, would he have been willing to do that? In the past, he simply ignored such details."
"Is there a possibility of them getting back together?" I said.
"The way I see it, the possibility is very great. He should also date other women, so that he can better discover Sister Gengsheng's merits."
"And you?"
"Me?" She smiled and stretched lazily, "I still eat, drink, and play as always. You know, Jiamin, apart from these four pleasures, I know nothing else."
"What about Little Rose?" I asked, "Do you miss her?"
"Little Rose lives in New York, and we often keep in touch. A child who grew up in New York has a different air about her." She slightly raised her delicate chin.
In my heart I said softly: Rose, I still love you like this, forever and ever, unconditionally.
"Jiamin, Jiamin." She always liked to call me in this repeated way, making my heart waver.
"What is it?" This truly was a woman for whom one would willingly go through fire and water.
"Promise me, you must live happily."
"I am not unhappy," I said.
"That remark already sounds sulky enough," she said.
"I will be happy, I promise you."
"I want to shower and change clothes," she said, "Tonight I am attending a grand banquet. I have added a Saint Laurent long dress, and the design is truly beautiful—" She stretched lazily and smiled, "I really will never grow up. Even today I am thrilled over a dress and a banquet, how childish and silly."
Yet in my eyes there was nothing improper about her. I felt that a woman should be like a woman, and Rose was exactly a woman like a rose.
"With whom are you attending the banquet?" I asked.
"Sir Luo Deqing," Rose answered.
Ah, the chapter of Pu Jiaming had already been turned. A person of utmost feeling and saintliness should be open-minded.
"Ah, him," I was surprised, "He is pursuing you?"
"Yes, that is what they all say," Rose answered innocently.
"They?" I asked, "You are the one involved, don't you know?"
Rose shrugged, "The involved party is blind." Then she smiled again, and that tear mole sparkled.
What man in this world could withstand that delicate, languid smile of hers?
I sighed.
"I am old, Jiamin," she brought her face close to me, "Look, all wrinkles."
When she smiled there were indeed crow's feet, but so what? She was still a rare beauty, beautiful within and without, beautiful in every way.
"We are taking our leave," I said.
"Come visit me when you have time," she said.
I put both hands in my pockets, noncommittal.
Mimi came in holding the child, and I took the child from her arms.
Rose tossed her hair, stood up to see us off.
Huang Zhenhua left together with us.
In the car Mimi became silent again.
Every time after seeing Rose, she always had this intermittent silence.
I knew why.
I said, "Hong Kong, China, this place, is only suited for making money and spending money. It is hard enough for adults, but it is the children who suffer. Studying in Hong Kong, China, is simply unreasonable—"
Mimi raised her head, and hope shone in her eyes.
"Mimi, we still have a house in Canada, remember? Let's go back there to live. Life will be a bit harder, and you may never ride in a Rolls-Royce your whole life, but our family of several will live very comfortably. What do you say?"
She hugged me tightly, and the child began to cry softly in the back seat of the car.
Rose had said, she told me to live happily.
"I will open a small company, with just four or five colleagues, and take on only the projects I like. We will live very well, only coming back during summer vacation to see relatives. Mimi, let's go back and pack our luggage, how about it?"
Mimi's hot tears flowed endlessly in my arms, and she nodded desperately.
I stroked Mimi's hair. Only the most ordinary and simple life is the happiest.
But Rose, Rose was different.
Goodbye, Rose.
Part Three: The Last Rose
Chapter One
Fang Taichu was not an old pedant; such a grand and imposing name easily causes misunderstanding.
In fact Taichu was a girl, and a beautiful girl. When I met her she was seventeen, a first-year university student, my junior classmate.
She had a childhood name, Little Rose. Ah, Little Rose suited her better. Foreign classmates all liked to call her Rose, and she herself, how should I describe her? She herself was like a translucent, just-budding pink rose.
Besides being beautiful, she was a gentle and easygoing person, with a very perfect character, good at her studies, willing to help others, and most importantly, she was very rational, handling matters without a single disorder, with clear lines. Men and women, old and young, there was no one who did not like her.
She was born in New York, but did not like the place. She said she had the essence of a country person, not fond of big cities, and so she moved with her father to San Jose, California, to attend university, and that was how I came to know her.
At the freshman reception, I asked her her name.
She said, "I have no English name. My Chinese name is Fang Taichu."
"Ah, such a special name."
She smiled, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God—my grandfather is a Christian."
She was so beautiful, yet showed not the slightest trace of arrogance, and I liked her at once.
I said, "My name is Zhou Tanghua, a fifth-year architecture student."
She tilted her head, "My eldest maternal uncle is also an architect, with a company in Hong Kong, China."
"Architects in Hong Kong, China, all make a fortune," I said.
She laughed heartily, "You men only think of making a fortune." Her manner was delicate and languid.
She wore a pair of purplish-red leather jeans and a rainbow-colored sweater knitted of silk and wool, the most fashionable attire at university at the time, with not a trace of makeup on her face.
Taichu's long hair was gathered behind her head, casually tied with a rubber band. Her temperament was so fine it defied naming, one hundred percent an artist, truly worthy of being a top student in the fine arts department.
She had many boyfriends she dated, but her private life was not promiscuous. The boys not only liked her but also respected her, and that was the most important thing.
The climate in San Jose was good, suitable for going out to sketch. I had a seventh-hand old car that rumbled when driven, and when I had time I would ask her out for a ride.
She was not necessarily free, and I had to queue for her time, but who would mind? Waiting for her was worth it.
I told her that New York was a good place to develop art.
She corrected me, "New York is a good place for artists to become famous."
Then she added, "Some people love fame, some do not."
She was still so young, yet spoke with perfect sense. Many beautiful women live in a fog, thinking that if their eyes and nose are slightly better looking, they can get by smoothly their whole lives.
Fang Taichu, however, was very shrewd. She managed her life very well, so after knowing her a little better, one would feel that on the outside she resembled a rose, but inside she was like a tree.
Taichu's paintings were Pre-Raphaelite, without much style, but her technique was first-rate. Yet after the invention of color photography, such paintings had no value at all.
She said, "My personal enjoyment. I like this kind of painting."
At first I had no intention of pursuing her. Competing with other boys was a great waste of time, and my studies were so intense that it was truly impossible for me to do such things—
The architecture department admitted over a hundred students in the first year, and only about ten would graduate straight through in six years. What was good about the taste of long-term exile in a foreign land? I wanted to return home.
It was Taichu who approached me first, and gradually I often ran into her in the library and the beer hall.
Taichu always cast aside the others to chat with me, and however slow I was, I knew what was going on. I could not help but be flattered, and amid my emotion, I easily fell in love with her.
Believe me, falling in love with Taichu was not too difficult a matter.
There are many factors in one person falling in love with another. Taichu had many merits. She hardly ever even threw a little tantrum like ordinary girls, and when she did slightly lose her temper, it was like being coquettish, rarely making me lose face.
Perhaps it was because of San Jose. In a simple and honest place, people also become simple and honest. Our feelings progressed like a long, steady stream, pleasant and bright. Such a romance was simply an enjoyment. Whether others were envious I do not know, but in my whole life, my mood had never been as happy as at this moment.
Taichu is really just adorable.
For Easter we went camping in Yellowstone Park and had a wonderful week. This girl, she can do the cultured things and the rugged things too. Out in the middle of nowhere we built fires, brewed coffee and scrambled eggs, bathed and washed our hair in the icy stream, and at night lay in our sleeping bags gazing up at a sky full of stars.
Even the immortals are not as happy as we were. What's so great about being an immortal?
Taichu rarely talked about her family. Having known her for nearly a year, I knew her parents had divorced and she lived with her father. Old Mr. Fang (not really old, actually, just forty-eight) was not all that well off. He had worked at a bank for over twenty years without ever getting a promotion, yet he never quit either. I don't know why, but he always gave me the impression of a man down on his luck. I had eaten with him twice. He liked to drink, and what good liquor can an ordinary person get in America? He always clung to a bottle of three-star brandy. His suit was badly wrinkled, his tie askew. One look and you knew he had already given up, his spirits utterly deflated.
Because of Taichu, I was very gentle with him.
Taichu loved her father, and she tolerated her father too.
Old Fang's only reason for living was Taichu. The two of them depended on each other for survival, and had for a long time, I feared.
I asked Taichu, "Why did your mother leave him?"
"She despised him for being poor," Taichu said indignantly.
It probably wasn't that simple, I smiled to myself. Husbands like Fang Xiewen would mostly rather believe that their wives left them because they were poor.
Since vanity is a woman's greatest flaw and wins no sympathy from the world, he came out the victor.
I said nothing. Taichu loved her father, and as for me, I had to love what she loved.
On Taichu's eighteenth birthday, I gave her the gold watch my father had given me.
She refused to accept it, saying it was too valuable and that I should keep it for its sentimental worth.
I said, "If I wanted to buy some other gift, I could afford that too, something like a brooch, a necklace or a ring, but things you can just buy on the street feel too casual. If you won't take this gold watch, I'll be very upset."
She immediately tied the gold watch around her waist, and I felt we had a sign that "the matter was settled."
Taichu said, "Come, help me go to the post office and send this package back."
"What package? Such a big one."
She said nothing.
I looked at the wrapping paper and read aloud the sender's name and address: "Huang Meigui, No. 3 Luoyang Road, Hong Kong, China." I asked, "Who?"
Taichu did not answer.
"Why send it back?"
Taichu said nothing.
"Am I your boyfriend or not?" I asked with a smile. "Hey, Fang Taichu, say something."
She sighed and said softly, "This person is my mother."
"Your mother? Named Huang Meigui? Oh, I get it, so you're called Little Rose! Is that why?"
Taichu picked up the package.
"You're not curious at all?" I asked. "Open it and take a look."
"Dad told me to send it back right away," she said.
"It's not Pandora's box," I said. "Since your mother sent it, at least open it and have a look."
"In the past ten years she's sent I don't know how many things, and Dad always told me to send them back. I've never looked."
"Suit yourself. The grudges of the previous generation shouldn't be passed on to the next." I picked up the package for her.
She hesitated.
"All right," she said. "You help me open it and take a look."
I fumbled it open. Inside the box was a long white gauze dress. I shook it out and we both stood frozen.
Taichu sighed, "A dress can actually be made to this level. This is simply a work of art."
In the box there was also a pair of pink satin shoes.
"Is this your size?" I asked.
"Size five, exactly. How did she know?"
"Look, there's also a letter here, written to you."
Taichu couldn't resist. She opened it and found a beautiful birthday card, densely covered with writing inside.
As Taichu read, her lips moved silently. I sat to one side watching her expression. The card was very long. Her eyes gradually reddened, and at last she put the letter down, leaned her head against the back of the chair, and stared blankly at the ceiling.
She said softly, "Tang gege, let me try on that dress."
I handed her the dress.
She went into the room to change and came back out.
I let out a "wow." She looked like a fairy gliding over the waves. The gauze was soft, with a slender waist, a low neckline, a series of pleats at the collar, and on the semi-transparent fabric there were tiny white sesame-like dots.
"It's gorgeous," I exclaimed.
She stepped into high heels and twirled around. "Such a beautiful dress, where would you even wear it? You wouldn't need to dress like this to have dinner at the White House."
"Your mother loves you very much," I said.
She lifted her skirt and sat down in the chair. "Buying a pretty dress and sending it to me counts as loving me? Where has she been for the past ten years?"
"I like this dress. Let's fly to New York for dinner. Don't waste it."
Taichu laughed. "Stop making trouble," she said. "I'll take it off and send it back."
I looked at the label on the dress: Nina Ricci. "Your mother is very rich?"
"Not necessarily," Taichu said. "My grandfather on my mother's side wasn't any shipping magnate. Dad says she's very vain, and spent her whole life's energy on eating, drinking and having fun."
I spread my hands. "Then why did he marry her? Was he deceived by her?"
Taichu folded the dress neatly and put it back in the box, saying, "Stop mocking us."
I said, "How long was she married to your father?"
"Ten years. From twenty-one to thirty."
"A woman's best years," I said. "Even if your father was deceived, it was well worth it. I can say for certain your mother is a beautiful woman, because you don't look like your father."
Taichu was annoyed. "You're like everyone else, you don't like my dad."
"Taichu, that's the previous generation's business after all. If I were you, for politeness's sake, I would at least write a reply."
She said nothing.
"Everything you know about her comes from your father. I think divorce is a matter of both sides. It takes two to tango, and you know that."
Taichu said, "Even an upright official can't judge a matter like this."
"She's still your mother," I said.
Taichu got cross. "You're impossible, insisting on poking into other people's family affairs."
"Other people?" I disagreed. "She's not other people. She'll be my mother-in-law in the future."
"Mother-in-law? Who agreed to marry you?" she laughed. "Let's go, the post office closes in the afternoon."
"Yes, at your command. I've been promoted. The lowly attendant is now promoted to general."
"You're so long-winded," she said, pushing me.
After graduation we got engaged.
The day I proposed to Taichu, she asked me, "Have you thought it through? There are plenty of pretty girls out there who'd be happy to wear your ring."
"Have you thought it through too?" I asked. "With a girl as beautiful as you—"
"Oh, nonsense," she laughed. "I've known for ages what's out there."
"Oh, so I'm the best of the rubbish heap?" I teased her.
She sighed. "I don't know, but I'm already old enough. If I don't marry now, when will I?"
"Taichu," I shook my head. "I really admire you. I can't even outtalk you."
She gazed at me. "You'll take care of me and cherish me, won't you?"
"If I hadn't intended to, why would I have proposed to you?"
"That's true," she smiled. "The god of longevity needn't go looking for arsenic to eat."
"Will your parents like me?" she suddenly asked again.
"No, no, they'll treat you like the wicked queen treated Snow White. If you're afraid, you'd better not marry me."
"If I hoped to get a little comfort from you, I'd be utterly deluded," she gave me a look.
Of course my parents liked Taichu.
Their letter showed boundless joy, and they were astonished by Taichu's beauty. They wrote: "What—our future daughter-in-law is even better looking than the most beautiful movie star. How can there be such a pretty girl? Even in an ordinary snapshot she stands out so much, in person she must be even more beautiful……"
Taichu laughed when she read the letter. "When they see me in person, they'll be greatly disappointed."
I studied Taichu. "Chinese people are strange. Their standards of beauty follow Western ones. Big eyes, a small mouth, a high nose and white skin count as beautiful, and you happen to fit all those standards. But what foreign girl doesn't have those qualities? So you've been buried all these years. Go back to Hong Kong, I guarantee people on the street will chat you up."
"I'm not going back to Hong Kong," she laughed. "Dad says that place is the most sinful of all."
The common sense my father-in-law instilled in his daughter was truly astonishing, astonishingly biased.
I wanted to correct him, but I was afraid Taichu would be unhappy—"You're like everyone else, you don't like my father"—so I kept my mouth shut.
Hong Kong is a very lovely place, and in the future I mean to go back. These things can be argued out with Taichu slowly later. She is a very pure and innocent girl, easy to talk to.
My parents completely agreed to our marriage. Because Father was busy with business, he couldn't come to our engagement, so he sent two round-trip plane tickets and told us to come home once.
Taichu was very hesitant, because she hadn't graduated yet, the holiday was short, and she was also afraid her father wouldn't let her go.
I made it very clear that I would absolutely not do anything to displease her. If she didn't go back, I wouldn't go back either.
She was moved. What a good girl.
Old Mr. Fang, holding his glass of cheap brandy, pondered for a long while without answering.
Taichu looked earnestly at her father's disappointed, down-and-out face. To be honest, I was absolutely moved by Taichu, and so I began to see Old Fang in a new light. If a man receives a great deal of love from his daughter, then he is no simple father; he must have something to his credit.
He said slowly, "Go with Tanghua. You'll soon be part of his family, so naturally you should do as they say. They only invited you back because they adore you."
I was very happy.
"Tanghua," he said bitterly, "you must take good care of this daughter of mine."
"Dad," Taichu said, "what kind of talk is that? We're going for two weeks and then coming back. I don't want to leave you." She went over and put her arm around her father's shoulders.
Old Fang's eyes grew moist. He said, "Yes, I really do have a good daughter."
Taichu said, "Dad, Tang gege said that if I don't go back to Hong Kong, he won't go back either."
"Oh," my father-in-law said again, "I also have a good son-in-law."
Taichu said, "Dad, take good care of your health."
"I know, I'm not a child," he stroked Taichu's long hair. "Take care of yourself. Before you speak, watch Tanghua's expression. Hong Kong is not San Jose. If you're too blunt, people will take offense."
"Yes, Dad."
I smiled along with great patience. Old Mr. Fang was probably just a failure who had accomplished nothing. It would have been better if he had failed completely, but no, he had succeeded once, marrying an extraordinary wife, and after she spent ten years with him she left him, making the rest of his days pass like a walking corpse.
A pitiful man.
Yet even so, he was not so selfish as to deny his daughter her freedom. I was very grateful to him.
After we got his consent, a great weight lifted from my heart. A new understanding existed between him and me.
"Dad," I said, "you must take good care of yourself too."
He showed a faint smile and said, "Tanghua, good, you're good."
Taichu later told me: the moment she saw her father in that down-and-out state, she couldn't help hating her mother.
As their daughter, she was right to say that. But a woman cannot spend her whole life keeping a man company just because he is pitiable. She pities him, but who pities her?
Taichu will not understand this. To her, however fallen and however worthless Fang Xiewen may be, he is still the father she dearly loves. I love Taichu, and I love this devotion in her too.
Taichu has a small scar below the outer corner of her left eye. This is the only flaw on her whole face, like a grain of pockmark. When talking with her, I habitually point at that white spot.
She said, "This used to be a mole."
"It used to be a mole? Why is it gone now?" I asked in surprise.
"Dad said it was a tear mole, and a tear mole is not a good sign, so he found a doctor to remove it."
Truly superstitious.
I said, "If it were a mole, it would have driven many people crazy," I stuck out my tongue, "good thing it was removed."
Taichu said, "Your true colors are showing even more now that we're engaged. I really don't know if I should marry you."
"You won't find a better man than me. I'll be forever faithful to you," I retorted immediately.
We returned to Hong Kong. When Mother met Taichu, her face lit up with joy. "She looks even better in person than in photos," she said repeatedly. It's said that elderly people like beautiful daughters-in-law. Sure enough, Taichu was so praised that she grew embarrassed, though she just smiled radiantly.
We stayed at my parents' home. Taichu was truly cooperative, getting up early every day to help Mother with household chores and accompany her to the market. Mother had been used to going to the wet market for years, and Taichu showed deep interest in the muddy street market. Mother had unexpectedly gained a good companion and was overjoyed.
Father told the relatives, "This girl is simply so perfect you can't find a flaw. Her looks are secondary; it's her gentle and kind nature that really matters. We are truly blessed." He didn't know that Taichu had quite a stubborn streak. She was the kind of woman who only loses her temper three times in a lifetime, but when she does, there's no stopping it, which is why I feared her most.
Sure enough, as expected, she didn't like Hong Kong. She had visited once when she was very young, but had no memory of it. Now revisiting the old place, she only felt it was cramped and crowded, with a completely chaotic, helter-skelter feeling. The Cantonese teahouse at Sunday noon especially puzzled her - "So many people crammed in there paying money just to wait for food," she laughed.
I took meticulous care of her. She was as innocent and straightforward as a child. Mother treated her like a precious jewel, so she enjoyed her few days of vacation very much and ate a lot. I teased her, telling her to be careful about becoming a little chubby.
Everything was fine until one morning.
At the time, Taichu was accompanying Mother to the small market as usual. Father was at the office, and only I and the old servant were at home.
I had just gotten up and was feeding the goldfish when the phone rang.
I went to answer it.
On the other end was a man's voice, slightly anxious but still courteous. He asked, "May I ask if there is a Miss Fang Taichu at your residence?"
Because his manner was really so pleasant, I answered, "Yes, she is my fiancee. May I ask what this is regarding? She is not at home at the moment."
"Oh, you must be Zhou Tanghua?"
"Yes," I was quite surprised, "Who is this?"
"Forgive me for calling you by your name, Tanghua. I am Little Rose's uncle, Huang Zhenhua."
"Oh, Uncle." I was unexpectedly pleased.
"Uncle," he laughed heartily, "that sounds good."
Huang Zhenhua said, "Tanghua, Little Rose is muddleheaded, and you're being muddleheaded along with her? As the saying goes, seeing your uncle is like seeing your mother. You two secretly got engaged without telling the Huang family - that's one offense. Coming to Hong Kong and then passing by without even dropping in as if nothing happened - that's another offense," he laughed heartily, "Aren't you going to come out and see your uncle?"
He was so cheerful, pleasant, and straightforward, with a natural charisma, that I immediately smiled apologetically, "Uncle, this is really—"
"Redeem yourself by making up for it. Aren't you going to write down my address and phone number? Tonight at eight, my car will come to your residence to pick up your father and mother for a meal together. Please ask them to make time for me by all means. The notice is short, so I must ask for their extra forgiveness."
"Yes."
"You rascal—" He suddenly sighed.
"I'm sorry, Uncle." I was a bit alarmed.
"I understand your situation. This certainly wasn't your idea. Fang Xiewen must have described the Huang family as utterly evil and not to be approached. Having been steeped in that, of course you'd stand on their side. Let me tell you, it's not like that. Even if you don't do it for the monk's sake, do it for the Buddha's sake. See you tonight."
"Yes." I said again.
He hung up.
Ah, so this was Taichu's eldest uncle? But hearing his voice was like seeing the person - he seemed the very picture of someone who excels at social maneuvering, charming everyone, handling each person flawlessly and making them feel comfortable and pleased. Such a talented person living like a fish in water in Hong Kong was only natural. I longed to see him in person.
When Taichu and Mother returned, I pulled her aside and told her about this.
Taichu's mouth fell open, "How did they know I've come to Hong Kong?"
"You can't wrap fire in paper," I winked, "If you want no one to know, don't do it yourself."
Taichu said, "I'm not going. I don't want to see anyone from the Huang family."
She added, "You know perfectly well I have no contact with my mother and her family. How could you accept his invitation?" She was angry.
I smiled bitterly, "I don't know either. His voice has a kind of magic. I obediently said yes, yes, yes in a row."
Taichu was both annoyed and amused, "You! You're even more useless than I am."
"Basically, I think it's absurd for a niece and an uncle she's never met to be enemies. You have half Huang family blood flowing in your veins. Since you can't avoid them, you might as well go meet them."
"I don't want to see my mother." She said softly. I sighed, "So silly."
"You tell Huang Zhenhua, I don't want to see my mother." She said stubbornly.
"Fine, fine, I'll tell him." I patted her shoulder.
Taichu embraced me, "Oh, Tang-ge, if you married someone else, you wouldn't have this kind of dilemma."
"What kind of talk is that?" I murmured, "At this point, where would I find someone else?"
Taichu laughed through her tears.
I immediately called Huang Zhenhua's architectural firm. I explained to him that Taichu didn't want to see her mother.
I said, "She has a psychological barrier. It would be better for her to meet her uncle and aunt first."
"That makes sense," Huang Zhenhua pondered for a moment, "Alright, it will be done as you say. By the way, I heard you study architecture too."
"Yes." I answered.
"Don't go back to that remote backwater. Stay here," he was very sincere, "We'll discuss this matter slowly. See you tonight."
For some reason, I was moved by him once again. If someone else said such cliched things, I would be the first to be disgusted, but coming from his mouth, it tasted different.
I told Mother about tonight's dinner. She was greatly astonished, "Taichu's uncle is Huang Zhenhua? This Huang is a famous person. Even an old lady like me who never leaves home knows of him. He's a member of the two councils, an honorary governor of some university."
"Is that so?" I laughed, "Do you two elders need to dress up in formal attire to meet the guest?"
Huang Zhenhua's car arrived very punctually. The driver came up and rang the bell. The four of us went downstairs and saw an elegant middle-aged man standing beside a black Bentley sedan. He immediately came forward when he saw us.
"Mr. Zhou, Mrs. Zhou," he shook hands firmly with my father, "This must be Tanghua—" he greeted me as well.
He pulled Taichu out from behind me, "Little Rose, have you forgotten your uncle?" He embraced her.
The series of grand gestures left us dazzled. This person, I thought, if he had the chance to be in the Grand View Garden, he would be another Wang Xifeng.
After the pleasantries were exchanged, everyone got into the car. Inside sat a lady of about forty, elegant and refined, who greeted us with neither haughtiness nor humility.
This must be Mrs. Huang. I secretly applauded. Compared to her, Huang Zhenhua turned into an oily, vulgar businessman.
She seemed to know what I was thinking. She looked at me with smiling eyes, and I immediately blushed.
Taichu pressed close to me, holding my hand.
Along the way, Huang Zhenhua's polite and flattering words poured out like a flowing river. I was stunned listening, and Taichu and I looked at each other. But clearly, my two elders felt they had met Huang Zhenhua too late and found him extremely congenial.
I secretly glanced at Mrs. Huang. She playfully winked at us, and Taichu and I both laughed.
Taichu said in my ear, "I like this aunt."
I squeezed Taichu's hand to comfort her.
The restaurant was magnificent, a great place for Chinese food.
It was only then that I got a clear look at Huang Zhenhua's appearance. He was very handsome, with hair seventy percent white, but it seemed to add a kind of dignity. His figure was excellently maintained, clearly the result of regular exercise. He was full of energy, warm and hospitable.
He ordered a table full of good dishes and kept talking with us about topics we were familiar with and enjoyed. He was truly a first-rate diplomatic and social talent, witty just to the right degree, full of lively conversation, knowledgeable about everything - finance, politics, art, scenic spots everywhere, which brandy is the smoothest, which record player has the most original sound, what size yacht is most suitable, and so on.
Naturally, I admired him immensely. Living in a society like ours, knowledge alone is useless. What good to the public is someone so aloof and unapproachable? Huang Zhenhua is the true pillar of society.
But his wife, ah, Mrs. Huang was truly a woman of style. Her long hair was gathered in a low bun, with exquisite diamond ornaments on her ears. Her makeup was neither too heavy nor too light, and her manner was gentle and amiable.
She gently served us food, "Have some more bamboo shoots stewed with chicken. It's very fresh."
Or, "He's so noisy. Ignore him. Just drink your soup." "He" naturally referred to Huang Zhenhua.
The food was truly delicious. I had never eaten such good Chinese food. The wine was good too. I never knew brandy could be so fragrant. I felt quite tempted to stay and forget about going home - I didn't want to return to that remote backwater of a small American town. How nice it would be to live in Hong Kong, near the beach, say at Shek O, in a white bungalow, living a quiet life, and in leisure time going out with relatives and friends like Huang Zhenhua to enjoy lively eating and drinking. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
At the end, Huang Zhenhua gave me a watch as a meeting gift. I generously put it on.
Taichu had also drunk a little wine and was more relaxed. Her face was rosy, making her look even more like a rose.
Huang Zhenhua said, "She really looks like my sister. Ah, my niece is already so grown up. It happened in the blink of an eye."
Mrs. Huang studied Taichu and said, "She does look like her, but……" she tilted her head, "not from the same mold. Taichu is her own person."
Taichu was very happy.
"But," Mrs. Huang pointed at the corner of Taichu's eye, "where's that mole of yours?"
Taichu answered, "Because it was a tear mole, I had it removed."
Mrs. Huang seemed thoughtful and nodded.
As we walked to the door after the meal, Huang Zhenhua ran into a friend.
He told the person, "Do you remember Little Rose? Jiamin, look, she's grown so big, and she's engaged."
The man called "Jiamin" was holding a child. Hearing this, he looked toward Taichu, and his eyes fixed on her and didn't move.
Beside him were three or four more children, lovely and adorable as if carved from powder. He said, "The servant is on leave, so my wife and I had to bring the children out to eat. Zhenhua, arrange a date for me. Our family would like to invite Little Rose."
"Sure, sure," Huang Zhenhua was half drunk and half excited, "Tanghua, you arrange this. The same group of us."
Mrs. Huang urged, "Don't stand at the door anymore. Let's gather another day." Huang Zhenhua embraced Taichu again, and finally let us go.
I was exhausted.
Taichu laughed in shock, "How could I have an uncle like that?"
I said, "The cream of Hong Kong."
"They're really rich. Everything they wear and eat is the best. That one meal just now cost six thousand yuan! Over a thousand US dollars - that's practically a semester's expenses for me."
Taichu was baffled, "Even doing business couldn't make you that wealthy."
"Ignore them," I laughed, "Maybe your uncle just robbed a bank."
"We still have to keep eating? I'm afraid my stomach can't take it." Taichu said, "I'm not going to the next meal."
I actually found these banquets quite interesting. Adding some experiences wasn't a bad thing. I thought the Hong Kong genes in my blood had already activated.
Taichu said, "Uncle is already like this. I don't know what kind of unbearable person my mother must be. She must be the kind of woman who opens her mouth and can't close it, chattering on like a recording machine."
"You don't appreciate Huang Zhenhua? I do."
"Hmph," Taichu said, "And his friend, staring at me as if I'd grown horns on my head."
"You're beautiful."
"So rude."
"If you mind your manners, you'll miss the feast for your eyes. You can't have your cake and eat it too."
Taichu spat at me, "You and my uncle could totally team up for a comedy act."
"But they all remember you," I said, "Little Rose is indeed extraordinary."
"I don't remember them." She said.
"You don't want to see your mother?" I asked.
"No."
"Really don't?" I asked.
"So annoying. Are you interrogating me or what?" She retorted.
The next day, Huang Zhenhua invited me out for a detailed talk. In his office, he frankly told me he hoped I would stay, and he hoped Taichu would stay too.
I was also very frank - in front of a wise man, no dark words. I said, "But Taichu's father is very lonely, and here you have…… no shortage of liveliness."
"How do you know Little Rose's mother isn't lonely?" Huang Zhenhua countered.
"I just assumed." I said.
"She misses Little Rose very much." Huang Zhenhua said.
I thought to myself, if she missed her so much, why abandon her back then.
Huang Zhenhua smiled, "I know what you're thinking. Back then, she abandoned Little Rose for compelling reasons. It's a moving story. You may not believe it, but my sister is not like me. She is a person of utmost passion and integrity, and in matters of the heart, I am not as great as she is. In fact, in matters of the heart, I am a failure. My wife once left me, and it took tremendous effort to reconcile. Every day I have to watch her every expression and mood, not knowing how painful it was."
He really treated me like family.
"You will like your mother-in-law," Huang Zhenhua said, "She is a very beautiful woman."
I thought again: a woman of forty, no matter how beautiful, is still an old woman. A woman who could abandon her young daughter and not care - her beauty must be limited. In matters of the heart, I absolutely stood on Taichu's side. But in terms of reason, I was in favor of Taichu meeting her mother.
I said, "Taichu and I are going back to the United States."
Huang Zhenhua was silent.
"You haven't seen my father-in-law for a long time, have you?" I said, "He is very down on his luck. I believe we should give him the greatest sympathy."
Huang Zhenhua said: "I am completely against it. From beginning to end, I have a deep prejudice against this Fang Xiewen, so it is not convenient for me to speak. How about this: can I ask you to extend your stay in Hong Kong?"
"I will discuss it with Taichu," I said.
Huang Zhenhua was surprised. "Tanghua, you are so good to Taichu, putting her first in everything. I ask myself and I cannot do it. No wonder my wife says I do not understand love at all."
"Love is not a subject; it does not need to be studied," I smiled. "If you love someone, it comes from the heart, it is hard to hide, and you naturally put her first. It is an instinct, requiring no effort at all."
Huang Zhenhua was stunned for a moment, then sighed.
After a while he said: "I think you should know about her recent situation."
"All right, please tell me. I will pass it on to Taichu."
"She remarried five years ago."
I thought to myself: What is so surprising? A woman like her.
"Her husband is Sir Luo Deqing, slightly older than me, but very well matched with her, and their life is very happy. Our generation is very fortunate; our health and appearance are younger than our actual age. If you meet your mother-in-law, I am afraid you would not believe she could be your mother-in-law."
With a few more layers of powder on the face, some can pass for younger.
"Over the years she sent countless letters and parcels to Little Rose, and all of them were returned. I believe you know this too."
Could a few pretty dresses make up for a mother's love?
Huang Zhenhua laughed: "You rascal, are you silently cursing your mother-in-law again and again?"
I blushed. Nothing could be hidden from this man who was smooth and sharp in every way.
He said: "Come back to Hong Kong to get married. Your Zhou family has only you as a son. Our Zhou and Huang families should celebrate in grand style. How lively it would be."
I said: "My father-in-law would feel neglected. He also has only this one daughter."
"Good," Huang Zhenhua patted my shoulder. "Zhou Tanghua, you are a man with character and principles. Little Rose has better judgment than her mother."
He still had prejudice against my father-in-law.
I was an outsider to this whole matter, and I was very clear about the contradictions in it. Huang Zhenhua was first-rate in both intellect and learning, while my father-in-law was a slow, honest man. The gap in their endowments was vast. Poor father-in-law, the greatest misfortune of his life was meeting his wife. If he had married an ordinary woman as dutiful and modest as himself, he would long ago have enjoyed the full happiness of family life.
"Now Sir Luo invites you to his home for dinner. Whether you go or not is up to you."
I pondered for a long while. "We will go." I had always believed Taichu had no reason not to see her mother.
"Then a car will come to pick you up at eight tonight," he said.
"I will do my best to persuade Taichu," I said.
Taichu was very unhappy. She complained that I often made decisions on my own in such matters.
I smiled apologetically and said: "Your uncle even says I put you first in everything."
"Another crowd of people, another table full of dishes," she said softly.
"That crowd of people are all your closest flesh and blood. I will be there, and so will the aunt you like."
She patted her chest. "Auntie is truly my calming pill."
That was exactly right. Mrs. Huang was very serious about it and made another phone call: she spoke with Taichu for a while and told her to set her mind at ease and attend the dinner.
Taichu was still uneasy. She said that in her heart there was simply no such person as her mother; "mother" to her was only a matter of name.
But Taichu, whose curiosity burned hot, had not seen her mother for more than ten years, so she still decided to attend the dinner.
"She married someone else." Taichu sighed. "What kind of person is Luo Deqing? A rich old man, probably, someone who can support her extravagance, while my father has no money. What right does she still have to be my mother?"
I finished tying my tie. "Fortunately, you do not have to depend on her for a living."
Taichu smiled. "Fortunately, in my emotional life I do not have to depend on her either. I have you, and I also have Father."
"She is a lonely woman," I acknowledged Huang Zhenhua's view. "A person no one relies on is truly a lonely person."
Huang Zhenhua's car took us to Shek O.
Taichu asked in surprise: "Is this also Hong Kong? How different it is."
Mrs. Huang said: "This place is even more beautiful than the French Riviera."
Taichu said: "I have never been to Europe."
Mrs. Huang showed a trace of surprise, then smiled. "Europe has actually long been made vulgar by tourism."
I said: "In the future Taichu and I will go there for our honeymoon. Taichu, right?"
Taichu smiled sweetly at me.
Huang Zhenhua said displeasedly: "Your mother has a villa, 'Blue Cape,' and yet you have actually never been to the Riviera."
Taichu immediately said: "Hers is hers. I mind my own business."
Huang Zhenhua roared with laughter. "You two rascals, stop answering back so fluently in front of me."
The two of us held hands and laughed loudly, and the atmosphere immediately relaxed.
The Luo residence was a white bungalow, exactly the kind of house I had in mind.
Inside the main gate all was flame trees; red blossoms fell on the bluestone path, and yellow broken leaves drifted down like fine rain.
There were tennis courts, a kidney-shaped swimming pool, and four black greyhounds came up to meet us.
Taichu softly criticized: "There is a family of eight sharing one bed in Hong Kong. What has she done to deserve such grandeur?"
"Shh," I said.
Mrs. Huang tilted her head and smiled at me. She always understood everything.
Huang Zhenhua exchanged pleasantries with the host.
Sir Luo wore a dark corduroy suit, his hair entirely white, his eyes bright and piercing, with age spots on his temples. He was over sixty, dignified and elegant, his bearing several ranks above Huang Zhenhua's. He was reserved just to the right degree, very courteous, but not overly close to anyone.
Taichu asked very bluntly: "Where is my 'mother'?"
Sir Luo naturally regarded Taichu with special tenderness and answered gently: "My dear, your mother is very nervous about seeing you. She does not know what to wear. She will come out immediately."
Taichu gave a light, cold laugh.
We sat in the magnificent drawing room and drank excellent Chinese tea.
Chapter Two
As soon as the doorbell rang, other guests arrived.
Mrs. Huang introduced them to us. "You have actually met before. This is Pu Jiamin."
Pu Jiamin was so handsome he looked like some movie star, elegant and refined. He came over frowning, as if carrying some burden on his mind, and his gaze, as on the previous occasion, lingered on Taichu and then stayed there motionless.
Taichu felt uneasy and turned her face away.
Every relative and friend of the Huang family seemed like a person out of a fairy tale. I sighed. God had been far too generous to them: they had wealth, looks, and substance besides. No wonder my father-in-law had become an outsider and was pushed aside.
And Taichu, Taichu was absolutely a member of the Huang family. She had never been to Europe and for more than ten years had lived with a shabby father, yet her bearing had not changed. A look of proud purity on her face kept her from showing the slightest fear in such a setting.
"Where is Rose?" Mrs. Huang asked. "Still not out?"
Huang Zhenhua said, "Jiamin, come have a glass of whiskey."
Mrs. Huang asked again: "Dinner will be served soon, right? I hear this chef is newly hired. How is his skill?"
Pu Jiamin was heavy with worries and said nothing, drinking gloomily.
Everyone soon fell silent.
Sir Luo said to Taichu: "I know there is some misunderstanding between you and your mother. Could you allow her to explain?"
A cough came from behind us. "Sorry to keep everyone waiting. I am sorry."
I was the first to turn around and saw a woman at the end of the corridor walking over quickly with graceful bearing, her jade ornaments tinkling, a little hurried.
I was stunned.
She had no particular poise and was not especially dressed up. Her expression was still very tense, and she was clasping her hands.
This woman was certainly no longer young. She wore a black dress of very ordinary style, its only distinguishing feature a jade-studded belt.
But her beauty was indescribable! Her face seemed to give off a soft, crystalline radiance, her eyes were as deep as black jade, her figure delicate and slender. Her whole person seemed to have stepped out of a finely painted classical beauty portrait. She was Taichu's mother?
I had never believed there was such a thing as a great beauty in this world. Taichu's prettiness only made me feel warm and comfortable, but this woman's beauty was breathtaking and irresistible. I suddenly felt a kind of fear and could not speak.
But she was even more nervous than we were. She did not rush over to embrace and weep as women in novels do when reunited with a lost daughter. She only asked haltingly: "Is this Taichu? Is this Tanghua?" She was shy like a young girl, yet there was not the slightest affectation in her voice; it was the most natural and innocent.
I could tell that the hostility Taichu had built up over the past fifteen years dissolved completely in that instant.
"You must be Mother," Taichu said gently.
"Yes, yes." Her mother calmed down slightly.
Sir Luo came over and said: "Everyone sit down and talk slowly."
Taichu never went over to embrace her mother.
She called her mother "Mrs. Luo." True, she was unmistakably Mrs. Luo, but since Jia Baoyu in Dream of the Red Chamber, few people have called their own mother "Madam." Taichu was so original that it was beyond my expectations.
In all my years I had never encountered such a dramatic occasion, and somehow I handled it with ease, presumably because of Taichu. At the same time I discovered for the first time that Taichu had the ability not to change expression even if Mount Tai collapsed in front of her.
I had underestimated this young woman.
After dinner we drank tea and chatted.
Mrs. Luo said: "You say Taichu looks very much like me……"
Taichu hurriedly said, "How would I dare resemble Madam!" Good heavens, from the abbreviation "Mrs. Luo" it had become "Madam." "Not even half."
Huang Zhenhua said: "I think it is truly that the mother is not half the daughter. Look at how calm and wise Taichu is. She is only twenty, while your mother has been like a ball of cloud her whole life."
"Madam" did not argue either, smiling with good temper.
I simply could not believe my eyes. She was my mother-in-law? She looked no more than Taichu's elder sister. She signaled me to come to a corner by the long window to talk.
She said softly to me: "You and Taichu plan to marry next year, right?" "Yes."
"I do not approve of girls marrying early," she said very gently, "because my own early marriage failed, and I have a caution in my heart. But I believe you will be happy. Tanghua, because you are an outstanding man. I cannot judge people, but my elder brother Zhenhua praises you highly, and he cannot be wrong." Her tone was so soft and dependent, and I noticed it at once.
The gentle art of women has long been lost today. If a woman yields even slightly, we men should thank God. Modern women far surpass us in the ability to charge into battle. They are as stiff as we are, fighting to the death with real knives and real spears, and the facts do not allow otherwise.
Our generation has never enjoyed this kind of pleasure, and only in Mrs. Luo did I understand how lovely and moving a woman can be when she has feminine charm.
She suddenly became sad. "But what right do I have to be Taichu's mother? What right do I have to speak? I am not worthy."
My father-in-law described her as a flashy, vain, and shrewish woman. That was truly untrue and unfair. He and she were people from two different worlds. She should have the man she had now, a man who was wholehearted and capable and qualified to take care of her.
Yet I did not dare say my father-in-law was wrong. This whole matter was a tragedy.
"You will take good care of Taichu, right?" she asked.
"I will." I hesitated slightly. "But we cannot stay in Hong Kong for long."
"I would not dare ask you to keep me company," she said very gloomily, "but my elder brother says you had better stay in Hong Kong."
I nodded. I understood. With my profession, following the socially adept Huang Zhenhua, and relying on Sir Luo's connections, in a few years it would not be hard for me to become a second Huang Zhenhua.
I turned my head and noticed that Pu Jiamin was talking with Taichu. Taichu's expression was serious, so I knew the conversation must have substance.
I could not help asking: "Who is that handsome man?"
She answered: "Oh, that is Pu Jiamin, an old friend of our family. In the future, I will tell you."
Mrs. Huang came over and asked: "Very nervous, right? A mother-in-law meeting her son-in-law." She laughed.
"I really cannot believe my daughter is already old enough to marry," Mrs. Luo answered with feeling.
"In this life of yours, Rose, you have been more legendary than a legend. Someone should write a story called The Legend of Rose," Mrs. Huang said with a laugh.
"And I still count as a rose," she said. "An old woman still carrying a name like this, utterly shameless. Taichu is the rose."
But she was still so beautiful. Her delicate, sharply pointed chin refused to lose its shape at all. The fine lines at the corners of her eyes were nothing but a kind of charm. A woman of forty, she was the last dark rose of summer, about to wither, with deep yellow stamens opening from within the petals, and an extra tear mole flashing at the corner of her eye.
That day when I went home, I could not sleep.
Taichu and I sat on the terrace all night talking about her mother.
"She is so beautiful," Taichu sighed. "More beautiful than I could imagine, and she is already forty. Can you imagine what she looked like at twenty or thirty?"
"Of course I know," I said. "She turned all hearts upside down."
"Exactly," she said. "That terrifying beauty of hers is really…… how can a person be beautiful to such a degree? At first I also thought Auntie was good-looking, but compared with her, it is simply not the same thing. Ah, it is far beyond my imagination. I am dizzy all over."
"What is most unbearable is that she is unaware of her own beauty. Alas, and so her beauty gains another thirty percent. Did you notice that even when she walks she has no confidence, wandering and unrooted, often tripping on the corners of the carpet?"
"Yes." Taichu lowered her head.
"That mole at the corner of your eye, it looks exactly like your mother's, doesn't it?" I asked.
"I understand now. Father sent me to the hospital to have the mole removed because he didn't want to see me looking so much like Mother." Taichu touched the corner of her eye.
"Your poor father," I said.
"How am I supposed to comfort him from now on? I can no longer help him hate Mrs. Lo."
"That man called Pu Jiamin, what did he say to you?"
"He said I look like Mrs. Lo."
"There was more than that, surely."
"He told me the reason why Mrs. Lo abandoned me."
"He's an outsider. How would he know?"
"Because Mrs. Lo gave me up for the sake of his older brother."
"Who is his older brother?"
"He passed away."
"I don't understand."
"It's a simple story: a husband and wife went through a marital breakdown, deadlocked over custody of their child. The woman fell in love with a lawyer who had cancer. For the sake of those remaining three months, she gave up her daughter, divorced, and went to be with the dying man."
"The woman is Mrs. Lo?" I asked in shock. "And the man is Pu Jiamin's older brother?"
"The former Mrs. Lo." Taichu nodded.
"Ha, so soul-stirring?" I said. "Do stories like this still exist?"
"Yes. Father never told me." Taichu said, "Pu Jiamin told me. Later Father actually took revenge, refusing to let Mrs. Lo see me no matter what. She could have gone to court, but Mrs. Lo was afraid the child would be traumatized. I wouldn't have believed any of this before, but somehow, the moment I saw Mrs. Lo, I believed it all without reservation."
"Are you angry at your father?"
"No, no. I forgive him. To have had a woman like Mrs. Lo and then lost her, your whole life is finished."
A person's whole life is actually so fragile and brief.
I asked, "What else did Pu Jiamin tell you?"
"He said he has six children." Taichu smiled. "Four boys and two girls."
"My God!" I laughed too. "So many children."
"I know, right? It's not fashionable to have so many nowadays. He said one pair of his daughters are twins, unplanned, so you can see he originally intended to have five. That's already a big family, but he said the two of them originally planned to have nine, and the doctor talked them out of it, so they stopped. Mr. Pu said his older brother's wish before he died was to have many nephews and nieces."
I was speechless. After a while I said, "Mr. Pu's elder brother must have been quite an extraordinary person."
"Mr. Pu said his older brother was truly a flawless person."
I was displeased. "It's one thing to believe Mrs. Lo, but how do you believe a total stranger too?"
Taichu looked embarrassed. "I never imagined Mrs. Lo had so many boyfriends."
"Do you want to be like her?"
"When did I ever say that?" Taichu glared.
I surrendered immediately.
"The birds are out," she said. "It's dawn."
"What birds in the middle of the city? Those are the two mynahs the neighbors keep," I said.
"Tang-ge, I still think San Jose is better. Life there is so easy and peaceful. This place is so complicated, I can't handle it."
"Yes, I like a simple life too. We'll go back soon."
"A man's ambition lies in the four directions, you know that. If you go back to San Jose to find work, your whole life you'll only be slightly better off than my father. Would you be satisfied? Or you could just start building your kingdom in Hong Kong now, and after three or five years when you tire of it, go back to San Jose to rest."
I felt a trace of fear. Taichu had seen right through what was in the depths of my heart.
"Tang-ge, I know you very well. You're an ambitious person, not like Father. If you want to stay, don't waste time on my account. I'll go back and continue my studies, keeping Dad company."
I said, "I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear it."
Taichu laughed.
"Let's go back together first and then talk."
"Suit yourself. I'm going to sleep. Tell Mama I won't go to the market today." This Taichu, she calls my mother "Mama" and her own mother "Mrs. Lo." I was truly speechless.
Mother laid out breakfast, and only I ate.
I told her Taichu was in bed. She doted on Taichu deeply and wouldn't take offense.
But Taichu was determined to return to America.
She gave me freedom, but if I had less of her in my life, what kind of freedom would that be?
Terrifying.
After that, the series of banquets the Huang family arranged for us were all declined by Taichu. She remained true to herself, being her own Fang Taichu - a female student on holiday in Hong Kong. She had not the slightest interest in promotions and wealth. She was a true artist.
Taichu held her aunt in high regard. She was willing to go have tea with her aunt.
Mrs. Huang was not Huang Zhenhua's advocate.
She simply said, "Everyone in Hong Kong, men and women alike, wants to climb up. It's rare to find you two unstained by the mud."
I took a sip of tea and said with a smile, "Climb up? Climb up to where? People aren't necessarily that ambitious. Their climbing up is nothing but making money. Auntie, forgive my tone."
Mrs. Huang said, "You're quite right."
Taichu said, "Money is useless to me. I have everything." She glanced at me. "I wonder what his views are on wealth and glory?"
I laughed. "Near vermilion one becomes red, near ink one becomes black. My views are the same as yours."
Taichu shot me a look. "How shameless. Auntie, don't believe those eight characters of his. It's his usual trick, not a shred of sincerity. Saying it is as good as saying nothing."
I threatened her. "Stop slandering me in front of Auntie, or I'll deal with you by house rules when we get home."
"Auntie, listen to what he's saying."
Mrs. Huang sighed. "This is lovers' banter."
Taichu's face suddenly turned red.
Her aunt smiled and said, "You two are wonderful together, truly a pair. I'm very happy for you."
Taichu said, "Growing old with this kind of person, I'm not sure what good it would do me." She glanced at me. "But without him, the days would be dull. I don't know how I'd get through them."
"The feeling is mutual."
"You must come back when you get married," her aunt said.
"We know."
"When will you get married?"
"Next year," I said. "I plan to go back and find work now. After six months I'll have some savings, and then we can get married. At the very least I need to find an apartment, buy a suit, and take a trip to Europe." I winked at Taichu.
Mrs. Huang nodded slightly.
"I'm poor," I shrugged. "Taichu will have a hard time of it. When we have children, she'll have to paint in the spare moments between feeding formula."
Taichu said, "If you say that again, I'll force you to come back to Hong Kong to make a living."
"I'm scared, I'm scared," I immediately raised my hands in surrender. "Please don't."
Taichu and I loved to just idle our days away.
"You've decided to go back?" her aunt asked.
Taichu said, "Yes, Tang-ge agrees too."
Mrs. Huang smiled. "Your uncle will probably be disappointed."
Huang Zhenhua was indeed disappointed. He grumbled a great deal, saying I was wasting time - if you don't build a foundation for your career when you're young, you'll regret it when you're old.
"What do you think being a professional gets you?" he said. "Everyone is divided into nine ranks. Go to America to work, and in ten years you won't even save up enough for a watch." He sighed.
Mrs. Huang nudged his elbow. "Everyone has their own aspirations, Zhenhua."
I said nothing. Huang Zhenhua was certainly right, and I knew it. This was a once-in-a-decade opportunity. I just couldn't bear to leave Taichu.
"Back then, didn't Pu Jiamin think he could live incognito in Canada? Three years later, bored out of his mind, he moved back to Hong Kong. I'm telling you, this place, Hong Kong, is addictive. It naturally has its advantages. Otherwise why would so many people cram themselves in here?"
"Go and come back," Mrs. Huang said.
Huang Zhenhua said, "Tanghua, I won't treat you shabbily. You convince Taichu to come back, and I'll prepare a contract for you, starting salary of 300,000 a year, and lend you money to buy a house and start a family." He patted my shoulder.
We still boarded the plane. I was very silent during the journey, thinking about the terms Huang Zhenhua had offered me.
If it weren't for Taichu, he wouldn't treat me so well - just graduated, no skills to speak of, hardly outstanding talent, not particularly witty in conversation. Worth 300,000?
Taichu said, "Something's on your mind."
I didn't deny it.
She said softly, "I know what you're thinking."
I gripped her hand tightly.
"Let's not rely on others," she said. "Let's rely on ourselves. There's no need to bask in someone else's glory."
"Yes," I said.
Old Mr. Fang was waiting for us at the airport. He had specially shaved his head and put on a new shirt. The shirt had just been taken out and worn, still creased, not even ironed first. He looked a bit awkward, but he had done his best.
Taichu's love for her father was boundless. She went up and embraced him.
Old Fang smiled naively. "You've come back."
I embraced him too.
He looked Taichu over. "You've gotten even prettier. Well? Did you see your mother?"
Taichu was startled and looked at me.
"Yes," I answered for her. "She did."
Old Fang said, "I knew they had their ways. Truly remarkable." He asked Taichu, "What did you think of her?"
"Very beautiful," Taichu said. "Dad, where shall we go for dinner?" She didn't want to say more.
I understood her feelings.
Old Mr. Fang fell silent. His back was bent, his hair streaked with gray, his expression wilted again. I sympathetically supported him.
We had a rather substantial dinner, and then Taichu said she was tired and wanted to go back to the dormitory. I walked her back, then walked Old Mr. Fang home. He invited me up to his apartment for a bit. I felt tired but still agreed.
He took out liquor and poured himself a cup. I knew he wanted to say a few words to me.
Old Fang asked me, "Taichu's mother, is she well?"
I said, "Very well." This poor man.
"Is she still as beautiful?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes," I said.
"Rose……" He fell into deep thought, a smile at the corners of his mouth, probably recalling sweet memories of the past, a lost look on his face, his thoughts flying far away. This poor man.
"Dad," I held his hand. "Don't think too much."
He said to me, "Tanghua, I really shouldn't hate her. She gave me the best days of my life."
"Yes, Dad, I understand what you mean." I felt an indescribable sadness.
"What right did she have to stay with me for a lifetime? Tell me, what reason did she have to stay with me for a lifetime? In the ten years she spent with me, every day all I had to do was put on my clothes and go to work. I didn't have to worry about anything. Shirts and trousers were pressed crisp for me. Even the odds and ends in my pockets were taken out and put in my clean change of clothes. When money wasn't enough, she made up the difference with her own savings. The house was spotless, the food was delicious, and little Rose was raised by her own hands. I didn't have the good fortune, Tanghua. It's that I didn't have the good fortune."
I gently patted his shoulder.
"Those nine years and three and a half months, I lived a life of comfort that even emperors couldn't match. Only those three thousand days did I truly live. Now I've figured it out. Huang Zhenhua was right. What more do I want? Many people haven't lived even a single day." He gave a dry laugh. "I'm a mediocre man. For twenty years I worked with all my heart, but I never got a better chance at promotion. People don't like me. They disdain me. Before, I had Rose, and I wasn't afraid. Losing Rose, I lost everything."
"Dad, you still have Taichu. You still have me."
"Yes." A flush rose to his face. "Yes, I still have you two."
"Dad, you should rest," I was very tired. "You should sleep too."
"Alright, alright." He still wouldn't let go of me.
I knew why nobody liked Old Mr. Fang. He never considered other people's needs, never thought of others. When his wife was with him, he had no thought of repaying her either, just muddling along enjoying his good fortune. And after his wife left him, he did nothing either, drifting through life in a daze. Just like tonight - I had already been on a plane for over ten hours, exhausted beyond words, and he hadn't thought of that at all. He wished I could stay up all night talking with him.
When a person gets tired, their temper gets short. I hastily said goodbye to him and drove home.
After a shower, I flopped onto the bed and was instantly sound asleep.
At dawn I heard the phone ring and ring, but I didn't have the energy to reach for the receiver.
Eventually the ringing stopped.
I turned over and went back to sleep.
Before long, the doorbell rang loudly, accompanied by forceful, urgent knocking.
I had no choice but to get up and open the door. Outside stood a panic-stricken Taichu, her forehead covered in sweat. She grabbed me and asked in a shrill voice, "Why didn't you answer the phone? Dad is in the hospital!"
I was instantly wide awake with fright. "The hospital?" I quickly grabbed my jeans and pulled them on. "How? He was perfectly fine when I left him last night."
"He had a heart attack and collapsed. His landlord found him and took him to the hospital. I've already been to see him. The doctors are treating him as an emergency case and won't allow visitors. Brother Tang - Brother Tang -" She burst into tears.
Without a word, I rushed to the hospital with her.
This was the moment Taichu needed me most.
Her father died of a heart attack that afternoon, at the age of forty-nine.
Taichu cried until her eyes were red and swollen, grief-stricken beyond consolation.
I reported the news to the Hong Kong, China side. Telegrams and phone calls from the Huang family came in an endless stream, urging me to bring Taichu back to Hong Kong, China.
But Taichu was so grief-stricken she couldn't even speak. Every day she clung to her father's belongings, consumed by sorrow.
I was also thoroughly disgusted by the Huang family's snobbery. Now that Taichu's return to Hong Kong, China was a foregone conclusion, why force her to set off in such haste? Her father's bones were not yet cold.
Taichu grew thin all over. She slept badly at night and ate little during the day.
She felt guilty for not having spent more time with her father while he was alive.
Forty-nine years old. In any case, everyone had to admit this man had died in the prime of life, yet while Old Mr. Fang was alive, in both appearance and spirit, he had already seemed like a fifty-nine-year-old.
He had died long ago.
On the day his wife left him, he died.
The first persuader sent by the Huang family was Pu Jiamin.
Pu Jiamin had deep ties with the Huang family; this I knew.
I had no aversion to Pu. He was gentle and courteous, handsome and charming, and his manner was good.
When he came to us, he explained his purpose, then sat in the living room acting as a persuader. Clearly he didn't know what had happened either; he was simply doing someone a favor, so he had come and sat down.
He said to me, "Mrs. Luo sent me here…… She said to tell Taichu not to be too sad."
Taichu asked, "Why doesn't she come herself?"
"She…… it's not convenient for her to come."
"I know," Taichu said through tears. "She looks down on him, she looks down on him! But he's already dead."
"No no no," Pu Jiamin protested. "That's not it at all, Taichu. She's not that kind of person. You've misunderstood. She wants to come, but she's afraid you won't welcome her. She waits for news from you every day, and you haven't called out to her once."
Pu Jiamin said, "That's just Mrs. Luo's nature. What's past is past. She's not heartless or unrighteous. Toward Fang Xiewen, toward Pu Jiaming, she has always been consistent. You can't misunderstand her. Taichu, especially you can't."
I sighed.
This Pu Jiamin was a fine-looking man, but when he spoke he was sometimes muddled and incoherent, like a girl in love.
Taichu dismissed him. "Please go back. When I'm ready to leave, I'll leave."
He gazed at Taichu. "I'll stay here with you." His voice was very soft. I couldn't help getting angry. "She has me here."
"One more person can't hurt. The funeral hasn't been held yet. One more pair of hands can't hurt," he said.
Taichu hesitated, then finally nodded.
I sensed that Pu Jiamin had special feelings for Taichu. Perhaps it was because of her mother - love me, love my dog. But he was too dismissive of me. Detestable.
"I'm staying at the Sheraton Hotel," he said. "You can find me anytime."
I said, "Anyway, you'll always show up here at nine every morning."
Pu Jiamin ignored the sarcasm in my tone. He said gently to Taichu, "I understand how you feel. When my elder brother passed away, I had only one feeling too: I wished I could have gone with him."
When Taichu heard this, it was as if she had found a kindred spirit. She raised her head and looked at him.
He continued self-mockingly, "Being able to go with him wouldn't have been so bad. It would have saved decades of trouble."
I was stunned. If someone like him had troubles, then ninety percent of the people in the world should buy a rope and do away with themselves.
"But I still survived," Pu Jiamin said.
Pu Jiamin said, "Living healthily and living happily - that is how you repay your father's grace in raising you. Think about it: if he knew you were this grief-stricken, this negative, this dispirited, what would he think?"
He really knew how to talk. With that mouth of his, he could coax birds down from the trees.
Sure enough, Taichu perked up and listened with rapt attention.
"I'll come see you every day," he said. "You must take care of your health."
"Yes, yes, yes," Taichu said gratefully.
He patted her hand.
I had an ominous premonition.
I asked Pu Jiamin, "Didn't Mrs. Pu come?"
He smiled. "She has to look after the children."
Taichu asked, "How many children does Mr. Pu have?"
She had the presence of mind to concern herself with idle matters - from this I could tell her mood had improved somewhat. Those few glib, superficial remarks from Pu Jiamin had produced a miraculous effect.
He answered, "Currently six children, four boys and two girls."
Taichu's eyes widened. "So many!"
"Many? Not really. Our previous generation all had five or six children. Children have the right to exist. There's no need to worry about their future. Nowadays parents, for the sake of their own freedom, evade responsibility and are only willing to have one or two……"
"The population is too crowded," Taichu said.
I didn't interject, because I felt that giving Taichu a chance for light conversation was also good.
"Of course, I'm only saying: parents who are qualified to bear and raise children can have more," he gave a slight bow. "I don't mean everyone. The world can always make room for clever people." How arrogant.
Taichu asked, "Does Mr. Pu consider himself a clever person?" Good question.
Pu Jiamin smiled. "I've ruined my whole life for being clever."
Taichu was confused.
I coughed. "Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Taichu didn't answer. He answered first: "I'll have a black coffee."
How outrageous. Did he take me for a servant? A porter?
Taichu said, "I'll make it." She and I squeezed into the small kitchen to make drip coffee.
Taichu lectured me: "Why are you so rude to him?"
"Who does he think he is? Why should I be polite to him?"
"That's not the way to put it."
I gave a cold laugh. "Now I finally understand my father-in-law's state of mind. But I'm stronger than he was. I'll fight to the end."
"What kind of talk is that? You're crazy!" Taichu shot me a look.
Pu Jiamin poked his head in. "Can I help?"
"There's nothing for you to do here!" I suddenly showed my displeasure.
He was taken aback. Taichu shot me a look. She carried out the coffee.
"Another day I'd like to take some photos of Little Rose for you," Pu Jiamin said. "Mrs. Luo keeps wanting photos of Little Rose. The first time I saw you, you were only this tiny." He looked at Taichu. "But that day I ran into you outside the hotel, I was truly confused. I thought you were Mrs. Luo, but why would Mrs. Luo have any reason to be so young?" His voice did sound a little dazed.
Taichu asked, "Do I really look that much like her?"
"If you had an extra mole below the corner of your eye, you'd look even more like her."
Taichu touched the small scar at the corner of her eye.
They arranged to go take photos on Saturday.
I knew I should go along to watch them take pictures, but out of a kind of pride, I didn't. The most important thing between a man and a woman is the word "trust." If I didn't trust Taichu, then our relationship had little hope. Only a thief for a thousand years - who can guard against a thief for a thousand years? Fine words though they were, my heart was still uneasy. This gentle, refined middle-aged man turned my five-flavor jar upside down - truly a strange taste in my heart.
He alone was trouble enough. Within a week, Taichu's aunt also arrived.
However lovely Mrs. Huang might be as a person, I was in no mood for her.
I said, "Taichu, if I'd known your maternal relatives were so numerous and so tiresome, our matter between the two of us would be a different story."
As soon as I said it, I was afraid she might casually reply, "It's still not too late to make it a different story," so I watched her with my heart in my throat.
Of course Taichu knew what was in my heart - how could she not? This clever, quick-witted girl! With a look that was both annoyed and amused, she glanced at me, yet she let me off the hook and didn't answer. Ah, lovely Taichu.
On the day of the funeral, Taichu's aunt wore a black outfit and held a bouquet of flowers, her bearing dignified and solemn. Pu Jiamin stood beside her. At first Taichu complained that her mother hadn't appeared, but later, when she saw the coffin, she wept without stopping.
The pastor read Psalm 23 in a flat, gentle, professional tone: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want……"
Pu Jiamin took out a handkerchief to hand to Taichu. I deliberately stepped forward, pushed past him, and put my hand on Taichu's shoulder.
"……Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me……"
After the service, we scattered earth and flowers. Taichu buried her face in my shoulder and cried.
Mrs. Huang said nothing and accompanied us home.
That night Taichu went to sleep first, and Pu Jiamin returned to the hotel, leaving only me and Mrs. Huang. I made coffee and drank with her.
She said, "You don't need to worry about Pu Jiamin."
My face immediately turned red. This perceptive lady.
She continued, "Jiamin does seem a little dazed. He's a bit confused." Mrs. Huang's tone was full of emotion. "He told me: he thought Little Rose was Rose."
"Taichu is nothing like her mother," I protested.
"You don't like Mrs. Luo?" Mrs. Huang said.
I said nothing. It wasn't that I didn't like Mrs. Luo. Such a beautiful woman……
"Is it that you dislike Mrs. Luo having too many men in her life?"
My face turned red again.
"You child, you're such an old stone mountain," Mrs. Huang sighed.
I said softly, "A proper person stays faithful to one person till the end."
"Do I look like a proper person to you?" Mrs. Huang asked.
"Naturally," I said from the bottom of my heart.
She smiled. "I've been married twice too."
"I don't believe it!" My jaw dropped.
"Would I use something like this to fool you?" she said. "Tanghua, until things happen to you yourself, you don't understand, and so you don't forgive. You and Taichu are both too young. You only know that black is black and white is white, but you don't know that between these two colors there are also countless shades of deep and light gray. You're too arbitrary."
"In any case, Mrs. Huang, you'd better tell Pu Jiamin to stop wasting his efforts. Mrs. Luo and her daughter are two different people."
Mrs. Huang nodded. "True. Taichu is a shrewd girl. She's unlikely to be willing to pay such a huge price for emotion. Thank God."
"What do you mean by that? Taichu loves me very much."
"Naturally."
"I don't understand what you just said. Love is free. It doesn't require any price at all. Love is joyful - why do people think that wanting to die for each other is what love is? Not being able to sleep at night is already suffering enough."
Mrs. Huang smiled and said, "That's yet another new theory."
"When the time is right, Taichu will naturally come back to Hong Kong, China with me."
"Taichu has already agreed to return to Hong Kong, China."
"Who said that?" I jumped up.
"Jiamin said it."
It felt as if a sharp knife had stabbed me in the heart. "He said it - how does he know?" I asked, knowing full well the answer.
"Naturally, Taichu agreed to it."
"When did this happen?" My hands went cold, my stomach cramped, sweat broke out on my temples, and all the blood rushed to my head.
"Probably in the last day or two."
"But……" My voice was a little choked, "but she never mentioned it to me, but……"
"Tanghua, all you men have this same flaw. Whatever she has to deal with, she can decide for herself. If she tells you a little later, you don't need to get this upset."
I was not angry. I was just at a loss. In the past, Taichu discussed everything with me. From the smallest, most trivial matters to cutting an inch off her hair, she had to ask me first. Now even something this important, she treated me as if I did not exist. From this, I could see just how far my place in her heart had fallen.
I had always considered myself full of confidence, a person with stable emotions. Now even I had to admit I had lost my footing.
I breathed in a mouthful of fresh air and tried my best to stay calm.
If they wanted me to fall apart, then I simply would not. I would not follow in old Mr. Fang's footsteps. I would not.
I knew Mrs. Huang could sense this stubbornness in me.
"You were the one who said it just now, Tanghua. Love should be joyful, not a battle. It should be entertainment."
I smiled bitterly. "But I think I have begun to see the truth. Whatever it is, it is definitely not something light."
Mrs. Huang patted my back, quite hard, and with each pat came comfort. Mrs. Huang was the kind of woman who made people want to embrace her.
The next day, when I saw Taichu, I casually asked when she was returning to Hong Kong. The anger in my belly was worth five hundred tons of TNT, yet I still had to put on an air of indifference.
If anyone came to interview me now and asked about love, I would answer with a single word: "bitter."
Taichu said thoughtfully, "I originally stayed because I worried about Father being here alone and lonely. Now that he is no longer here, why should I remain……"
I reminded her, "You still have not graduated."
"Uncle says I can transfer to a university in Hong Kong."
"Ninth-rate."
"Huh, Tang-ge, don't you quite like Hong Kong?"
"I have changed my mind now."
"It was also for your sake that I agreed to Auntie's suggestion. I thought your parents are in Hong Kong, and I get along with them too. And Uncle was right: when a man builds a career, he must seize the opportunity. In architecture, one of the best places to develop is Hong Kong. Uncle says there is still work to be had there, and you were already itching to make a move. I thought it would accomplish several things at once, so I agreed."
Half my anger melted away. "Really? For me?"
"What is wrong with you?" she said.
The situation was already beyond saving. I helped Taichu pack her luggage and wrapped things up to send back to Hong Kong. She was very willing to let things go. Most of her belongings she either gave away or threw out. To her, the only truly precious things were her own works, that large batch of paintings.
But I suddenly became fussy and sentimental, even insisting on keeping with me the big box of seashells we had picked up on the beach in Florida back then - if Taichu changed her heart, then keeping these would still be something - and I felt deeply sorrowful for myself.
I was about to turn into a ragpicker, wandering among piles of odds and ends, remembering.
Once we reached Hong Kong, life's journey would enter a new stage. None of us would be the same people as before. Whether the change was good or bad, no one knew. Human beings fear the unknown most of all, and change is also a kind of unknown. For Taichu, this unknown would not be too bad.
The whole Huang family would rush to take care of her and protect her, to make up for the deficiencies of the past ten-plus years. But for me -
But for me, their love for Taichu would dilute the attention Taichu gave me. Yet if things really turned that bad, then I could justifiably not return either. In fact, my parents also wanted me to reunite with them, and having learned skills only to never use them would be too unfair to the whole family.
So we left San Jose.
Taichu would live in her own small apartment. She insisted on not moving into the Luo residence. The Huang family indulged her in everything, so they picked a small apartment on one floor of a new building on the hill and renovated it for her. As soon as Taichu returned to Hong Kong, she became a property owner.
That apartment was designed by Pu Jiamin. He was quite skilled, and the white and beige decor was exactly what Taichu loved. They had even prepared the pen holder on the desk. In the two parking spaces downstairs were parked a small sedan and a small sports car.
When the wardrobe was opened, row upon row of clothes for all four seasons hung inside. Carved porcelain sachets hung beside the hangers, filled with dried petals and giving off the fresh fragrance of herbs.
Having money certainly makes things easier, but the thought the Huang family put into Taichu was more than just spending money. All of this together revealed their love for Taichu.
I sighed deeply. Now I was isolated and weak. How easy could it be to deal with the Huang family? Back then, as soon as Mrs. Luo returned to Hong Kong, had she not also just settled down?
Taichu's "small apartment" was still larger than where my parents lived. Three rooms had been opened up into a spacious L-shaped bedroom, and an antique sandalwood screen separated off a small study.
When Taichu saw all this, she thanked them again and again. Clearly she was moved. I was moved too. They had truly put great effort into Taichu.
I did not go to work in Huang Zhenhua's office. I planned to apply for a position in the civil service.
Huang Zhenhua earnestly tried to persuade me, and his words left me bowing my head in silence.
He said, "I know. You want to show that your career has nothing to do with your wife's family. Of course, integrity is important. A man has no choice but to avoid this kind of suspicion. But Tanghua, please remember, Hong Kong is a commercial society at the cutting edge of the times. If you are not worth an annual salary of 300,000, then even if you were my own father, I would not pay you that figure. I recognize talent, not people. Do not think 300,000 converted into US dollars, even after tax, is still a large sum, enough for you to live comfortably in a small town. Let me tell you, in Hong Kong this salary is about just enough for you alone to live a little comfortably. Supporting a wife and children is still out of the question. Of course you want your family to live comfortably. The cost of living here is just that high. If you do not believe me, go ask Pu Jiamin what the expenses are for a family of eight plus two maids. We live in a real world and cannot help but take these things into account. Set your mind at ease and work for me. If I pulled you into the company just for the sake of relatives' face, I could not have built the business I have today."
What reason did I have not to believe him? What benefit would he gain from lying to me? So, by the natural order of things, I joined Huang's architecture firm.
Taichu's life went smoothly, and she felt a great deal of emotion because of it.
She told me, "So getting something for nothing is such a happy thing. Auntie even hired an hourly maid for me, coming three times a week. I have whatever I want. Tea comes when I reach out, food comes when I open my mouth, and they do not come to bother me either. Even Madame has not asked me to keep her company or anything. Oh, I think if I live like this too long, it will be truly bad. A person will turn into a lazy spirit," she laughed. "Auntie even bought soap and left it there, all Dior. I have suddenly become a pampered young lady."
"I have not gone running once in the month since I came back. Yesterday I went downstairs to exercise, and after only half a lap, my lungs nearly burst. Ah, this is the result of good food and laziness." Taichu said.
But this good environment gave Taichu plenty of opportunity to display her talent. She painted almost every day, and her work changed style, from realism to abstraction. She liked to paint on the balcony where the light was abundant, practicing several hours every day.
During these two months, I was extremely conflicted inside. On one hand, I was glad she had finally found a warm nest. On the other, I worried that this change would push us further and further apart.
What I saw was only the track left by the cart ahead. My father-in-law had been depressed and joyless at the end of his life. When he mentioned Rose, that pale, dazed smile, that helplessness of old joy lost like a dream.
And Rose lived in a white bungalow, dressed in brocade, still intoxicating everyone who had ever seen her.
Ah, the tragedy of life is the greatest pain of all, pain with no excuse to absolve it. Among unfortunate people wounded in love, who would not rather have a war break out, have a chance to throw a bomb? Killing or being killed, either way it would be clean and swift, better than prolonged torment.
Of course I had not reached that point, but sometimes I also tossed and turned in bed, worrying about the future for Taichu and me.
They were preparing Taichu's painting exhibition, busy renting a venue at the City Hall, finding an advertising company to design the catalogue, and almost even ordering congratulatory flower stands.
I felt especially lonely.
Taichu's social circle grew broader and broader. A large group of frivolous handsome men stuck close to her: dentists, barristers, architects, a noisy crowd of golden boys and jade girls, going water-skiing and dancing every weekend.
If I did not go along, I would even more childishly create a rift between us. If I did go along, I would be bored to death. And if I advised Taichu not to go, I did not have the courage.
What right did I have to deprive Taichu of the pleasure of freedom? I was not the kind of country woman who, having married a presentable husband, could not herself appear in grand settings and so could not wait to forbid her husband from climbing higher, dragging down his level to accommodate her own inadequacy.
No, no. I still had that confidence and pride. I would not imprison Taichu in my own environment. That is why I suffered.
My mother advised me, "She is already yours. Better to marry sooner rather than later."
I said irritably, "What use is marriage? Those men, it is not that they do not know she has a fiance. They show no scruples at all, just like bees around a flower, surrounding her. Hong Kong is a lawless place where everyone uses any means they can. Damn it! It is all because they have taken a fancy to the fact that Taichu's mother is Lady Luo Deqing and her uncle is Sir Huang Zhenhua. Shameless."
Mother said, "Do you think they still understand 'a gentleman does not take what another loves'? Marriage would be better after all."
"Mother, a real man should use a marriage certificate to bind his lover's heart…… That is too sad. Modern women are not willing to be so humiliated."
"If you love her, then you do not need to fight over this point," Mother said. "I will go with you to propose."
"Propose to whom?"
"To her mother, of course."
Mother dug out all the scrap copper and iron in the house and studied how to have them reset into a set of jewelry to give Taichu to wear as a bride.
I suddenly became irritable. "Mother, thank you, but please stop troubling yourself. No matter how much more you do, you cannot outdo them. They have diamonds and jade by the basketful!"
Hearing this, Mother was so angry her eyes turned red. "Do I care what others do? A son should not blame his mother; a dog does not despise its home for being poor!"
I immediately regretted it. "Mother, forgive me, Mother -"
"You are confused! When did we ever try to compare with them? What Taichu loves is you as a person. We are only doing a little to show our feelings, and yet you insult your mother like this!"
She was so angry she went into the bedroom and did not speak to me for half a day.
I collapsed onto the sofa.
After pondering for a long while, I turned it over and over in my mind. Ah, what is destined will come in time; what is not destined, do not force. One should be a little more openhearted in life.
Mother and I went to the Luo residence to discuss the marriage and received the treatment of honored guests. Mrs. Luo personally made pastries to entertain us.
When Mother saw Mrs. Luo, she was startled, then said frankly and cheerfully, "Mrs. Luo, I truly cannot believe we are to be in-laws. You look like Taichu's elder sister."
Mrs. Luo's whole face flushed red. She stammered, "I do not even know what it means to be unseemly in old age."
Mother quickly laughed, "Mrs. Luo, how would I dare mean that!"
My mother, who ordinarily did not seem especially shrewd, appeared quite eloquent compared with Mrs. Luo, which showed just how timid Mrs. Luo was. According to Huang Zhenhua, she was unyielding only on the path of love, and understood nothing of the rest of the world's affairs. She was a great muddler.
That day she wore a white cashmere sweater, a pair of black-green velvet trousers, and a set of jadeite jewelry. Her skin was ivory white. A woman of forty still had so much beauty…… I stared at her blankly.
Mother said, "Mrs. Luo, I have come to visit you this time because I want to discuss our children's marriage."
"Ah, when are they getting married?" Mrs. Luo asked.
Mother could not help laughing again. Even she spoke to her indulgently, "Mrs. Luo, it is precisely this matter that we would like to ask your opinion on."
"Me?" Mrs. Luo was startled. "Originally I did not approve of Taichu marrying so early, but Tanghua is such a good boy…… You all decide."
"Of course Taichu herself must agree…… Taichu naturally is more than willing…… I am an irresponsible mother. What can I say?" She lowered her head.
I said emotionally, "Mrs. Luo, you keep saying you are irresponsible, but compared with those mothers who are plausible-sounding and self-righteous, who think raising a child is a great merit and then make endless demands, you are far better."
Mrs. Luo still did not raise her head. "Back then, for my own happiness, I did not consider Taichu's happiness…… I do not regret it, but I feel deep guilt toward Taichu."
Mother did not understand. A mother of fifty had no idea at all of the pain of tumbling head over heels in love.
She said, "Mrs. Luo, then we will discuss the wedding date with Taichu."
Mrs. Luo said, "Once there is a date, remember to tell me."
"Of course," Mother said readily. "Mrs. Luo, how could we not tell you?"
Mrs. Luo said softly to me, "Tanghua, are you uneasy about Taichu?"
I blushed.
Mrs. Luo said softly again, "People who are meant to be together will always find a way to be together. Tanghua, do not worry too much." Hearing such intimate words, I suddenly choked up.
I said, "Before, Taichu and I saw each other every day. I took her to school and picked her up. Now we are practically like strangers. When it is my turn in line to wait for her time, sometimes I sit in her apartment and still cannot have any peace. Hundreds of phone calls come looking for her. I am very lost……"
Mrs. Luo was silent, thinking of comforting words to reassure me.
Mother tactfully sat in a corner flipping through magazines.
"Work is busy now too, and I cannot be distracted - sometimes it hurts so much I feel like I will burst, and I wish I had married a plain, ordinary girl and just gotten it over with. As time passes and children are born, there would be at least some affection. A quiet life is not necessarily an unhappy one."
"That is just angry talk……" Mrs. Luo laughed softly. "How could Taichu not love you? She puts you first in everything. You are just too lacking in confidence."
I said, "Madame, you do not need to comfort me."
"Oh! Look at whom I have ever comforted. You child!"
"I am not a child. I graduated from university long ago. I am an adult."
"The way you talk is like Pu Jiamin back then." She smiled.
"Who wants to be like Pu Jiamin!" I said sulkily. "I do not want to be like him."
"Fine, not like him, not like him." Madame coaxed me.
I felt exactly like a child and could not make a sound.
"Tanghua, do not overthink things and torment yourself for nothing. What is the point?" Mrs. Luo's hand rested on my shoulder. The skin of her palm was smooth and silky.
At that moment I also realized that Taichu was not like her mother. They were two different people. Similarity in appearance did not mean anything.
I said, "I want to take Mother home now."
"Come often. This home is basically your home. You two always treat me as an outsider," she said with a touch of complaint. "Next week is my birthday. You two will surely find an excuse not to come again."
"We did not know about it," I said in surprise.
"Huang Zhenhua clearly informed you," she laughed. "Did he forget?"
"We will definitely come," I said.
"Remember to cheer up a little."
"Yes." I said gratefully.
On the way home, Mother said, "Go settle things with Taichu and get married quickly, so there will not be long nights and many dreams."
In my heart I thought, I only wish Taichu had one tenth of her mother's gentleness. This girl's character struck the ground with the sound of metal and stone.
That night, Taichu had dinner at our home. When Mother brought up our marriage, Taichu did not decline, and I felt a little better.
"Then we can start making arrangements now," Mother said enthusiastically. "First find a place, buy furniture, book banquet tables -"
I laughed. "There is no need for the full set, is there? Just a wedding trip would be simpler."
Father asked, "No banquet? How am I supposed to explain that to people?"
Taichu covered her mouth and laughed.
"Unless the bride's attendant doesn't like meeting guests," Mother said sullenly, "otherwise, having married such a beautiful person, not letting friends and relatives see her would be worse than wearing fine clothes in the dark. Tanghua, this is not for you to speak on."
"Hey hey hey," I was overjoyed, "but in this matter, I'm the groom!"
Father asked, "Taichu, do you mind?"
"Ha, I don't mind, I'm only too happy, it'll be so nice to have a lively celebration."
"Then you go on a honeymoon trip, and when you come back, hold a belated wedding banquet." Father said.
"But I don't have money." I said.
"As long as your old man has it, that's enough." Father squinted his eyes and chuckled.
My heart, which had been hanging in midair, was once again temporarily placed back in my chest.
Taichu still loves me.
Mother took the opportunity to shoot me a glance, as if to say: you're worrying too much.
Father asked, "When do you plan to go on the trip?"
Taichu said, "Spring, I suppose. Everyone says spring in Europe is first-rate beautiful. Right now it's too cold."
Mother said, "The way I see it, it wouldn't hurt to go a bit earlier."
Father tried to smooth things over, saying, "Spring isn't too late either, let's just decide it that way. Tanghua has vacation in spring."
Mother had no choice but to nod.
I gripped Taichu's hand tightly. Spring, what a long wait, still over a hundred and some days to go.
I said, "I'll start looking for a house."
I walked Taichu home, and she made coffee for me.
I asked, "Madam's birthday dinner party next week, did you know about it?"
"I know."
"Who told you?"
"Pu Jiamin."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't want to go, and it's unlikely you'd go alone."
"Why not go? It's been a long time since I attended this kind of occasion with you."
"Tang gege, why don't you think about me? How awkward this occasion is - your own mother appearing together with a strange man to host the whole thing…… I can't stand it."
"You're being too prudish."
"Yes, I learned my father's pettiness, all right?"
"Why are you arguing with me?"
"Tang gege, you don't understand me at all, but Pu Jiamin actually understands very well……"
"Pu Jiamin, Pu Jiamin, I think lately there's no one else in your heart but Pu Jiamin. You're my fiancee, you could put yourself in my shoes for once. How do you think it feels to hear another man's name constantly on your lips?"
Taichu jumped up in anger. Just then the doorbell rang, and Taichu ran to answer it. Standing outside the door was none other than Pu Jiamin.
The nerve of this guy! Treating this place like his own home, showing up whenever he pleases, not even a phone call in advance.
Anger clouded my eyes, lard smothered my heart, my eyes widened like copper bells, and I roared at him: "You dare to pester my wife, will you never be done? Pu Jiamin, you've lost your mind! You couldn't win her mother, and now your ghost lingers on, wanting to chase her? I'm telling you, as long as I, Zhou Tanghua, am alive, don't even think about it!"
Pu Jiamin ignored me. He turned his head and asked Taichu, "Little Rose, is he drunk?"
Taichu's face was ashen. She said, "Zhou Tanghua, get out!"
"You're throwing me out?" I howled.
"Stop making a fool of yourself. Go home, sober up, then talk." Taichu was as decisive as a knife cutting through iron.
I felt as desolate as though ten thousand arrows had pierced my heart. Pointing at Taichu, I said, "You, you—"
Taichu asked me coldly, "Are you a verbal madman or a physical madman?"
I retreated step by step toward the door. Pu Jiamin tried to open the door for me, and I threw a left hook that sent him crashing into the wall, blood spurting from his nose. I cursed him viciously: "Kill you, I'll kill you one of these days!"
I rushed downstairs amid Taichu's screams.
Chapter Three
One gust of wind and I regretted it, even my heart went cold. I'm too impatient. At a critical juncture like this, all my efforts came to nothing, and no one would sympathize if I told them. Yes, I hate Pu Jiamin, but why let him know? That one punch exposed all my weaknesses - my fear, my inferiority, my childishness.
Taichu and I are about to get married, why stir up a storm over such a trivial matter? I didn't want to go home, so I went to a bachelor's bar to drink beer. The moment I walked in I ran into acquaintances, and we all sat at the same table. At first I drank in silence, listening to them talk about work and career prospects.
Zhang San grumbled, "Ordinary people think we professionals have everything going our way, but really we suffer in silence. The starting salary at the bureau is only 7,300 yuan, it's simply laughable."
Li Si said, "If you don't know how to play your cards right, you'll never make it in your whole life, stuck below others, wasting six years of university effort for nothing."
Wang Wu said, "Zhou Tanghua doesn't have that worry. The god of fortune has firmly attached himself to him. The moment he entered the field his annual salary was 300,000, and his boss is his brother-in-law. Hey, need I even mention that kind of glory? Without connections in court, don't become an official……"
The several of them spoke through their noses, sour and bitter, and it grated on me so much that after finishing one bottle of beer, I left.
Back home, I decided to resign the next day. Give Huang Zhenhua one month's notice, and I'd go seek better prospects elsewhere. 7,300 yuan, so be it 7,300 yuan. It's not as if I, Zhou Tanghua, would be unable to marry and have children because of it.
Having made up my mind firmly, I turned over once and fell asleep.
Waking up the next morning, I had forgotten half of last night's unpleasantness. I returned to the office in bright sunshine, feeling that a decision made at 3:30 in the deep of night simply had no effect at 10:30 the next day. I was just about to call Taichu and ask for her forgiveness when work got in the way.
Two colleagues got into a dispute with me over some documents.
I had already been holding back my temper and explaining, when unexpectedly one of them suddenly said urgently, "What's the point of arguing with old Zhou? The outcome's decided before you even open your mouth. He's imperial kin—"
The other hastily nudged him and shot him a glance, as if telling him to be smart and shut up.
I was instantly stunned, a wave of bitterness rising, nearly driven to tears. I had never suffered such grievance in my whole life.
Ah, so this is how everyone sees me?
So I really had been enjoying the Huang family's patronage - so I really was a person of no worth at all.
I choked with anger. After a long moment, my expression must have changed, for the two colleagues said nothing, watching me fearfully. I stood up, picked up my coat, and without a word turned and left the office.
I never went back.
After wandering the streets, I bought a South China Morning Post and looked for work in the job advertisements section.
Back home, I lit a cigarette, hauled out an old typewriter, and hurriedly typed several letters to send out. My heart was bleeding. I must become strong, I told myself, not for those who love me, but for those who hate me.
In the evening, someone called for me.
It was Huang Zhenhua. "You brat, you did half the work, left it sitting there, and went AWOL somewhere? I heard you hit Pu Jiamin, is that right?"
I gripped the receiver, not wanting to speak.
Pu Jiamin could take it to court, and I'd rather take the punishment.
Huang Zhenhua asked, "Hello, hello, are you still there?"
"I formally resign, Mr. Huang."
"You're using this to threaten me?"
"No no, nothing like that. I'm just resigning."
"Resignation also requires one month's notice!" he said angrily.
I said bravely, "I'll come back tomorrow, and from tomorrow it counts. I resign within one month."
"Is it because you hit Pu Jiamin?" he asked with a laugh.
"I don't want to say more."
"Fine, see you tomorrow." He slammed down the phone heavily.
I wanted to go out and make my own way in the world. Only when I had achieved some success would I marry Taichu. If I stayed a lowly civil servant my whole life, then I'd just stay a bachelor. Without ability, what business did I have taking a wife?
I lay on my side on the bed, my face resting on one arm. I really wished Taichu would call. As long as she gave me a chance, I was willing to admit I was wrong. Back in our university dormitory days, every weekend we'd be tender like this, either reading books or listening to music, and we never exchanged a single cross word. Taichu back then was my Taichu. My nose gradually stung, my heart ached sharply, my eyes reddened and tears welled up. I buried my face in the crook of my arm.
Mother knocked on the door: "Phone call, Tanghua."
I wiped my tears with my sleeve and went to pick up the receiver.
Mother glanced at me, hesitated as if about to speak, then shook her head and walked away.
The other side asked, "Hello?"
It was Taichu's voice.
"Taichu—" I said, as if seeing a savior.
She laughed, "I'm not Taichu, Tanghua—"
"Of course you're Taichu, Taichu," I said frantically, "Taichu!"
"I'm Mrs. Luo."
"It's Madam!" I was stunned.
"Yes." She chuckled softly, her voice on the phone sounding exactly like Taichu's, indistinguishable.
I couldn't make a sound.
"Why did you hit Pu Jiamin?" She was still laughing.
"The whole world is on Pu Jiamin's side!" I couldn't stop myself, "If I could do it over again, I'd add one more punch, and I'd gladly face the lawsuit. Madam, who exactly is he? No kin, no connection, why does he keep making trouble for me? I've had enough of this person, I don't want to see him. Absolutely not!" I waved my fist, extremely agitated.
Mrs. Luo said quietly, "You're jealous."
"No, Madam, listen to me, I'm not jealous. You're all ganging up to bully me, you've monopolized all of Taichu's time, joining forces against me, wanting me to give up when I see the difficulty," I said loudly, "but I will never retreat!"
When I finished, after a few seconds, I heard Mrs. Luo clapping on the other end of the line. "Good, well said." She praised.
Such a beautiful woman actually had such a sense of humor. My face reddened.
"You have to help me, Madam."
"If I don't help you, who would I help? But you resorted to violence, and you're very much in the wrong. A gentleman uses words, not fists."
"Better than those despicable petty men who stab you in the back."
"Oh, who are the despicable petty men?" she asked softly.
Mrs. Luo really was something - with just a few words, my anger dissipated, and I could only stay silent.
"Come over, I'll treat you to a meal." She said, "You can't keep treating us as enemies."
I didn't respond.
"I'll drive over to pick you up," she seemed to stamp her foot lightly on the other end, "Enough, enough, I'll be at your place in half an hour." She hung up.
It was as if I'd taken a perfect tonic, every pore felt soothed and comfortable. The grievances I'd suffered in past days didn't seem to amount to anything after all. In everything, it's good to have someone to stand up for you. Now that Mrs. Luo had taken this matter upon herself, what did I have to worry about?
I got dressed and waited downstairs for Mrs. Luo. She was very punctual, driving a small white Japanese car, and pulled up at the entrance.
I went to meet her.
She tilted her head and gave me a sidelong glance.
I sat down beside her.
She lightly teased me: "It looks like you won't be happy until you've beaten up every relative and friend of the Huang family?"
I didn't dare make a sound, bowing my head in silence.
"You resigned from your uncle?" Mrs. Luo asked.
I said aggrievedly, "Yes, yes, I don't want to rely on his influence. My colleagues say I'm imperial kin. I want to make my own way on real ability."
Mrs. Luo sighed: "Whatever people say, you believe? You don't have a mind of your own at all? I say you're like a donkey, do you believe that?"
"I believe it." I said truthfully. What room was there for debate in anything she said?
She couldn't help laughing.
Today Mrs. Luo was again wearing black clothes, the fabric soft and clinging, with folds at the waist, and I couldn't tell what famous brand it was. Around her neck was a string of round, lustrous gold beads the size of fingertips, their crystalline glow faintly reflected on her face, making her ivory-white skin even more clean and beautiful. Her hair was gathered at the back of her head, with a comb inserted in the bun, glittering brightly. Diamonds were set in the shape of a flower. Such a vulgar ornament, worn on her head, suddenly became exceedingly elegant and beautiful. Mrs. Luo truly had the power to turn the commonplace into something magical.
Mrs. Luo was already this age, yet still had such looks. No wonder Pu Jiamin would ceaselessly haunt her side like a drifting cloud, attempting to seek in Taichu the past of her mother.
Yet Mrs. Luo's greatest gravitational pull was not her beauty, but her gentleness.
She said to me, "Don't be impatient. I'll take you to my own home, treat you to a meal, and whatever you have to say, you can tell me slowly."
"Your own home?"
"Yes, I have an old house of my own," she said quite proudly. "It's the kind that's so old it's nearly falling down, over three thousand square feet. They're building a big tower block next door and wanted to buy my place too, but I refused. I kept it. Sometimes when I want to escape and enjoy some peace and quiet, I go and stay there for a day or two."
I wondered, wasn't that white bungalow peaceful enough? And if the old house were torn down, couldn't she just find a new apartment? She had a very childlike, one-track way of thinking, just like a kid.
She drove the car halfway up the hill and stopped on a cross street. I looked up and saw a pre-war Western-style house in front of me, with a broad terrace. Wisteria crept low out over the terrace and hung down, mixed with an unknown white flower with a red centre. Yellowed old bamboo blinds hung on the terrace, silver hooks holding half of them up, swaying in the breeze. Ah, the whole terrace looked like a scene from a Eileen Chang novel. Suddenly someone poked her head out - a maid in a white top with a long braid. She had come out when she heard the car, and wasn't she the very image of Ah Xiao?
I was instantly overjoyed, my worries tossed behind me.
Mrs. Luo asked with a smile, "Is this place of mine nice?"
I said over and over, "Nice, nice."
I followed her upstairs. She explained, "There are three households in all. I'm the owner. The two downstairs are elderly people whose children are abroad; they're happy to enjoy a quiet life here."
The maid opened the door for us. The ceilings were very high, hung low with antique crystal lamps and some calligraphy and paintings, old-fashioned velvet sofas, a Persian rug that matched perfectly, and a large vase holding a big cluster of yellow roses. Ah, the roses hadn't aged.
I ran straight over and sat on the sofa, spread out my arms and let out a long breath. This place had a special smell to it, far from the noise of the world.
The maid poured me a cup of tea.
Mrs. Luo said to me, "Come to the study. If you have any grievances, tell me everything."
Grievances, grievances? Ah, yes, grievances.
That study was very spacious, furnished throughout with rosewood, a large blue-and-white porcelain bowl holding fresh Buddha's hand citron giving off a delicate fragrance, and in one corner a complete set of the finest audio equipment alongside stacks of thread-bound books - a truly distinctive contrast.
Mrs. Luo said quickly, "The books aren't mine."
She put on some music. I noticed a violin on a shelf on the wall.
"In this study, I spent the happiest times of my life," she said.
"Really?"
"Mm," she said. "This was originally my father's study, then it passed to Huang Zhenhua, and from him it came round to me."
I nodded.
That sweet memory - was it brought to her by Pu Jiamin's elder brother? I wanted to ask but didn't dare.
"All right, Tanghua, you can talk now. What exactly happened? Why did you resign, why did you hit someone? Tell me."
I thought for a moment, then answered, "I lacked confidence. I wanted to monopolise Taichu for myself, and I didn't have the guts for it either, so I was conflicted inside."
Mrs. Luo shot me a glance and smiled. "The fact that you're willing to say that proves you're a clever boy, and there's still hope for you."
I said, "I'm afraid I'll lose Taichu."
"The things you lose were never truly yours to begin with, so there's no need to grieve."
"But when Taichu and I were in America - " My heart gave a tug and I couldn't go on.
"That time has already passed. Keep it as a memory, and treasure it well."
I lowered my head.
"Is it that the things you can't have are always the best?" Mrs. Luo asked.
I asked in despair, "Ma'am, but am I really going to lose her?"
"Hasn't she already agreed a wedding date with you all?"
"There's still a long stretch before next spring, and Pu Jiamin turns up in front of her every day. I'm not afraid of those young men her own age - what I lack, they don't necessarily have - but Pu Jiamin already has five children, and he still…… his wife doesn't keep him in check."
"How can a wife keep a husband's heart in check?" Mrs. Luo smiled faintly. "Tanghua, you're too naive."
"Is he courting Taichu?"
"Yes."
"How is Taichu responding?"
"I don't know."
I was frantic with anxiety. "Ma'am, you must surely be able to tell."
She sighed. "I'm the worst at reading faces. I can't even tell who's good to me. You may not believe it, but I'm very muddle-headed. In matters like this, your aunt is the sharpest. If you can't wait calmly for things to become clear, you'd best look for clues in her."
I said, "You've never lost anything, so you don't know the pain of loss."
"I've never lost anything?" Mrs. Luo smiled bitterly.
"Ah, I'm sorry, ma'am." I suddenly remembered the eldest young master of the Pu family.
"I've lost far too much," she sighed. "At seventeen I lost my first love."
I was startled. I hadn't known about this at all.
"He married someone else and abandoned me," Mrs. Luo lowered her head and looked at her own hands. "I've never seen him since."
"What?" I couldn't believe my ears. "He abandoned you, married someone else, and you've never seen him since? You'll never see him again - he must have regretted it to death long ago."
"You can talk glibly like that too?" She laughed again.
But I truly meant it from the bottom of my heart.
"But I've gained a great deal too," Mrs. Luo said. "Deqing is so good to me, and we get along so happily - enough to make up for what was lost. Besides, we grieve over what we've lost only because we're unwilling to let go of the best thing, the dearest person…… I always turn things around in my mind. Since I had it once, that alone is worth celebrating. Some people never experience it their whole lives."
"Ma'am, you really are open-minded and optimistic."
"Pu Jiaming said we should count up everything we have and possess right now - Tanghua, the most precious thing of all being life."
I clasped my own hands. "Ma'am, a talk with you is worth more than ten years of reading."
"Next week is my birthday. If Taichu doesn't come, you come. I guarantee that the moment you arrive, she'll follow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The maid came in. "Ma'am, dinner is served."
The dishes were delicate and light, and unexpectedly, Mrs. Luo ate a great deal - not at all like the modern women of today, who don't even dare put sugar in their tea, as if they'd gladly starve themselves to death as martyrs - to the way of beauty."
Mrs. Luo was the most natural person imaginable. Everything about her was innate, without a trace of affectation or pretence. A person like that, even if not extraordinarily beautiful, is still likeable.
After the meal her makeup was a little smudged, and she didn't go to touch up her powder. She drank Longjing tea with me on the terrace.
I pointed at that small flower with the red centre on the terrace and asked casually, "What flower is this?"
"This one," she smiled, "this flower is called 'Bleeding Heart'."
I was immediately stunned.
That white flower, with petals round at the top and pointed at the bottom, wrapped together, really looked like a tiny, pure white heart, with the centre protruding at its tip, blood-red like a drop of blood.
Our hearts have all bled at some point. The wound may have healed, but the scar remains forever.
Everything in Mrs. Luo's house was made for dreamers. Those who have wept, had their hearts broken, lost something, hold memories, and feel deeply - when they come here, they feel completely at home, because the mistress of this house is the most deeply feeling and saintly of women.
I was deeply moved, unable to contain myself.
"I'll take you back." She set down her teacup. "Take my advice - whatever happens, one must be cheerful in life."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You're still going to work tomorrow?"
I nodded and sighed. "Unfortunately the sun will still rise tomorrow, the flowers will still bloom, and Zhou Tanghua will still have to go to work."
"There's no harm in quitting once you've found a better job." She smiled.
She drove me home.
For six days in a row, I went to and from work dutifully, saying not a word. Taichu didn't call me, and I didn't call her.
The weekend was the ma'am's birthday, and I decided to go to the party alone.
On Saturday morning the ma'am herself reminded me, telling me to come early, saying people would already be playing mahjong in the afternoon. I went to the flower shop to hunt for yellow roses, four dozen in all, and carried them in my arms to her door.
Mrs. Luo came to open the door for me herself. "Thank you, thank you," she said, beaming as she took the flowers, patted my shoulder and welcomed me in.
The moment I entered the living room, I realised the coffee table, the dining table and the floor were all piled full of yellow roses. I clearly wasn't the only one who'd had that idea. Add the four dozen I'd brought, and probably even the bathroom would be filled with them.
Pu Jiamin hadn't arrived yet. I only saw his six angel-like children. His wife was there too - this was the first time I'd met her. Mrs. Pu was a refined, proper lady, with her six children nestled around her, giving her the holy radiance of a devoted mother.
Everyone gathered in this house was of the finest sort.
Sir Luo Deqing wore a dark grey striped suit, standing gently to one side with a smile.
The ma'am's attire was unexpectedly bright - a purple-red velvet dress, with satin flowers sewn onto both sleeves, a pair of suede shoes in the same colour, and large diamond earrings.
Mrs. Huang smiled at me and said, "My sister-in-law's outfit puts any woman to shame." She nudged my waist with her elbow and winked.
Huang Zhenhua came over and said, "Everyone here? We've got a singing performance."
I said uneasily, "Taichu hasn't arrived yet."
Before I'd finished speaking, the doorbell rang. The male servant answered it, and in came Taichu and Pu Jiamin - he had clearly gone to fetch her.
I turned my face away. Pu Jiamin didn't even try to be discreet, and his wife and children were right there. I grew unhappy again.
Huang Zhenhua was all smiles. "Come over, come over, everyone listen to us sing the praises of the birthday lady."
He lined up the Pu children in a row, waving his arms like a conductor. The children first giggled softly, then opened their mouths and began to sing:
coc1The sun goes down but tomorrow it climbs right back up
The flowers wither but next year they bloom just the same
My young bird of youth flies away and never returns
My young bird of youth flies away and never returnscoc2
Their voices were crisp and sweet, the lyrics humorous and lively. When they finished they all bowed together, making us laugh until we were limp. Even Taichu couldn't help relaxing her taut face, and Sir Luo shook his head and roared with laughter.
I'd never heard of anyone daring to congratulate a woman on her birthday with a song like that. I just found it wonderfully original - this family was adorable to the extreme.
The atmosphere immediately relaxed.
The ma'am said over and over, "All you know how to do is make fun of me - you won't even spare me on my birthday."
Amid all the noise and bustle, I slipped away to sit by the swimming pool.
Yellow leaves floated on the surface of the pool water, with a charm all its own.
A hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Mrs. Luo's face, a tear-like blue mole on her snow-white skin. She said, "What are you doing sitting here all alone like a loner?"
"Avoiding Pu Jiamin. When I see him I want to strangle him." I said through gritted teeth.
The ma'am was about to speak when Sir Luo came to call her. Though the old gentleman had a head of white hair, he was elegant and charming, and his talk balanced gravity and humour - there was no generation gap between him and us at all.
The ma'am turned her head and said to him, "The young couple are quarrelling. A trifling matter blown up as big as the sky."
Sir Luo said, "They have plenty of time, so what does it matter? You and I, though, have to skip even the courtship games - who told us to meet so late?"
The ma'am tilted her head back and laughed. Her chin was still so delicate.
Sir Luo said, "Let him stay here and brood over his Sorrows of Young Werther."
They left. I smiled bitterly, lay down on the canvas cot and closed my eyes.
A light sound of high heels came along the pebbled path. I recognised the footsteps. "Ma'am," I said softly.
The reply was a cold sneer.
Even if the voice was similar, it wasn't the ma'am. The ma'am wouldn't sneer. This was Taichu.
Damned Taichu - if only she were like her mother, obeying her husband's every command, wouldn't that be lovely! I opened one eye, and sure enough it was Taichu standing before me. Even with her lips pursed, she was still so beautiful.
"So now you're still calling her 'ma'am'. Give it a little while and you'll be promoted to calling her Rose! Let me ask you, what are you doing pestering my mother day and night?"
I was taken aback. Me, pestering the ma'am?
"You're shameless!" Taichu spat at me.
I quickly opened my other eye and stared at her, utterly baffled.
Before I could even answer, she turned and walked off.
Hey, hey, what's going on here?
The situation was changing by the minute - how had things turned out like this?
For the rest of the time, Taichu didn't speak to me again. We dodged each other through the crowd like we were playing hide-and-seek.
When I managed to catch hold of her I said, "Mrs. Pu is right here - you could at least show some discretion."
She stamped her foot in fury. "What nonsense are you spouting?"
I responded to her with a cold laugh and slipped away.
After a while she would flash back to my side and say, "You just wish I'd let you mold me into whatever shape you like. Well, let me tell you, no way!"
I immediately shot back, "You've turned into a green-faced, fanged monster. Go look in the mirror."
Taichu's eyes nearly shot flying arrows to kill me.
How long are we going to fight? I hid in the study.
There, Mrs. Pu was with her eldest daughter playing the piano, on and off, and the tune was called "If Loving You Is Wrong":
coc1If loving you is wrong
I don't want to be right
If life without you
I'd rather take the wrong road my whole life...coc2
Under the cover of the long windows, a wife and a little girl who should have had nothing to do with emotion were actually playing a song like this. Ah, an indescribable romance and melancholy.
I leaned by the door and gave a soft cough.
The two of them turned their heads, both with the same lovely oval faces, mother and daughter very much alike. Their beauty was non-aggressive and gentle, different from Taichu's beauty.
Mrs. Pu stood up to greet me.
The girl kept playing by herself:
coc1Mom says this thing is really a shame, simply disgraceful
As long as I have you by my side I don't care what people say
If loving you is wrong
I don't want to be right
I don't want to be right
If it means sleeping alone at night
I don't want to//I don't want to be right...coc2
The little girl played so smoothly that I was stunned.
"A beautiful song, isn't it?" Mrs. Pu asked softly.
I nodded.
"Her father taught her," Mrs. Pu said.
I smiled bitterly.
The little girl jumped down from the piano stool, swaying her light blue gauze dress, and walked out through the long window to play in the garden.
Mrs. Pu said softly, "Love is a terrible plague, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"I am an ordinary woman." Her voice was so low it was barely audible. "I only know that love is also constant patience."
The little girl called for her mother from outside the garden, waving to her, and Mrs. Pu answered and went out.
My heart was filled with utter bitterness.
I clearly knew exactly what was happening, but so what?
I sat down at the piano.
For a long time, I tried to play the song from earlier, plink-plonk.
But Taichu poked her head in with a cold laugh and scolded me, "Shameless, actually resorting to sending your feelings through piano music."
I shot back, "You're the shameless one, making a husband and wife turn against each other."
Taichu gnashed her teeth. "Fine, Zhou Tanghua, you chew filth to bully me. Would you dare if Dad were here?"
I cursed her, "Your dad's gone, and your conscience is gone too."
Her eyes went red. "I don't want to see you again, Zhou Tanghua. I won't see you again after this."
"Fine and dandy, let's do just that." I hardened my heart.
She turned and left.
Before long Huang Zhenhua came in. "Tanghua, what are you arguing with Taichu about? The wedding date is already set, and you're still fighting?"
My face was livid. "That wedding date will probably have to be canceled."
"Tanghua, you brat - what on earth are you two up to?"
"You won't understand, Uncle."
"Yes, I truly don't understand, damn it!" Huang Zhenhua suddenly swore. "You people, forgetting food and sleep over romance, letting all serious matters go to ruin, and I'm the only vulgar one, obsessed with my business day and night -"
Mrs. Huang glared at him. "Who are you cursing at? Acting crazy just because people are around."
Huang Zhenhua immediately fell silent, quiet as a cicada in cold weather. I couldn't help shaking my head. Uncle was hardly unafraid of Auntie. He thought he was immune to love, but in fact he had sacrificed plenty for it.
I took my coat and said goodbye to Auntie.
"Why aren't you staying for dinner?" Auntie asked. "There's eight-treasure duck, your favorite."
"I have a headache. Lately every part of my body aches," I complained.
"Ah," Auntie said sympathetically, "it's probably the climate not agreeing with you, Tanghua."
Huang Zhenhua sneered, "As long as your heart doesn't ache, that's enough."
I murmured, "Angina." A heart bleeding.
Auntie said, "Then go home early and rest."
Huang Zhenhua said, "Don't listen to him. He's not tired at all."
I hated Uncle for not giving me a way out, and on top of my unease, I got into the car and went back right away.
When I got home, Mother looked braced for battle. She said she had something to tell me.
I forced a smile. "Family discipline time?"
"Have you gone mad, Tanghua?" she asked sternly.
"I haven't gone mad, dear Mother. Say what you have to say slowly," I argued. "No one will admit they're crazy."
"Are you courting your mother-in-law?" Mother's voice was terrifyingly shrill.
I was even more astonished. "Where did you hear that rumor?"
"Never mind that. Just tell me if it's true."
"Ah, Mother, of course it's not true. No matter how beautiful she is, she's still my mother-in-law. Where did this misunderstanding come from?"
Mother said, "It's not that I don't believe you, son, but you must have heard the story of Zeng Shen killing someone."
"Who is trying to harm me? Tell me, how did this story get out." I slammed the table hard, making the teapot and teacups jump. "I will not let him off."
"Just avoid the spotlight and don't go in and out alone with that beautiful Mrs. Luo, all right? No wonder Taichu hasn't come lately. It must be..."
"Don't get it wrong. Whether Taichu comes or not is another matter," I said, my face livid. "She's changed. She has no intention of marrying me at all. With someone better right in front of her, she just -"
"Nonsense!" a woman's voice came from inside the room.
Taichu!
She burst out, and it was indeed Taichu.
"How did you get here? You should be at the dance," I said.
I said, "You've become even more capable. You've even learned the art of invisibility."
"If I hadn't come, would I have let you smear me in front of your mother?"
I sneered. "I understand now. That rumor about me chasing Auntie - you spread it."
"Nonsense," Taichu flushed red.
"Shut up!" Mom shouted.
Taichu and I stopped talking.
"You disappoint me so much. You can't withstand the slightest test. An engaged couple fighting all day long - aren't you tired?"
I stayed silent. In front of Mother, I always gave her plenty of face.
"However," the old lady suddenly became gentle, "the two of you were willing to rush here together to argue it out in front of me. That proves you still can't let go of each other. That's a good sign."
That remark hit right in my heart. Can't let go - as if it were only can't let go! I glanced sideways at Taichu. Her little face was pale, but even so, the line of her profile was still as beautiful as a statue.
I sighed.
I said, "Where did you get that from? How could I go chase my mother-in-law? Do I not want to live? This is simply a misunderstanding. I think someone really doesn't want us to live too happily."
"Then do you believe there's something going on between me and Pu Jiamin?" Taichu spoke up.
"It's true he's courting you, and it's also true you haven't refused him. Am I wronging you?" My anger flared up.
"He's a relative and friend of our family. How could I treat him like a stranger?" Taichu retorted.
I sneered. "So I'm the one being unreasonable?"
"Exactly."
"Pu Jiamin is neither kin nor friend to your Huang family. He has a wife and children. Didn't you see Mrs. Pu's pained expression? Don't you feel Pu is taken with you?"
"Not only are you not wary of him, you indirectly encourage him. How do you account for that?" I said.
"That's why I say you don't understand at all!" Taichu said. "If I avoided him, it would make people even more suspicious."
"Hahaha," I laughed without smiling. "I've never heard a funnier joke than that."
Taichu said, "Just laugh yourself to death then."
Mom said, "Taichu, I have only this one son, and only you as a daughter-in-law. Can you two stop cursing each other?"
"From this moment on, you are not allowed to see Pu Jiamin again."
"And if I don't let you see Auntie, would that be all right?" she shot back.
"Auntie is my mother-in-law. We're one family. Who does Pu Jiamin think he is, sticking his foot in too?" I raised my voice.
The bedroom door opened, and Mrs. Huang Zhenhua pushed it open and came out.
I was so startled my mouth hung open. "My God, my bedroom has turned into a bag of holding. How many more people are hiding in there?"
Mrs. Huang said, "Now that I'm here, you should stop talking." She said kindly, "What are you still arguing about?"
"Auntie," Taichu rushed over and said, "He's so muddled -"
"No matter how muddled - who told you to love him?"
Taichu said nothing. After a moment, she suddenly said, "When we were in San Jose, we were very happy. There was never anything this complicated. Now he blames me, Pu Jiamin blames me, Mrs. Pu blames me, and Mom isn't happy either. I've changed into Zhu Bajie looking in the mirror - no matter how I look, I'm not human. I don't like Hong Kong."
"Taichu! Let's go back. I don't want the 300,000 annual salary anymore. I don't want to become a second Huang Zhenhua. I don't have that kind of talent," I said agitatedly. "Taichu, if I gain the whole world but lose you, what meaning is there?"
"I simply can't handle life here, Tang-ge. Tell your mom, and let's go back," Taichu said.
Our hands clasped tightly together again.
Mom's eyes were moist. She nodded. "Fine. Once you're married, leave right away. Go be foreigners. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. One billion Chinese can surely spare the two of you."
"Mom," I said, "Taichu and I are both ordinary people. We can't withstand trials. Never mind being left in the wilderness for forty days - we'd be finished in four days. Please forgive us. If I keep delaying in Hong Kong, I'm afraid neither of us will come to any good."
"All right, all right," Mom said. "I can see you two have suffered enough these past six months. You've each lost thirty pounds." She took out a handkerchief to wipe her tears.
Taichu said, "I'm truly sorry, Mom."
"What about your own mother?" Mom asked.
Taichu's expression stiffened a little, and she did not answer.
Mrs. Huang said from the side, "She has many other distractions. It doesn't matter. She's also someone who's always on the move. If she wants to see Taichu, she can naturally see her. It's just Taichu - are you willing to give up all this prosperity in Hong Kong?" She spread her hands.
"I'm not willing," Taichu said honestly. "I like taking a boat out to sea in summer. I like these dances. I also love wearing beautiful clothes and delicate jewelry. But compared with all that, Tang-ge is more important. During these days when he and I were angry with each other, I wasn't happy. I'm disappointing. Auntie, I can't become a socialite of Hong Kong high society. I can't handle it. I feel I have more important things to do, like going back to finish all my credits and graduate, like marrying Tang-ge, living in a big house, raising five children, and giving each child a cat. Auntie, I think I'm like Dad. I will never become a second rose. I think I'm a tree."
Everyone listened blankly.
My bedroom door slowly opened, and the one who came out was unexpectedly Pu Jiamin.
I wanted to ask: "Who else is in the room?" But it no longer mattered. I had already understood Taichu's heart, and the most important thing was her unchanging heart.
Taichu said: "Everything comes at a price. Nothing in this world is gained for free. Here with Madam, my price is losing myself and losing Brother Tang. Losing either one is unbearable, let alone both. No, I cannot be without Brother Tang and without myself at the same time."
Taichu straightened her chest. "We are going back to America. This place is for Madam. She belongs here."
Auntie looked up and saw Pu Jiamin. She said softly to him: "You understand now, don't you? I told you, Taichu is her own person. Taichu is not a shadow of Rose."
Pu Jiamin stood in a corner, pale-faced and utterly distraught.
Auntie said: "Jiamin, are you clear about it now?"
Pu Jiamin lowered his head. To see such a handsome man with such a haggard expression on his face was truly heartbreaking. Even if I were ten times more caustic than I am, I could not bring myself to say anything sarcastic.
Taichu spoke up: "I wanted to say the same thing. Actually, Mrs. Pu is the one best suited to you--"
Mrs. Huang shot Taichu a look, and Taichu fell silent.
Pu Jiamin turned his face away and said nothing. After a very, very long time, while we all watched him sorrowfully, he turned his head back and said softly: "Everyone, I think I should be going now."
Mrs. Huang said: "I will leave with you."
The two of them opened the door and left.
Taichu and I embraced tightly, not caring about anything else, showing our affection right in front of Mother.
I said in a low voice: "Many people divide romance, living together, and marriage into three separate undertakings, each with a different partner. But Taichu, we are fortunate. We are in love, living together, and married all at once."
Taichu nestled against my chest.
"The most important thing is," I said, "we admit that we are the weak ones. Why should we test ourselves? We would rather live in an oxygen tank for the rest of our lives." I asked Taichu, "Isn't that right?"
Not long after, we got married.
The wedding was held in Hong Kong, China. Taichu wore a dress like a sugar-coated doll, layer upon layer of snow-white tulle. She wore a small diamond crown on her head, a low-cut neckline, and a pearl necklace with beads the size of thumbs around her chest. I was truly afraid the jewelry would suffocate her.
Yet she was so beautiful. To marry a wife like this, what more could a man ask for?
Give her a magic wand, and she would be a fairy from a cartoon myth.
The moment we arrived at the registry office, everyone's eyes fell upon her and could not look away, utterly stunned.
My parents were beaming with joy, the two of them exchanging knowing glances, endlessly proud.
But when my mother-in-law appeared, ah, everyone's hearts were captivated by her, unable to move.
She was merely wearing a moon-white silk padded qipao and a mink coat of the same color. There was a solemn radiance on her face. She leaned on Luo Jueshi's arm, but her eyes were on us.
We all loved her, regarding her as a piece of supreme art, with no blasphemous intent in our hearts.
I gazed at Madam with adoration. This great woman had been beautiful for so many years and still refused to stop, determined to go on being beautiful with all her might--what was to be done?
This did not seem to be our problem.
Huang Zhenhua was happily grumbling: "Well, Taichu's art exhibition opens next month. That's no problem. But the artist herself is not in Hong Kong, China. Could there be anything more unconventional?"
After a pause: "Young people today know too well how to enjoy themselves. They simply do not want to compete or accept challenges."
He added: "The reporters have all come running……"
There were dozens of guests for the ceremony, all squeezed into one oath-taking room, extraordinarily lively.
We finally managed to sign, and squeezed our way out of the registry office drenched in sweat. Huang Zhenhua said: "I have prepared a small tea party. May I trouble you to grace us with your presence."
Taichu and I looked at each other, and could only get into the car and follow along.
That "small tea party" had over five hundred guests, a swirl of perfume and elegance. Taichu changed into the outfit that had been prepared, and secretly told me, "I am very tired."
I quickly warned her: "You are not allowed to ask 'Is it over yet?' They say when Emperor Xuantong sat on the dragon throne, he kept saying he was tired, and the eunuchs comforted him: 'Almost, almost, it's over, it's over.' And the Qing Dynasty was indeed over, wasn't it? Watch your mouth."
Taichu bent over laughing.
I kissed her face. This Taichu was the Taichu from our university days, my Taichu.
By the time the guests left satisfied, we were truly exhausted.
Taichu pulled at her "Keyi" dress and sat down in a chair, feet on the coffee table.
I saw her shoes and jumped up. "Sneakers! You have been wearing sneakers all along?"
"No way!" I cried. "If I had to stand in high heels that long, my feet would literally fall apart." She laughed and laughed.
I went over to tickle her, and the two of us collapsed in a heap.
Mrs. Huang saw us and sighed: "Eighteen thousand yuan for one dress, and just like that, ruined."
I helped Taichu up, gave a hard pull, and with a "rip" the sleeve came apart, half of it gone. We laughed again.
Mrs. Huang laughed and said: "Tsk, tsk, go back to San Jose and wear your jerseys and sneakers." She was truly happy for us.
But what about Pu Jiamin? We had not seen Pu Jiamin all day.
"He did not come," Mrs. Huang said lightly, glossing over it.
Ah, Pu Jiamin was truly a man of eternal sorrow.
Because I was in such a good mood, I felt tenderness toward my rival.
"What happened to him?" I asked.
Mrs. Huang smiled. "Everyone living in this world has a purpose, otherwise how could they get through one dreary day after another? Some people live merely to humbly support a wife and children. Some to gain promotion and wealth. And Pu Jiamin? He lives to pursue a vague, ethereal romance. Do you feel sorry for him? No need. He does not know how much painful pleasure he derives from it. This is simply his only enjoyment. Rest assured."
Mrs. Huang was practically a computer for analyzing emotions. Everything, once she explained it, immediately became clear as day. I began to understand Huang Zhenhua's suffering.
Taichu was the most balanced, her character falling somewhere between her mother and her aunt. As a woman, when you can afford to be muddled, you may as well be a little muddled; when you must fight with your own two hands, you may as well be shrewd. Only Taichu had this ability. Who could imagine Huang Meigui sitting in an office one day? And who would believe that Mrs. Huang Zhenhua would be willing to rely wholeheartedly on her husband? But Taichu truly could handle both the pen and the sword.
To have won Taichu was truly the greatest fortune of my life.
Back in America, we lived in San Francisco. I found an ordinary but comfortable job. Taichu continued her studies, and after class she cooked and washed clothes for me.
I often told her, "Look how lucky you are. Your husband earns money while you study. How many foreign girls have to earn money to put their husbands through school?"
Taichu would smile and then say: "Thank you for the advice, thank you for the advice."
Mr. Huang Zhenhua had his secretary take dictation from Hong Kong, China, and wrote a letter five pages long, mainly telling us how successful Taichu's art exhibition had been. A mysterious buyer had purchased as many as ten of her paintings.
I pursed my lips and said: "What's so mysterious about it? This person is eighty percent likely Pu Jiamin. He bought the paintings to take home, hang one in the dining room, hang one in the bathroom…… Hmph!"
Taichu pressed her lips together and smiled, her eyes darting back and forth across my face.
In embarrassment turned anger, I roared: "Get to the kitchen and cook. I'm hungry."
Taichu knew how to handle things. She whisked herself off to the kitchen.
Feeling sheepish, I quickly followed her into the kitchen and made conversation: "The dishes have been getting better and better lately. Are you making them from this cookbook? Hmm…… Nancy Lu's cookbook……" I suddenly felt apologetic. "From Dante Gabriel Rossetti's art book to Nancy Lu's cookbook, Taichu……"
Taichu turned her head and stared at me with her beautiful big eyes. "Dante Gabriel Rossetti? What is that, some kind of new Italian furniture? What a hard name to pronounce!"
Oh, Taichu.
We held each other for a long time in the kitchen.
Our story ends here, and it should end here.
Part Four: Goodbye, Rose
Chapter One
My two sisters summoned me to London for Christmas, saying they had something important to tell me--"no excuses allowed."
I drove my Volkswagen from Oxford to London, rumbling and rattling, the car looking like it would fall apart at any moment. The whole journey was extremely perilous. I could just imagine myself standing in the middle of the M1 motorway, at minus six degrees, like a popsicle, hitchhiking…… too terrifying. Just thinking about it made me shiver.
Perhaps once I got to London, I should consider buying a new car.
My younger sister stood at the door to welcome me, wearing a fashionable black sable fur, her complexion not looking too good.
I got out of the car and went to embrace her, stroking the sleeve of her coat. "Wow," I said, "this coat alone could feed me for a lifetime."
She slapped my hand away. "Luo Zhenzhong, you are simply impossible!"
"How can you call a man on an important mission 'impossible'?"
"I did not understand a word of that garbled Mandarin of yours. You might as well bleach your skin and become a foreigner." She gave me a look.
The male servant came over to carry my suitcase. He said: "Young Master, that car of yours, tsk tsk tsk." Then he went inside.
My younger sister shot me a look. "Do you know what kind of car he drives?"
"It is precisely because these days even the male servants drive Rolls-Royces that we genuine young masters are forced to be unconventional."
"Stop being so ridiculous." She pushed me into the house.
I sat down by the fireplace.
"Hasn't it snowed?" I asked. "In this kind of cold weather, snow would actually make it more bearable."
My eldest sister came out of the study. "Has the Third Young Master arrived?"
I stood up with mock formality: "The Third Young Master has arrived. His sword has not."
My eldest sister was exasperated. "Just sit down."
I took the whiskey and soda the maid poured for me and took a sip. "What is the urgent matter?" I asked. "Tell me so I can be on my way."
"You know about Father's business?" my younger sister said vexedly.
"I know," I said. "He is getting married."
"You are not concerned?" my eldest sister asked.
"Concerned about what?" I was baffled.
"What happens after he gets married?" my younger sister asked sharply.
I pretended to be shocked. "You mean--" I dramatically drew in a breath, "our stepmother will treat us like Snow White? Oh, heavens!"
This time even my eldest sister was angry. "Luo Zhenzhong, can you please be serious?"
"All right, all right," I said placatingly. "All right."
"Luo Zhenzhong, you are the kind of person who will muddle through life and that will be that," my younger sister said. "And to think you are the only boy in the family. What do you plan to do? Spend your whole life in a small town like Oxford being some neurotic bookworm? You are utterly useless. Let me tell you, after Father marries, the entire family fortune will fall into that woman's hands. Then you can cry to heaven and it will not answer, cry to earth and it will not respond."
"Could such a thing happen?" I could barely suppress my laughter.
"How could it not?" My eldest sister glared at me. "How old is Father? He is fifty-nine, and he is still getting married. He has simply run into a fox spirit. If we do not make plans early, do we have to wait until the fire reaches our eyebrows?"
I was taken aback. "This fox spirit business…… I have read about it in novels. This is truly……" I rubbed my hands together.
My eldest sister sighed. "I think we should forget it. We two old sisters do not need to rack our brains over this matter. The real emperor is not anxious but the eunuchs are. Our brother is almost becoming an idiot."
"What do you want me to do?" I retorted. "Find a Maoshan Daoist priest to invoke magical powers and fight that fox spirit to the death, forcing her to reveal her true form?"
"At least you could go back to Father's side. Father waits for you to come home year after year. You know that very well. For the past ten years, you have kept putting him off. What is that about?"
"I think life abroad suits me better."
"Do you have a grudge against money?"
"I lack nothing," I said. "I am self-sufficient and perfectly happy."
"But Father's business will soon fall into someone else's hands."
"Eldest Sister, I am not concerned. That is Father's business, not ours. I did not come into this world for the sake of Father's business. I made this clear to him more than ten years ago, and I have already obtained his understanding. A father's business does not necessarily have to be inherited by his son. There are plenty of capable and promising young people out there who could be excellent helpers to my father. Father is fifty-nine this year, and he can still find a woman he loves. That is truly a very happy thing. I am happy for him," I paused. "As for whether that woman is a fox spirit, we need not worry about that for him. As long as he is happy."
My younger sister sneered repeatedly. "Listen to this sensible, filial son."
"My two sisters, I know you mean well," I said. "In this matter, I consider myself very open-minded. You need not worry about me."
My younger sister said: "You know we are only doing this for your own good. Our shares were long ago converted into dowries."
I was quite at a loss. "What do I want money for? The reason people need large amounts of money is nothing more than an urge to possess--they must buy everything and pile it up mountain-high at home. I do not think that way. If I like paintings, I go to an art museum. After I die, chances are they will be donated to an art museum anyway. A few hurried decades--why make it so troublesome?"
"Crazy monk," my eldest sister scolded me.
I said: "I take my leave. If I do not go now, there will be even nastier things said about me."
"You drove for hours. You must be tired. How about resting here for a few nights?"
"As long as you promise not to nag me," I made a face.
"Fine, fine." My eldest sister laughed. "How is it that you do not even have a girlfriend?"
"I am gay. Did you not know?"
"Nonsense!"
"With two maiden aunts like you at home, where am I supposed to find a nice girl to marry me?" I teased.
My eldest sister said in annoyance: "This boy, he will spend his whole life just like this."
The young lady said, "Don't mind him acting all crazy and scatterbrained. With him, it's what they call a gentleman open and at ease, not like us petty folk always fretting and fussing."
I went upstairs.
I rang Oxford to find Zhuang Guodong.
Old Zhuang is my colleague. He's a bit of a loner, but he and I still get along well enough.
I told him to come to London. "It's the holidays anyway, what are you doing moping alone in your dorm?"
"I can't be bothered to drive."
"Then I'll die of boredom stuck here. If you come, we can go fishing together."
He said, "Fishing day and night, you never get tired of it." His voice was muffled.
"Just come," I told him the address. "My two elder sisters may be past their prime, but they've still got some charm left. If one of them takes a fancy to you, you won't have to worry about food or expenses for the rest of your life."
"Zhenzhong, you're getting more and more witty."
"Leave right now, see you tonight, goodbye."
"All right, goodbye." He hung up.
My elder sister came into the room. "Who was that? Making jokes at your old sister's expense again. Sooner or later I'll tear your mouth off."
"That was Zhuang Guodong," I said, "my colleague."
"Oh, so that's the one you mentioned, the man who after his divorce stared at his wife's photograph for ten years?"
"That's right, it's him," I laughed. "And he did indeed stare at a photograph for ten years, but it wasn't his wife, it was another woman."
"You people's love lives are utterly bizarre. I can't accept it."
I puffed out my chest. "Elder sister, my love life hasn't even sprouted yet. Don't tar a whole boatload of people with one stroke."
"Zhenzhong, when is your soft spot going to close up?"
"What's wrong with being a big happy-go-lucky kid?" I retorted.
"You've been at it long enough. It's time you started making plans for yourself."
"Fate hasn't arrived yet, can't find a girlfriend." I said.
"How many girls are there in Oxford? Come live in London, and I guarantee you'll be married within three months."
"Marry just anyone? I'd rather go find that cow at the Oxford agricultural college."
"That's why Dad is disappointed in you. That year he got his knighthood, I asked him if he was happy, and he answered: 'Your mother isn't here, what's there to be happy about? Now I'll only be happy the day I hold a grandchild.'" My elder sister straightened the bed for me.
"If I could have children, I'd satisfy him." I spread my hands.
She ignored me. "Is your friend sleeping in the same room as you?"
"Yes." I said.
"Well, now it's fine. The moment Dad marries, that woman gets raised onto the altar, and you, the rightful heir, get banished to the cold palace……"
"Elder sister, you've been watching too many of those 'civet cat swapped for crown prince' type stories."
"At least you ought to change your car." She grumbled.
"Will you buy me one?" I asked.
"I'll ask Dad for the money," she said. "At most I'll advance it for you first."
I put on a cheeky grin. "Talk about money and you lose the affection."
"Get lost."
Toward evening, Zhuang Guodong arrived. His whole bearing was like a movie star's - a handsome face, a magnificent build, good presence, a bit unruly, with a touch of white hair that added to his mature charm.
I went out to greet him.
"Come in quick and warm yourself by the fire, the turkey dinner is ready." I patted his shoulder.
Zhuang came into the study, and I introduced him to my sisters.
My sisters were astonished by how outstanding he was.
My elder sister said, "Before meeting you, I thought Zhenzhong counted as a handsome boy. Now I realize Zhenzhong is just a big clumsy oaf."
"Hey hey hey!" I protested.
After dinner, Zhuang and I played chess in the room.
I said, "Tomorrow my sisters and their husbands will introduce some girls to us."
"Isn't that a bother?" he said.
"Can't help it," I asked, "how many days do you plan to stay?"
He yawned. "Doesn't matter." He took the familiar silver photo frame out of his simple duffel bag and placed it by the bedside.
"My God, Zhuang, you're far too devoted." I said. "Without this photograph, you can't sleep?"
That gloomy look appeared on Zhuang's face again. He gulped down his whisky and gave a bitter smile. "I can't forget her, I loved her too much."
The photograph was very blurry, a scenic shot of him and that young woman together. Even looking again I couldn't make out any details, so I just shrugged.
"If you loved her, you should have followed her." I said.
"I couldn't." He said. "At the time I was already engaged."
"Then dream on, facing her photograph." I said. "I wish you happiness."
"I was the one who abandoned her first." Zhuang said, leaning against the bed.
"You abandoned her?" I asked. "Why?" I didn't understand.
"You wouldn't understand." He sighed.
"Another game?" I changed the subject.
"Tired." He looked out the window.
"You're a fine one, moping from Oxford to London. Come on, let's go to a pub for a few drinks."
"I don't want to move about." He stretched.
I let him be. A holiday is nothing but for relaxing the nerves. If Zhuang could lie in bed happily, then let him lie for ten days or so.
The next day, my eldest sister invited over many overseas Chinese "socialites" as well as female international students from various colleges. A twittering of oriole voices filled the library to overflowing. Some were playing the piano, some flipping through art albums, some chatting and joking, some fanning themselves - oh, it was simply dazzling to the eyes.
A few were students from the Royal Academy of Arts, naturally the best dressed. At first glance they seemed plainly dressed, but in fact they'd taken great pains to achieve a back-to-nature look: floral skirts, long woolen socks, big sweaters, cloth shoes, hair in braids…… I didn't know whom I was searching for, whom I was waiting for, but though these girls were lovely to look at, from beginning to end not one of them made me give my heart.
And so I felt lonely.
Zhuang Guodong was even more down-and-out than I was. A thin film of tears seemed to float in his eyes. The two of us sat on the windowsill, glasses in hand, thoroughly bored.
I asked softly, "That flower we're looking for - where is it?"
Zhuang glanced at me. "I don't know your flower." He lowered his head and gave a bitter smile.
Many young women's eyes fell on him. He didn't care, and didn't see them.
I asked him, "Fancy anyone?"
"No." He stretched. "It's not that there are no good-looking or interesting women here, it's just…… you've surely heard 'except Mount Wu, there are no clouds'?"
"That's your tragedy. For many people, except Mount Wu, everything is a cloud." I laughed. "From one sow to another sow, they become men of romance. Ha ha ha, how free and merry."
Zhuang glared at me. "And you?"
"Me?" I said. "I only get to live once. I don't intend to carelessly father half a dozen children with some woman, support her for a lifetime, and sacrifice my ideals and freedom. I'm very selfish. I want to find a good match."
"You're twenty-seven this year. When you're thirty-seven, if your voice is still this loud, then I'll admire you." Zhuang lit a cigarette. "These things are destined. You can't help yourself."
"Ah, yes," I made a gesture, exaggeratedly, "it's all destined. Five hundred years ago the Old Man of the Moon already tied his red thread from me to some woman. No use struggling and resisting. It's all written in the book of fate: she's a little woman who plays mahjong and supports her maiden family, completely illiterate, ah……" My voice rose without my noticing. A few girls nearby giggled.
Zhuang's gaze fell on my face like frost. I spread my hands. "Zhuang, I only wanted to cheer you up."
"Fate exists."
I murmured assent, only not wanting to quarrel with him again.
"That being so, let's be more broad-minded, Zhuang. Smile." My sisters brought out the silverware and invited us to a proper English afternoon tea. The girls all gathered around. The one sitting beside me had bright eyes and white teeth, as moving as a warm spring breeze. I was rather drawn to her, but thinking of the one I'd been waiting for all along, I had to keep my eyes fixed straight ahead and lower my head, concentrating wholly on drinking my milk tea.
My brothers-in-law came too, busy greeting people and attending to the female guests. Ah, the new year, everyone beaming with joy.
The long-distance call went through.
My elder sister called me to speak with Father.
I talked with Dad for a while, congratulated him, wished him a happy new marriage. He told me to come home during the Lunar New Year. As usual I declined. My elder sister desperately signaled with her eyes beside me. I couldn't bear to disappoint her too much, so I changed my answer: "Let me think it over……"
Dad's voice was very relaxed, full of vitality, greatly different from before. In any case, this woman made him happy, and that was enough. There's nothing free in this world; everything comes at a price. For Dad to get a little joy in his later years - what was wrong with that?
After hanging up, I asked my elder sister, "Those coy looks you kept flinging at your brother, one after another - nothing wrong with you, is there?"
"You muddle-headed fool," she stamped her foot. "While your dad still remembers you, if you don't go back for a visit -" She ground her teeth and jabbed a finger at my forehead.
"You've hit my death acupoint," I cried in pain. "After forty-nine days I'll breathe my last."
Zhuang came over smiling. "This Zhenzhong really makes relatives and friends not know whether to laugh or cry."
My elder sister seemed to have found a kindred spirit. "Mr. Zhuang, you speak a fair word. This younger brother of ours has truly been the death of us. Over twenty years old, and still so shiftless, playing piano and painting and writing all day, knowing nothing of the world. Ai, he's turned our hair white."
I sighed too. "Blame me for everything. Later when you get wrinkles on your forehead, blame me for that too."
Zhuang said, "He's being impudent again."
"Isn't he just." My elder sister clapped her hands. "He's really hit the nail on my heart."
"This is what I call a sense of humor." I corrected them.
Zhuang said, "But everyone likes him. You don't know how popular he is among the foreign girls - it's truly enviable. And so he desperately plays the role of Liu Xiahui, making those fiery golden-haired girls gnash their teeth in frustration."
My elder sister laughed heartily. "You two brothers really are a pair."
I said, "Yes, if Oxford didn't have Zhuang Guodong, I'd have died of boredom. I have my own plans. In the future when my old man gets annoyed with me and stops supporting me, I'll roam the world with Old Zhuang doing comic crosstalk. I reckon we could still scrape together two meals."
"What does Mr. Zhuang do in Oxford?" my elder sister asked.
I answered for him: "He scrubs toilets."
Zhuang smiled. "Zhenzhong cleans the dormitories."
My elder sister said, "Hey, are you two ever going to stop?" But she couldn't help laughing.
I said, "The two of us have an agreement. If by fifty-five neither of us has found a partner, then I'll marry Old Zhuang."
"You can joke about that too?" My elder sister frowned at me. "If it reaches Dad's ears, he'll skin you alive."
I put on a woebegone face and said to Zhuang, "Our family is the most violent. At the drop of a hat they pull out your tendons and skin you and mince you into meat patties."
My elder sister ignored me. "Does Mr. Zhuang have no girlfriend either?"
I said, "He does. He's been married, divorced, had a girlfriend, and broken up with the girlfriend. Not like me - I'm pure." I puffed out my chest.
My elder sister was too embarrassed to ask further.
But Zhuang, on the contrary, volunteered it. Smoking deeply, he said, "My real love came in the period after I got engaged. I met a lovely young girl. Her beauty made my heart tremble, but I wanted to be a man of perfect integrity. I didn't change my heart. I rejected her and married my fiancee. The marriage lasted ten years. In others' eyes, we were a happy couple too."
Zhuang said, "In my heart, I thought of the one I'd abandoned every moment of every day. In the end we divorced. That day, my wife said to me: 'Zhuang, you never loved me. We wasted ten years.' The divorce was actually easier and happier than the marriage. Sounds chilling, doesn't it? But that's the truth. We drank three bottles of red wine together in a little restaurant. She asked me what my plans were - what plans did I have? At the Oxford library I found a job and did it for several years. What plans did I have?" Zhuang smiled gently.
My elder sister was stunned listening. She asked pityingly, "No children?"
"No. Women nowadays are all very self-caring. Childbirth isn't necessarily very painful, but it does affect the figure and looks somewhat. Unless there's tremendous security and love?" Zhuang was full of sighs.
I said, "Zhuang is a man with a broken heart."
Zhuang gave a silly laugh, looking for all the world like 'what a fine autumn day it is.'
He wasn't always like this. Before, he was very proud and cold, utterly unapproachable. Now he was like brandy in a cellar, ever more mellow, getting along well with everyone.
My younger brother-in-law came over and asked, "What are you talking about? The guests are all about to leave."
My elder sister said, "You go see them off. I'll be right there."
My younger brother-in-law shrugged and went out.
My elder sister said to Zhuang, "Zhenzhong is going back to Hong Kong, China for the Lunar New Year. Mr. Zhuang, Zhenzhong would be very happy to invite you along for a change of scene. Our house is very big, more than ten rooms. If Mr. Zhuang doesn't mind, come along and relax."
"Really," I said, "Old Zhuang, why not?"
Zhuang said, "I haven't been back in a long time."
"A tree may grow a thousand feet tall, but its leaves fall back to its roots." I said with a smile.
"Drop dead," the young lady shot me a glare, "misusing idioms like that - who's shedding leaves?"
After the New Year, Zhuang and I drove back to Oxford, still living our days of peaceful detachment from the world. After work, we'd smoke pipes and play chess in the dormitory. What regrets could we possibly have in life?
Admittedly, I'm the most pleasure-loving second-generation rich kid there is. Dad makes money precisely so that we children and grandchildren can live comfortably. If I look comfortable for Dad, that's me fulfilling my filial duty!
Because Dad moved the wedding up, my eldest sister and I were on the phone constantly. She was very nervous, always afraid Dad had been bewitched senseless by some fox spirit. I mocked her relentlessly.
In the end, she and my eldest brother-in-law went back to Hong Kong for the wedding. After they returned, there was no news at all. This time it was my turn to worry. I pressed her: "Is Dad well?"
"Dad wants to sell the old house!" my eldest sister said. "And he's already built a bungalow in Shek O. He's both young and fashionable now - not like the old Dad at all."
I relaxed. "That's great. What about his wife? Is this fox spirit black or white? What tricks does she have? How did your battle of wits turn out?"
My eldest sister was silent for a long while. "No, she's not a fox spirit."
"What?" I was caught off guard.
"She comes from a good family. She was just married once before and has a daughter."
"That's not so unusual either. Surely Dad couldn't be marrying a sixteen-year-old virgin, could he?"
"Dad really loves her. You can see it."
I laughed. "So you're disappointed. You were expecting to see a seductive gold-digger……"
"No, Zhenzhong, your position is even more precarious because of this. I think you'll have to come back at least once during the Lunar New Year. She's only in her thirties or forties. If she has children, Zhenzhong……"
"Eldest sister, I've said it before - I don't plan to compete for the position of crown prince. You can rest easy on my account."
My eldest sister fell silent.
"Is she beautiful?"
"Beautiful."
Getting one woman to praise another woman's beauty is like the story of a camel passing through the eye of a needle. I was puzzled.
"Then that's good. After Mom passed away, Dad never smiled…… Dad is a good man. He deserves this happiness in his later years."
"Zhenzhong," my eldest sister said, "the problem is, Dad doesn't look like a man in his later years at all now. He's elegant and distinguished, strong and healthy. The way I see it, even your eldest brother-in-law can't compare to him."
"Really? That's wonderful." I felt happy inside and out.
My eldest sister said fretfully: "He's found new life from that woman. He doesn't need us anymore."
"Nonsense, eldest sister. We're still his beloved children. Of course he loves us. Besides, we've all grown up and have our own lives. We don't have time to keep him company either. We should be happy for him."
"I don't even know what to say. He was already nearing semi-retirement, and he'd wanted to hand some Hong Kong affairs over to your eldest brother-in-law. But now he's made a comeback, and he's whipped several companies into booming shape. The old sword hasn't dulled at all."
I was delighted. "Great, so I can slip away again. Otherwise he'd keep nagging me to sit at the counter - bored to death."
"He's asking when you'll take a wife."
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"Everything is ready, only the east wind is missing." I added, "The east wind would not favor Lord Zhou."
"If I were you, I'd bring a female companion and go back together to see him, just to make him happy."
"Right, bringing a pregnant woman back would be even better."
"You're being crude again, Zhenzhong."
"Eldest sister, why bother being jealous? Dad will always be our dad. Don't you think so?"
"It won't be the same anymore," my eldest sister said.
Women are all afraid of change.
"I'll go back during the Lunar New Year then. What do you want me to say for you? Are you worried about the inheritance?"
"Zhenzhong!"
"Then what is it? You're in your thirties or forties. Surely you don't still want to nestle at Dad's knee."
My eldest sister said nothing.
I comforted her: "Don't worry. I'll handle everything."
"You," her voice sounded a little reassured, "you spineless thing."
What an insult.
Women love nothing more than to belittle their brothers.
"You're all shocked that Dad is getting married. Think about it - if I got married, how would you react?"
"Shameless, you're flattering yourself."
The negotiations with my sisters finally came to an end.
Come February, Zhuang Guodong told me he didn't want to go back to Hong Kong after all.
I knew what he was thinking. I said: "Old Zhuang, there are three million women in Hong Kong. You won't necessarily run into her on the street. The chances are minuscule. And who knows, she may have married long ago, had six kids, and turned into a big fat woman with gold teeth all over her mouth. What are you afraid of? Even if you saw her, you wouldn't recognize her."
Zhuang said: "I don't want to go back to that place."
"It's been over ten years. Don't be silly. The world has changed. Hong Kong has long since transformed. If you don't come with me, I really won't have the courage to face my old man. With a guest in between, it'll be easier to dodge him. Don't you think so?"
"Why do you need to dodge your own father?" Old Zhuang was puzzled.
"He keeps wanting me to go back and do business. Zhuang, you know me best. Since I can spend money without doing anything, why should I go back to that concrete jungle to chair ten hours of meetings every day? Am I crazy?"
Old Zhuang was both annoyed and amused. "What if he cuts you off financially?"
I scratched my head. "I'm not a spendthrift. The interest on the stocks in my name alone is more than I can spend. You've seen my Volkswagen, haven't you? Good grief, it could fall apart at any moment. No, no, Dad won't come down hard on me. I'm just what you'd call 'good-for-nothing' - not bad."
"If I were your father, I'd have a headache too." He laughed.
"Zhuang, you're much the same as me. We're two of a kind - pot calling the kettle black."
"No, no, Zhenzhong. I only came to my senses after taking a fall. But you - as you yourself said - you're pure." He said.
"Old Zhuang, hey, it was a joke and now you're throwing it back at me to mock me." I patted his shoulder, my face flushed. "Who's a holy virgin? If you come along with me on this trip, I won't treat you badly."
He laughed. "I've never seen anyone like you - needing company to go back to your own hometown."
I laughed too. "Zhuang, going to my grandmother's house, I definitely wouldn't ask you to come along."
"Zhenzhong, it's rare to find someone as open-minded as you!" He praised me. "A rich young man like you - truly rare."
I suddenly asked: "Remember Tian Zhang? Wasn't Tian always such a witty, refined, gentle person?"
At the mention of Tian Zhang, he too fell silent.
"Wasn't his family the wealthiest in Hong Kong? For a girl, he jumped from the twenty-fourth floor, his brains dashed out."
Zhuang was quiet for a long time, then said slowly: "The things people do for love are truly astonishing."
I smiled bitterly. "I've seen that girl. She was so ordinary-looking, she wasn't even pretty! There's absolutely no explaining this matter. Poor Tian."
Zhuang took a deep drag on his cigarette. "Everything is destined."
I disagreed. "How can you dismiss all human effort with one sentence? I would never do such a thing. I have willpower."
Zhuang watched the blue smoke he exhaled and didn't argue with me.
"I've never met anyone as pessimistic as you," I said. "Are you going to Hong Kong or not?"
He tilted his head and smiled. "Going, going."
I bought two round-trip plane tickets. Old Zhuang didn't stand on ceremony with me. My sisters saw us off at the airport.
My youngest sister told me: "When you see Dad, be a bit more proper."
But I said: "Are ferry tickets to Macao, China easy to get? I want to take Old Zhuang to eat dog meat."
My eldest sister sighed. "You! Things are different now. Be careful."
I winked and said to Zhuang: "I wonder if Cinderella's stepsisters have such kind hearts?"
My eldest sister nearly flung her handbag at my head.
Zhuang Guodong and I finally boarded the plane safely.
He told me: "I'm very nervous. I have a premonition of ill omens."
"Don't worry," I said. "If there's anything bothering you, feel free to tell me. You'll feel lighter."
Zhuang's face wasn't turned toward me, but his voice trembled slightly. "Zhenzhong, I want to find her."
I didn't respond. Compassion is common to all. I sympathized with Zhuang Guodong. He'd been trapped by this love for over ten years. The longer it went, the deeper he burrowed into the dead end. He had to find a way to break free.
I said: "Actually, career success is compensation enough. You manage an entire library. Old friend, that's no small matter - over seven million books."
Zhuang said forlornly: "Books don't have gentle voices or warm little hands."
"If you only wanted those hands, why didn't you hold on to them back then? Since you let her go, any pair of hands can give you the same warmth."
"I'm a fool."
"Old Zhuang, I think the past is the past. The wounds have left no trace. Don't dig up old matters. Memories are often the most beautiful."
He turned his head. "What, do you really think she's become a gold-toothed old woman?"
"Maybe she's emigrated. It's all the rage these days."
"Stop using veiled sarcasm."
"How do you plan to find her?" I was genuinely puzzled. "It's been over ten years. Do you plan to put an ad in the newspaper?"
"A newspaper ad works too." He mused.
"Old Zhuang, don't go overboard. Don't tell me you want to draft an advertisement saying: 'Dear sister, since parting at the pavilion, has your domestic life been well?' Hey, is there something wrong with your head?" I pushed him.
But he murmured, repeating: "Since parting at the pavilion…… but Liang Shanbo never married Ninth Sister."
I felt a chill of fear. "Tian Zhang taught me that line. Don't you go learning it."
He tilted his head back and laughed. "Tian had great wisdom and courage. How could I compare to him?"
"Hey, can we talk about something else?"
"Something else? Fine, what do you want me to talk about? Which restaurant in Hong Kong has the best seafood and game? Which tennis court has the nicest grass? Whether Italian sports cars are superior, whether Wang Ming-chuen is the most charming TV star? Is that it?" I fell silent.
"Zhenzhong, we're friends. I have no intention of becoming your kept companion."
I quickly smiled apologetically. "Listen to that tone! Old Zhuang, you're overthinking things, far too sensitive." He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. I saw his eyelids twitching slightly. He wasn't asleep.
I sighed. A person who's never been in love in their whole life says that's a regret. Not knowing the taste of honey, having loved passionately, and in the end it's all a spring dream - down and out for half a lifetime.
I figured my only hope was that when I myself fell in love, I wouldn't have to go through too much pain. I love her, she loves me, "bang" the skylight closes, and amidst fanfare we enter the bridal chamber. Done.
But this girl - where was she? I wondered blankly.
No rush, no rush. Before she appears, I'll play some tennis, stroll around the City of Flowers, eat and drink, take it easy. No hurry.
I felt relieved again.
I nudged Old Zhuang and said: "I know you're not asleep. Old Zhuang, once we're in Hong Kong, you'll naturally stay at my place."
He opened his eyes. "Do I still have money to stay at a hotel?"
"My home is really more comfortable than a hotel. Otherwise I'd stay at a hotel with you." I laughed.
He said lazily: "Listen to that tone. Truly, each has his own fate - don't envy others. Young brother, as long as you're fortunate, you don't need to be born early."
"You're still so cynical," I said.
"Let's rest a while."
I smiled at him, then craned my neck to look around for my dream lover, then closed my eyes and fell asleep.
When I woke up, Old Zhuang was reading.
"Ah," I said, "The Legend of the Condor Heroes again. By now you should have it memorized, surely?"
He ignored me. After eating the airplane meal, I slept again.
This time I was shaken awake by Old Zhuang: "We're here, we're here." He said.
I said: "My feet are swollen from sitting." I stretched.
Father's car and driver were waiting at the gate. They took the luggage from our hands.
The driver said: "Third Young Master, the master asks where you'll be staying."
"If the old house isn't sold yet, then let's go back to the old house," I said with a laugh. "The old man has just become a bridegroom, and a great hulking son hanging around in front of him would be an eyesore. We won't go to the new house."
The driver wanted to laugh but didn't dare.
We arrived at the old house in no time, and I told the driver to go and report to the master.
I urged Old Zhuang to treat this place as his home.
He was just taking a shower when Father's call came through. "Come and see me," he said.
The imperial edict had come down.
I immediately stood outside the bathroom and begged Old Zhuang to accompany me.
Over the splashing of the showerhead, he told me to go to hell.
I had no choice but to go to the execution ground alone.
Father's new residence was in Shek O. I had never imagined Father had such taste; he had always been practical, but the new house was decorated exquisitely and very stylishly.
A flowerbed blazing with reds and purples accompanied a kidney-shaped rockery goldfish pond, with water murmuring softly. For a moment I lingered in this exquisite little garden, unwilling to go into the living room.
There a young woman was squatting, wearing thick gloves, trimming several rose-red azaleas.
She wore a black sweater and trousers, her long hair gathered into a low bun with a jade hairpin stuck through it, and the skin at the corners of her ears was as white as congealed cream.
I couldn't resist leaning forward a little, wanting to see her profile.
She was clipping the branches with great concentration, snip-snip, and I had to lean sideways again. Just as I was considering whether to cough, I misstepped and slid into the goldfish pond with a splash, water flying everywhere, and the lower half of my body instantly became a drowned rat.
The young woman turned her head at the sound, greatly startled.
I had originally meant to speak up and apologize, but the moment I saw her face, I was stunned. The woman of my dreams whom I had waited half a lifetime for had appeared at this very moment.
I was tongue-tied and couldn't utter a single word, and heedless of being soaked all over, I simply stood there in the pond.
I saw her scoop up with her hands the goldfish that had been splashed onto the grass beside the pond.
"Oh dear, my poor bubble-eyes, my hydrangea-heads……" She raised her eyes and gently scolded me, "How can you be so careless, sir?"
I gaped at her.
She gently placed the goldfish back into the pond.
"Aren't you coming up? The water's cold," she said, stamping her foot.
I clambered up onto the edge of the pond in one step, my leather shoes trailing lotus leaves and water weeds.
"What have you done?" she reproached me. "My fish pond is ruined."
"Oh, I'm sorry." My gaze never left her every smile and frown.
"Hey, who are you?" she asked me.
I was still there saying, "Oh, I'm sorry," my whole being as if struck by lightning.
She gave a light laugh, then sighed, turned her head and called, "Uncle Huang, Uncle Huang!" She walked away.
Uncle Huang was our family's old male servant. He hurried over, and when he saw it was me, he was so delighted he threw his arms around me: "Third Young Master!" Then he was startled and asked, "What happened to you?"
I asked him, "Who is that young woman?"
"What young woman? You'd better go change your clothes!"
He led me through the long window of the study into the guest room, got dry clothes for me to change into, and nagged all the while. I meekly endured it all and said nothing.
That young woman.
A mature face, an extremely feminine bearing. She was a true beauty. I had never seen eyes like black gemstones, with such flowing glances. I was stunned.
Our family had never had such a relative or friend. Who was she?
My heart rippled with emotion.
Someone knocked on the door. "Zhenzhong, are you in the room?" Father's voice.
"It's me." I answered and went to open the door.
"Zhenzhong!" He embraced me.
"Father!" My eyes grew moist.
"Have you come to your senses? Are you willing to come back and see me?" Father asked one question after another.
I looked at him carefully. He was even more spirited than before, and his figure was well maintained; you couldn't tell at all that he was already over fifty. His hair was white, but it only set off his elegant bearing all the more.
I praised him: "Father, you really have more and more style. So, life is happy, I take it?"
"Very good, very good." Father looked truly radiant.
No matter who that woman was, as long as she could make him this happy, I was grateful to her.
I said with a smile, "This must all be thanks to the new Mrs. Luo Deqing?"
Father asked, "Zhenzhong, you don't object, do you?"
"Father, how could I object to you becoming a happy man again?"
"Zhenzhong, you're truly worthy of being my son." He was very pleased. "But Jinjin and Sese object."
"My sisters are petty-minded," I said.
"Come, let me introduce you to her."
"It's my honor," I said.
"Zhenzhong, if you were willing to come back and help me," he came, "then my life would have no regrets." He came.
"Father, I myself have not the slightest interest in this craft. I'm afraid I'd only make more trouble than help. But I have brought a talented man with me. In a little while I'll have him come and see you."
Father laughed. "A stand-in for you, is that it?"
I laughed heartily.
Father and I came to the living room. Father said to the maid, "Go and ask the mistress to come."
The maid answered, "The mistress has gone to buy flowers, saying that the Third Young Master has arrived and the living room is bare and doesn't look nice."
I said, "She's too kind. Then let me first go and fetch my colleague."
"Everyone's in such a hurry," Father shook his head.
Walking to the door, I stopped, hesitated, and turned around.
"Father--" I called.
"What is it?"
"Is there a female guest here?" I asked.
"A female guest, what female guest? There isn't one," Father answered.
"But I clearly saw one," I said. "Just now she was trimming azaleas by the goldfish pond, wearing a black sweater and black trousers."
Father laughed: "Oh, her. I'll certainly introduce you."
"Wonderful," I said. "Now I'll go fetch my stand-in."
I whistled and briskly drove Father's new sports car to the old house to pick up Zhuang Guodong. By now he should have finished his shower too.
When I arrived at the old house, Old Huang's wife--Mother Huang--came to open the door, smiling so much her wrinkles were dancing: "Third Young Master, you've come? A full ten years you haven't been back, how heartless. The master could still fly to see you, but I don't know foreign languages, you really are..."
"So," I asked with a smile, "were you sent to serve us? Or to spy on us?"
"Yes, Young Master Zhuang has gone out," she said. "He told me to let you know."
"He went out? Where to?"
"He said he was going to a newspaper office to place an advertisement," Mother Huang said.
"He's crazy," I said. "He really went to place an ad?" That old rascal.
I sat on the sofa waiting for him to return, while listening to Mother Huang prattle on about everything that had happened over the past ten years.
I asked with interest, "Where did Father meet the new wife?"
"The master saw the mistress at a banquet and asked someone to introduce them. It was truly a match made in heaven. Everyone is happy for the master."
"Is the new wife beautiful?"
"Beautiful," Old Mother Huang said.
I laughed. "The way you people judge women, any woman who's dripping with jewels and has a neat face counts as beautiful."
"No, Third Young Master, the new wife really is beautiful," Mother Huang said.
I still didn't believe it. "A woman over thirty, with skin starting to sag, and still beautiful? Old Mother Huang, you'd better honestly confess, what favors has the new wife given you? She's very good at winning people over, isn't she?"
"The Third Young Master's tongue is more and more enough to make one not know whether to laugh or cry," she said with a squinty smile. "Third Young Master, I think you might as well not go back, and just help the master with business. How nice that would be."
"I don't know how to do business," I said.
"You'll learn once you try."
"I'm lazy." I spread my hands. "Mother Huang, you watched me grow up and know my temper. I dislike competing with people most of all. As a child I wouldn't even play animal chess, simply because I was afraid of losing. The business world is a bloody fray, all bitter warfare. How is it suited to me?"
"Then what about taking a wife? Is that also warfare?" Mother Huang retorted.
"Mother Huang," I said, elated, "there's a bit of a promising sign in this matter. Today I saw the woman of my dreams."
"Third Young Master, you'd better dream less," she laughed.
I said vexedly, "This is why I don't want to come back. Every one of you is like a discipline master, pestering me and criticizing me desperately, with not a single kind word." Mother Huang laughed heartily, this old lady.
The interior of the big house still had its old decor. On the high ceiling the whitewash was peeling a little, and the light switches were the old-fashioned kind that you flip down with a "pop," very warm and endearing. The sofa was covered with a large-flowered cloth slipcover, and on the rosewood tea table were white ring marks burned by teacup coasters. Some calligraphy and paintings of unknown origin on the wall had already gone blurry--Mother Huang was quite a character; when she saw dust on the paintings, she would wipe them with a wet cloth. She really was something.
All of this made me think of the warmth of childhood: Father working as a comprador under a Frenchman, Mother managing the household, taking out her private savings given by her father to supplement the family expenses, never a word of complaint.
Mother was a gentle and beautiful old-fashioned woman, but she had attended the University of Hong Kong and only dropped out when the Pacific War broke out. Because she was Cantonese, her skin had a honey-yellow tone, her facial features were well-defined, high nose, big eyes, long lashes, like the Tanka girls in the oil paintings sold in Tsim Sha Tsui, with a mass of glossy black hair combed into a low bun. So when I saw that young woman by the lotus pond just now with her low bun, I immediately felt fondness rise from my heart.
Mother had married a Ningbo man, and could also speak Shanghainese, but when she got flustered, she would often let Cantonese slip out. But as Father grew richer day by day, her health grew worse day by day. She had borne my two elder sisters, then given birth to me. She had originally planned to have several more sons, but by then she was no longer able.
The illness she had was cancer.
Back then I was twelve years old. She would often hold me and weep: "Mama can't bear to leave you, Mama can't bear to leave you." She already knew her time was short.
Thinking of this, my eyes grew red.
Old Mother Huang understood very well. "Third Young Master, you're thinking of your mother, aren't you?"
I nodded.
She sighed.
I seemed to see Mother in a loose plain white qipao walking back and forth by the sofa calling me: "Zhenzhong, Zhenzhong."
"Father liked to mock her: "You Cantonese people are such and such……"
The doorbell rang, interrupting my thoughts.
Mother Huang went to open the door. It was Zhuang Guodong, back.
When Old Zhuang saw the way I looked, he asked in surprise, "Red eyes, crying? Who bullied you? Or did your daddy smack your palm?"
I quickly said, "Where did you go?"
"To place an advertisement," he said, "to find someone." He handed me a draft.
I said, "Ridiculous, ridiculous." I took the draft and read it.
It said: "Parted at the study, are you well? Please contact me at once." Attached was a post office box number.
"Parted at the study--what study?" I asked. "You're really tacky. This is even more lowbrow than the plot devices in popular novels. This is simply Zhang Henshui's Mandarin Duck and Butterfly School stuff. And you're supposed to be an educated man."
He lit another cigarette and did not argue with me.
"You're desperate," I made a face. "Watch out that your mailbox gets stuffed with letters from women covered in pockmarks and scars."
He still said nothing.
"Come, come to my home for dinner."
"I won't go. Your whole family is having a reunion. What business is it of mine?"
"Then why did you come to Hong Kong?" I asked urgently.
"Vacation," he smiled.
"You sold me out," I said.
"You wanted to sell me out, and in the end you sold me." He was unruffled.
"You handle things quite well with my father," I said with a straight face.
"I'm not one for scheming either," he said.
"Then at least you can come for a meal," I said.
"Don't worry, I'll definitely come. Since I'm staying at your home, I ought to pay my respects to your esteemed father, but not today."
"Old Zhuang," I said, "this is serious. Do you believe in love at first sight?"
"I believe love can happen under any circumstances, catching you completely off guard. Love is a kind of virus, and there's no cure."
I said excitedly, "Today I finally saw her."
"Who?" he asked indifferently.
"The girl of my dreams."
"Hey!"
"Don't mock me, it's true."
Zhuang said, "Just because she's good-looking? Maybe the moment she opens her mouth it's all garbage. Maybe her only hobby is sitting at a card table? Don't be too arbitrary. Many beautiful women have no soul. Zhenzhong, your problem is that you're forever naive."
"Listen to who's lecturing me," I said indignantly. "I have my own judgment." I shot him a look. "Are you coming or not? If not, forget it."
"You're making all that fuss because you simply don't have the courage to sit in front of your father and stepmother." He laughed.
To be honest, I really felt a bit discouraged.
Old Zhuang had hit the nail right on the head.
What I feared was that during dinner (a dead silence, with only the clinking of bowls and chopsticks), Father would suddenly say, "Zhenzhong, you don't need to go back to England. I've arranged a position for you at the company, three thousand yuan a month. Starting tomorrow, all the stocks in your name will be forfeited, so you'll have no choice but to come back."
Of course, hearing those words from Father, I could only shed tears.
Then my stepmother would show her true colors as a stepmother, and through her thick makeup would come a cold sneer: "Zhenzhong, your father is only doing this for your own good……"
I shuddered. My two sisters' words had far too great an influence on me.
Old Zhuang said to me, "Zhenzhong, you're actually just lazy, impossibly lazy. The moment you hear about work, you want to cry."
I shrugged. "I'm going now."
Huang Ma came in and said, "The master is on the phone."
"Yes." I gave a salute.
I went out and picked up the receiver.
Father said on the other end, "Zhenzhong, I'm sorry, tonight's dinner will probably have to be cancelled."
"Why?" I asked.
"Your stepmother had some urgent matter and rushed out. She told me to apologize to you."
"Oh, it's no matter," I said. "Let's change it to tomorrow, shall we?"
"Would you like to come and have dinner with me alone? The dishes are all prepared."
I pondered for a moment.
"Zhenzhong, at the very least I won't bring up the matter of you coming back anymore. How about that?"
I smiled. "Father, I'd like to go out and wander around with a friend. I'll come tomorrow."
"Our father-and-son zodiac signs must be in conflict."
"Father, how can you believe in that?" I said. "You're Sir Luo Deqing."
He could only chuckle and hang up.
Zhuang said beside me, "There you go, putting it off one day at a time, escaping for one more day."
"Father has already promised he won't force me to stay," I said.
"Zhenzhong, everyone is born owing a certain responsibility. You really ought to sacrifice a bit of yourself for your father."
I retorted, "You surely know about Emperor Huizong of Song. He also sacrificed himself for his father. And did he end up being a good emperor?"
"You're going too far."
"And there's this man called the Duke of Windsor. He also did right by his old man……"
"Enough, enough," Zhuang cut me off with a laugh. "You're going too far."
I said, "Let's go drink beer."
Old Huang Ma came in again and said, "The second young lady is on the long-distance line for you."
"Ah, tracking me down from thousands of miles away." I said as I went to pick up the receiver.
My little sister immediately asked, "Have you seen her?"
"Not yet."
"How's Father?"
"He looks very well."
"Did you make him angry?"
"How could I? He didn't even force me to stay in Hong Kong, China."
My little sister said in alarm, "That's terrible news. How can you be so relaxed?"
"I don't understand."
"He doesn't want you anymore!"
"Nonsense." I cut her off. "You're all such small-minded women. Stop driving a wedge between Father and me."
Zhuang applauded from the side.
My little sister said angrily, "Then take good care of yourself!" and slammed down the phone. I said, "Women! Women have no confidence in any man, including their boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers…… Women simply don't trust men, yet they have to be intimate with them. Pitiful."
"Philosopher," Zhuang asked, "where shall we go eat?"
Huang Ma said, "Young masters, I've made a whole table of dishes. Just eat at home."
When the food was brought out, I saw a large platter of fragrant scallion-roasted crucian carp, and immediately thought of Mother again. Mother had learned to cook this Shanghai dish, enduring great hardship. She stuffed meat patties inside the crucian carp and often had fish bones pierce her fingers, all just because Father loved this dish.
But while the husband lives, day after day she speaks of devotion; when the husband dies, she follows another. No wonder my sisters felt it was unfair to Mother. Father had actually married someone else. However magnanimous I might be, however happy I might be for Father, when I thought of Mother, my heart ached.
"Your mother was a beauty too, wasn't she?" Zhuang asked.
"Yes." I nodded. "A beauty from Guangdong, thin, with a long pointed face, very beautiful. But beauty is a very private thing."
"No," Zhuang said. "True beauty is not private. The so-called beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that is not true beauty, that is merely getting used to someone's looks. 'He who does not recognize the handsomeness of Zidu is a man without eyes.' True beauty is evident to all."
I slapped my thigh. "Old Zhuang, that girl I saw this morning, Old Zhuang, she is a true beauty……"
"Beauty of face is secondary. The most remarkable thing is that spirit of hers, living entirely for love and dying for love." Zhuang murmured.
"What? Old Zhuang, what did you say?"
"Nothing."
"Have you also seen that kind of beauty?" I asked.
"Of course." He smiled desolately.
"Is it the girl in the silver photo frame?"
He nodded.
"It's been over ten years. Even if you find her again, she……" The telephone rang again, interrupting our conversation.
Huang Ma said, "The newspaper office is looking for Young Master Zhuang."
Zhuang immediately jumped over.
I only heard him murmuring yes, yes, I don't know what he was saying on the phone, then he put down the receiver, skipped his meal, and was about to go out.
"Where are you going?"
"I've received the letter!"
"What letter? You're not making any sense."
"Her letter!"
"Who is she?"
"You!" he said impatiently. "Stop blocking my way out, you're being muddle-headed."
I grabbed a chicken leg and said, "I'll drive you there."
The usually gentle Zhuang said, "Hurry, hurry." Everyone has his moment of rebirth.
I sped with him to North Point.
He said, "Ming Pao…… this is the place."
"Isn't this the newspaper where you placed the ad? Oh, I understand, she wrote to you," I laughed. "So fast! Ming Pao ads, tremendously effective."
He forced me to park the car haphazardly, and we ran up to the newspaper office.
I panted, "Why not take the elevator?"
"The elevator is too slow. Didn't you see it's on the tenth floor? It'd take ages to come down."
I complained bitterly as we ran up to the tenth floor, my lungs nearly bursting.
I rushed into the advertising department.
A tall, thin man with black-rimmed glasses wobbled toward us and said, "The advertising department is closed."
"You people called me to come pick up a letter. I have a mailbox at your paper." Old Zhuang was burning with anxiety.
The man pushed up his glasses. "Ah, yes, special arrangement. The letter is here, please follow me."
Zhuang followed him over.
The man took out the letter and pushed up his glasses again. He said, "The young lady who came to deliver the letter was just as anxious as you," he raised his head, "She is a beauty, breathtaking."
This man's tone was like a poet's.
Old Zhuang took out his identification, received the letter, and couldn't wait to open it. Just then I saw a middle-aged man step into the editorial room. He had a square face and large ears, a commanding presence, and his face looked so familiar—
I nudged Old Zhuang. "Hey, you watch The Legend of the Condor Heroes every day. Look, doesn't this gentleman look like Jin Yong? He might be your idol. Why don't you go up and say hello and ask for his autograph?"
Old Zhuang was looking at the contents of the letter, his hands trembling, not having heard a word I said. I had never seen him so agitated.
I watched that gentleman walk into the editorial room, and I was stomping with frustration, missing the chance, all Old Zhuang's fault. This Old Zhuang, after reading a letter written by a woman, his soul flew up to the heavens of parted sorrow. Hopeless.
But I saw him press the letter to his chest to warm it, and heave a long sigh toward the sky, as if the sound contained infinite bitterness.
"What's wrong with you, Old Zhuang." I started to worry. "Let's get out of here."
The fellow who had handed him the letter expressed infinite sympathy, clasped his hands and asked, "It's not bad news in the letter, is it?"
Zhuang didn't answer him at all.
I politely asked, "May I ask your surname, sir?"
"My humble surname is Cai."
I pulled Old Zhuang up and said to him, "Thank you, Mr. Cai, we're leaving."
Chapter Two
I drove Old Zhuang home. He was very silent the whole way, his forehead leaning against the car window. Believe me, seeing such a handsome man so grief-stricken is truly not an easy thing to bear.
As the car went through the cross-harbour tunnel, he quietly shed tears.
I tactfully drove to Tsim Sha Tsui and stopped on a street of bright lights and revelry, intending to get drunk with him.
He didn't refuse.
In the bar he handed the letter to me.
The letter was written in Chinese, the handwriting very childish, like a child's. I record it verbatim:
"Zhuang: Have you come back? I think it's you. Who else could know that the happiest moment of my life was spent in Big Brother's study? I will never forget that night we took off our shoes, secretly turned on Big Brother's record player, and danced until dawn. But I have married again? So much has happened since we parted. The past belongs to the past. I hope you can find happiness. I am no longer young. The true meaning of life is not in satisfying one's own selfish desires. Best wishes."
"Ah," I said, "returning the pearl with tears streaming down both cheeks." I felt infinite sorrow.
Time is always our enemy; the regrettable things that have happened cannot be undone.
I asked: "If time could go backward, would you marry her?"
Zhuang said: "I would."
I said: "She didn't leave an address. She is a sensible and lovely woman."
"No, she is not sensible at all. This letter is nothing but proof that she no longer loves me."
"How could she still love you? Asking her to abandon her husband and child to come to you would be too cruel."
Zhuang drank desperately.
I pressed down his glass. "At least you already know how she is doing. If you still love her, you should be happy for her. She is living a very peaceful life now. Zhuang, enjoy this vacation properly. Hong Kong is very big; it can hold you, and it can hold her too."
Zhuang nodded.
I rubbed my hands. "I sympathize with you very much. Perhaps this is what Chinese people call yuanfen; yuanfen is really just the foreigners' probability."
I said: "Maybe if we had just taken the elevator up to the newspaper office, we might have run into her, but you insisted on running up the stairs." I paused. "Or maybe you would have met her in the elevator and passed each other without recognizing one another."
"How could that be," he said. "Didn't you hear that Mr. Cai say she is still a beauty?"
"And you are still a handsome man too. Zhuang, there are many days ahead."
"You won't understand," he said dejectedly. "Without this person, all my days are meaningless. Living is just living for nothing."
I suddenly became afraid. "Zhuang, don't say that. Don't scare me."
"It's true." He said, "I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"Zhuang, think about everything you already have." I encouraged him. "You are a capable person……"
"Thank you, Zhenzhong."
I also kept him company and drank quite a lot. That night both of us got drunk.
We took a taxi home, lay down on the beds, and passed out. In the middle of the night I woke up, thirsty, and went to get a glass of water. I saw Zhuang's door half open.
I heard him sobbing.
Heavens.
Seeing this, I would rather never fall in love my whole life, free and happy, how wonderful that would be.
But in my mind I thought again of the girl by the goldfish pond. If I were to cry in the middle of the night for her, would it be worth it? I had already fallen into an obsession, and for this I was deeply shaken.
At dawn I saw old Zhuang standing on the balcony with swollen eyes. A whole row of crabapple flowers was planted on the balcony, setting off the misty morning like a poem and a painting.
I pretended I had heard nothing and seen nothing, and told him to eat breakfast. Huang Ma had made four side dishes to go with the congee, extremely delicious, and both of us ate a great deal.
A little later my father called. He said his new wife had caught a chill yesterday and now had a fever, and the appointment was canceled again.
I was only too glad for it to be so. With my sisters, they would again suspect that this new Mrs. Luo was trying to buy time to negotiate with my father about my problems.
Who cared? I was just thinking of keeping old Zhuang good company and doing my duty as a friend.
The sun was excellent. Old Zhuang and I played chess.
Huang Ma said: "Madam stood in the flower garden for half the night last night, and by morning she had a fever. The master was worried sick."
I glanced at Zhuang. What a coincidence. For whom did she stand in the wind and dew until midnight?
I suddenly had an inspiration and asked Huang Ma: "At my father's place, is there a female guest?"
"A female guest? No." Huang Ma was astonished.
I said: "Father said there was. You're talking nonsense again."
"Young master, I have been at the old house for several days now. I am not very clear about matters over there."
"That makes sense too." I nodded.
Old Zhuang said: "General, you've lost."
I messed up the chess pieces with my hand.
"Let's go out and clear our heads," I said.
"I like this old house. It feels safe," he said.
"Help my father with his business. I'll tell him to give you the old house."
"Use money to crush me to death?"
"Hong Kong is a colorful society. You have only married once and lost love once. That is nothing. You will definitely find a good match and make a comeback."
Zhuang gave me a dirty look. "Zhenzhong, you are more and more like your sisters."
Hey, infuriating. Biting Lu Dongbin.
Give him freedom. Don't bother with him.
"Is your father looking for help?"
"Every company in Hong Kong is looking for help."
"What kind of work?"
"Administration."
"Then it would be good to go to his office and see him too," Zhuang said.
"I can make an appointment for you." I did not dare be too enthusiastic.
"Come, accompany me to the jade market. It is still early. Let's go pick up some good goods."
He reluctantly went out with me.
We looked slowly at each stall, and his interest gradually came out. I did not buy anything. He chose a jade bangle, snow white, with only one patch of emerald green.
I said I did not know how to bargain. He said it did not matter, paid the money, picked it up, and left.
By noon he had become happy again. We went home for lunch, and after lunch went to the flower shop to order lilacs sent to my father's place, wishing my stepmother a speedy recovery from her slight illness. My father called and, by the way, made an appointment on Zhuang's behalf to meet him the next noon.
The place was the Blue Room of the Hong Kong Club. Zhuang spoke very appropriately. He said he had "heard" that Sir Luo also had business in London, and if he did not mind that he had "sat" in a library too long and made no progress, he would be very happy to serve him.
Father liked him very much and immediately agreed to go back and have someone draft a contract for him.
I let out a breath.
Father left first to return to the office, and I stayed at the club with him to drink coffee.
Zhuang said: "Zhenzhong, people say: a tiger father has no dog son……"
I laughed. "Now you have discovered that this saying is not entirely true?"
"That's not it, Zhenzhong. I greatly admire your character." He smiled bitterly.
I studied him. "My father ought to have a son like you."
"Don't talk nonsense."
In the club many fashionably dressed ladies and young women walked back and forth. It made one's eyes dazzle.
I sighed: "Some girls walk from Chai Wan to Shau Kei Wan every day, with a monthly salary of 1,500 yuan, while one Western dress on these ladies costs more than 8,000 yuan."
Zhuang glanced at me. "And you still say there is no fate?"
I laughed. "Can hard work change fate?"
"No," Zhuang said, shaking his head.
"Do you want to bet?"
"Bet on what? Your own second half of life? I don't need to bet. I know this thing truly exists. You are young. You don't know."
A young married woman passed by us, with very short curly hair, purple eyeshadow, rose-red lipstick, and a light gray chinchilla fur coat, extremely fashionable, and she walked with a swaying, alluring grace.
In my heart I said "wow." But, but compared with the girl by the goldfish pond, she was still far, far inferior.
I withdrew my gaze.
But I tested old Zhuang. "How was that?" I asked.
He did not look sideways. Ah, the expression of one who has once seen the ocean and finds it hard to be impressed by water.
That lover of his must absolutely have been no ordinary figure either, so much so that ordinary peerless beauties were completely outside his notice.
Even peerless beauties can still be divided into three kinds: top-tier peerless beauties, middling peerless beauties, and tolerable peerless beauties. Haha haha.
"You have decided to change professions?" I asked.
"Working for your father is an honor," he said. "A person has responsibilities. I cannot hide in a library for the rest of my life."
I said: "Old Zhuang, stop mocking me. I think the responsibility of being alive is to be happy. If you are so gloomy every day, then you are being irresponsible."
"That kind of responsibility is something only you can fulfill," he said with a sigh.
"Let's go play ball," I said. "There's nothing to do this afternoon."
He did not object. Zhuang was a versatile and romantic figure. He knew music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. He was a first-rate fencer, good enough to compete in the Olympics, and he played all kinds of ball games effortlessly.
His greatest charm was that he treated all of this as innate ability, and did not show off.
Zhuang's learning was naturally first-rate, and with that elegant manner and heroic appearance, girls should have come by the station wagon-load. How could he possibly be single!
I had teased him before: "You're not even a virgin anymore, so what are you pretending for? I'm different, hahaha."
His favorite insult to me was: "You're effeminate!"
In Britain, quite a few people had mistaken us for a couple.
A woman once stamped her foot and said: "Good men are already few enough. A large portion are already other people's husbands and boyfriends, and the rest like that sort of thing. No wonder old maids keep increasing."
After playing squash with Zhuang for half an hour, I was exhausted beyond belief. The driver picked us up and took us home.
Eldest Sister's phone call followed right after.
I told her: "Long-distance calls are not cheap."
"You two handsome men who could only appear in cigarette advertisements, how is life?"
"I still haven't met Father's wife."
"Why?"
"Is she putting on airs?"
"She does not put on airs," Eldest Sister said. "She is not that kind of person."
"You are comparatively more favorable toward her," I said. "Second Sister has never liked her."
"That is because she has never met that woman."
"Is she a good person?"
"Hard to describe, neither proper nor wicked. But women in history, any who could make men obey them, were all seductive foxes." Eldest Sister paused. "So she is also of the wicked faction."
"Does she look like a low-class songstress?"
"Impossible. You underestimate Father's taste too much."
"I am getting more and more curious," I said. "And yet she happens to be sick, so I cannot see her."
"Sooner or later you will see her," Zhuang said.
"But she is a woman of thirty or forty--" I said.
"It is said she is even more than thirty or forty. Some people truly are favored by heaven," Eldest Sister said.
I laughed a few times.
"Is Mr. Zhuang well?" Eldest Sister asked.
"Him? Same as ever. I'll tell you, he wants to work at Father's London company."
"And you?" Here it came.
"We'll talk about it slowly. Hey, Eldest Sister, you've been talking for more than ten minutes."
"You and your Jia Baoyu temper will have to change sooner or later." She hung up displeased.
In the evening I felt very bored, so I invited a large group of cousins out for hot pot. Everyone chattered away, extremely lively.
Several were in love and did not avoid suspicion, being affectionate in public, kissing again and again like kissing gouramis.
As for kissing, I really do not understand why they never tire of it. It is only skin touching skin, making a loud strange sound, yet they smack and smack, enjoying it immensely, while only old Zhuang and I sat there looking at each other.
When they sat down to eat, the couples each used one hand to eat, those sitting on the right using their left hand, those on the left using their right, while their other arm was wrapped around the other's waist. It was utterly comical, like Siamese twins. Truly magnificent, the magic of love is truly magnificent.
This meal had truly backfired, making Lao Zhuang and me look even more alone.
When they had all gone home, Father said Lao Zhuang's contract had been drafted, and told the two of us to go together.
"Let's go," I said.
The driver took us to Shek O.
Zhuang said, "You people who've lived in Hong Kong, China for so long, your legs will degenerate sooner or later."
By the time we reached the new house, it was already past nine at night. My first question was to the maid: "Where's Madam?"
"Madam seems to have gone upstairs to sleep. The master is already waiting for you in the study," the maid said.
Ah, I felt a trace of disappointment.
I said to Zhuang, "You go see my father. I'll wander around. Call me after you've discussed your business."
Zhuang shook his head, wearing an expression of "this boy is beyond teaching."
I slipped off to the library, pushed open the door, and found the television on, showing Popeye.
I knew at once it was a videotape, and wondered: who watches this kind of thing at this hour?
I heard a low chuckle, because on screen Popeye had eaten his spinach and once again defeated Bluto.
On the sofa opposite the television sat a young woman.
Perhaps I had a sixth sense; my heart pounded so hard it nearly jumped out of my mouth.
"Hello," I said.
She turned her head and looked at me.
In the dim light, her eyes sparkled like black gemstones.
What a beauty this was, this was Helen of Troy!
I stared at her blankly.
She opened her mouth and spoke: "It's you."
She seemed a little languid, her long hair braided into a thick plait hanging over her chest, wearing a loose, very ordinary nightgown, and on her feet a pair of embroidered slippers: deep purple satin, embroidered with a white bat, with a hole already worn through at the toe, which only added a certain playfulness.
I too stammered: "It's you."
She smiled, and a small mole beneath her eye twitched.
This was the woman I had waited a lifetime for.
This was her!
Her gentleness came through the air, reaching deep into my soul, a primal, utterly unpretentious feminine essence.
"You live here now?" I asked.
She answered: "Yes."
"Will you still be here tomorrow?" I pressed.
She smiled again and said: "Of course."
"I'll come find you tomorrow, don't go out," I said hastily.
"Where would I go?" she laughed.
I truly never expected to meet my hyacinth girl in my own home, purple clouds, white memories, green grass, and she would tell me her past in detail.
I felt my body growing lighter and lighter, until at last I floated up, flying to the grassland of my years of dreams, turning into a silvery butterfly, fluttering along.
I nearly shed tears, because in the boundless desert of time, I had finally met her after all.
After a long while, my body slowly came back down to earth, but then I heard someone knocking on the library door.
I had no choice but to open it. The maid said: "Third Young Master, the master requests your presence."
I turned back and quietly said to the young woman: "Wait for me tomorrow."
She raised an eyebrow. "Hey, hey—" she said softly.
I hurried to Father's study and happened to see Lao Zhuang coming out.
I said joyfully: "It's done?"
"Done," he said.
"Let's go."
"Aren't you going to say a few words to your father?"
"Nothing worth saying. Generation gap."
I pulled him away.
Back at the old house, I gave Old Huang Ma a stern talking-to.
Old Huang Ma swore she had never seen any female guest. "Perhaps she's Madam's friend, I really don't know."
But how had it not occurred to me, of course she was Madam's friend.
I lay on the sofa, legs propped up, whistling. I was whistling "The Blue Danube."
Lao Zhuang glared at me: "Hey, the house is so big, why don't you stand farther away to whistle?"
This was truly the guest usurping the host's role, I understood.
I had a whole set of plans. Tomorrow I would begin a new life. The first thing was to ask my stepmother to formally introduce her to me, then begin my pursuit. If I could marry a wife like that, I would be willing to be her ox and horse, and it would be worth coming back to do odd jobs for Father.
When I whistled my way to the "Yellow River Cantata," Zhuang could bear it no longer and said: "I'm moving to a hotel."
I laughed and said: "Patience, patience, I'll stop right now."
He heaved a deep sigh.
"Zhuang, from today on, we two brothers in misfortune both have new beginnings," I said. "You, with a new job and new environment; as for me, I may not go back to Britain."
Zhuang was astonished. "What?"
"You know, even heroes can't pass the beauty's gate. For a young woman, I'm staying."
No matter how bad Zhuang's mood was, he was amused by me. "What kind of hero are you? You're just a bear."
I said: "I've already found love."
"That was fast."
"True love happens in that very instant, undeniably. You have more knowledge in this area than I do."
Zhuang leaned back on the sofa and took a deep drag of his cigarette.
"I remember the first time I saw her, she was just a little over eighteen……"
I was impatient. "You're interested in little white socks too? How old were you then?" I teased him.
"Twenty-eight." He took another drag. "Admittedly, she was still a child—a child's intellect, a mature woman's appearance. I gave a guest lecture at her school and was immediately deeply attracted to her. Her youthful magic was terrifying as a blood curse. When she came near me, I couldn't refuse."
"Couldn't refuse an eighteen-year-old girl? How spineless."
Zhuang ignored me. "……In summer, she always wore white. Her family had money to let her spend freely, and her dressing was endlessly elaborated to the fullest. Every time she appeared, she was like a kingfisher in new plumage. I had never seen such a beautiful girl. My whole being sank into intoxication, as if drowning in a great sea……"
I listened quietly. In all the days I had known him, he had never candidly told me about this romance.
"But I was already engaged, and had promised both families I would marry my fiancee. I dared not go back on it, and besides, I thought this was just a summer romance, an illusion, gone in the blink of an eye. Moreover, she was so young……so young……" His voice gradually trailed off, lower and lower.
We could only hear the sound of the cigarette burning.
After a moment he said: "She loved me so much." His voice was tender and agonized.
I said: "That was many years ago."
He was silent.
"Young girls, impulsive and passionate, it's unavoidable, and it may not have been true love. Often they don't even know what they're doing, perhaps just to show a little rebellion, perhaps just an outlet for adolescence. If I were you, I would have made the same choice, marrying a fiancee I had known for years."
He looked at me.
"Later your marriage failed, and it wasn't necessarily because of her," I analyzed for him. "You're a perfectionist, so you try to find excuses to absolve yourself of this failed marriage, isn't that so?"
He smiled. "You don't know her, you've never met her, so naturally you don't understand."
"At least you were a good husband for ten years. That's not easy."
"Our life was always lived as three people together."
I said: "The more you talk, the more exaggerated you get. It's practically Rebecca from Rebecca."
"It's not funny at all," he raised his head. "I began to notice all girls in white. Every summer, I couldn't sit or stand at ease……"
I said: "Do you want to hear my romance?"
"Say whatever you like." He was languid.
I said: "You don't seem very interested."
He laughed. "Zhenzhong, you child……"
"Fine, someday I'll marry a movie queen," I joked.
"You said she was very beautiful." Zhuang was very gentle.
I nodded vigorously. "Beautiful as a dream."
"Only such a one would be worthy of you." He nodded.
"Really?" I flushed red. "Lao Zhuang, hurry and bless me."
"Why would you need blessings? Zhenzhong, you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, raised on a bed of roses. Whoever marries you has cultivated good fortune for three lifetimes. It's rare to find a young gentleman who isn't lustful, who has a taste for life, is well educated, and is elegant and refined in appearance."
"Wow, absolutely perfect," I said, bursting with joy.
"Certain success. I don't see any chance of failure for you."
"Many thanks, many thanks," I said.
"When will you introduce me to her?"
I smiled slyly. "First, I haven't formally met her yet; second, I won't go looking for trouble for myself. You could easily become my formidable rival."
Lao Zhuang was exasperated. "Villain, villain."
"When does your contract with the Luo Corporation take effect?" I changed the subject.
"Spring. I'll go back and resign now," he said.
"Wonderful. While you're at it, please mail all my belongings in Oxford back for me."
Zhuang shook his head. "I really can't believe it. One moment you'll never come home for all eternity, the next you're giving up everything……"
I rambled: "Homeward, homeward, the fields will soon be overgrown."
"Zhenzhong."
"Yes."
"I'm asking a favor of you."
"Just say it."
"After I leave, if there's any mail from the newspaper office……pick it up for me, open and read it, and wire me by telegram."
"That's your private mail." I wiped the smile from my face.
"It doesn't matter. We two brothers, what can't we say to each other?"
"Will she come around?"
"I don't know. For her, this matter is far too difficult."
"Leaving her husband for another man is ultimately not what a proper woman should do. Perhaps she has a child……"
"She's not an ordinary woman," Zhuang said.
He said my father had already arranged his plane ticket, and he could set off very soon.
That night I slept very well.
The next morning, I dressed neatly. Before going out, I looked at Lao Zhuang. He was sleeping soundly, the blanket pulled tight around him. Such a handsome man, with just a word he could have plenty of women sleeping beside him—wait, my thoughts are getting more and more vulgar.
I drove to my father's new house. The car stopped, but I didn't open the door. I jumped out, landing on the grass.
I crossed the flower bed and passed the goldfish pond. The young woman wasn't there. Could she still be in bed? I whistled.
Suddenly music drifted from the long window leading to the study. I listened carefully. It was a violin, Saint-Saens' Gypsy Rhapsody, not played very skillfully. I could tell it was an amateur, but full of rich emotion, truly the work of a master.
I coughed and knocked on the long window.
The music lowered. It turned out to be a cassette tape.
Someone inside said, "Come in."
I knew at once it was her.
I pushed open the long window and went in.
She sat in my father's study, radiantly beautiful. She had risen early, and was already washed and dressed. Her hair was combed back, still in a thick braid. White sweater, white skirt, a pair of black patent flat shoes that set off her slender ankles, jade earrings and brooch, a smiling face.
Every time I saw her, she was impeccably dressed, flawless, simple and elegant. Who on earth was she?
She spoke, "You're Zhenzhong, right?"
"Yes," I said, surprised and delighted. "You knew?"
"Oh dear, who doesn't know the third young master?" she teased.
My face flushed red. I hadn't expected her tongue to be so sharp.
I stared at her blankly. Her face seemed to glow in the morning sun.
I heard her say again, "Later those bubble-eye goldfish died. No amount of money could buy them back."
I stammered, but very happily said, "I'll definitely make it up to you."
"You don't seem to feel much remorse," she laughed.
I sat down and asked awkwardly, "You like listening to violin?"
"It was played by a friend," she said.
"He plays very well."
"Yes." She lowered her head slightly.
"When is his concert?"
"He has already passed away."
"Ah!" I said. "I'm sorry." I bowed slightly.
A shadow flickered across her face, then she recovered her composure.
She said, "Zhenzhong, your father is waiting for you."
"How did he know I was coming?" I was surprised again.
"I told him," she stood up. "We should have met long ago, but because of my health……"
"Zhenzhong--" Father came in smiling.
My heart pounded wildly, an ominous premonition.
"Zhenzhong, you've met your stepmother?" Father said.
My heartbeat seemed to stop at that very moment.
Only a buzzing sound remained in my ears.
I saw Father's mouth moving, his face wreathed in smiles "……"
But I couldn't hear a word he said.
The sunlight seemed to turn green, stars dancing before my eyes.
Father patted my shoulder: "……"
I couldn't hear.
Not a single word.
I died. I had already died.
I turned my face and looked at my dream girl's beautiful face.
Poison, the poison of fate had descended upon me. Blood curse, I understood now. Old Zhuang, I understood.
I collapsed into the velvet sofa.
Father leaned over: "……" His expression was full of concern.
I closed my eyes. Chaos, grief, fury, despair. In that instant I wished I could die.
"Zhenzhong, Zhenzhong, what's wrong with you?"
Stepmother. How could I have been so stupid.
Stepmother. I should have thought of it long ago. What other female guest would be here? It was my stepmother, of course.
Oh, Heaven, you let me live comfortably for over twenty years. Why must you suddenly take your favour from me? Why must you bring such punishment upon me? I opened my eyes.
"Zhenzhong, are you unwell?" Father asked. "Your face suddenly turned pale. Shall I call a doctor?"
I stared blankly at Father, unable to speak.
My stepmother came over and said, "The doctor will be here right away. Zhenzhong, are you ill?" Her voice was full of concern.
I lowered my head.
I heard my own voice, tired but calm.
Oh, was this my voice? Why did it sound so unfamiliar? "No need. I think it's because I got up too early and had an empty stomach."
Stepmother said at once, "No wonder. I'll heat up a glass of milk for you right away." She hurried out.
Father said with concern, "Zhenzhong, you don't take very good care of yourself."
I smiled palely, not knowing what I was smiling at. Oh, fate, the fate I had never believed in had come to punish me. It had revealed its mysterious power before my eyes.
Father asked joyfully, "Isn't she beautiful?" Father was like a child who had received the gift he most wished for.
"Yes," I said.
"And she is so pure and good," Father said. "Just like an innocent child."
My senses gradually returned. "Yes," I said.
"I'm not unaware that you all don't quite approve of this marriage of mine." Father rubbed his hands together. "But……I feel as if I've come back to life."
I asked weakly, "What should I call her?"
"Just call her by her name," Father said.
"What's her name?"
"Her name is Rose."
I nodded. "Father, I think I'd like to go back now."
"Zhenzhong, have the milk first," she had returned.
"No," I shook my head. "I'm leaving."
"Where are you going?"
I stood up, my steps unsteady.
Father said, "He's always been a bit solitary. Let him go."
She laughed. "They all say the third young master is the most mischievous and naughty, always joking and teasing people. I was afraid he'd make me laugh and cry at the same time, but it turns out he's a frail scholar." Her smiling face was like a hibiscus flower.
My heart felt as though an invisible hand had gripped it tightly, twisting in constant pain. I said "I'm leaving" again and walked out through the flower bed the way I had come.
"Zhenzhong!" she called from behind me.
I strode forward and again didn't see the lotus pond. My whole body fell into the pond once more.
She gave a delicate cry, then burst out laughing.
Suddenly I couldn't hold back my grief and fury, and I too laughed wildly at the sky, laughing until tears streamed from my eyes.
Father said from the side, "Ridiculous, ridiculous." He reached out smiling to help me up.
I climbed out of the pond, dripping wet, and without intending to change clothes, got into the sports car. Without another glance at them calling behind me, I drove away.
The whole way I drove at top speed, rushing back to the old house.
Chapter Three
Huang Ma came to open the door. Seeing me in that state, she was greatly startled. My whole body was trembling, but not from cold.
Zhuang Guodong was having breakfast and reading the newspaper. Seeing me like that, he quickly said, "What's wrong with you? Why is your face as pale as gold paper?" He walked over.
Like a drowning person seeing a saviour, I grabbed his arms, my lips trembling, but I couldn't get the words out.
"Quick, change your clothes. Whatever it is, tell me slowly. Quick, change your clothes," he said.
Huang Ma quickly put a dry bathrobe in my hands.
I took off my wet clothes and put on the bathrobe. Old Zhuang handed me a glass of brandy. I needed the drink just then. Oh, alcohol, I downed it in one gulp, the burn making me cough.
"What's wrong with you?" Old Zhuang asked again.
I said chokingly, "She, she……"
"What is it?" he asked again.
"How could this happen?" I asked in a trembling voice. "She is actually my stepmother. Zhuang, she's my stepmother."
"God," Old Zhuang said. "God." His face too turned ashen.
"Zhuang, I waited for her my whole life, and she turns out to be my stepmother." I felt like I was about to bleed.
"Ah Zhenzhong, poor Zhenzhong."
I lay down, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling.
"Zhenzhong, forget the whole thing. The only thing you can do is forget the whole thing immediately."
I howled loudly, "Forget, forget, how do you expect me to forget? Why haven't you forgotten your lover from fifteen years ago? Why doesn't Juliet forget Romeo? Why doesn't Dante forget Beatrice?" I was like a madman. "Get out, get out, get out, all of you! I don't need you, go away!"
He didn't go away. He sat in front of me.
Old Huang Ma came over at the sound. I hurled a water glass at her. Zhuang pulled her aside just in time to avoid disaster.
Zhuang shouted sternly, "Are you mad with words or mad with fists? What does your personal misfortune have to do with anyone else? Who are you trying to take it out on? Are you still supposed to be an educated person?"
Huang Ma hid outside.
I clutched my head with both hands. "Let me die, let me die."
"A real young lord," Zhuang sneered. "Dying so easily. Didn't you say you don't believe in fate? Now you can show your strength and fight."
I looked at Zhuang, and tears suddenly streamed down.
"I understand now," I said. "Zhuang, why did you say that without this person, the days ahead would be lived in vain? Why did you tremble all over when you received a letter? Why did you think of her morning and night, finding no joy in life? Why would a grown man shed tears? I understand completely now, Zhuang."
Old Zhuang said nothing.
After a very long time, "Zhenzhong, come back to London with me. Forget the whole thing."
I wept bitterly.
After another long while, he asked, "Is she very beautiful, Zhenzhong?"
I simply didn't know how to answer. Beautiful? She was more than beautiful! I cried out wildly.
Huang Ma peeked in once more. "Young Master Zhuang, I'll go call a doctor."
Zhuang said, "No need, Huang Ma. I'm here with him."
After I finished crying out in pain, he still looked at me so coldly.
"You're braver than I am. At least you dare to cry out," he said.
I told him, "I won't go to London with you."
"What are you staying here for?" he retorted. "To fight your old man over a woman?"
Hearing Zhuang's words, I couldn't help but weep loudly.
Zhuang said with disgust, "You rich-boy soldier type, always full of theories, acting invulnerable, but the moment things get serious, you're utterly useless. You surrender at once, sobbing and wailing. It's heartbreaking to watch."
I buried my face in my hands and wept.
"I know you're hurting, Zhenzhong. You have to find a way to control yourself. We're like brothers, I'll always help you. Come on, pull yourself together. Let's go back to London."
I sobbed, "We shouldn't have come back."
He said gloomily, "You're right. We shouldn't have come back. This place isn't for us. Let's go."
And so Zhuang and I packed our bags and left.
Father was furious about my behaviour, because I wouldn't even speak to him on the phone before leaving.
When we boarded the plane, Zhuang had to half-carry me on. I was like a zombie.
Father frowned and asked Zhuang to take good care of me.
To keep him from feeling too bad, I made up a story to satisfy him.
I stammered, "Dad, it's because of a girl. She urged me to go back to London…… she's lonely."
Father looked slightly pleased but kept a straight face. "Is that so?" he asked. "Why didn't you say so earlier? Why not bring her back with you? Is she Chinese or a foreign girl?"
"Chinese. Her family's fairly well-off, so she has a bit of a spoiled-lady temper. I didn't dare bring her back."
Father was reassured. "She gives you a hard time, does she?" He chuckled. "Women are all like that, one moment an angel, the next a devil. Otherwise life would be too dull. Bring her back next time. Tell her Dad wants to meet her."
"Yes."
Zhuang and I finally got on the plane and left.
Zhuang said, "Your father loves you so much."
Fathers are all the same. They always hope their sons will make something of themselves and give them grandsons and great-grandsons.
I closed my eyes and said, "Right now he loves his new wife most."
"That's only natural."
I started drinking. I'd never drunk on a plane before, but this time I just drank heavily.
Zhuang didn't stop me.
The flight took ages to arrive. I got hopelessly drunk, threw up many times, nearly vomited my guts out.
"Ugh, ugh," I clutched my chest in agony. "I'm going to die."
Zhuang said coldly, "Relax, you won't die."
"Old Zhuang, when other people get drunk, they just burp a few times and then roll around on the floor. Why am I suffering so much?"
"Because when Heaven is about to confer a great responsibility on a man, it will first make his sinews and bones toil……" He was like a block of ice.
"Ah." I leaned against him.
The physical misery temporarily made me forget the pain in my heart.
"The world is spinning," I groaned. "I feel like I'm falling into a bottomless abyss. Save me, save me."
Zhuang half-dragged, half-carried me off the plane. Luckily we'd remembered to notify my sisters.
Eldest Sister rushed over. "What's wrong, Zhenzhong…… Mr. Zhuang, what happened to Zhenzhong?"
Eldest Sister's voice was full of concern, and hearing it, grief welled up in me. "Eldest Sister."
Zhuang stopped me. "Don't move. If you lunge at her, she won't be able to hold you up."
Eldest Sister asked, "Is he drunk?"
"Yes. First he flirted with all the flight attendants on the plane, then he threw up and made the entire cabin crew wait on him. He certainly got his money's worth out of that ticket."
In my eyes, Eldest Sister was both gentle and loving, and her face gradually shifted into Mother's face - "Mama, Mama!" I howled.
They stuffed me into the car. Eldest Sister asked tenderly, "Why are you calling for your mama?"
"At the critical moment, everyone thinks of their mother. Wounded soldiers on the battlefield, lying in a bloody mess, all suddenly remember their mother's kindness," Zhuang said.
"Mr. Zhuang!" Eldest Sister covered her mouth in shock.
"Where to?" Zhuang asked.
"To my place for a few days first, then find a flat to settle you and Zhenzhong. As for Oxford……"
I spun and spun, my body drifting lightly into a bottomless hole, utterly helpless, making babbling sounds, choking with difficulty, until at last I lost consciousness.
I didn't drink myself to death.
Nor did I die of a broken heart.
I merely fell asleep.
What a pity.
When I woke up, I was in the guest room at Second Sister's place.
The guest room was all pink, very dainty, like a little girl's boudoir. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw the small crystal lamp on the ceiling, faintly shimmering with rainbow colours.
I thought of Mama, and I thought of Rose. My heart ached, my head was splitting, and under this double torment, I felt there was nowhere to die in peace.
I called out loudly for someone.
Second Sister came in. "You're awake? You scared us to death. I've prepared ginseng soup for you."
"Bring it here," I said. "Ginseng soup will do."
"What do you want to drink?" Second Sister asked, glaring.
I said, "Three-parts-human-heart hangover soup."
"Luo Zhenzhong, why didn't you just drink yourself to death?"
I sighed. "You're cursing me, you're cursing me." Truthfully, I wouldn't have minded, only this matter is easier said than done, and harder said than done.
I asked, "Where's Old Zhuang?"
"He's gone to report to the London branch office. Unlike you," Second Sister said.
"He's certainly determined to turn over a new leaf," I remarked. "A new man for the New Year."
"When are you going to learn from him?"
"Me? Why should I learn from him? He works hard, his son lives well. I don't work hard, and my son will live well too." I drank the ginseng soup.
"It's the New Year, and still no ivory growing out of that dog's mouth of yours." Second Sister took the empty bowl.
I sat dazed for a while, then asked her, "Second Sister, have you ever been in love?"
"Of course I've been in love. Otherwise how did I get married?"
"No, no, not necessarily," I said. "Second Sister, love and marriage are two different things."
"Zhenzhong, what are you talking about?" Second Sister chided.
I looked up and said nothing.
"Get up, wash your face, shave. Come on."
I turned over. Why should I get up? What meaning does this world still hold for me? The sun no longer favours me, shining on me. Getting up would be futile.
"Zhenzhong, what's wrong with you?" Second Sister grew suspicious.
If it weren't for Father, for my sisters……
"Zhenzhong."
"I'm getting up now."
"Zhenzhong, you stay here with me and take good care of yourself."
"I know."
"How did you tell Father you have a girlfriend in England?"
"Finding a girlfriend in England isn't that hard," I said lightly.
"What about when Father tells you to bring her back to meet him?" Second Sister said.
"Plenty of women would be willing to come back with me to meet Sir Luo Deqing." I still had that tone.
"Oh! You're certainly resourceful. No longer so picky?"
I suddenly smiled. "No, no longer picky."
"You're quick. One trip back to Hong Kong and your thinking's all straightened out."
"Yes," I said simply.
Afterwards Zhuang Guodong threw himself vigorously into his work. And I, I found myself gradually heading down the path of the prodigal.
One night, drunk, I had a dream. I dreamed that Tianzhang came to visit me.
I knew perfectly well he was a dead man, yet I wasn't particularly afraid. I just asked him, "Why have you come?"
"To see you." His face was ashen, just like when he was alive. His health had never been good.
"What do you have to say?"
"I know you're suffering inside."
"Yes," I said. "I'm suffering terribly."
"Drinking like this is no solution," he said. "Let me teach you a way. Come, follow me."
"You want me to learn from you?" My mind was extraordinarily calm.
"Come."
He drifted off leisurely, and I, my steps were leaden. Suddenly I felt a little envious of him.
"And you?" I asked. "You're no longer suffering?"
He smiled. "No, no longer suffering."
We came to the top floor of a tall building, towering into the clouds, floating as if immortal. I felt cold.
"Jump," Tianzhang said.
I was angry. "Be polite. You're looking for a substitute, I know. Trick me into feeling good, and maybe I'll jump."
"I mean it for your own good," he said coldly. "To end your suffering."
I thought of Yellow Rose, and my heart was cut like a knife. Tears fell. I grasped his hand and answered, "I'll follow you. I'll jump."
Breaking into a cold sweat, I woke from the dream with a scream.
I had actually seen Tianzhang!
Tian, Tian, you actually found me. I heaved a long sigh. What one thinks about by day, one dreams of by night. I'm not superstitious, but could it be that I've already conceived a death wish in my heart, believing that the great release is the best solution?
I pitied myself. A promising young man, yet once trapped by love, I'd actually begun to contemplate suicide.
From then on, I began to roam wild.
In London, once men and women let loose, nightly revelry is commonplace, but I never brought women home.
When my sisters saw I never came home to sleep, they began to complain. I discussed it with Old Zhuang and decided to move to his place.
Naturally he welcomed it. What more needed to be said between us.
Zhuang said, "Changing to a different woman every day won't cure your loneliness."
"How do you know?" I looked up.
"I've been through it all. I'm a man of experience. If I don't know your suffering, who does?"
"But I want to prove myself," I said.
"Burying your head in the musk of foreign women - that proves something?"
I didn't answer.
"Shave that moustache, find a job, get to know a girlfriend properly."
I said nothing.
"Or else go home and wage a bloody revolution, fight your old man to the death."
"Compete with Sir Luo Deqing?" I asked. "Right now he has fame, fortune, and connections. What do I have to compare with him?"
"The only reason women go with me is because I'm Luo's son. I'm just borrowing his shadow. You think I'd compete with him? That's like an egg going up against a rock." I said.
"Then the wise man adapts to circumstances. Forget that woman." Zhuang said.
"If you'd seen her, you'd know that nothing in this world is that easy."
"A woman of that 'Yi' type comes along once in a lifetime. You'd better just accept your fate."
I was listless. "What do you mean, 'Yi' type?" I asked.
"Empress Dowager Cixi was called Concubine Yi. Break the character 'Yi' apart and it's 'one time heart' - you see her once, and your heart is given to her."
"Ah." I had truly met a kindred spirit.
"What's that woman's name?" old Zhuang asked.
"What difference does a name make? A rose, by any other name, would still be a rose."
"Yes, yes," Zhuang said, "a rose……" He fell into thought.
We two eternally heartbroken souls should have moved in together long ago.
"Who are you keeping company with these days?" Zhuang asked. "Your two sisters are very worried."
"With blonde Lilianna, Betty, Nini, and Nancy."
"What do they do?"
"I don't know," I said, giving up on myself. "Students, probably."
"Do they know about your situation?"
"Why would I tell them that much?" I put my feet up.
"You're deliberately debasing yourself. I can see it." Zhuang said. "Do you plan never to marry?"
I tilted my head back and let out a dry laugh. "Aren't you the same?"
"Actually, I've already met a girl."
I was greatly astonished. This surprise made me temporarily forget the pain in my heart.
"You, Zhuang Guodong? You've found a girlfriend?" I said.
"Yes."
"You must let me meet her."
Zhuang smiled. "I'm already arranging it."
"You didn't just grab any random one to get it over with, did you? Zhuang, tell me, is she good-looking?"
Zhuang smiled bitterly.
"Compared to your previous one?" I asked.
"Completely different. My previous one - she was one of a kind, and this one…… she's the finest of her type. Do you understand?"
I nodded.
"This one is like most women - she loves dressing up, loves enjoying herself, though she shows it more subtly. She also likes to make her mark in her career, claim a position, show off, join the excitement. Even in her shrewdness she can't escape a woman's foolishness. Her cleverness is very superficial. On one hand she puts on an air of refinement, on the other she nitpicks about the other party's family background and origins…… But after all, we live in the real world, and she's still a lovable girl."
I nodded again.
"But my former lover, she was different. Her heart held no power, no fame, no material gain or loss. She loved me with all her heart. I was the only one in her heart." His voice gradually trailed off.
I understood. I said, "Perhaps that's because she was very young at the time. You know - lollipops, blue jeans."
"No, I know her nature would never change. She loved me, she loved me."
"Yes, yes, she loved you, she loved you." I couldn't argue with him. "You're luckier than I am. At least she loved you."
Zhuang smiled bitterly and lit a cigarette.
"At least you have someone new now," I said. "As the Little Prince said: 'Time heals all wounds.'"
"But since she left, time has passed so very slowly." Zhuang said.
"It passes all the same. Let's talk about your girlfriend." I said.
"Ah, yes," Zhuang's expression softened again. "She's very good. Nagging, but with a terrible temper, very stubborn. She loves me very much, is willing to marry me, pushes me to quit smoking, urges me to better myself."
"I understand - the finest of ordinary women."
"Yes. Urging me to quit smoking - it's hilarious. She can't escape that mold."
"I know," I chimed in. "With your former one, even if you smoked opium, if she loved you, she just loved you."
"Exactly." Zhuang slapped the table in admiration. "Zhenzhong, you are my true confidant."
I fell silent. Like Yellow Rose - she married my father not because he was a billionaire or had a knighthood. She was a woman who counted nothing, she simply loved him, and so she married him then and there. And Father - Father had far too many qualities worthy of a woman's admiration and devotion. However people may think of it, they truly loved each other.
Such women are far too rare. My fortunate father found her.
Old Zhuang took a deep drag on his cigarette.
Women today - the moment there's an opportunity they get restless, competing with men for status, demanding equality in everything. Men aren't allowed to take concubines anymore, but if you ask her to contribute half the household expenses to lighten a man's burden, she won't. And if you don't let her work, she has no sense of security - she must show everywhere that she has productive capacity, productive value. Having a house full of servants is one thing, but she'll fight to the death to sit in an office and be a pioneer of the women's world. Unless she makes her husband go without soup and without water, she doesn't feel important.
Women today!
They drive men to fool around with them, with no thought of marriage.
Only one woman was different. Her name was Rose. What shocked us at first was her beauty, but what became unforgettable was this lost virtue.
"I'll treat you to dinner. Let's go to the Summer Garden." I said. "We'll open champagne to celebrate. I'll wear a dinner jacket."
"Thank you, Zhenzhong."
"Old Zhuang, in this life of mine, I'm destined never to shake China again." I said, grabbing his arm.
"You're a coward."
"That's better than being a man who jumps off a building." I said sorrowfully.
"I suppose you're right."
That day, I kept my promise. I took out my best dinner jacket, arranged to meet Zhuang and his other half, booked a table, and ate heartily.
Zhuang's girlfriend was a very fashionable young lady, beautifully dressed, educated, good in both Chinese and English, and could manage a phrase or two of French, which she wielded very smoothly - things like "Dream of the Red Chamber is a roman a clef - Cao Xueqin's piece de resistance," and "Hong Kong isn't suitable for long residence. When the term is up, who knows? One can only treat it as a pied-a-terre" and so on.
What a tedious woman.
Deadly vulgar, utterly without soul. She lived only to put on a fashionable front. She knew too well where her own merits lay and flaunted them so desperately that she lost every merit she had.
I went out in a fairly good mood, but while eating my lobster soup I felt a deep loneliness and sorrow.
There are plenty of this kind of woman in Hong Kong. Earn ten or twenty thousand and they set themselves up as superwomen. Heh heh heh. Don't they worry about not being able to marry and turning into old maids? Superwomen!
For the latter half of that meal, I fell silent.
If only this kind of woman were left on the market, I'd rather return to simplicity and go pick one from Chinatown. At least she'd bear me four or five sons and wouldn't nag about her figure changing.
I was heartbroken.
Old Zhuang lit a cigarette.
The woman shot him a look, thinking herself very witty: "You bad boy, smoking all day, like a chimney."
I couldn't resist saying casually, "A man smoking hardly counts as a bad habit. You women always insist men be saints for you. If he were a perfect man, he wouldn't still be single."
"You've known Zhuang so long, you must know his past." She was very interested. "Has he ever been married? He's a man of forty."
"He's an old virgin." I said.
She: "Don't joke."
Me: "Who's joking?"
She: "I don't believe it."
Me: "Why dwell on the past? If you marry, you can only marry his present and at most his future. The past has nothing to do with you. And these days there are plenty of bachelors who live clean lives. I too am a man of one color, with only one woman in my heart."
She: "You, only one woman in your heart?" (incredulously)
Me: "If I had a second woman in my heart, let me walk out now and be hit by a car and killed." (miserably)
She said nothing.
After dinner the waiter brought brandy. I mimicked the tone of a foreign liquor advertisement: "Leave the whole bottle." Then I chuckled. Ah, only when slightly tipsy am I happiest.
Old Zhuang seemed to get drunk faster than I did. He was jovial, and doubly desolate. "Hey, Zhenzhong, you've never heard me sing, have you? I'll sing for you." His spirits were very high.
"Is it Rod Stewart? I only listen to Rod Stewart, hahaha."
"No no, listen, this is a pop song." He opened his mouth wide and sang: "If fate brings us together, why must we deceive each other so? When fate parts us, why must we remember each other so? In my heart, there is only one you. If your heart holds no me, why be together?"
Ah, I was stunned listening.
Old Zhuang's voice was unexpectedly gentle and tender.
When he finished singing, he slumped onto the table.
His girlfriend frowned: "How did he get this drunk?"
I pronounced my verdict: "Wine enters the sorrowful heart, turns into tears of longing."
His girlfriend said: "Let's go home."
I reached into my pocket for money, fumbled for a while, pulled out a wad of twenty-pound notes, and handed them to her. "You pay, you pay. I'll leave first with him."
"You two had better go home and sleep. I'll drive you." She suddenly became very generous and wasn't angry at all.
Yes, old Zhuang was right. She had her lovable points. I suddenly felt grateful to her.
The three of us struggled along. By the time we got home, old Zhuang was unconscious, and I could barely speak without slurring.
I told her: "You sleep in my room. I'll sleep on the sofa in the living room. Don't go back either - it's almost dawn."
I dragged an electric blanket onto the floor, lay down, and entered the land of sweet dreams.
When I woke the next day, I smelled coffee.
I was just thinking how nice it was to have a woman in the house, when I opened my eyes and saw Zhuang Guodong.
"Old Zhuang," I rubbed my eyes, "where's your girlfriend?"
"She went to work. You still expect her to make you coffee?" He laughed.
I got up from the floor. "Are you going to marry her?"
He sighed. "Maybe after a while longer."
I sat down at the breakfast table, wishing I could wash my face and douse myself with coffee.
"But you don't love her." I said.
"What's so strange about that?" Zhuang glared at me. "Go stand out on the street and ask all men who love their wives to raise their hands - you'd be lucky to see a single hand." He paused. "Feelings can be cultivated."
I stared at the ceiling.
"Look at it more lightly." He said.
He himself had never looked at anything lightly.
Not long after Zhuang left for work, my little sister drove over to see me. A grand lady, wearing a big diamond ring, draped in silver fox, heavily made up.
I leaned over to look at her face and asked her: "Is this powder permanent? Will it flake off?"
She gave me a sidelong glance with eyes still sharply black and white. "Luo Zhenzhong, big sister says your life has been very dissolute lately."
"Yes." I admitted without denial. "I don't work anymore. Every day it's eating, drinking, whoring, gambling."
"How long can you go on like this?" my little sister asked.
"What's to be done about it?" I said.
"You don't plan to reform?"
"Reform what?"
"Zhenzhong!"
I lowered my head. Why should I look for work? I no longer cared. In my mind there was only one thing, one person.
"Little sister, I feel tired. I want to rest a while."
"Your brothers-in-law never need rest."
"They're slaves to their wives. I'm a human being."
"Zhenzhong, you may look listless, but you haven't lost your sense of humor." She sighed. "Taking time off is your business, but don't overdo it."
"Are you afraid I've come back with syphilis?"
"A dog's mouth can't produce ivory!" she scolded. "You'll say anything that comes into your head."
After a while I asked, "Any news from Father?"
"Yes, he says your friend Zhuang Guodong is truly a talented man."
"And what else." I was eager to know how Rose was doing.
"He's disappointed in you."
"And what else?"
"He's very happy with his own life."
"And what else?"
"That's all. What else do you want to know?"
I hesitated a moment. "You still haven't met his new wife?"
"I'll be able to meet her soon."
"What?"
"Father is bringing her over. The two of them are going on holiday in Europe, with Father driving, traveling country by country. See, isn't Father still going strong? You'd never guess he knew how to enjoy himself like this."
"She's coming?" My heart began pounding violently again, out of control. There was no avoiding it, I couldn't avoid her.
"They're coming?" my little sister corrected me.
I went to pour myself more wine. I was going to give myself alcohol poisoning.
"Zhenzhong."
"What?"
"You've seen Yellow Rose. Is she really that captivating?"
I nodded.
"A woman in her thirties or forties, how can she still be captivating?" my little sister asked.
"Because she never asks that kind of stupid question," I said. "And she's never jealous either."
"Get out of here," my little sister said. "Slinging arrows at me again. Seriously, what makes her so beautiful?"
"She's not beautiful. No, no. When a woman is beautiful, it means she's generous, learned, insightful, can pick things up and let them go, and is truly elegant. She is simply a beautiful woman."
"I don't understand."
"You'll know when you see her."
"Big Sister says the same thing," my little sister said. "How does she compare to us?"
"I wouldn't dare say."
"You're impossible!" my little sister said coquettishly.
No matter how bad my mood was, I couldn't help laughing. Every woman wants to be a beauty, to turn all the men in the world upside down, asking the magic mirror every day: "Who is the fairest woman of them all? Who?"
Ah! Women.
Only Yellow Rose is the exception. She doesn't think she's beautiful. She doesn't even know she's a rose.
Now she was coming, and I couldn't hide…… Did I ever think of hiding? No, I longed to see her. Now I had an excuse, a legitimate reason to behold her grace once more.
Avoiding someone is never the answer. The best liberation is to reach a state where that person no longer exists in your heart.
Could I do that?
My little sister said, "Since the New Year, you've lost a lot of weight."
"The Year of the Rooster clashes with my birth chart."
"There you go again."
"Little Sister, never mind me. When is she coming?"
"They arrive mid-month."
"Where will they stay?"
"The house in Sussex," my little sister said wistfully. "The homeland of the heroine in Thomas Hardy's novels…… Tess's tragedy……"
I didn't pick up on it.
She was coming.
How would I face her? (With silent tears.)
What would I wear? What would I say? How would I control myself?
Problems, all problems.
My little sister left.
My heart kept pounding as if it would leap out of my throat.
I wished Old Zhuang would get off work soon. I wanted to tell him about this nerve-wracking matter.
I looked at the clock. It was only three. The damned clock seemed to have stopped. I paced back and forth, each day feeling like a year. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and drove out to find Zhuang Guodong.
He was terribly busy at the office. The female secretary and female assistant looked at him with adoring, reverent tones: "Yes, sir, yes, yes." Old Zhuang's art of work had reached its infinite zenith.
I hemmed and hawed as I explained why I had come.
He sat down, lit a cigarette, and said with a smile, "Go to Paris to avoid it."
"I don't want to," I said.
"Since you want to see her, then let nature take its course," Zhuang said.
"Fine, but I'm afraid," I said.
"Truly contradictory, you coward!"
I retorted, "If you knew you were about to see that 'her' of yours, what would you do?" I asked urgently. "Would you fare better than me?"
He didn't dare make a sound. His expression shifted.
I'd caught him on his sore spot. "Right? Your mouth isn't so tough anymore, is it?"
"Fine," he said. "Let me handle the boss's wife. You hide behind me."
"Be careful she doesn't bewitch you."
"To bewitch me is really not such an easy thing."
He said arrogantly.
I began to come to my senses. I stopped drinking. I dressed myself neatly again. I was waiting for her grand arrival. Even though she was already my father's wife, if I could secretly steal one more glance at her, that would be good too.
The day she and Father came, my two sisters and I went to meet them at the airport. I was so agitated my face was deathly pale.
Father was in excellent spirits, glowing with health. He called out to us from far away.
Rose looked a little tired. Her hair had grown long, draping over her shoulders like a cloud. She wore a light-colored sweater and trousers in the same color family. Somehow, dressed so plainly, she was all the more dazzlingly striking. Her forehead had a sheen of oil, and half her lipstick had worn off without being reapplied, which only showed she was a sensual woman. Her vivid, languid charm made my heart race.
I had accepted my fate. If I could spend the rest of my life attending to her like this, without making a sound, it would be worth it. I had my own painful happiness.
Big Sister, having seen Rose before, immediately went up to greet her. My little sister just stared blankly, gaping at her.
Rose brushed back her hair and greeted each of us in turn.
My little sister said, barely audibly, in my ear, "A beauty, a beauty."
Seeing her, you believed it.
Rose was timid and unassuming as always, smiling good-naturedly, insisting that I stand next to Father.
She took out a handkerchief and dabbed the sheen of sweat on her forehead, saying sheepishly, "After more than twenty hours on a plane, I'm showing my true colors. I look terrible." She laughed.
Big Sister immediately said, "You could never look terrible."
Father laughed too. "Don't spoil her."
Rose just smiled.
We got into the car and drove toward my little sister's place.
Rose didn't say much. Whatever Father said, she just listened attentively. My little sister looked Rose up and down, from head to toe and back again. The expression on her face said it all: "Impeccable."
Our family was reunited, all gathered together, while I alone withered. Watching Rose's every smile and gesture from the side, my heart shattered into pieces.
Father asked me, "Where's Zhuang? At the office?"
I answered, "Need you ask? He's not like me. He's a man of towering stature." I said self-mockingly.
Rose turned her head. "Showing up to work on time makes someone towering? That's easy enough then. Zhenzhong, you needn't belittle yourself." She smiled.
"Yes," I blushed.
"Tell him to come for dinner," Father said.
"Alright," I said.
Zhuang said he would come to meet us with the greatest curiosity.
During afternoon tea, Old Zhuang arrived. I heard the car engine and went out to welcome him. Seeing him, I couldn't help but cry out in praise: a brooding face, prematurely graying temples, immaculate attire, a gentle manner. If he didn't count as a handsome leading man, I'd be the first to object.
He saw me and smiled. "She's here?"
"She's here," I said, head lowered.
Zhuang patted my shoulder. "Don't be afraid. I'm here."
"Come with me."
I led him into the house.
The moment Father saw Old Zhuang, he immediately came forward to shake his hand.
Rose was talking with my little sister. Hearing a guest arrive, she turned around. Zhuang's hand was still in Father's, but when he saw Rose from afar, he froze. His face turned a strange shade of blue, and he was completely unaware of his own impropriety.
Rose saw a stranger staring at her like that, and she too was stunned.
I hurried over to break the tension. "Old Zhuang, if you want a raise, just say so. Why grab my old man's hand and hem and haw?"
Zhuang's composed demeanor vanished completely. He stepped back three paces, his face ashen, and said to me, "Zhenzhong, please come to the study with me."
I nearly had to support him for those few short steps.
After closing the study door, he stayed frozen for quite a long while. I thought he was unwell and hurriedly poured him a drink, telling him to lie down on the sofa.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he seemed to have recovered. "I suddenly couldn't catch my breath."
"Rest a while before dinner."
"No, Zhenzhong, I want to go home."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Find a doctor to take a look."
"Shall I drive you part of the way?"
"No need. Apologize to your father for me. I'll leave through the long window here."
"I'll come see you later when I'm back," I said.
He nodded and went to open the long window.
"Old Zhuang," I called after him.
"What is it?"
"Is she worth me going mad over her?"
Zhuang Guodong looked at me, his eyes filled with tenderness, sympathy, pain, melancholy, and heartache……
Zhuang said, "Zhenzhong, poor Zhenzhong, poor me." He opened the long window and left.
My little sister came in. "Zhenzhong, where's Guodong?"
"He's not feeling well, he's gone to see a doctor," I said.
"And you?" she said. "I think there's something a bit odd about both of you."
The heartbroken have their own kind of embrace.
The young woman sat down. "So this is what it means to be a beauty…… Now I believe it," she said, dazed.
That meal tasted like wax to me.
Wanting to love her, unable to love her, avoiding her, yet wanting to see her, seeing her, wishing I hadn't, I wanted to flee from her again.
Chapter Four
My father thought I was in a daze and was very taken aback. I had nothing more to say, so I took my leave.
Rose ate very little; she said she was tired.
Back at Zhuang's flat, I opened the door and went in, and saw his girlfriend walk out, her face ashen.
She paid me no attention, turned her head and left. Zhuang was watching television.
"What happened?" I asked.
Zhuang's eyes remained fixed on the colourful cartoon, in which Popeye was going at it hammer and tongs.
"Zhuang," I said, "what happened?"
Zhuang said, "I told her I never loved her. The one I've loved has always been someone else."
"Weren't you turning over a new leaf, making yourself into a new man?"
"I was wrong. She still controls my soul," Zhuang said simply.
Having said that, he gave Popeye his full attention and said no more. His lips were pressed tight and his face was very bad, but his eyes shone bright like a wild beast's. I found it strange, but I had my own troubles and had no attention to spare for so much.
I said, "I'll go to Paris after all, and take your advice."
He didn't answer me again.
I packed my clothes, picked up a light suitcase, and felt in my pocket; there wasn't much money left, so I took a wad of banknotes from old Zhuang's drawer.
As I was leaving I said to him, "I've borrowed three hundred pounds from you. I'm taking the night boat to Paris now. I think the two of us, brothers in misfortune, would do better to rot separately."
I don't know whether he heard what I said.
I drove that VW that was ready to fall apart at any moment onto the hovercraft to Boulogne, then headed south to Paris.
It was nearly dawn when I reached Paris. I ran to Notre-Dame to pray.
If in Hong Kong, China your heart can shatter into a hundred pieces, then at Notre-Dame in the Paris dawn your heart can shatter into a thousand.
I rented a hotel and stayed there, waiting only for Father and Rose to leave. Every morning I sat by the Pont Neuf on the Seine staring into space, listening to the blonde girls' murmuring chatter.
When the money ran out, I phoned my sisters for help, and she shouted, "Luo Zhenzhong! Which corner of the earth are you in?"
I said, "Paris. And I've spent all my money, and the flowers of the flower capital are no longer fragrant."
"Father's looking for you, please come back quickly," the young woman said.
"He hasn't left yet?" I was surprised.
"Something came up, so he's stayed. Come back quickly, there's important business."
"So much important business; three hundred and sixty-five days a year the Luo family has important business. I don't believe it."
"Luo Zhenzhong, don't you dare not come back!"
"All right, I'll come back, I'll come back."
I drove that old junker back to London again.
The big ship passed through the Strait of Dover. The wind howled, the sky was deep purple, the gulls called hoarsely. I almost wanted to drive the car and myself straight down into the black sea and vanish from the world forever.
But I didn't do it. I didn't have the courage.
I returned to London, stood before my father, and played the dutiful son.
My father did indeed have important business in seeking me out.
He came straight to the point: "Zhenzhong, I have important business and must return to Hong Kong, China. I want you to look after your stepmother."
I raised my head.
My father cleared his throat. "Zhenzhong--" as if there were something difficult he could not say.
"What is it?" I couldn't help asking. "Why aren't the two of you going back together?" She had left my presence early, so I could live and work in peace.
"She refuses to return to Hong Kong, China." That was as far as Father went; he sighed, stood up and walked away.
I asked my eldest sister, "What's going on? Are the two of them quarrelling?"
"It's not a quarrel. She's having a bit of an affair with your good friend Zhuang Guodong," my eldest sister said, stamping her foot.
"What?" My two ears nearly dropped off.
"Zhuang Guodong," my eldest sister said. "The two of them meet every day."
"He's gone mad."
"I think so too," my eldest sister said. "If he wants a girlfriend, he can pick one by the truckload. How could this happen? Father can no longer negotiate with a younger man. You go and get this matter straightened out."
"Me?" I stepped back.
"What about you?" my eldest sister said angrily. "Your father raised you for a thousand days, to be used in a single morning. You're unwilling to put in effort, and still you grumble?"
"Fine, fine, I'll go and talk to him. Where does he live now? And where does Rose live?"
"Rose is staying at the Summerhill; he's in the old flat."
"I'll go at once."
"What will you say when you get there? Be careful not to make things awkward. I knew long ago something like this would happen. The ancients said, take a wife for her virtue; the word 'lust' is a knife above one's head. That saying is never wrong."
"You're old, eldest sister."
I went out to look for old Zhuang.
I found him at the office.
Old Zhuang was in high spirits, radiant, his whole being giving off supreme vitality. What had made him so happy? It was simply unbelievable.
Coldly, I folded my arms across my chest and looked at him askance. "Old Zhuang, a gentleman does not rob another of what he loves."
He didn't mind, and asked with a smile, "What you love, or what your father loves?"
"I'm warning you, Zhuang Guodong, don't go too far in life!" I raised my voice.
"Yes," he said. "You're angry, Zhenzhong, but I think you should hear my explanation."
"What else have you to say? You still have the nerve to work here?" I raised my eyebrows. "A friend's wife is not to be trifled with; have you ever heard that?"
"But when I met her," Zhuang said in a clear, calm voice, "she was no one's wife. She was only seventeen."
"Seventeen--" I was stunned. "Zhuang, Zhuang……"
"It's her, Huang Rose. Zhenzhong, we love the same person, the one who makes us grieve is the same person, the one we want to love but dare not love is the same person. There is simply no second Huang Rose in the world. We should have known that long ago."
I was shocked.
"I've lost her once already, Zhenzhong, and I don't intend to lose her again." He added, "It's fate, Zhenzhong, it's fate. Don't you still believe in destiny? I came to know you precisely so that I could be reunited with her. Everything is arranged by unseen forces."
After I calmed down, I said, "I can't let you destroy my family's happiness."
"Zhenzhong," he said, as if he had seen through my heart, "I understand you too well. You can't love her yourself, but keeping her in the Luo family, just to look at her, is good too, isn't it--"
I threw a left hook that sent him flying, crashing into the small filing cabinet. With a crash like a collapsing building, it crushed the cabinet, and he fell to the floor in a heap. The female clerks screamed like the women in a thriller movie.
Old Zhuang fell to the ground, gave a bitter smile, and touched the blood at the corner of his mouth. He said nothing.
I pointed at him and said, "If you let me see you with her, I'll beat you to death."
I turned and left.
I went to find Rose.
Before I even reached the Summerhill Hotel, my fist had already swollen up like a boxing glove, black and blue.
When I reached the hotel lobby, I phoned upstairs and found her, but I was so agitated that my words came out in knots.
Five minutes later she came down to the lobby to see me.
Spring had arrived.
She was wearing extremely thin silk clothes, floating like a fairy.
"Zhenzhong!" She shot me a glance and sat down.
I looked at her with a bitter heart.
"You've been fighting."
I asked, "Do you believe me, or believe him?"
"You two can talk things over. Why do you keep fighting?"
My heart turned over like a rack of five flavours. "Keep fighting? I know that in your life the men who've had their heads broken over you are countless, but just now, I wasn't fighting Zhuang Guodong for my own sake."
"For your father's sake?"
"Yes."
She was silent.
"Go back to Hong Kong, China, Rose."
She said to me, "I'll put on a coat, and we'll find a nice place to talk."
I waited for her to throw on a thin white woollen coat, and we strolled together to a nearby park.
We sat down on a bench.
In the park, couples strolled and kissed, and old grandpas and grandmas fed the white pigeons with yesterday's bread. The atmosphere was warm and peaceful.
She said softly, "He was my first love."
"That was nearly twenty years ago," I said.
"Because of the wounds I suffered with him, I married a man I didn't love, for ten years……" Rose's voice grew softer and softer.
"But you divorced, and you are now my father's wife. You must be faithful to him! You're not trying to tell me you married him just to find a place to settle down, are you?"
She said nothing, gazing at the artificial lake in the distance.
I roared, "Don't you love Luo Deqing?"
"I do."
"Then go back to Hong Kong, China with him."
"I want to think it over."
"Think what over?"
"Zhenzhong, please don't shout at me," she said, her conscience guilty. "Zhenzhong--"
"How many people's hearts have you broken in your life?" My eyes were red, my nose stinging. "Huang Rose, you simply don't understand love. You're like a butterfly, spending your life flitting among a riot of colourful flowers, but butterflies are all colour-blind and simply cannot appreciate the blossoms. Just like you: you've received everyone's love, but you're not grateful."
"No." She looked at me stubbornly, her eyes glistening with tears, bright as two jewels, but she did not let the tears fall. "No, everyone who loves me, I am grateful."
I stared at her in disbelief.
"Zhenzhong," she said quietly, "even if you love me, I am grateful."
I was stunned, as if a basin of cold water had been poured over my head, chilled to the heart.
She had known all along.
How could I have underestimated her.
"Zhenzhong, I'm not that kind of person. I value feelings very much, I……"
"I know. I deliberately insulted you in my anger. I understand you: your whole existence in this world is for the sake of feeling." I was dejected.
"I have loved many times, but each time with my whole heart. I love your father too," Rose said. "Don't falsely accuse me."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Zhuang Guodong and I…… I want to have a good look at him. I've loved him for so many years……"
"Such a fantasy. You were all young then, and you had only known each other a short while, and what you cannot have is always the best."
"I just want to be clear whether it is the truth. This man has been in the depths of my heart for more than ten years. Sometimes the vaguer the impression, the more beautiful it is."
"If you find that the one you truly love is indeed Zhuang Guodong, do you intend to sacrifice my father?"
Her beautiful eyes looked into the distance. "I believe in letting fate take its course."
"You believe in not being responsible." I said sulkily.
"Zhenzhong," she said, her face pale, "I know you do not forgive me."
"I love my father," I said, "I cannot bear to see him heartbroken," I added, "I also love Zhuang Guodong, and I do not want to see him have his heart broken a second time," I lifted my head, "and there is myself too. All of us owe you so much, and have worn ourselves out over you. Rose, Rose, what else can I say?"
She lowered her eyes and shed a string of tears.
I said, "Love with a choice is not love, Rose. Admit it. Admit that you do not love Sir Luo Deqing. You appreciate him, respect him, admire him, but you do not love him." I was pressing her relentlessly.
She sobbed, "If Jiaming were still here……"
She stood up with a sudden "whoosh," about to walk back to the hotel. I quickly and gently held her back.
"I beg you," I said, "distance yourself from Zhuang Guodong, for his sake and for your own."
She pressed her lips tightly together.
"What is past is past," I said, "have you read F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby?"
I said, "You two are powerless to hold back the wild tide of time. I know about the two of you. You met on a summer day, on a sweltering summer night, beneath the fragrant breeze you loved for the sake of loving. You were only seventeen or eighteen, when even a single flower could bring you boundless joy. When he left you, you thought the earth would stop turning from then on…… but Rose, you have grown up now, Rose, listen to me, you must help yourself, free yourself from this spell."
She closed her eyes, and another string of tears fell.
I had no choice but to hand her a handkerchief, unable to bear saying more.
On the stretch of road while seeing her back to the hotel, only a short ten minutes, I saw the conflict and repeated struggle within her.
I reached out and held her shoulder. She cast me a grateful look.
I said softly, "Let me help you. Move to our eldest sister's place."
She nodded weakly.
I packed a few things for her, then took her to our eldest sister's home.
When our eldest sister saw Rose, she was greatly comforted and quickly reported it to Father. Everyone treated Rose with care and patience.
I am not a petty man. When Zhuang Guodong came to see me, I told him frankly that Rose was under my guardianship and did not intend to see him again.
Old Zhuang took a punch to the corner of his mouth and it was still swollen and bruised. He glared at me and said nothing for a long time.
"I feel just as bad as you do, old Zhuang. Let us brothers not waste words. My chest feels stuffed with sand and gravel. I cannot eat anything day after day. At night my eyes are red and gritty, as if on fire, but when I close my eyelids I still cannot sleep. In the blink of an eye it is dawn again, another day, my mouth is bitter and sour, my head is swollen, and apart from the two words 'Rose,' there is no one else and nothing else in my heart——think about it, old Zhuang, how have I been living these days? How have I been enduring? I am not living at all."
Old Zhuang said nothing.
"Of course I know you are having a hard time. These are the words you once used to advise me: please control yourself."
Old Zhuang turned his back.
"You had almost succeeded. Weren't you going to marry and have children? The sea of suffering is boundless, but the shore is right behind you."
"I turn back, and you?" He still had his back to me.
"Me?" I thought for a moment, then said slowly, "I will go become a monk." Even I felt the tone was grave and bleak, not at all like a joke.
"Your father has only you as a son, and you are going to become a monk?"
"You cannot have both the fish and the bear's paw."
"You can talk me around, so why not talk yourself around?" he asked.
"When a matter has not come upon you yourself, you cannot know it."
"Zhenzhong," his voice was very gentle, "you and I, you and I have turned out to share the same fate."
"You are a fatalist, old Zhuang. I understand now."
"I will still fight for her. No matter what, I will fight for her. You and your father, even with an army added on, cannot stop me."
He turned and left.
I guarded Rose closely.
Zhuang Guodong had truly gone mad. His behaviour was no different from that of a boy in his teens deep in love. He began to pursue Rose all over again. He resigned from his business and paced and knocked outside our home day and night.
The snow had all melted, and flowers of every colour were blooming in the garden. Zhuang Guodong, handsome, haggard, smiling bitterly, without a word of complaint, again and again asked to be let into the house to see Rose. His eyes burned with fiery love, and he pleaded humbly.
Our eldest sister's heart had long since melted into a puddle for him. If the one he was pursuing were our eldest sister, she would long ago have abandoned her husband and children, packed her bundles and eloped with him.
She reasoned with him. He listened patiently. The last sentence was always, always: "Let me see Rose."
Back then he had tormented her. Without waiting for the next life, he had come to repay this debt.
Rose locked herself in her room and did not come out even for meals.
She was still breathtakingly beautiful, pure ivory-white skin, pitch-black eyes, a ripe charm, her whole being giving off the fragrance of honey. Beautiful Rose, all of us were like arrows on the string, waiting for her to make her final choice.
Once this matter was finished, I would leave far away and bid this place farewell forever.
One evening, I heard a tapping sound on the glass window. At first I thought it was the sound of wind and rain, and my heart had just begun to think that when I got up the next morning I could enjoy the fallen red petals, when I looked up and saw a bright moon.
The sound was made by small pebbles hitting the glass.
I jumped up from the bed at once. I understood what this was: this was the signal we used in our middle-school days to call a friend out to play. Back then we all still lived in old houses, no more than three storeys high. Pebbles tapped on the glass window, loud enough not to wake others, yet still resounding.
I gently parted the curtain and saw old Zhuang standing below the window. It was indeed him.
He raised his head, his handsome face full of fiery expression, his eyes sparkling. The suit he wore had probably not been changed for a month, very creased and old. But it did not affect old Zhuang's tall, straight figure. He was still a handsome man whom everyone loved at sight.
His pebbles were naturally not thrown at my window. What he wanted was Rose.
I pushed open the window, and Rose's voice rose from next door.
"Go away." Her voice was full of conflict and emotion.
If it were me, hearing her voice, I too would not go away.
Sure enough, Zhuang Guodong asked, "Why are you avoiding me?"
Rose still said, "Go away."
"I will not go away," he said, "I had a hard enough time climbing over the wall to get in."
Tomorrow I would get two Dobermans and have them bite him to death.
Rose still said, "Go away, I am going to close the window."
I truly could bear it no longer. I pushed the window open hard and shouted loudly, "Zhuang Guodong, I warn you, if you do not leave within thirty seconds, I will call the police."
Rose was startled by me. She came over and knocked on my door.
I picked up the slipper on the floor and threw it down at him. He dodged, and was not angry either. "Rose."
I roared, "Go to hell!" I picked up the crystal vase by the bed and hurled it at his head, water and flowers and all. I simply wanted to kill him.
The bottle fell on the pebble path and shattered into pieces, glittering as it splashed open under the moonlight.
"Rose," old Zhuang still called her name.
Rose pushed the door open and came in, holding my arm. Her hand seemed to have the strength of a thousand catties. How could I bear to shake her off?
"This is too much bullying!" I said angrily.
"Let him be, do not stoop to his level," Rose begged me.
I looked at her in sorrow. As long as she spoke, how could I refuse?
She leaned over the window and said to Zhuang Guodong, "You go."
Zhuang Guodong said, "You know that even if I leave, I will still come back tomorrow."
I shouted, "Give up that hope of yours."
He answered me, "Even if I die, this hope of mine may not die."
I said to Rose, "Tell him not to play Romeo here, tell him to go die."
Rose cried.
I fell silent at once.
She cried.
The fine hair she had pinned atop her head came loose and hung scattered over her shoulders. She wore a small white satin padded jacket, and on her feet there were no slippers.
In that instant, I forgave Zhuang Guodong. I forgave all the men in the world who loved Rose, because I was one of them.
I looked out the window again. He had already gone.
I sat down and begged Rose, "Go back to Hong Kong, China." I said wearily, "We are all tired."
She reached out and covered her face.
I saw that she was wearing a jade bangle, snow white with only one patch of emerald green. This jade bangle was so familiar. It was exactly the thing I had accompanied Zhuang Guodong to buy in the jade market not long before.
My heart pounded wildly. All my hopes turned to ashes. I gave up.
I said, "Rose, decide for yourself. If you plan to go with him, decide quickly. If you want to return to Hong Kong, China, Sir Luo Deqing is forever waiting for you, so please also be quick. The ones suffering here are not just three people, but four."
Rose said, "Forgive me."
"This 'forgive me' of yours, how much suffering has it brought to how many people?"
"Forgive me." She raised her head.
Under the moonlight her face was ivory white, her large eyes pitch-black, mysterious and bewitchingly beautiful.
I told her calmly, "A woman like you should be bound to a pyre and burned alive."
She was stunned for a moment, then hurriedly rushed out the door.
I could not sleep, so I put a fur coat over my pajamas, started the sports car and drove out. I did not know where I was going either.
I went to a bar, sat down, ordered whiskey with ice, and began to drink.
I did not know how much I had drunk either. I only heard the bartender ring a little bell, meaning the bar was about to close.
I stood up unsteadily, and saw a Chinese woman walk over and pat my shoulder.
I looked at her. "You look very familiar. What is your name?"
"You have forgotten me? I am Zhuang Guodong's former girlfriend."
"Ah, yes," I said with a drunken air, "I have long heard of you."
"My name is Xiaoman."
"Is your surname Lu?" I giggled foolishly. "I am not surnamed Xu."
"My surname is Xue." She frowned.
"Ah, a good heavy snow in a bumper year, pearls like dirt and gold like iron."
"What are you saying?" she asked with a frown. "Are you drunk?"
"Yes, I am drunk." I leaned against the wall. "And you?"
She smiled bitterly.
I looked at her carefully through drunken eyes. She was still so fashionable, coral lipstick, green eyeshadow. I sighed and said, "Zhuang Guodong does not want you anymore?"
She shrugged. "Yes." She did not seem especially sorrowful.
"You are not sad?" I asked her.
"What can I do?" she said. "Crying myself to death would be useless."
I was quite envious. "You have attained an indestructible body. You are truly rare. You are not afraid of anything?"
"Stop mocking people," she said.
I asked her blankly, "Both are lost love, so why do some people lose sleep and appetite over it?"
"Who? Who would lose sleep and appetite over love?" she asked in surprise.
"Never mind. Since you have trained yourself to be invulnerable, there is no need for you to bother with us poor wretches."
"Sir," the bartender came up and said, "we are closed."
I said to Xue Xiaoman, "Let's go."
"Where are you off to?" she asked.
"I don't know, where I came from, where I'm going."
"Where did you come from?" she asked again.
"From home."
"Then go back home."
I nodded, and walked out of the tavern with her, and she held me up.
"Hey," she asked me, "who did you drink yourself into this state for?"
I laughed out loud, and when I finished laughing I cried, "For the rose, it's for the rose."
She asked, "Who is the rose?"
I sang, "The butterfly dies for the flower it plucks, Liang Shanbo for Zhu Yingtai."
I found the car.
"In your condition, you're not fit to drive." She held me up.
"It's nothing," I said, "don't worry."
I pushed her away, got in the car, and started the engine.
I said, "I'll ask you out sometime when I'm free, hey, what's your phone number?"
She gave me a card and tucked it into my jacket pocket.
I started the car and drove forward.
I sang loudly, and told this old Volkswagen not to let me down.
I drove in zigzags, slowly rumbling home. I can't die, I told myself, Luo Zhenzhong, a real man can't just find some excuse to die, you must get home safely.
The house was in sight, I gave a cheer, opened the iron gate, and drove in, and somehow I couldn't brake the car, and it went straight for the swimming pool.
I screamed loudly, "Help, help!"
I didn't know if there was water in the pool, it's over, it's over, this time I'm finished.
I hastily pushed open the car door, the car crashed into the pool with a bang, water pressed hard into the car, I nearly suffocated.
"Help!" I swallowed water, "Help."
I swam desperately toward the edge of the pool, scared to death, and most of the drink sobered me up.
The family had clearly realized something had gone wrong, and turned on all the spotlights, and the driver jumped into the pool to fish me out.
I gripped the driver's hand and wouldn't let go, hurting him so much he yelped, "Third Young Master, it's all right, it's all right, loosen your hand, I'll pull you up right now."
I shivered with cold, and from the shock, I kept cramping.
My elder sister said, "Call a doctor, call a doctor, quick!"
Rose came out carrying a thick blanket and rushed to cover me with it.
I started to cry.
When my elder sister saw I was all right, she immediately began cursing, "Luo Zhenzhong, you scared the guts out of me, have you gone mad? Driving the car into the swimming pool for a cold bath, have you drunk yourself full of swill or what?"
I just cried.
Rose said, "Help him into his room and let him rest."
My elder sister stamped her foot, "I never want to see such a spineless man again in my life." She went back to her room.
The driver and the gardener helped me to my room.
I was heartbroken, and refused to change into dry clothes.
"You'll catch a cold," Rose said, "listen to me, quick."
I wailed, "Mama, Mama." In this world, only Mama was left to love me, only she couldn't bear to part with me.
In a daze I saw my mother walking toward me, her long face full of sorrow, her light brown skin the same as ever, her hand on my back, saying, "Zhenzhong, you've been disobedient again."
"Mama, it's not my fault, it's not my fault." I howled.
The driver forced off my clothes.
Mother sighed, "Zhenzhong, Mama is sorry she can't look after you for a lifetime, Mama truly has no say in the matter." She was still so gentle.
I sobbed.
As soon as the doctor came, Mother slowly vanished before my eyes, he gave me an injection, and told me to rest more.
But I ran a high fever.
For a moment I saw Rose getting married, the groom was Zhuang Guodong, Father and I went to snatch Rose back, but she turned up her nose at me, and Old Zhuang shook his head and sighed at me, a cold sneer at the corner of his mouth.
Then I came to a fairyland with a memorial archway, heavy with clouds and mist, and I called loudly for Rose.
Rose came out, but Father blocked her, Father looked at me: "Zhenzhong, what do you think you're doing?" She was furious, and raised a glittering golden sword to cut me down.
I shouted, "Papa, Papa, I don't dare! In life I am of the Luo family, in death I am the Luo family's ghost."
What I loved most was Father.
By the time I woke from the nightmare, it was already three days later.
Seeing me awake, my elder sister breathed a sigh of relief, yet still sulked, "Bah! Only a hundred and two degrees, and you have nightmares, shouting and yelling, keeping people from sleeping, taking turns to wait on you."
I smiled weakly.
"What were you dreaming about?" my elder sister asked.
I said, "Dad swung a sword at me," still terrified.
"I told you not to go to Chinatown for the midnight kung fu movie!" She shot me a look.
Born of the same father and mother as me, my two elder sisters seemed to have been born missing a few parts and a few sinews, their thinking was much simpler, and they lived full and happy lives. In their eyes, I was nothing but a fellow who made trouble for himself, not worth pitying.
I turned my face away.
"Elder Sister is here too," she said.
I said nothing.
"Have you hit a run of bad luck lately? I'd rather you went back to your old carefree self, a great happy-go-lucky fellow."
My eldest sister pushed the door open and asked her, "What's that in your hand?"
"Ginseng soup," my elder sister said.
"I told you, that stuff is witch-doctoring, a young man drinks it and he's ruined, the proper Western medicine is what the doctor prescribes, mix them together and he won't get well."
"What do you know?"
The two women started quarreling at my sickbed.
I asked, "Where's Rose?"
"She kept watch at your bedside last night, now she's gone to sleep." my eldest sister said.
I said nothing.
"Drink this bowl of ginseng soup, so you'll have a bit of strength." my elder sister said.
My eldest sister flared up, "He's only your brother, what does he need so much strength for?"
My elder sister's face went red, "You shrew, your foul mouth never improves, always spouting all sorts of crazy nonsense." She grabbed my eldest sister's arm.
The two of them tussled as they went out of my room.
Any man with three wives and four concubines must be a long-lived one looking for arsenic to eat, tired of living.
After they left, I turned the bowl holding the ginseng soup this way and that.
What should I do? I thought blankly.
"Zhenzhong."
I looked up and saw Rose standing at my bedside.
I said lightly, "Sorry to trouble you because of my illness."
"That Volkswagen of yours is a write-off."
I was startled, "Ah!"
"You drove it a long time, right? You must have been attached to it." she said.
Ah, that Volkswagen, I felt cut to the heart, it had accompanied me through moonlit nights and flowered mornings, a full seven or eight years.
Only Rose understood my heart, my two sisters wished the wrecked car had come to this end.
But I had never wanted any brand-new sports car.
Rose said, "That day was actually very dangerous."
I said, "Yes, I know, it would have been easy to drown."
She was silent.
"You still won't go back to Hong Kong, China?"
She said nothing, her face had already grown thinner by a size.
I sighed, "I've washed my hands of this matter," I said, "think it over yourself, I'm moving out."
"Where are you moving to?" she said anxiously.
"I won't bother with you, and you don't bother with me." I said.
"Your sisters probably won't agree either."
"Hmph, what use is it if they don't agree," I said, "I can't be bothered to fret over you day and night, a ripple on a pool of spring water, what's it to me?"
Rose raised her head and gave me a look that was half smile, half not.
"Right, I know, you never needed me to fret over you, I'm a dog chasing a mouse."
"You're very good at using idioms when you talk." she laughed.
My heart was broken, and she still acted as if nothing were wrong, wicked woman.
She said, "This is a card taken from the pocket of your wet clothes." She set it down and walked out.
I looked at the card: Xue Xiaoman, Old Zhuang's old flame.
That was a strong girl, she would never know what it means to be melancholy over an old flame like a dream, truly her good fortune.
I put down the card and went to find Old Zhuang.
I was still very weak, sitting on the highway bus, looking exactly like a third-stage tuberculosis patient, it was already summer and I was still wearing a thick jacket.
I went to Old Zhuang's apartment and rang the bell.
He came to open the door, white shirt and white trousers, full of energy.
He was very surprised, "You, Zhenzhong?"
I said dejectedly, "Old Zhuang, I have no reason to hate you, you knew her seventeen years before I did."
"Ah, Zhenzhong, I'm so glad, your thinking has finally straightened out." He welcomed me in.
I lay down on his sofa. "Coffee!" I said.
"Are you feeling any better?"
I was listless, "No."
"What do you plan to do?"
"Become a monk."
"Don't joke, put on the monk's robe and there's even more to do," he handed me the coffee.
"And you and Rose?"
"I simply can't see her."
"Ah?" I was very surprised.
"She's very cautious, she only promised me that she would consider it. And, old brother, don't flatter yourself just yet, this isn't the result of you getting in the way, with or without you, she would do the same." Old Zhuang said.
I understood now: from beginning to end, I had been nothing but a clown.
In that instant it hit me like a revelation, as if a basin of cold water had been poured over my head, from top to toe, an agony beyond words.
Instead, I grew calm.
"You plan to marry her?" I asked.
"If she agrees to marry me, then naturally," he answered quickly.
I nodded.
"Zhenzhong, why the hundred-and-eighty-degree turn?"
"I've got my thinking straight."
"No, there must be some other reason."
I smiled and changed the subject: "I ran into Xiaoman."
"Who?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Xiaoman," I said irritably. "Forgotten?"
"Oh, her." The penny dropped.
"Yes." I asked, "You don't object to me dating her?"
"Of course not, but why her?" Zhuang Guodong was utterly baffled. "There are plenty of women like her. You can start over from scratch."
"I've taken a fancy to her heart of stone: she loses at love and just loses, the next day she's back on her feet living again, how admirable." I couldn't help but envy her.
Old Zhuang smiled bitterly. "Yes, that is indeed her strong point. She's been inoculated against feelings."
"I don't want anyone dying for me."
Zhuang laughed. "You really do dream. Someone dying for you? Do you have that kind of blessing?"
Naturally I didn't.
"And you?" I asked. "What do you plan to do?"
"I'll await Rose's verdict," he said.
"How much hope do you have?"
"I don't know. I'm very optimistic."
I asked, "Why should we await Rose's verdict?"
He was astonished. "I don't know. I'm her loyal subject. I've never thought of rebelling against her. Serving her is my only pleasure."
"Damn it, it's enough to make you sick, it's so saccharine." I cursed.
"You? You don't even qualify for her to pass judgment on you," Zhuang said, grinning.
That too was the truth.
"I don't care anymore," I said.
"Not caring is one thing. Can you forget her?" Old Zhuang shot another arrow my way.
"Come out for a walk with me," I said.
"I'm waiting for her call," he said cheerfully.
"If she wants to find you, she'll find you again," I said.
"Ha ha, I'm not listening to your nonsense," he said, shaking his head.
I couldn't talk him round, so I had no choice but to call Xue Xiaoman right in front of him and easily got a date. This girl was easygoing, she wouldn't make a man suffer.
Old Zhuang stared at me. "You weren't this casual before. Before, you kept yourself pure as jade, and you weren't afraid of loneliness."
I smiled. "That was a long time ago. Now that I've lost my virtue, it doesn't matter."
Old Zhuang suddenly flared up. "What's so funny about that? Why do you always wear that idiot's smile at the corner of your mouth?"
"Can't I even smile?" I was still smiling.
"It's not my doing that you've become like this," he panted.
"I never said you did this to me. We're still good friends." I knew all too well: even without Zhuang Guodong, Rose would never have picked me out of millions.
"Why do you feel utter despair?" He shook my arm.
"Shouldn't I feel utter despair?" I asked.
"The casualty list of the Rose War has one more name," he murmured.
I gave a dry, hollow laugh, slapped my backside, and left.
When the appointed time came, Xiaoman was waiting for me at the entrance of a small tavern in the West District.
She was dressed to great effect: a little knitted jacket in bright red, narrow jeans, flat shoes. I gave a soft whistle.
I said, "Where would you like to go?"
She said, "It's the end of the month, I'm broke. If you've got money, treat me to a good meal."
"No problem."
We picked a little Italian restaurant, casual in atmosphere but with exquisite food. Xiaoman seemed truly hungry and ate voraciously.
I asked her, "What exactly do you do?"
"Can-can dancer in the West District," she said, looking up from her food.
"Don't joke."
"I'm a pharmacist."
I was filled with respect. "Ah."
She laughed. "Over three thousand pounds a year, and heavy taxes on top. What's there to 'ah' about?"
"Why not go back to Hong Kong, China?" I asked.
"What's waiting for me in Hong Kong, China?" she countered.
I didn't know how to answer her.
"Let me tell you," she sighed, "you rich playboys will never understand. A university diploma is really just a beautiful ornament, with no practical use at all. I just hope to find a meal ticket quickly and get married, and be done with it, rather than drift in a foreign land forever, just barely fed and clothed."
I suddenly asked, "How about me as a meal ticket?"
She was taken aback. "Don't joke."
"Really, Xiaoman, what do you think of me?"
She laughed. "Hey, we're good friends. Don't talk nonsense."
"I studied law, my father is Sir Luo Deqing. If you marry me, the Luo family won't treat you badly. With your figure and looks, dressed up you'd be no less than anyone. Why suffer on alone?"
Xiaoman stared at me.
"Marrying me beats marrying Zhuang Guodong, he's a pauper. I'm not saying people should worship money, but we do live in a real world."
She said, "I want a cup of coffee."
I ordered coffee for her.
"If you're not satisfied with me after marriage, you can divorce me right away."
"Like a Hollywood movie," she sneered. "Why the rush to marry?"
Helplessly I said, "The flesh in my belly can't wait any longer, I have to find someone to claim it. So please bear with me." She laughed so hard she spat out her drink. "Why pick me?"
"Why not pick you?" I countered. "You're of age, you want to marry, you're clever, lively and cheerful, you're educated, your family background is clean, why not?"
"I'm full. Stop your nonsense, let's go."
Women of the eighties still had their reserve. Poor women. In my whole life I've seen countless women, and only Rose was the victor.
"I'll take you home."
"Ah, you bought a new car."
"Yes, my old car died."
She smiled.
She got in with me. My driving was smooth, and I kept sweet-talking her. "See what a good husband you'd have, someone to pick you up and drop you off, no need to squeeze onto the subway. Marry me and you won't have to work nine to five enduring foreigners' tempers, letting just any man flirt with you. Two meals secured, and you won't lack for clothes for all four seasons, a new fur coat every year, staying home raising children, isn't that delightful?"
She said nothing, quietly watching the scenery outside the car window.
"A woman is nothing but a flower, and there's always a day when she withers. I'd say you've held out about long enough, haven't you? Twenty-seven or twenty-eight, just the age for marrying. Marry me, come back to Hong Kong, China with me, and I guarantee you'll hold your head high among family and friends."
"What's wrong with me? I'll cherish you and take care of you. We're both adults, marriage needn't have too many illusions. We'll go to Paris for our honeymoon, and afterwards everything will be a new beginning. Think it over."
Xiaoman covered her face with her hands. After a while, I saw her tears flow out between her fingers.
I said gently, "You're home. Won't you invite me in for a cup of tea?" I handed her my handkerchief.
She quietly wiped away her tears. "I want to go to bed early."
I said, "Xiaoman, I'll come pick you up for work tomorrow, eight-thirty?"
She thought for a moment. "Eight o'clock sharp."
I nodded.
She went inside.
That night I went back to my elder sister's place to discuss important matters with her.
She asked me, "What is it?"
"What decent diamond ring do you have in your safe?" I asked her.
"What do you want a diamond ring for?" She was astonished.
I pointed at my own nose and said, "Wearing it here, it's all the fashion."
My elder sister said angrily, "You've certainly recovered quickly, all better in no time, more mischievous than before."
"Elder sister, life has to go on." I spread my hands.
"What do you want the ring for? You still haven't answered me."
"To give to my girlfriend."
"Ah!" She was taken aback at first, then it dawned on her, and very Western-style and dramatically she hugged me, squeezing me so tight I couldn't breathe. The scent of Miss Dior on her body was even more pungent, and I couldn't bear it, suddenly breaking into coughs.
"You pest," she scolded me.
"I'm getting engaged," I said.
"To whom?"
"A woman."
"Very good. I'd rather put up with this tone of yours than the dazed state you were in a while ago."
"The ring?" I said.
"Is this one on my hand any good?" She held out her right hand.
I took a look. "Not this scrap metal. I tell you, don't be stingy, it'll be returned to you by Sir Luo Deqing in the future anyway."
"In my drawer I do have a square-cut diamond just set……" She hesitated.
In the end my elder sister handed me that ring.
I was satisfied with it, so I put it in my pocket. She felt the pinch, told me to put it away properly, and grumbled about not knowing whose daughter was so fortunate, to shoot up to the clouds just like that, and so on.
I said, "Elder sister, it's not as if all the good fortune under heaven is for you alone to enjoy."
I went back to my room and didn't think about anything. In truth there was no deep sorrow in my heart. My heart was dead, my heart was broken, but somehow my tears poured down, and I cried aloud, like a wounded pig, oinking and howling.
Afraid they'd hear, I covered my head with the blanket.
But I knew that from then on, I would never cry again.
Just as Zhuang Guodong said, everything was destined. Who was right and who was wrong, no need to say more.
At least in the course of this whole affair, I rescued Xue Xiaoman. The next morning the alarm clock woke me. I felt the ring box in my pocket, and felt my way out the door.
Xiaoman was sitting downstairs from her apartment eating a sandwich. When she saw me, she was first startled then delighted, her expression complicated.
I picked a rose from the flower bed at the door and placed it in her hand, took out the ring, and slipped it onto the ring finger of her left hand.
I said, "We'll get married in London, and go back to Hong Kong for the wedding banquet. Go to the office today and resign." Mission accomplished.
She stared at me blankly.
After a long while she said, "I used to be Zhuang Guodong's girlfriend."
I patted Xiaoman's shoulder: "If you weren't Old Zhuang's girlfriend, you'd be someone else's girlfriend. Who cares about the past? Xiaoman, from today on, you are my fiancee."
I took her to the car, drove her to the office, and put the car keys in her hand. "Drive yourself home, and be careful."
She nodded.
"Don't worry, you'll fall in love with me." I winked.
She held my hand, wanting to speak but unable to get the words out.
I comforted her: "I had my eye on you that night we dined at Xia Hui, but I had no chance then. Xiaoman, now everyone is truly happy."
I waved to her and got into a taxi.
The truth was, it was only because she was the most convenient one around lately. But what difference did it make?
Everything is destined.
I took a car to a big fashion store in the city and had the salesgirl bring out size 10 clothes. One pick and I had a whole pile, all to be given to Xiaoman.
I have an abundance of love, and I want to give my love to a woman willing to accept it. I no longer want to add flowers to the brocade that is Rose.
I signed the check and walked out of the store. It was a clear, fine day, and a rare sunlight shone on me. I put both hands in my pockets and loitered along the street.
All I lost was a heart, and others would never notice. I thought in self-mockery, it was far better than losing an eye or a nose.
A beggar came up and asked me for money. "Sir, a cup of coffee."
I said, "Take this and buy a bottle of whiskey." I gave him a large banknote.
He stood there in shock.
I no longer held myself back.
Back home, I shouted, "Someone come, the third young master wants tea and water."
My eldest sister came out pale-faced. "Zhenzhong!" She handed me a telegram.
I took it. It read: Sir Luo is gravely ill, please return at once. It was signed by his family doctor.
"What illness?" I cried out in alarm.
"I've already booked six plane tickets," my eldest sister said. "We're going back right away."
"Six? Where do six people come from?"
My youngest sister cut in: "The two of us couples, Rose and you, isn't that six?"
I sneered, "I thought we were going back to divide the family estate, but it turns out it's a fair. How wonderful. So there have always been plenty of filial sons and grandsons since ancient times!"
My youngest sister was choking with anger: "Luo Zhenzhong."
"I'm leaving with my fiancee," I said angrily. "I don't care about the rest of you."
I called Xiaoman. She had already returned to her apartment.
I ordered her: "Book two plane tickets back to Hong Kong at once, the sooner the better. My father is gravely ill, and we're going back to see him."
A string of "yes" from her.
If you're going to take a wife, you should take a university graduate; they're a bit more capable at handling things.
I put down the phone and walked toward the side parlor, where Rose sat by the window.
I said lightly, "You got what you wanted, didn't you?"
Rose raised her head, her mouth stubborn, saying nothing, a flicker of contempt in her eyes.
She looked down on me because I had taken advantage of her difficulties and said things to make her miserable.
I sighed deeply. "What do you intend to do?"
She still said not a word, arms crossed by the window, her back to me. I said, "Rose--"
She suddenly flared up. "Will you just go away?" she said hurriedly.
I stepped back.
Her long hair fell over her shoulders, her big eyes especially dark and shining, her lips especially thin, her face covered in gloom, with added dignity. She said in a low voice, "Go away."
I suddenly felt like a fly. I turned and walked out of the side parlor.
What right did I have to harass her for so many days? Everything was between her and Luo Deqing; she was his wife.
I had made a petty fool of myself for nothing.
I drove to pick up Xiaoman.
The fashion company had already delivered the clothes I bought to her place, piled all over the table. She buried her face among the colorful silks and satins and made no sound.
"Xiaoman," I called her.
She jumped up. "The tickets are already booked, we fly tonight."
"Let's go back together," I said.
"Your father will be all right, won't he?"
"He should be fine. He's in his fifties, in the prime of life. He's always been in good health, but it's hard to say. Many friends, only around thirty, died in the bathtub after taking a bath, from some unnamed swelling or poisoning, and no cause could even be found."
"Zhenzhong." She called my name.
I took her hand.
"Thank you," she said.
"What are you saying." I was very gentle.
Xiaoman's face was lovely. She was truly an outstanding woman. The objective conditions of our marriage were so good, simply the best hotbed for cultivating affection. We would surely respect and love each other and grow old together.
I looked around her simple little apartment and said, "This place is too damp. We still have four or five hours. Pack up a bit, and I'll find you a better apartment."
"I've lived here for four or five years."
"No wonder your health is so poor," I laughed. "This is practically a snail's shell."
"We're going back to Hong Kong anyway, so there's no need to move, is there?" she tested, her tone surprisingly gentle.
A woman is a woman. Give them a chance, and they return to their original form. I had a feeling Xiaoman would give up her strong-woman persona and go back to the kitchen and the parlor to be a good wife.
We would be very happy.
Why was it that after every sentence I finished, I seemed to hear an echo ringing in my head, so hollow and empty?
I didn't dare think further.
Xiaoman asked me, "What will you drink? I still don't know what you're in the habit of drinking?"
"Don't worry, blind marriage has its advantages. You slowly discover each other's strengths and weaknesses, full of excitement," I laughed.
"I still feel getting engaged so quickly is wrong." She turned her face away.
"Don't hesitate anymore." I sighed. "I need you now."
"Are you worried about your father?"
"Anxious as if on fire."
"You're controlling it very well," Xiaoman said.
"I've always controlled myself very well in other matters."
The phone rang. Xiaoman had set the ring volume very low, so it only gave off a hoarse whirring sound, like a person crying.
She picked up the receiver, listened for three minutes, and awkwardly handed it to me. "It's Zhuang Guodong looking for you."
"Tell him their business has nothing to do with me," I said calmly. Xiaoman obeyed. "He says your business has nothing to do with him." She hung up the phone.
I said again, "Give me a whiskey with ice."
Xiaoman went into the kitchen.
Chapter Five
This shabby apartment doesn't even have central heating. How did she get through year after year? It was really hard on her: doing a grueling job, and still having to dress up like a butterfly. She had her own troubles, and was probably not as lively and cheerful as she appeared. Everyone is like a book, with something worth seeing, only some covers are designed so poorly they can't stir a reader's interest in opening the title page.
I took the whiskey from her hand and drank a sip.
Xiaoman asked, "You drink a lot, don't you?"
"Yes," I said.
I said, "Old Zhuang smokes, I drink. I know alcohol is bad for the health. Since I don't want to live to a hundred and eighty, I don't want to quit."
She made no sound.
I had spoken rashly, so I tried to make amends. "If you really want me to quit……"
She said readily, "Forget it, don't make it worse by trying to explain. I can endure this much. There's nothing perfect in this world. If I can't stand it, I'll go back to the hospital and be a pharmacist. But looking at one person's face is better than looking at the whole world's faces."
I also made no sound.
The atmosphere in the little apartment became very stiff.
There was a sudden screech of a car outside the door, and someone rushed out and pounded desperately on the door. Of course I knew who it was.
"Go open the door," I told Xiaoman.
Xiaoman opened the door and then retreated to the kitchen.
Old Zhuang rushed over and asked, "Is Rose going back to Hong Kong?"
"My old man is gravely ill."
"What a coincidence?"
"You ask me, who do I ask?" I said coldly.
"Are you going back too?"
"Xiaoman is going too, on tonight's flight."
"I'm going with Rose."
"Wonderful. We can charter a private plane and rush back in grand style to visit the sick."
He clenched his fists. "She can't go back, she can't go back. I can see victory within reach, she can't go back!"
"Don't you believe most in fate?" I asked. "Since everything is already destined, there's no use in your being anxious."
"Zhenzhong, if you don't sympathize with me--" He stopped.
The three of us were strangely silent.
Xiaoman brought out the coffee. She said, "I'm going to marry Zhenzhong."
Old Zhuang raised his head. "Congratulations, Zhenzhong will be a good husband." Clearly, he was already out of his mind. Xiaoman came over and stood behind me, and I held her hand for courage.
Zhuang said, "I'm going right now to book a plane ticket." He stood up.
Our family of seven headed to the airport, and in the waiting room we ran into Zhuang Guodong again. The connections were intricate and complex, and no one greeted anyone or spoke, like a Chinese gang gathering back in Hong Kong, everyone with a stiff face and knitted brows.
On the plane I had Xiaoman sit with Rose, and I sat with Old Zhuang, and the two sisters and their husbands paired off, practically occupying half the seats in first class, looking very imposing.
I kept drinking, choosing felt, drank and went to the toilet, went to the toilet and came back, and gradually relaxed. I started trying to draw Old Zhuang into conversation, but he didn't answer me, his eyes very hollow.
I talked to myself: "I think I loved my mother a bit more. When she was ill, I was far more miserable. Or perhaps I was still young then and simply didn't know how to drown my sorrows in drink?"
No one answered me.
I sang loudly: "Drowning sorrow in wine makes sorrow deeper still; wine enters the sorrowful heart and turns into tears of longing."
Still no one paid me any attention.
Even Xiaoman ignored me. Damn it, she treated me like a meal ticket, without a shred of real feeling.
I shouted, "Xiaoman, Xiaoman, come quick and comfort me."
My eldest sister came over and said, "What kind of drunken fit is this?"
My youngest sister said, "Give him a sleeping pill and make him sleep." They forced medicine down me. I yelled, "Murder, murder, all you want is for me to be silent, you won't let me speak, and you don't love me, no one loves me--"
Xiaoman came over and laid my head on her shoulder. "Lie down for a while. I'll take care of you." Her voice was firm and strong.
Eldest Sister was sharp as a tack; she immediately went to sit beside Rose, so Old Zhuang had no choice but to move to another seat.
I was reassured and closed my eyes. The plane rumbled as it took off. Our whole family is hopelessly inept; even when we fly, we all pile in together like it's some outing. If something were to happen and the plane went down, who would inherit Sir Luo's vast estate?
I couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Little Sister murmured, "Luo Zhenzhong is not far from a breakdown."
That was the last thing I heard. I fell asleep.
When we arrived in Hong Kong, China, Eldest Sister gave me a hard shove.
Old Huang and Old Huang's mother came to meet the plane. The driver had to bring two cars before there was enough room.
Eldest Sister fired at Old Zhuang, "Mr. Zhuang, we're getting into the cars now. Move aside." Though he hadn't done anything to Rose, she could tell he was displeased.
Rose's face was wooden, her long lashes flickering with shifting light and shadow. She was the first into the car. Xiaoman and I took the second car.
My drunkenness had naturally worn off. What remained was a headache.
Sitting in the car, my whole body was tense. I patted Old Huang's shoulder in the front seat. "What's happened to my father?"
"The master……" He couldn't finish, lowering his head.
"Tell me! Why are you hemming and hawing?"
He said again, "The master is very unwell……"
"Nonsense?" I cursed. "For decades, Old Huang, you've been famous for being slow-witted. I'm asking you: is his life in danger?"
Xiaoman said, "He's an honest man, scared out of his wits. Don't push him."
Old Huang sat beside the driver, head lowered, silent.
I asked the driver, "How is my father, really?"
"Third Young Master, we're outside servants. We don't get to see the master," he answered.
My heart pounded. "Is it hopeless, then?"
The driver said, "Old Huang's mother has been searching everywhere for old mountain ginseng these past two days."
My heart went half cold. They say ginseng soup can sustain life, just long enough for the children and grandchildren to rush back and see him one last time……
Suddenly grief surged up in me. My father. I burst into loud sobs.
Old Huang said urgently, "Third Young Master, Third Young Master."
I said, "I've always disappointed him. I'm not a good son. I'm not a good son."
Old Huang said softly, "Third Young Master, it's not too late to turn over a new leaf now."
I leaned my head on Xiaoman's shoulder. Xiaoman said nothing, holding me tightly.
I suppose it was in that very instant that I truly fell for Xiaoman.
I swore that if Father could recover, I would be a good son to him, working like a beast of burden, taking a junior clerk's job in his office, and from then on, year after year, month after month, day after day, I would honor him and never wander abroad living a carefree life again.
The car reached the front gate. I jumped out, but Rose was faster. She dashed across the flowerbed, tripped on the grass, and I went to help her up. Her light purple suit was covered in mud stains, but she didn't care. She raced into the front door ahead of everyone.
The maid came out to greet her. "Madam."
"Where's my husband?" she asked urgently. "Where is he?" She was frantic, her voice trembling.
"In his room, Madam. Your clothes—"
Rose's knee was scraped and bleeding.
I saw our family's Lawyer Wang and Dr. Zhang come out of the study.
By then my sisters and brothers-in-law had also entered the house, a full gathering.
Dr. Zhang said, "Sir Luo has just fallen asleep. Don't disturb him."
Rose said, "I want to see him."
"He said he won't see anyone," Dr. Zhang said categorically. "If you still respect him, don't go against his wishes."
Rose sat down, tears in her eyes.
I was silent.
Father was utterly disappointed in us. My heart ached so badly it felt like it would drop out.
"Everyone, please come to the study," Lawyer Wang said.
Eldest Sister was the first to glare. "What for?"
"Matters concerning the family estate—" Lawyer Wang cleared his throat.
Little Sister shrieked, "I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it, I don't want the estate, I just want my father!"
I went over and embraced Little Sister. Ah, she was my sister after all, her heart was in the same place as mine.
Eldest Sister said in a low voice, "I hate you lawyers most of all, rushing to carry out your duties. You standing here is a bad omen! I tell you, other families may need you, fighting to the death over every trivial scrap of property, but we don't need you here. Go, go, go, we don't want to divide anything."
Lawyer Wang, scolded for no reason at all, was dumbfounded.
I went to open the front door. "Go!" I nearly said "Get out."
Rose took out a crystal ashtray and hurled it at him, nearly hitting his head.
Lawyer Wang, losing all composure, cursed back, "You Luos are simply savages!" He turned and fled at top speed.
I pointed at Dr. Zhang. "And you, I want to see my own father. I don't need you standing in the middle blocking the way. My surname is Luo, his surname is Luo. What's your surname? This is my fiancee, that's my sister, my brother-in-law, and that's his wife. Move aside."
Sir Luo Deqing's lady had become a wild rose. She raised her thick brows, her big dark eyes flashing. "You stay out of this. He is my husband. If anything happens, I'll take responsibility."
Our whole family surged forward, scaring Dr. Zhang back three steps.
Rose's hand had just touched the door when she suddenly covered her face and wept.
We all fell silent.
Rose choked out, "I'm afraid, I'm afraid I'll have no chance to atone."
Suddenly, behind us rose a burst of hearty laughter—"Hahahaha, good, good."
We turned around, and at the sight of him we stood frozen as if struck by lightning, unable to make a sound.
Wasn't this Father?
In a flannel suit and a shell-pink shirt, radiant and full of vigor, we all stood before him like dumb geese, unable to speak.
The tears on Rose's face had not yet dried. She said in a trembling voice, "Deqing."
Father opened his arms and gathered her into his embrace.
I understood at once. I let out a strange whoop of joy. "Sister, Sister, this sly old fox pretended to be sick to scare us, had all of us clever little devils jumping out of our skins."
Eldest Sister smacked my back. "You dead rascal, no filter on your mouth."
She then said, "Father, you scared us half to death."
Rose wrapped her arms around his waist, eyes closed, saying nothing, just weeping. She didn't care that so many people were watching. She pressed her face tightly against Father's chest, and Father stroked her head.
Little Sister let out a huge sigh of relief and collapsed onto the sofa.
Eldest Sister murmured, "Father, really, pretending to be sick. How could Sir Luo Deqing have such a clever trick up his sleeve!"
Eldest Brother-in-law said, "A false alarm, but it's a good way to make you all realize how important the old man is."
"Truly," Eldest Sister said, "I felt as if my heart was about to leap out of my mouth, I couldn't control it. If anything really happened, I'd be the first……"
Father laughed. "This was bound to happen sooner or later."
"Better sooner than later," I said. "Everyone knows how to run from reality, putting it off as long as they can."
Father nodded. "You're all very good."
"Shameless," I said, still unconvinced. "Resorting to faking illness, how tacky, simply outrageous, undignified for your age." But inside I felt as if a great weight had been lifted, so happy.
Father laughed. "Sometimes you have to play a trump card in life. Otherwise, would you all have come back in full?"
I said, "Old ginger is the spiciest."
Eldest Sister said, "Nothing to be done."
Little Sister said, "He scared me to death."
Old Huang came in beaming. I grabbed him. "I won't let you off, you old rascal!"
Eldest Sister said, "Old Huang, you're loyal to the core."
Old Huang chuckled.
Little Sister: "The most pitiable are Dr. Zhang and Lawyer Wang, cursed to death by us for no reason at all."
Father said, "Oh…… but this is my future daughter-in-law. How have I neglected this precious gem? Come here, let me have a look."
I sulked and pulled Xiaoman back. "Don't go over."
Xiaoman smiled and, taking my hand, walked over.
Father looked her up and down and nodded. "Very good. But you must be very tolerant of this son of mine. He—"
I cut in, "Forget it, don't lecture me, Father. From now on I'll do whatever you say."
Xiaoman glanced at me. "And quitting drinking?"
I raised both hands in surrender. "I'm determined to be a henpecked husband. Quit, quit, quit." I gripped her hand tightly.
I understood fully. After this, I realized that between my father and Rose, I chose my father. I had loved, the love had passed, and I had recovered myself. I suppose I'm no romantic saint. I can't be like Old Zhuang, obsessing over one person for a lifetime.
I'm not that kind of material.
Thank the Lord I'm not that kind of material.
Suddenly my whole body felt light. All my troubles were swept away, and I circled around Father.
Little Sister glared at me. "What? You're not avoiding Father anymore?"
I blinked and said nothing.
Father said, "He's about to marry and set up a household, about to become a father himself. Naturally he doesn't want his son to avoid him too."
Rose had been silent the whole time.
But the matter was clearer than clear: Father had won. He had won Rose back.
Father, the ever-victorious, invincible Sir Luo Deqing.
But I never saw Zhuang Guodong again. He left quietly without a word.
One day Rose had a long talk with me. With a look of shame, bashfulness, and yet calm acceptance, I sat across from her.
Her voice was barely audible, but I leaned in to listen.
She said, "How foolish I was, to have hesitated for so long."
It came out of nowhere, but I listened attentively.
"Not until I heard Deqing say he was ill did I suddenly realize that I cannot do without this person in my life."
"Me too," I said. "I can't do without Father."
"So I told Zhuang that I will always be a Luo, that before was before, and the past is the past."
You did exactly the right thing, Rose.
"But……" she said, her tenderness like water, "those beautiful days, I spent them with him. That bone-deep longing, unchanged for ten years, I grieved quietly. Now when I think of it, it feels like the plot of a romance novel, distant and beautiful, yet having nothing to do with me. But because of this person, my fate for half my life was clearly changed. Now I only know that the one I love is Luo Deqing. It's him, not anyone else. He cannot lose me, and I cannot lose him. We will grow old together."
I was deeply moved. Rose's sincerity moved me once again. I realized my eyes had gone red. This woman was truly a femme fatale.
"What about Old Zhuang?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"You won't ask about him?" I said anxiously.
"How would I ask about him?" Rose said, surprised. "Since he has nothing to do with me, why should I still concern myself with his joys and sorrows?"
Rose said, "Zhuang must be suffering, and any comfort from me would surely be false. Why add one more pointless gesture?"
I was stunned. Only someone of the deepest feeling and truest nature could say such a thing. I rejoiced for my father in gaining such a good wife, but one general's success is built on ten thousand bleached bones. Poor Old Zhuang……
"Where is he now?" I was frantic as an ant on a hot pan.
But Rose could not care less; she was all smiles, as if she had not a care in the world, and off she went with the old man to sun herself in Bermuda.
I really cannot understand this woman, this terrible woman, all terrible women. And what about Old Zhuang?
I told the story to Xiaoman in a fit of indignation. Naturally, like everyone else, I told it in Rashomon fashion, glossing over my own faults, writing them off, saying not a word about them, and attacking only the other person.
I said, "Think about it, where has Old Zhuang gone? Could something have happened to him? You know him, with that one-of-a-kind character of his, vanishing without leaving a single word behind, think about it……" I did not dare think any further.
Xiaoman said nothing.
Later I realised it was not that she had nothing to say, but that she could not say it.
Even though everyone lived happily ever after, I still felt a sense of guilt toward Old Zhuang.
My elder sisters and their husbands still went back to England to help the old man with his business. The old man and Rose were inseparable, and were recognised by the townspeople as the most beautiful couple. And Xiaoman gradually rose to prominence, began to make a name for herself, appearing on magazine covers; designer fashions, worn by her, set each other off to advantage. The new generation of socialites could not get to know her fast enough, because she was the future daughter-in-law of Sir Rodney Qing, while Xiaoman and I maintained a long-term engagement, since such relationships were fashionable at the time - what was there to be unhappy about? Everything was perfect.
But damn it, I missed Old Zhuang.
He seemed to have vanished into thin air.
A very, very long time afterward, I received a letter, sent from Surabaya, Indonesia.
Xiaoman handed the letter to me and asked in surprise, "Who do you know among the headhunters?"
I pretended to blow a poison dart to scare her, "Whoosh, whoosh!" I was puzzled too.
I opened the letter, and the familiar handwriting was actually Old Zhuang's. I let out a strange cry.
The letter said: "Zhenzhong, if there is still anyone in this world who thinks of me, it should be you. You thought I had sacrificed myself for a noble cause, but that is not so. Tianzhang, I fear, is the only one among us with great wisdom and courage. I am now living in Surabaya, wandering the streets every day, working as a guide for sailors and doing odd jobs for foreign news agencies to make a living. Occasionally I think of you, Zhenzhong, and truly feel a thousand emotions. To have lost Rose twice in my life is also a kind of blessing. From then on, I have seen no benefit in striving to make something of myself. For the sake of the woman I love, I can no longer be a normal person, but rest assured, I will live to a ripe old age. They say that when you start going downhill, the speed is fast. I am already forty-two years old, so it will be soon. Guodong."
I pounded the table with my fist and murmured, "Old Zhuang, Old Zhuang."
The sea of love is unpredictable; love can carry a boat, and it can also capsize it. But tell me, who would be willing to stand in a stagnant pool of water, forever without a ripple?