Mom Loses Her Temper Helping Her Child with Homework, Dad Drinks Pesticide - Is Education Really This Hard?
2017-12-03 Dafang Jun, Who Has So Much to Say Dafang Reading
Reading, the Dafang lifestyle
"The road of parenting is long and the burden is heavy. Good morning!"
A few days ago, a piece of news on Weibo said:
A couple in Yiwu, Zhejiang, China, had a fierce argument because of a disagreement over helping their child with homework. The mother lost her temper, and the father even drank pesticide. Fortunately, the wife reacted quickly and sent her husband to the hospital in time, otherwise the consequences would have been unimaginable.
This news is not an isolated case. In real life, there are also many parents who are tormented beyond words by their children's homework.
Nowadays, helping children with homework has become a problem troubling many fathers and mothers. It consumes a great deal of their energy, but it seems not to achieve very good results.
A while ago, Dafang Jun read a book written by Teacher Yin Jianli, "A Good Mother Is Better Than a Good Teacher." The methods for educating children in it are very novel and also very effective. The part about helping children with homework is especially fascinating and worth reading for every parent who is stuck not knowing how to educate their child.
It is even more worth learning in advance for young people who do not have children. With advanced ideas, educating children in the future will come more easily.
When Parents Help with Homework, These Two Things Must Be Avoided
First, when parents help children with homework, it is very necessary during the elementary school stage, especially the lower grades, because this stage is the best period for childrento develop good study habits. With parents accompanying them:
1
their sense of time will be stronger;
2
their attitude will be more serious, which can greatly shorten the time spent on homework and improve accuracy;
3
it can help children find a sense of balance.
A parent's company does not mean sitting next to the child as a supervisor. They can find something of their own to do, such as reading. If they look at a phone, they must explain clearly to the child that Dad is not playing games, but working or reading news, etc.
When tutoring children with homework, parents must avoid two things:
1
avoid overestimating the child's ability to understand;
2
avoid impatience. Be sure to be patient. If the child still cannot understand, let the child ask the teacher the next day, and after returning home, have the child explain it to the parents again. This not only shows whether the child understands, but more importantly helps clarify the teacher's approach to solving the problem.
Parents Should Help Children Develop Awareness and Habits of Learning
Parents shouldhelp children form an awareness of learning from an early age, especially before school, by reading together and playing together during a specific time period in the evening. In this way, children will transition seamlessly after entering school, avoiding a sense of maladjustment.
In the first grade, right after entering school, because the child is young, parents' company helps the child develop study habits. Once the habits are formed, there is no need to accompany them anymore. Children should understand that learning is their own business and their own responsibility, and that they must be responsible for themselves. If constant company turns it into the parents' business, the child's grades will not be good either.
Company in first grade is also not about teaching the child knowledge. Teachers are responsible for teaching knowledge, so children should be urged to listen carefully in class rather than rely on their parents' teaching. Even when first-grade parents accompany their children in learning, they should not study together with the child, but do their own things, such as reading, looking at newspapers, or handicrafts.
"Parents working hard and continuously learning, leading by example, is the best education for children."
Treat Children by "Letting Nature Take Its Course and Looking More at Their Strengths"
Every child is especially unique,and has their own way and rhythm of looking at the world and figuring out patterns. Even if the child is not moving forward according to adults' rules and the correct route, it is simply because on the road of growth the child is looking around, driven by curiosity and personality.
Parents should let nature take its course, look more at strengths, and discover more traits. First, this gives a more comprehensive and objective evaluation of the child; second, parents will feel more balanced and will not be so fixated. Be sure to view the problems that arise in children's growth and education with a developmental perspective, and look at them in a larger space. Many problems are actually not problems at all, such as "guà huā" versus "guì huā," or 5+6=11 versus 12. Some children understand earlier and some later, but they will all understand.
Every parent has experienced helping their child with homework, but mostly in the lower grades of elementary school. How many fathers and mothers can persist to the end? What is the correct way to help children with homework?
Do Not Stare at the Child While They Do Homework
Some parents like to stare at their child while they do homework. As soon as they find a problem, or a character written incorrectly or crookedly, they erase it for the child while criticizing, complaining, and blaming them: "What's going on? You got it wrong again. You never change." "How many times have I said it? You just can't remember. It's infuriating!"
In this tense and anxious atmosphere, it is very hard to open the door to a child's interest in learning and energy. At this time, no matter what the parents say, the child cannot take it in, nor can they change.
Actually, the correct way to help children with homework should be like this: first ask how much homework there is, then tell the child to do it themselves, while parents quietly do their own things and do not casually disturb the child.
After the child finishes the homework, parents can check it in the following ways: when the child is in the lower grades, focus on checking whether the handwriting is neat; when the child is in the upper grades, focus on checking the child's approach to solving the problems.
How to Get Children to Focus on Homework
Many children are not focused when doing homework and love to dawdle. They can spend half a day on just a few questions. What should be done?
1. Time-Limit Method
First learn about the child's homework load, estimate a completion time yourself, and then ask the child, such as "Can you finish Chinese in 40 minutes? Can you finish math in 30 minutes?"
If you find the child showing signs of not focusing while doing homework, as long as it is not too excessive, just let them move a little.
If the child is not very focused and behaves in a dawdling way, parents can remind them from the side, such as "You've already been at it for 15 minutes. Keep going!"
2. Midway Soothing Method
If you find the child dawdling on homework and the parent feels it must be stopped, you can walk over to the child, stroke their head with your hand, and ask, "Did you run into a difficult problem and can't continue? Do you want Mom and Dad to help you a bit?"
This can bring the child's attention back to learning. Usually, the child will say there is no difficult problem. At this time, parents should show a calm expression: "I believe you will finish soon. Mom and Dad will wait for you, okay?"
3. Direct Request Method
If the above two methods do not work, try this method instead: learn the child's homework load in advance, then directly state the completion time, such as today's Chinese homework is not much and can be finished in 20 minutes, while math is a little more and can be finished in 35 minutes.
Parents must mean what they say. When enforcing this rule, they should be calm and must not lose their temper. Let the child understand: parents' words count, and this is not a joke. This method is a last resort and is coercive, so parents should contact the teacher in advance and ask the teacher to cooperate.
How to Give Children Guidance on Exercises
Some children really do need parents to give guidance on those "uphill" difficult problems. It is necessary and essential for parents to provide corresponding tutoring and guidance. It is just that when tutoring and giving guidance, technique matters:
1. Have the Child Read the Problem Repeatedly
Many problems are not difficult. It is just that the child lacks patience in reading the original problem and often feels after only one look that they cannot do it and that it is very hard. This is a kind of negative psychological suggestion. If parents always accommodate the child and immediately tell them how to do it, or even lay out the format for them, the child will develop the bad habit of not thinking when encountering problems and relying on others to solve them.
The correct method is: "Mom believes in you. As long as you read the original problem a few more times, you will be able to do it." When the child does it, parents should happily praise them: "See, I told you. If you read the problem carefully, you can do it." This encouragement-style method of reading the problem can "force" out the child's initiative to learn and thereby gain confidence.
2. Use Example Problems for Tutoring
For problems the child still cannot solve after thinking, parents should not directly tell them the solution to the original problem. It is best to create a similar example problem based on the original problem, analyze and discuss it together with the child, understand the example problem thoroughly, and then let the child do the original problem.
Generally, once the example problem is understood, the child will mostly be able to do the original problem. If they still cannot do the original problem, then return to the discussion and calculation of the example problem. After several rounds, as long as parents guide patiently, the child will certainly be able to do the original problem. Although this approach is more troublesome for parents, it can train the child's ability to draw inferences from one instance and transfer knowledge.
3. Explain Only the Key Points
For some difficult problems, if parents cannot come up with a good example problem for the moment, then they can analyze where the key point of the original problem is and what condition needs to be found in order to solve it, and let the child think and set up the calculation based on the parents' hints. They must not directly write out the equation, or tell the child what to do in the first step, what to do in the second step... If tutoring the child this way, their approach to solving problems will not easily open up.
Is educating children really this hard?
It is hard. In reality, there are too many factors interfering with the implementation of good education. There are too many temptations of entertainment, parents' concepts have certain deviations, teachers' methods are not perfect enough...
But actually it is not that hard either. Although how to educate children well still faces many problems, you should know that in order to find a good job, you will spend more than ten or twenty years learning skills and improving yourself, while becoming a parent seems to happen in just an instant.
You should believe that where there are 100 difficulties, there are 101 solutions.
The road of parenting is long and the burden is heavy. Do not rush, take it slowly, learn more, and keep improving. There is no child who cannot be taught well.
End