Why do I feel joy when self-sufficiency falls short?

Many people envy my self-sufficient life, but if I ever had the chance to speak face to face, I would earnestly explain to them that there is no such thing as self-sufficiency at all.

First, none of us could have come into this world on our own; it takes the union of a man and a woman, which is to say we all have parents. Furthermore, we live by depending on the oxygen released by plants as they convert carbon dioxide; even something we take as ordinary as standing or walking would be impossible without Mother Earth, for we would not have even a tiny patch of ground to stand on.

Next, no matter what, we must give thanks for the wisdom and culture left to us by those who came before, whether it be the techniques of fishing and hunting or farming, or Christianity, Buddhism, or the many other benevolent faiths. When you think about it carefully, every one of us uses but does not own the sunlight, the air, and the water, even our most intimate "own body." You say you own your body, but can you "control" your blood circulation or your aging? These reasons are so real, yet many people forget them, or they clearly know them but take them for granted and forget to be grateful (in some indigenous traditions, when the body is injured, they apologize to the injured part, explaining that they did not take good care of it; or when a hard day's work is done, they give thanks to their tired hands and feet).

There are far too many examples of being insufficiently self-sufficient, but to argue merely for the sake of arguing would be meaningless. Whether it is self-sufficiency or insufficiency, if you want to seriously or more truthfully "look at life," you will find that this is not where the point lies. As for myself, from the very beginning I never gave self-sufficiency a single thought, and self-sufficiency was never the goal I pursued; and as I went through life's trials and experiments, I clearly discovered that even if one took "self-sufficiency" as a goal to pursue, such a goal would in the end be nothing more than practice against an "imaginary enemy," a brief transition, because any one of the reasons above constantly urges me to recognize that "self-sufficiency" is simply not a fact, nor is it real.

What I think about, try, or am doing is nothing more than seeking to recover a little of the basic "life skills" that a person should possess while living, and so I learn to build houses, garden, sew, hike and trek, or make my own natural household cleaning products, wooden items… and so on; when I do (and learn) more, what I discover is never the self-sufficient isolation of a hermit, but rather I keep seeing more and more of the intricate connections between people and people, people and things, people and the environment, people and the world, and I am even fortunate enough to catch a faint glimpse of the subtle mysteries of the many unseen energies, capacities of heart, cause and effect, and reincarnation.

When my life skills grow stronger, if I have gained anything at all, the only thing I have truly gained should be a kind of "freedom" built upon the web of life. This freedom allows me to do more of the things I want to do (but which are also right), such as giving with an open heart to others, such as education and learning, such as service and dedication…; because of this freedom, I can do more things that make myself happy and also make others feel happy -- and from this, I see even more clearly this web of karmic connections that links all life; -- and from this I also deeply realize that no matter who they are, no one can stand apart from the world.

On the other "failure" side of pursuing life skills, to be honest, this part makes me happier than the "gains"; because these encounters are what give me the chance to recognize my own shortcomings, and because of those shortcomings I want to strengthen myself further, and this heart that pursues its own growth hopes to cultivate enough strength to help more others and everything in the environment. Because no matter what, every moment of our existence must consume resources (including the care that others give to us).

For all these reasons, when I am insufficiently self-sufficient, I rejoice.

2012.12.2