What is the ambiguous story between asparagus fern and lobster about?

The ambiguous story between asparagus fern and lobster

01

My name is Xiao Longxia, and I am a little shrimp. To be precise, I am a little shrimp raised in the Heavenly Imperial Kitchen. As soon as I woke up, I found myself in a large water basin, crowded with shrimp of all sizes, which practically suffocated me.

Every day, a large bunch of my kind would be caught and cooked. At that time, they would all be so excited that their faces turned red. I completely could not understand their thoughts. The little shrimp beside me said proudly, "We shrimp are born fresh and delicious. To be eaten by immortals in our lifetime is a lucky thing. Even the dragon clan respects us and loves us, understanding our selfless dedication life after life. So we were granted the name by the dragon clan - lobster."

I nodded as if I half understood, so when the cook came in to scoop shrimp, I desperately squeezed deeper into the basin, voluntarily giving up this opportunity for dedication to it.

I had always been the thinnest and smallest shrimp in the Imperial Kitchen. When a bunch of lobsters collectively rushed toward the earthworms, wanting to fatten themselves up and become even more delicious, only I alone turned around and vomited, lonely blowing bubbles.

But I still could not escape the calamity of being food.

It was said that the Heavenly Court's annual Peach Banquet had begun, with deities from all paths gathering, and that day required a large amount of fresh ingredients. So even though I was sallow and thin, without two jin of meat, I was still sent to the kitchen.

I stood in the center of the basin, my whole body stretched straight up, striving to widen my little mung-bean-like eyes and observe the situation around me. The cook of the Imperial Kitchen was skillfully knocking each lobster unconscious; the prepared lobsters were placed one by one into the oil pot, fried until bright red and fragrant. It made me quite appetizing to watch.

But as a lobster with ambition and ideals, I did not want to die.

So when the cook grabbed me from the basin, I struggled desperately. But the cook was unmoved, and was just about to knock me unconscious as he did with other lobsters. A strong will to survive made me burst out screaming, "Ah ah ah ah!"

The cook obviously did not expect that a lobster could actually scream, and was immediately stunned. I took the opportunity to pinch him with my pincers, and when his hand loosened, I fell to the ground and hurriedly fled outward with all my might.

As a lobster that had always been raised in the Imperial Kitchen, of course I did not know the way. So I turned left and right, not knowing which courtyard I had slipped into, and I got lost.

What came into view were clumps of verdant bamboo leaves, with an elegant environment; it seemed the owner was a person of taste. As I was thinking this, a corner of cyan clothing drifted past my eyes.

At this point, let me explain my position. Since I counted as an uninvited guest, after entering the courtyard, I tiptoed and walked quietly. After seeing signs of people in the distance, I hid behind a bamboo stalk, rested my two front legs on it, and poked out only half my head to peek. I was just trying to stretch my head out when, caught off guard, I was lifted up.

"So it's a little crayfish." That voice carried a teasing tone.

I stiffly raised my head, and ran right into a pair of narrowed peach-blossom eyes. That person was about twenty years old, with ink-black hair pouring down, brows and eyes like a painting, and at this moment was looking at me with a smile. The male lead, he must be the male lead, an inexplicable shout rose in my heart.

The only flaw was that he seemed too enormous. But it did not matter; this still could not stop my loneliness like snow these past days while observing male lobsters. I shamefully blushed at him. Only when a lobster is cooked does it turn bright red. I now felt heat rushing through my whole body, as if I had been steamed.

The other party was startled, reached out and poked my body. I was immediately knocked over by his great strength and lay flat on his palm as if playing dead. A clear and melodious laugh came to my ears: "Little crayfish, why is your whole body so red?"

I could not possibly say that I was bewitched by beauty, momentarily overwhelmed by emotion, and turned red from shyness.

"Could it be dead?" Seeing that I was not moving, that person muttered to himself. A trace of sly light flashed in his eyes: "Since it is dead, this lord is kindhearted, so I will bury you under this bamboo forest and grant you one deliverance."

Whoever heard of delivering a lobster? To prove that I was not cooked and was only a little shy, I did a carp-like flip, raised my big pincers to fan myself and cool down, although there was no wind at all. I said urgently, "I am alive, look, look." As I spoke, I hopped twice in place.

As soon as I opened my mouth, the other party was stunned for a moment, the corner of his lips curving into a strange arc. While I was puzzled, he flipped me over and over, his gaze like he was looking at a rare ancient relic, then sighed and said, "Now the quality of the Heavenly Court is more and more uneven; even a little crayfish has become a spirit."

Only belatedly did I realize that I had been speaking human language all along.

02

This person was Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord.

I was not highly educated. I had previously heard that Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord was the most cultured person in the Heavenly Court. It was said that he had originally been an asparagus fern in the former emperor's courtyard, absorbing the essence of the sun and moon, and finally became an immortal. Unlike some asparagus ferns of unknown origin, as soon as he was born he grew beside the former emperor; reincarnation is a technical job. Moreover, it was said that he was erudite and knowledgeable, gentle and refined, not only proficient in all kinds of musical instruments, but also skilled in astronomy and geography. Regarding this, I previously expressed utter admiration and prostrated myself in admiration.

But reality was disillusioning.

Now he was pinching me with his fingers. Shrimp have a "seven-inch" spot; as long as someone touches that area on my back, I become weak all over. His hand, whether intentionally or not, was gripping right there, so I did not dare move at all.

"What is your name?" he asked me with great interest.

"Xiao Longxia." With my "seven-inch" in someone else's grasp, I answered truthfully.

"Nonsense, of course I know you are a little crayfish."

"My name is Xiao Longxia, Xiao as in cao su, Long as in ling long, Xia as in jie bai wu xia." I explained with effort, but only earned a great laugh from Asparagus Fern Immortal. After laughing, he said, "Truly fitting."

I secretly ground my big pincers. But under someone else's roof, I could only describe my miserable experience with added embellishment.

Asparagus Fern Immortal found it interesting and actually agreed, saying, "By reason, since you can already speak human words, you are no longer an ordinary livestock, and should not be caught back to the Imperial Kitchen."

I also nodded excitedly, indicating that I had met a kindred spirit. Then I saw the other party give me an evil smile, close his palm, and I fell into a box. With a snap, the box was covered. Because the box was transparent, I could see the ill intent on his face.

I was greatly alarmed, and only regretted why I had not pinched him to death just now.

According to Asparagus Fern Immortal, he had saved my life. Saving a life should be repaid with devotion, so making me his pet was not excessive, right?

"Not excessive, not excessive." Within a single short day, having moved from a large water basin to such a cramped "prison," my tears streamed down.

Asparagus Fern Immortal nodded with satisfaction.

Asparagus Fern Immortal was very confident in himself, probably thinking I had no ability to escape under his nose. He soon released me from the box. His meaning was clear: as his first pet, I ought to attend the Peach Banquet with him. And so that I would not make him lose face, I had to be dressed up.

How could a shrimp be dressed up? No matter how I was dressed, I was still a shrimp. Asparagus Fern Immortal very happily conjured a box of rouge and applied it to my body.

At the end, he thoughtfully conjured a mirror. I looked at the foolish sight of my whole body bright red with a small white daisy tucked on top of my head, and was deeply shaken.

"Last time I descended to the mortal realm, I saw that mortal girls dressed like this. Does the little crayfish like it?"

Like... your... sister.

I was too sorrowful, and that one hot tear contained in my eyes just fell.

Asparagus Fern Immortal exclaimed, "It seems you really do like it, you are so moved that you cried."

Unfortunately, no matter how I protested by waving my pincers and trying to pluck off that chrysanthemum, I could not succeed. That flower seemed to have immortal magic cast on it and had merged with my body.

I hated chrysanthemums most in this life.

03

The Peach Banquet was indeed extraordinarily lively.

Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord's seat was toward the front. At this moment he was elegantly picking up food and chewing slowly.

I had not eaten my fill for a long time. Sniffing that trace of fragrance, I drilled out from his sleeve cuff and climbed all the way up along the sleeve.

He held ivory chopsticks, picking up a piece of fresh and fragrant meat. That aroma drifted in from there. My mouth watered as I stared straight at that piece of meat, my two mung-bean eyes staring until they became cross-eyed.

Asparagus Fern Immortal curved his lips: "Do you want to eat it?"

I nodded like a chicken pecking rice.

He smiled and brought it to my mouth. I hurriedly hugged it and chewed bite by bite. I ate until tears and snot flowed; it was truly too delicious.

"This lord underestimated you. I never thought you would be so savage as to eat your own kind." That fellow said slowly after I finished eating.

I heard my own voice trembling slightly: "What meat is this?"

"This is the Imperial Kitchen head chef's signature dish - garlic lobster."

I was so grief-stricken and indignant that my whole body trembled.

A light laugh came from above my head, and he again picked up a piece of meat and brought it to my mouth.

This time I did not fall for it. I turned around and faced him with my butt to show protest.

"This is chicken."

I ignored him.

He sighed and said with regret, "The Imperial Kitchen head chef rarely makes huadiao chicken even once. This is crispy outside and tender inside, melting in the mouth..."

I swallowed my saliva, and my psychological defenses collapsed. I quietly turned my head back, then with lightning speed snatched the meat and buried my head in eating. The meat was torn into small pieces, very easy to swallow. A lobster's body is really too small; before long I was full.

After half the drinking had passed, all the immortals were excited to the extreme.

The talented and virtuous Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord was warmly invited to perform a talent. I lay bored on his sleeve, listening to him play the qin. In fairness, he played quite well. The melodious qin music was sometimes gentle like flowing water, sometimes rapid like a flying waterfall, sometimes clear and nimble like pearls falling on a jade plate, sometimes low and lingering like whispered speech. All the immortals were listening seriously, but suddenly there was a disturbance.

That monkey shouted loudly: "Why is the Peach Banquet not inviting old Sun?" It broke the peaceful atmosphere around.

Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord's hand paused, but the melodious qin music did not fall into disorder. I looked at him suspiciously, but he was not affected in the slightest and still played the qin piece as if to himself.

Can you imagine that scene?

The surroundings were extremely chaotic. That monkey was like a bandit crossing the street, carrying a hemp sack and throwing everything into it, tables and chairs fallen all over the ground, melon rinds and paper scraps flying through the air. But Asparagus Fern Immortal sat as if in empty space, tranquil and desireless, still concentrating on playing the qin, as if everything around him were void.

In fact, afterward he said with relief, "Fortunately this lord was quick-witted, otherwise I would have been exposed."

Under my burning gaze, he scratched his head, took out the thing hidden under the qin, a miniature wooden box, and hurriedly explained, "Although this lord was pretending to play the qin, I still have real skill. I was just too lazy to deal with those fools."

I stepped forward and nudged it with my tail, and the wooden box released beautiful qin music, exactly the tune Asparagus Fern Immortal had just played.

It turned out that in the immortal realm, Venus had developed a kind of high technology called a radio chicken, originally used to play music and pass boring time. But Asparagus Fern Immortal used it for "crooked ways." Every time there was a gathering in the immortal realm and he had to perform a talent, he would set the radio chicken to play only one tune, then pretend he was performing. Because the preset time could not be changed and the tune could not be stopped midway, he had to keep up the act from beginning to end.

This faithless world.

Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord's gentleness and refinement were fake, and his erudition was fake. Apart from that face, he was simply useless.

04

I saw Asparagus Fern Immortal. He still looked so handsome. The wind of the dark night blew his ink-black hair loose. He stood by the lake, sleeves and robe fluttering.

Strange, his figure was no longer so enormously huge. I looked down and found that I had human legs.

My heart became very quiet, very quiet, and an impulse I had never felt before surged into my heart.

I really wanted...

I really wanted to give him a Dragon-Subduing Eighteen Palms and push this fellow into the lake.

I slowly moved my body, and just as I was extremely close to him, I secretly revealed a sinister smile. I posed in the second stance of the Dragon-Subduing Eighteen Palms - Flying Dragon in the Sky, but unexpectedly he suddenly turned his head to look at me, his brows and eyes opening wide, as if he were about to say something to me. Seeing my strange posture, he frowned in confusion. I could no longer maintain it, made a few rowing motions, and fell into the lake.

This tragedy took only zero point zero something seconds to happen. After I fell into the lake, I heard a heart-rending cry: "Lobster, you have to take responsibility for me."

Do not put the cart before the horse. The one who fell into the lake was clearly me, all right.

When I opened my eyes, I found it had been a nightmare. I was still a little crayfish.

The cool breeze blew gently. I yawned and climbed out from the sleeve cuff. Asparagus Fern Immortal was talking with a fairy maiden.

"This is our clan's supreme treasure - the Purple-Green Pearl. Now I present it to the immortal lord." That fairy maiden's voice was soft and charming as she held a glowing pearl in her hands.

Asparagus Fern Immortal was rarely serious, completely different from his usual casual manner, and took it without hesitation, saying softly, "Thank you, fairy maiden."

I snorted disdainfully.

Hearing my faint disdain, that fairy maiden said "Eh?" and looked at me, who was at the sleeve cuff with arms crossed over my chest and neck proudly raised. Only then did I clearly see her appearance: a light purple splendid garment wrapped her body, with a gauze garment of the same color draped outside, low-hanging temple hair with a purple pearl-inlaid buyao hairpin inserted at an angle, her bearing transcendent, a celestial beauty.

"I heard the immortal lord kept a pet some days ago. This must be the lobster. How very cute." She said softly.

Her words had no malice, but her gaze fell on the chrysanthemum on my head. I immediately felt humiliated and twisted about with bared fangs and claws. Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord soothingly tapped my head. I was furious and grabbed his finger with my pincers.

That fairy maiden covered her lips and laughed lightly: "Quite clever and charming." After a pause, she pinched her fingers and calculated, then frowned: "There are some matters at my residence. I will take my leave first."

Asparagus Fern Immortal said lightly: "Until we meet again, Fairy Zixia."

Dressed all in purple, she was Fairy Zixia. Even the token of love she gave was purple!

He brought his face close to me: "Has the little crayfish woken up?"

Caught off guard by his breath spraying on my face, I panicked: "Wow, what a big face."

He looked at me strangely for a long while, my appearance clearly reflected in both his eyes, then let out a faint sigh: "Little crayfish, this honorable appearance of yours really makes this lord lose face."

I was about to pinch his finger again. His tone shifted, carrying temptation: "Do you want to transform into human form?"

He was not that kindhearted, and I was not that easy to fool. But the condition for transformation still made me speak urgently: "Yes!"

Sure enough, I watched helplessly as this fellow tied that Purple-Green Pearl around my neck. The weight directly pressed me flat, and I could not breathe.

"You bastard, big liar!"

He poked me: "A woman dresses for the one who delights her. How can a girl not have one or two pieces of jewelry to dress herself up?"

Although in terms of gender, I should count as a female shrimp. But my hard shell, well-developed chest armor, and proud rosy skin, how did any of that look like a girl?

05

After that day, Fairy Zixia became a frequent guest at Asparagus Fern Immortal's residence. Ever since I had a big pearl hanging on me, walking was burdensome and movement was inconvenient. I stayed huddled in a corner all day, listless. I did not know if it was my imagination, but the pearl had recently become dimmer and dimmer.

Asparagus Fern Immortal teased that in this state I actually had a certain elegant and tranquil air.

These days Fairy Zixia and I had become quite familiar. When she walked to my side, I was lying on a chair like a woman ten months pregnant, gazing at the moon and sighing. She looked at me with a complex expression and asked the same thing Asparagus Fern Immortal had: "Lobster, do you want to transform?"

I wanted to. How could I not want to? I dreamed of it every day.

I looked at her bleakly, everything expressed without words, mourning for my shrimp life.

"Actually, Asparagus Fern Immortal is not what you think." A beauty is a beauty; even her voice was so pleasant.

But her words were wrong. I advised with deep grief: "Beauty, you must not be deceived. Asparagus Fern Immortal is actually a sanctimonious, wicked-minded despicable man."

Fairy Zixia took out a jar of plum blossom wine from somewhere and asked if I wanted to drink. I reflexively stepped back a few steps. Later I was also surprised by my reaction to alcohol; probably I still did not want to become a drunken shrimp.

Wine indeed was not a good thing. That day Zixia seemed drunk and told me a lot. Looking at the distant moon, she said she truly envied me. She also said Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord had always been detached and indifferent, and she had never seen him care so much about anything. I wanted to say, those were all illusions.

Later I also felt a little tipsy. I asked her what she saw in Asparagus Fern Immortal. She said it was probably at the Peach Banquet, where she was captivated by Asparagus Fern Immortal Lord's calm elegance.

I...

06

The next day, my first reaction was that my body was not so heavy anymore, and the Purple-Green Pearl was gone. My second reaction was that Asparagus Fern Immortal's face was not so big anymore.

I wrapped myself in the blanket and rushed inside. Asparagus Fern Immortal was narcissistic, and there was a very large mirror in his room. In it was reflected a young girl of sixteen or seventeen. I blinked, and she blinked. I bared my teeth, and she bared her teeth. So that was me. I had successfully transformed.

Overjoyed, I swung my legs and threw two punches. I only felt like a liberated serf singing.

After the transformation, my interest in good food outweighed my interest in Wenzhu Xian, and I ended up fattening myself up by a few jin over these days. So I stopped paying much attention to his whereabouts.

So much so that when the news came that Wenzhu Xian and Zixia were deep in enemy territory, their lives hanging in the balance, the pig's trotter in my hand fell to the ground without me even noticing.

As I ran toward Huaguo Mountain, I muttered to myself: Wenzhu Xian, you useless piece of trash, why are you picking fights like everyone else? You are nothing but a literary immortal - and even the "literary" part is something you swindled your way into. You like Zixia Xianzi that much? For her sake you actually volunteered to take on the job of capturing that wretched monkey. You are nothing but an embroidered pillow stuffed with straw - how could you possibly beat him?

Huaguo Mountain was a scene of utter devastation, covered in the corpses of heavenly soldiers and generals, the stench of blood mixed with mud making one want to vomit.

I searched through the bodies one by one - this one was not him, that one was not him either. Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a piece of blue clothing. I turned him over.

For a moment, it felt like a lifetime had passed.

I still remember the first time I saw him, in his blue robe, peerlessly elegant. This person had always loved cleanliness; knowing he had been dirtied, he would surely be furious. I desperately wiped the blood from his face - the more I wiped, the more there was, the more I wiped, the more it smeared. Tears fell like beads from a broken string, large and heavy.

"See, you finally fell, didn't you? I warned you long ago not to be misled by beauty, but you refused to believe me."

While I was crying my eyes out on this side, Zixia on the other side was neatly dressed, with a monkey trailing behind her wearing an expression of utter impatience - no, he was the Great Sage Equal to Heaven now. I did not bother asking why she was here. I watched her guardedly.

In my mind I had already constructed an earth-shattering conspiracy - for instance, Zixia Xianzi had colluded with that demon monkey, and Wenzhu Xian had become cannon fodder in all of this. Now he lay there pitifully, with no one to care.

Zixia looked a little awkward and asked stiffly: "Why are you here?"

I looked up and said, word by word: "I already know about your conspiracy."

Zixia covered her face: "He is not dead, he just..."

My expression was serious.

"The weather has been cold lately, he fainted."

I sneered: "Immortals get sick too?"

She looked surprised: "You really did not know?"

"Wenzhu (Asparagus fern) loves warm, humid, semi-shaded and well-ventilated environments. It cannot tolerate severe cold in winter, nor drought. It should not be watered too much or the roots will rot. In summer, direct sunlight should be avoided. It is best to keep room temperature between 12-18°C. When it exceeds 20°C, ventilation is needed to dissipate heat. The optimal growing temperature is 15-25°C, and the overwintering temperature is 5°C. It grows in the wild and is also cultivated in gardens."

Tips about Wenzhu (Asparagus Fern)

01

Wenzhu likes warm and humid environments. It cannot tolerate drought. In summer, it can be watered more, once in the morning and once in the evening.

In summer, do not place it in direct sunlight.

02

Normally, some flower fertilizer needs to be applied. When fertilizing, be sure to use fully decomposed fertilizer. If the soil is not breathable and too compact, you can replace some of the soil. After fertilizing, turn the soil a little, but not too deep - just enough for the surface soil to cover the fertilizer.

03

In winter, water should be properly controlled. When watering, water thoroughly in one go. Do not water a little today and a little tomorrow, as this easily causes root rot or leaf drop. Keeping the window ventilated is also very important.

04

In winter, try not to fertilize, because it is not its growing season. The main thing is to preserve its vitality. Water as little as possible.