Husband Insists on Not Using Separate Bowls and Chopsticks When Eating with His Mother, Wife Says She Wants a Divorce

(From a reader submission, images in this article are from the internet)

Husband, if you insist on not using separate bowls and chopsticks when eating with your mother, then let's get a divorce

I think love doesn't need formalities, but it does need reason. Any blind and impulsive behavior may ultimately bring harm rather than care to family members. But even this most basic understanding gets no recognition at all in the eyes of my husband and mother-in-law. They believe that family members should not stand on ceremony, should not draw distinctions between each other, and should live as if they were one person, not even caring about the most basic hygiene and health. I am utterly disgusted by this.

My husband comes from a single-parent family. My father-in-law passed away early, when he was not yet ten years old. From that time on, he and my mother-in-law depended on each other. In order to raise her son, my mother-in-law endured many hardships. After he finished university and started working, he swore to let his mother live a good life, so he showed a great deal of respect toward her. After we got married, we lived together with my mother-in-law. At first, I could understand it. After all, she is my husband's mother and the elder he loves most in this world.

I really wanted to get along well with her and I respected her a great deal, but the problem is, she is not an easy person to get along with. She only dotes on her own son, has not the slightest desire to coexist peacefully with me, and instead believes I stole her son away, constantly finding fault with me and looking down on me. In her view, I am spoiled, full of bad habits, not good at housework, and can't even be told about it - if you say anything, she pulls a long face at you. Tell me, if someone nags in front of you all day long, never has a single word of affirmation, and complains about everything the moment they open their mouth, could you be happy? Actually, I have been enduring all these years. It's not that I'm afraid of her - it's just that for the sake of my husband and family harmony, I didn't want to clash with her.

After I got pregnant, my mother-in-law said she wasn't in good health and wasn't suited to take care of me, so I went back to my own parents' home to rest and wait for the birth. After I gave birth to my daughter, she said she had neurasthenia and couldn't stand the sound of a child crying, as it affected her rest. So I took my daughter back to my parents' home again. After weaning, I returned to my in-laws' house and started working, while my daughter stayed with my parents until she was about three years old before being brought back to live with us. Because the child had lived with her maternal grandparents for so long, she wasn't close to my mother-in-law. Instead of reflecting on her own behavior, she blamed me for teaching her that way. She told my husband that I was scheming and had taught my own child to disrespect her grandmother. When my husband heard this, without distinguishing right from wrong, he only blamed me.

A while ago, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with hepatitis B. I was afraid my daughter might get infected, so I suggested at home that we use serving chopsticks. But my mother-in-law got very angry. She felt this was me looking down on her, and she cried and made a scene at home, cursing me for being heartless. When my husband came back and found out, he flew into a rage and yelled at me directly. He told me: "I've been eating from the same pot as my mom since I was little. If you look down on my mom, you're looking down on me. Do you think you're the only one who loves cleanliness and hygiene, and you use this method to prove how elegant and noble you are?" I was completely disappointed. Such an unreasonable man - he doesn't even care about his own wife's and child's health, and only uses blind filial piety to honor his mother. It is truly unbearable.

All these years of endurance have reached their end. Looking at my furious husband, then at my mother-in-law crying and putting on a show, I suppressed the anger in my heart, calmed myself down, and said to him calmly: "Husband, if you insist on not using separate bowls and chopsticks when eating with your mother, then let's get a divorce. If you're willing to share hardship with your mom, I won't stop you. Even if it means getting sick together with her, that's your freedom. But I must ensure my child's health, because I am also a mother." He was speechless. I've really had enough of him and his mother. Tell me, is there any need for me to keep holding on to this family and this marriage?