Son talks back to his mom and every word cuts deep. What should you do with a kid going through the "chunibyo" phase?
Wanjun talks
Chunibyo, an internet buzzword. "Chuni" means the second year of junior high school. As the name suggests, "chunibyo" refers to the self-important thoughts, actions and values unique to adolescents. Simply put, chunibyo is actually a mindset of being eager to show off oneself in order to gain others' recognition. Just like the sense of helplessness parents feel when facing a rebellious child, a "chuni" child also leaves parents at a loss and unable to understand them. This issue of the Psychology Weekly invites friends from the "Psychology Circle" and Zhou Nan, a psychology teacher at Nanjing Zhonghua Middle School, to talk together about what "chuni" children are actually thinking.
Have you ever had a chuni moment like this?
Ever since my young master entered the second year of junior high, his skill at driving me crazy has advanced by leaps and bounds, and it makes me feel like I'm going to lose my mind every time. At breakfast one morning, I noticed a thin crack in his newly fitted glasses, taped over with clear tape, so I asked him, are your glasses broken again? He said very calmly, look carefully, that's a white hair. Didn't you tell me to work harder and keep up with the top students in the class? So I plucked a white hair from the number one student in our class and stuck it on my glasses, and I look at it every day for inspiration. Then he strode off.
After work, while he was out, I hurried to "inspect" his QQ posts again, and after reading them I was half dead with anger. The young master shamelessly said: About my studies, my mom always has unrealistic fantasies. Whether I turn out good or bad in the future is up to me, what does it have to do with my mom? Isn't it just that she's supporting me now? At worst I'll support my mom in the future. I was so angry I nearly fell over backwards on the spot!
Facing an empty classroom, classmate Lin first gave a salute, then loudly shouted "Reporting in!" and stood there ramrod straight. It felt as if it wasn't an empty classroom at all, but a great hall with countless eyes fixed on him, waiting for him to give an important speech, and there should even be background music playing here.
"Teacher, why do cigarette packs always print 'Smoking is harmful to health'? Smokers don't care at all. Do you know what this kind of behavior is like?" "What?" "It's just like our summer vacation homework. It has the four words 'Happy Summer Vacation' printed on it. When have we ever been happy because of it?"
Don't rush to drag your child back onto the "right track"
Zhou Nan, a psychology teacher at Zhonghua Middle School, says that in the course of her teaching, "chuni" manifests in students in several types. The first type likes the dark style; clearly very childish, yet packaging themselves as fierce and menacing. The second type is the subculture student, shown as a niche group with unusual hobbies, going their own way, such as fan comics, cosplay and so on. The third is the mysteriously confident type, fantasizing that they possess some kind of superpower; deep in their hearts, they hide some kind of potential that simply hasn't been awakened yet. Children of this age will have some ridiculous, childish behaviors, with the aim of attracting the attention of teachers, classmates and parents.
"Why is it called chuni? It's actually just the second year of junior high. Many manga and literary works are set against a background of high school or junior high students, and there will be a lot of exaggerated scenes or behaviors, and children will be influenced after watching them." Teacher Zhou says, "The 'chuni' phenomenon is not uncommon. One student fell asleep in class, and after being woken up, he said, 'I was just running my self-repair program.' Some parents think their child has been very good lately, going to bed early with the lights off, but in fact, in the process of working with students, it was found that they weren't sleeping at all, but 'letting themselves go' in the dark, fantasizing about transforming into a superpowered being, letting their imagination run wild."
"These behaviors are actually a process they themselves consider to be accumulating energy, a very childish process that adults cannot understand." Teacher Zhou says,The so-called "chunibyo" is not really an illness, but is caused by the magnifying-glass effect of self-awareness at this stage of their age."In junior high, children's self-awareness begins to sprout, and they hope to possess traits and virtues such as wisdom, kindness, competence and maturity. In Erikson's eight-stage theory of psychosocial development, adolescents belong to the 'conflict between ego identity and role confusion,' wanting to establish a new sense of identity or their image in others' eyes, as well as their emotional position in the social collective. The crisis at this stage is role confusion. 'What kind of person am I really?' is very hard for children of this age to grasp, and they may develop some rather exaggerated self-positioning, which is also a psychological factor in the emergence of 'chuni.' After this stage, once their self-awareness truly matures, the 'chuni' phenomenon will disappear."
How should you get along with a chuni child? Teacher Zhou says,For a child's behaviors and preferences that you cannot understand, parents should first try to understand, walk alongside them for a while, and then slowly lead them back around, rather than directly dragging them back.In fact, the self-confidence of a "chuni" child, even the behavior of believing they are a "superpowered being," may give them a stronger inner self than others when facing academic pressure.
In addition, the family environment is also an important factor affecting the child.A child's standards for judging whether external things are good or bad often come from the influence of the family's worldview and values.As parents, study more, and while making demands of your child, first examine your own emotions and behavior; that will never be wrong.
See the "Psychology Circle" friends offer advice
Yangzi Evening News' "Psychology Weekly" opened a "Psychology Circle" QQ group last week. The circle friend "Rainy Little Chrysanthemum," whose child is already in university, brims with feelings when talking about "chuni," and those scenes of wits and courage with her child still feel like yesterday. With her rich "combat" experience, she has drawn up a menu of psychological adjustment for parents:
No one gets through youth without being chuni. At this stage, children have already entered puberty and their appearance tends more toward that of adults; their thinking has more independent and individual demands, and they have a rebellious mentality. What children particularly resent in their parents at this time is still treating them like little kids and still speaking to them in a lecturing tone. They want their parents to be able to talk to them as equals, to treat them as adults, and they even want their parents to follow their suggestions more, so as to demonstrate their adultness and their demand to be integrated into the adult world.
Of course, it must be said that at this time their minds are not yet fully mature, so many parents will be very astonished to find that the good child in their eyes seems to have turned into a hedgehog overnight, behaving for attention, incredibly childish. At this time, many parents will worry about whether their child is going bad, and will discipline the child even more strictly and more harshly, but the result is the opposite of what they want.
For a child suffering from chunibyo, the best way for parents to handle it is to let go without letting them out of your sight. As long as the child does not make mistakes of principle, respect his ideas in everything.
As parents, we are all happy to give and sacrifice for our children, and parents arbitrarily assume that their children are also gladly accepting their giving and sacrifice. But once a child enters the chuni stage, what they need more is sharing. Believe in your child; when it comes to major issues of right and wrong, they still have at least a basic judgment. As for some minor, trivial mistakes, some growing pains always need to be experienced by the child himself.
Source | Yangzi Evening News reporter Wang Rui
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