A woman spends her whole life, in truth, gambling on this one thing

Chapter 001: Ruliang, It Hurts So Much

The former Shen Xian was a fool.

But it was just such a fool who seized the dream lover of countless women of Great Chu - she married Great Chu's number one general, Qin Ruliang.

They say this marriage was something she wheedled out of him by playing on her foolishness. That general, Qin Ruliang, already had someone he loved.

On the wedding day, snow fell over the capital, diluting much of the festive atmosphere at the general's residence.

Qin Ruliang stood in the wind and snow, wearing his wedding garb, broad-shouldered and narrow-waisted, the red hem of his robe exceptionally vivid, his whole figure tall and elegant, handsome and upright.

But the look he gave Shen Xian was cold enough to freeze a man to the bone, and he said: "I will never in my life like a fool. Since you have married in now, if you want to keep living in food and clothing without worry, then behave yourself."

He found even one more glance annoying; having said this, he flicked his sleeve and left.

On the wedding night, the red candles in the bridal chamber burned out, plunging it into pitch darkness.

Everyone assumed the newly married general's wife was bound to spend her nights alone in an empty room, so no one bothered to attend to this unfavored lady.

The empty corridors were bleak and cold, with only a few lanterns flickering on the verge of going out, casting wavering shadows over the cold night.

A tall figure brazenly intruded into the bridal chamber.

By the time morning came and she rose, only Shen Xian was left.

Afterwards she never saw Qin Ruliang again. Qin Ruliang must have cast her off like a worn-out shoe and forgotten her the moment he turned his head.

Her title as the general's wife was nominal only; Qin Ruliang gradually handed all the household affairs over to Liu Meiwu to manage.

Privately, even the servants of the general's residence had to respectfully address Liu Meiwu as "Madam."

Liu Meiwu was Qin Ruliang's beloved.

That day, Shen Xian went to Qin Ruliang's courtyard.

She did not hold an umbrella; fine snowflakes fell on her hair and between her brows and eyes, making her look remarkably clear and lovely.

It was Qin Ruliang and Liu Meiwu inside.

The snow had fallen a little heavier; when Qin Ruliang later opened the door, he thought there was a snowman piled up outside.

He was somewhat lazy, yet even so his bearing could not hide that heroic spirit; still, he recognized Shen Xian at once, and his gentle features instantly turned cold as snow: "What are you doing here? Who let you in?"

Just then Liu Meiwu's utterly captivating voice sounded from inside the room: "General, who is outside?"

Qin Ruliang disdained to even look at Shen Xian directly, and said: "An irrelevant person."

Qin Ruliang was about to go back inside when Shen Xian suddenly spoke: "Ruliang, clothes." She stretched out her hands, offering up the neatly folded garment.

So she did know it was cold; she was afraid Qin Ruliang would freeze, so she had learned to make a piece of clothing.

Today was the first time she had set foot in the main courtyard; she had come to bring him clothes.

Just then Liu Meiwu came out with the delicate grace of a willow swaying in the wind, and Qin Ruliang smoothly caught her by the waist, pulling the beauty into his arms.

Qin Ruliang looked with disgust at the clothes Shen Xian had made, and at the hands beneath them, red and swollen from needle pricks, and said coldly: "The general's residence has not fallen so low as to need a princess to make clothes! Rather than doing these useless things, you would do better to first learn how to be a clever person."

Liu Meiwu stroked Qin Ruliang's chest and coaxed him softly: "General, do not be angry. The princess means well; making clothes for the general with her own hands is truly rare. I say we should accept them."

With that Liu Meiwu stepped down the stairs before the door and came up to Shen Xian, as if to provoke her, watching Shen Xian with a smile on her face, then reached out to take the clothes, saying gently: "The princess is truly thoughtful."

Deep down Shen Xian did not want to hand the clothes to this woman; she did not want this woman's scent to cling to the clothes she had made, so she did not let go.

But somehow, Shen Xian had not used any force - perhaps the snowy day was too slippery - and with a cry of alarm from Liu Meiwu, the woman fell backward.

From Qin Ruliang's angle, it looked exactly as though Shen Xian had pushed Liu Meiwu.

Seeing Liu Meiwu fallen on the ground and unable even to scramble up, Shen Xian was somewhat frightened. In the blink of an eye, a shadow loomed over her head, colder than even this snowy day.

She looked up and saw Qin Ruliang's man-eating gaze, and shrank back.

Qin Ruliang was furious; he swept his hand out and flung her aside, paying no attention to his own strength. Shen Xian felt a dull ache where he had struck her, and staggering, she took a solid tumble.

It truly hurt so much she could hardly get up, her whole body pierced with icy cold. Shen Xian gasped for breath, and had no thought to spare for herself; the new clothes slipped from her hands and scattered on the ground.

She crawled over and was just about to pick them up when, the moment her fingers touched the corner of the garment, a pair of black boots came down mercilessly. Not content with merely trampling the new clothes underfoot, the black boot lifted slightly and came down on her pale, slender hand.

The boot sole ground against the knuckles of her fingers, sending up a clear pain that made Shen Xian curl into a ball and let out a soft groan.

Qin Ruliang held Liu Meiwu and looked down at her from on high, as though gazing down at an ant, and said: "If there is a next time, do not blame me for crippling these hands of yours."

With that he turned and went inside, his back resolute; Liu Meiwu's skirts fluttered lightly out from beside his waist, lending that stiff silhouette a touch of softness, yet the words he spoke cut like a knife.

"Get out. From now on, without my permission, you are not to set half a step in here."

"General, do not be angry any more. It was Meiwu's own carelessness, not the princess's fault..."

Shen Xian slowly got to her feet, and still treasured up the snow-soaked clothes, picking them up and folding them, then, gasping for breath, laid them at the door of Qin Ruliang's room and turned to leave.

Unexpectedly, the next day the clothes were sent back again, and personally delivered by Liu Meiwu.

Shen Xian saw at a glance that the clothes had been cut into piece after piece of shreds.

Liu Meiwu said indifferently: "The general holds first-rank office, a man of face and standing; every garment prepared for him at home is one of a kind. How could he wear shabby clothes like these? I advise you, from now on do not make anything for the general at all. Yesterday was only a light punishment for you." Her beautiful eyes shifted, and she looked at Shen Xian with contempt. "Did you think that once you entered this general's residence, you were still a princess high above others?"

Chapter 002: A-Xian Is Not a Fool

Shen Xian clenched the scraps of cloth tightly, her silhouette shrouded in shadow so her expression could not be seen, and said nothing.

Liu Meiwu laughed softly: "A princess of the former dynasty, and crazed to boot. That the palace raised you this long is already an extraordinary favor. No wonder, being such a hot potato, the emperor tossed you to the general."

Liu Meiwu flicked her sleeve and rose, standing before Shen Xian, then suddenly raised a hand and seized Shen Xian's jaw, wrenching her chin up hard and forcing her to look at her, her beautiful eyes full of surging, hidden hatred: "Do you know that it is because of you, insisting on marrying the general, that the one who should have been the general's wife is me! The general returned victorious from battle, first-class in merit, and the reward he got in exchange was to take a fool like you as his wife!"

Those sharp nails dug into Shen Xian's skin, and Liu Meiwu said with vindictive satisfaction: "But this is fine too. Having come to this point, you deserve to suffer your whole life."

Liu Meiwu never imagined this fool would fight back.

She suddenly raised her head, eyes red, and lunged at Liu Meiwu.

Liu Meiwu was pressed to the ground by her, and they screamed and grappled together.

Shen Xian fought wildly, recklessly; when Qin Ruliang came and pulled them apart, she was still trying to kick Liu Meiwu a couple more times, crying: "Why did you cut up the clothes I made for Ruliang! Who told you to cut them up!"

Smack!

The room fell silent at once. Only Liu Meiwu's sobbing on the ground remained.

Shen Xian was struck by Qin Ruliang's slap until the world spun around her.

Qin Ruliang said: "Enough. I told her to cut them. What do you want?"

She felt she must have done something wrong, and huddled in the corner, saying nothing.

Qin Ruliang carried the delicate, pitiable Liu Meiwu away, and as he left he ordered: "Someone, watch this madwoman, and do not let her step half a step out of her room!"

This Qin Ruliang always liked to tear open wounds in her heart.

When she so clearly liked him so much.

Afterwards she was all but imprisoned in this courtyard; her three daily meals were never enough to fill her, and every day she suffered hunger and cold.

She never saw Qin Ruliang again.

About two months after the marriage, Qin Ruliang came to Shen Xian of his own accord for the first time, and said bluntly: "Next month I am taking Meiwu as my wife. I have come today to inform you. The date has already been set."

Shen Xian's face was bloodless.

Qin Ruliang turned to leave, then paused his steps, remembered something, and added: "Also, though she enters as a concubine, after she enters there will be no distinction of legitimate wife and concubine; her status will be the same as yours, high or low."

Qin Ruliang had not yet stepped out of the courtyard gate; standing in the doorframe he looked like a painting.

But unexpectedly Shen Xian suddenly spoke up: "Ruliang, do you think that because I am a fool I am easy to bully?"

Qin Ruliang frowned and turned to look at her without emotion.

At that moment she held her head proudly high, tears streaming down her face: "Do you think that because I am a fool I cannot feel pain? Ruliang, A-Xian is not a fool."

After Qin Ruliang left, that bone-deep pain, that churning tangle of love and hate ground her over and over, gathering into a wave of nausea; she covered her mouth, bent over, and retched violently, murmuring over and over, utterly spent: "A-Xian is not a fool... A-Xian is not a fool... A-Xian is not a fool..."

Qin Ruliang and Liu Meiwu's wedding was held as scheduled.

Though he had been married to the princess only three months.

The princess was not a favored princess of the present day. She was the daughter of the late emperor, and the imperial power of Great Chu had passed from the late emperor's hands to the present emperor's hands only after considerable trouble.

Though Shen Xian was not a full sibling of the present emperor, she was still a cousin.

But after the change of regime, the new emperor, to display benevolent governance, let Shen Xian live, in the status of a princess.

And Shen Xian, since the palace coup many years before, had become somewhat feebleminded. The new emperor had tested her many times, and only when he found she truly had become a fool did he set aside his guard.

But a person of such awkward status placed in the palace was inevitably an eyesore. Since she insisted on marrying Qin Ruliang, the emperor granted the marriage.

Now Qin Ruliang wanted to take a concubine; for a great general to have three wives and four concubines was all too ordinary, and the imperial family would not intervene for the sake of a fool.

A few days before Qin Ruliang and Liu Meiwu's wedding, Qin Ruliang had official business that required him to leave the capital.

Originally after the new year the weather would turn to spring, but no one expected this year's cold winter to be especially long; suddenly the cold returned and it began to snow again.

Early in the morning, the quiet of the shabby little courtyard was broken.

Shen Xian was dragged from her thin bed by a maidservant and hauled into the courtyard. She wore only a single layer of clothing, her lips turned purple from the cold, shivering violently.

Unlike Shen Xian, Liu Meiwu was dressed exquisitely and beautifully, elegant and refined. Like any bride-to-be, joyful, charming delight was written on her brows.

She looked down at Shen Xian with veiled eyes, and said softly: "Princess, do you still remember me?"

Shen Xian showed little reaction; even the stubborn fierceness with which she had fought to claw at Liu Meiwu last time was gone.

As long as no one touched her bottom line, she seemed to care about nothing.

Liu Meiwu said: "You and I have both endured the pain of a broken home and lost family; now that you live in such misery, I ought not to make things harder for you. But in a few days I am to marry the general, and thinking that the general keeps supporting you here, I feel extremely uncomfortable."

She looked at Shen Xian and asked directly: "Will you leave on your own, or shall I drive you out?"

Shen Xian remained like a gray-white shadow in the snowy day, curled up silently.

Only when she heard Liu Meiwu mention the general did she show a bit of reaction, raising her head and squinting at Liu Meiwu.

Qin Ruliang was her bottom line.

She shook her head: "I am not leaving."

"Then it is I who must drive you out," Liu Meiwu said. "After you leave, when the general returns, I will say you ran away from home yourself. Remember this: whether you live or die out there has nothing to do with him."

"I am not leaving."

The maidservant seized Shen Xian and was about to drag her out of the little courtyard.

"Wait." Liu Meiwu walked up to her, scrutinized her, and sneered: "Are you not so very fond of Qin Ruliang? How can you bear to hold him back his whole life? If you truly liked the general, you should find some place and quietly go die."

"Isn't there a river on West Street? Chop a hole in the ice and jump in."

"Or there is an old tree at the vegetable market entrance; go hang yourself there." Liu Meiwu grew more frenzied as she spoke. "In short, you are not to pester my man any more! Anything you like, I will take from you!"

Liu Meiwu ordered the maidservant: "Last time this fool dared to claw at my hair; this time, scratch up her face, then throw her out."

Having said this, Liu Meiwu swayed away with graceful bearing.

In the little courtyard, Liu Meiwu's maid Xiangshan was using a slender hairpin to cut across Shen Xian's face, and even spat contemptuously, saying: "What business does a fool have with such a pretty face? Daring to show disrespect to Madam, you deserve to be an ugly freak!"

Chapter 003: She Has Crossed Over

When Shen Xian was thrown out of the general's residence's main gate, the vermilion gate slowly and mercilessly closed before her. The blood on her face blocked her vision; she reached out to claw at the gate, and in the end only scratched line after line of bloodstains into it.

The snow fell harder, and Shen Xian had nowhere to go. Following the faint impressions in her mind, she somehow found her way onto the road to the imperial palace.

But before she even reached the palace gate, she was driven away. Who would still recognize her?

Even if the emperor knew she had been driven out of the general's residence, he would likely rather let her freeze to death outside than take her back into the palace.

Her death would set everyone at ease.

Shen Xian wandered alone on the empty, snow-white streets, every step difficult.

The wind blew on her face; she had forgotten the pain, feeling only a chill. Tears mixed with blood ran down, and at the moment she fell, she was still unconsciously murmuring: "A-Xian is not a fool..."

Her vision gradually blurred, the wind howled in her ears, and she lost all sensation in her body.

Vaguely, it seemed there was the noisy sound of urgent hoofbeats approaching; Shen Xian lifted her heavy eyelids and dimly saw, in the silvery white field of view, a figure swinging down from a horse and hurrying toward her...

It hurts so much.

One moment cold, one moment hot.

When Shen Xian opened her eyes, she felt hollow and dazed. She took a moment to recover before the scene in the room slowly came into view bit by bit.

A thick medicinal fragrance floated in the air. The charcoal fire in the medicine stove burned bright red. Simple tables, chairs, and a wooden bed, with light streaming in through the window, bright and clean.

In the antique-style room appeared an antique-style maid with a round bun. Shen Xian's brain was still in shutdown mode.

"Miss, you're finally awake, and your fever has broken too." Seeing that she didn't respond, the maid called twice more, "Miss? Are you still feeling unwell anywhere?"

"Who am I?"

"Don't you remember who you are, Miss? I only know that you fainted in the snow, and a young gentleman brought you to our medicine hall."

"Are you sure we're not on a film set right now?" She clearly remembered that while filming, she had a wire rig accident and suddenly fell from a height, and after that she knew nothing.

Shen Xian really didn't remember there being such a scene in the script.

"Have you lost your memory, Miss?" The maid didn't know what the problem was either, and said gravely, "Perhaps your injuries were too severe, causing trauma to your brain."

"Injuries too severe?" Shen Xian gave a start, and only then did she deeply feel the burning pain on her face. "Oh my god, did someone dip my face in chili peppers? Why does it hurt so much!"

"Miss... your face has been disfigured."

Shen Xian looked utterly baffled: "I want to see the director! What's going on, it hurts like a real disfigurement!"

The maid continued: "Miss, don't be too heartbroken or sad. No matter what, you should think of the child in your belly."

Shen Xian: "...What, according to the script I'm supposed to have a bratty kid too?"

"One should look on the bright side of things. After all, Miss, you're still so young..."

Shen Xian finally had to admit a cruel reality: she wasn't filming on a set, she had truly transmigrated.

And she had transmigrated into the body of a woman who had been disfigured and was also pregnant.

Shen Xian's face was full of utter despair.

The round-bunned maid chattered endlessly in her ear, trying to console her: look on the bright side of everything, the bright side, after all she was still so young!

Shen Xian looked at her resentfully: "Are you sure you're comforting me?"

"Of course I'm comforting you."

"But do you think there's anything more miserable than being disfigured and pregnant and nearly frozen to death in the snow at such a young age?"

“……”

Thinking about it this way, she really was quite miserable.

Her body was exhausted, as if it had rusted. Shen Xian's face was wrapped in bandages like a giant rice dumpling.

She wanted to take them off.

The maid hurriedly stopped her: "You mustn't, Miss, your wounds haven't healed yet!"

"I just want one look."

The maid said: "Miss, you're with child, only a little over two months along, and the situation is still very unstable. Not to mention you've been through excessive shock. What if you frighten the baby?"

Shen Xian rolled her eyes, nearly dying of anger: "I've discovered you really are the worst doctor in history at comforting patients!"

After drinking the medicine, Shen Xian stayed alone in the room, her mind still somewhat chaotic.

Her brain had booted up, but too many images suddenly flooded in at once, and she crashed again.

Scene after scene from the general's mansion returned to her mind, leaving Shen Xian overwhelmed.

She only remembered the events of the three months since she had married into the general's mansion. Everything before those three months was completely forgotten.

But even just these three months were hard for her to digest.

So this was why she had ended up in her current state - it was all caused by that Liu Meiwu.

It was Liu Meiwu who had disfigured her face and then driven her out of the household.

The original Shen Xian had long since frozen to death, which was how she had taken over midway.

That Qin Ruliang deeply despised and cold-shouldered her, and after only three months of marriage wanted to take a concubine. If he really liked Liu Meiwu so much, why had he still gotten her pregnant?

?It was a pity that Shen Xian had given him her whole heart, only to end up with such a fate.

Shen Xian slapped her thigh and thought angrily, I have to take this script!

After all, before transmigrating she had been a top-tier star!

Since she was a top-tier star, in acting she must only get killed off in the final episode - that's the rule!