A Zen-style guy growing succulents: pretty succulents are all alike, but a fascinating soul is one in a million

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The article begins:

Thanks to the author [Pretending to Have a Name] for theoriginal submissionsharing

Edited and compiled by: Encyclopedia Jun

Location: Minhang District, Shanghai

Zen-style girl

 Zen-style girl

Feng Timo 

00:00/03:14

Hello everyone, I am a Zen-style succulent-growing guy who has been poisoned by succulents - Pretending to Have a Name. Although I live in the free-shipping area, my succulents are not as beautiful as those in the cheat-mode areas, but I sure do talk a lot. Here I am again, the guy with ugly succulents who talks too much ╰╮

Looking back at my previous article, "Zen-style Succulent Growing, Living Seriously! Growing Succulents Can Actually Be Very Relaxing!", I never expected that my first submission would be read by more than 30,000 people. More than 30,000 people - what does that even mean? Round it up and it's 100 million! I really have to thank the hundreds of millions of friends who read my article. I am truly delighted to be able to bring everyone something a little different, and it is my greatest honor to bring some fun to so many friends.

In my last submission, many friends left comments, and I am very sorry that I did not have permission to reply to everyone. Actually, even if I had permission, I would not quite dare to reply. The first comment was about wanting to marry me, and below that there were many asking whether I have a girlfriend (facepalm, hiding my face tightly). My succulents say: it is no use for you to like my owner, what he likes is us succulents. Actually, if I were a woman, I would want to marry a good man who grows succulents too. Unfortunately, I am not a woman, and unfortunately, I am also already married. I feel that finding a partner to grow succulents with you is pretty nice, because then the two of you can slowly get chubby together with the succulents (we all want the succulents to be chubby and ourselves to be thin, but that seems impossible, it is just wishful thinking, does that sting or not?); if you two have a fight, you can also gift each other mealybugs, hahahaha, let me pause for a breather, hahahaha.

Also, I really did not expect that what I was showing off was succulents, but what everyone noticed was my talent. What on earth happened, are my succulents not good-looking? Could it really be that the saying came true: "pretty succulents are all alike, but a fascinating soul is one in a million"?

There were also several young ladies who asked me to post photos of myself. My goodness, if I showed my face too, then would not even fewer people look at my succulents? How would that make my proud succulents feel? Would they not feel even more ashamed, and what if they then gave up on themselves, turned to mush and rotted?

Of course, most of the comments were praise. Thank you all for not holding back your words of praise. I love reading them, I really like them, and I have liked each one. Your encouragement is my endless motivation. I feel that this warm and sincere praise is really something I can hardly accept without shame (this face, I might as well not have it), because every succulent grower deserves this kind of praise.

My previous article introduced my soil-mixing (soil-buying) and watering experience. Many friends asked me why I did not share other experience such as pest control and surviving summer. Was I at my wit's end like a "cockroach"? How could that be? By my own efforts I painstakingly killed so many succulents, and long illness makes a doctor, so how could I not have some experience? I do not have much experience keeping them alive, but I am rich in experience killing them. What puzzles me is that I have read so many experience guides, yet I did not miss a single mistake I should have made...

Pest control section:

About pest control, with Zen-style succulent growing, pest control is impossible, it is impossible in this lifetime. Take the most hated mealybugs for example. Everyone is using methods like wiping with alcohol, fumigating with mosquito coils, poking with toothpicks, burying pesticide, spraying pesticide, and so on (mealybugs tremble when they hear this). Writing here, I suddenly feel some sympathy for mealybugs. What unspeakable crime did they commit that you torment them in every possible way?

I feel the above methods are all too simple and crude, not artistic, not beautiful. In the past, when I saw mealybugs I panicked; now when mealybugs see me they panic. Why did the mealybugs die miserably for no reason? Who did it? What is hidden behind the miserable death of the bugs? Is it a distortion of bug nature or a loss of humanity? Please see the next article for the explanation. Alright, alright, I feel if I keep being mysterious I will get beaten up.

Let me introduce my pest-killing divine tools "Little Crow" and "Little Turtle". Ever since I got the two of them, I invented this "Little Turtle Pest-Killing Method". As soon as I see a bug, I pick up the fresh and juicy mealybug and feed it to the little turtle. No matter how small the bug, it still has meat. After the little turtle eats it, the turtle is energized, and even has strength for tug-of-war, and can swim several li in one breath. If your turtle turns up its nose and refuses to eat, that is fine too. The mealybug will also die in the water from vexation because it cannot swim. Now finding mealybugs has become another great joy of mine, and I never tire of it. I clearly feel that this year's batch of bugs is no good, small and few. The days without mealybugs are truly lonely, and the little turtle is really hungry.

Right, why should such a cruel thing as killing pests be done with your own hands? Borrowing a turtle to kill bugs, quietly being a mealybug mover, that is quite good! Come to think of it, it is truly a sin. I do not kill mealybugs, yet mealybugs die because of me. I send a song "Liang Liang" to mealybugs and other bugs I can see. You really have it rough. Two more points: water used for raising turtles is also very nutritious for watering succulents; some mealybugs are edible, people can eat them, if you do not believe it you can search Baidu yourself or throw up.

Surviving summer section:

Who makes delicate and beautiful succulents lose all their vitality, who makes succulent growers' faces lose all smiles, who? It is summer, summer - just ask if you are afraid. Summer is a beam of light, green enough to make you panic, deadly enough to chill your heart. Surviving summer, a much-talked-about topic, but I am not an old hand, I am still a slightly greasy young man, hehehe, so let's talk about it again.

Surviving summer is four key elements: ventilation, shade, water control, rain avoidance

Keep ventilation, whether it is natural air conditioning or electric fan wind, ensure air circulation, a little breeze is good;

Avoid harsh sun, whether it is open-air growing or half-open balcony growing, ensure cool comfort, just do not expose them to blazing sun;

Control watering, whether it is winter-growing, summer-growing or intermediate type, ensure you control your little hands, just water less.

Avoid rainwater, whether it is heavy rain, light rain or thunderstorm, ensure rain cover and dryness, just let them get rained on less

There is no fixed method for surviving summer. No matter how you fuss, the four key elements must be considered, artificially creating a bit of that spring and autumn feeling. Otherwise, there is a good chance that "if the pot is still there, the dream is still there, it is just starting over from the beginning" will echo in your ears. Do not worry, the succulents are all silly and cute, easy to fool, and it is exactly these silly and cute ones you fool, making you pretend it is spring and autumn.

Then here comes the question: you did everything you could, and the succulents still died... So is the departure of the succulents because they did not cherish it, or because we did not hold them back? Without a doubt, of course it is because the succulents did not cherish it, the heartless things. We succulent growers are so outstanding, every one of us is talented, we talk nicely, and we love learning. What more do you want from us (is there a little resentful wife living inside me?).

Survival of the fittest is the law of nature. If a succulent leaves, I will not keep it; if a succulent stays, then let it stay. Those that stay are all destined succulents. Summer, after all, is a season where you either die or get hurt, either turn green or grow leggy. If surviving summer were not full of twists and turns, how would we grow?

Previously, when I faced a garden full of succulents, I felt more anxiety. I, a person with no great ambitions, looking at these beautiful succulents actually began to think of danger in times of peace. I thought these succulents should only exist in heaven, and what virtue or ability do I have to possess these lovely spirits? If I do not take good care of them, would it be wasting heaven's gifts? Do I need to water them? Should I repot them? If it gets hot, would it be better to bring them indoors? The facts slapped me in the face. If you take especially careful care of them, you may tire yourself to death, and may also kill the succulents. When you steel your heart and give them a bit of tough love, instead they show you some color. What Zen-style succulent growing advocates is easy succulent growing. Careful pampering does not necessarily lead to success, but letting nature take its course really feels very comfortable.

Marx's theory of labor alienation criticized the drawback of "things ruling people", and then expounded the ideal of a future society that sublates alienation and realizes people's free and all-round development. Wait a moment, I seem to have walked onto the wrong stage, hahaha, look at my disappointing belly full of learning. In other words, wake up a little, you are the master of the succulents, you are not the servant of the succulents, wake up a little.

For us succulent growers, some inadvertent little changes are actually full of little certain happiness. Stop, and beautiful things will always appear inadvertently. Wow, this succulent has grown heads, that succulent has colored up, that succulent has bloomed. It is exactly these little discoveries that can make us happy for quite a while. When we pick up these "little certain happiness" one by one, we also find the simplest joy, and with this joy even working overtime feels energetic, hehe.

Writing up to here, is something missing? Oh right, there are no succulents yet. No meat, no joy - how can there be no succulents? But a few days ago, the magic city had either cloudy days or rain, one day one season, one day four seasons appearing from time to time, and in mid-May it went straight to over 30 degrees. The weather switches at will, and the succulents just grow however they like. If the succulents are not beautiful, words can make up for it. Let me simply record for everyone some alternative little changes in the succulents recently.

First, a few photos of the small team on the morning-sun flower rack. The succulents facing west and placed indoors already feel like they are surviving summer early, so I will not post pictures of them, for fear everyone will be dizzy from green. It is once again the season to look three times a day and have them look ugly every time. Recently I have been hurrying to take their ID photos, because after surviving summer they will be even greener. The ancients said: as long as summer can pass, even if the succulents are a bit green. I say: the ancients were right!

Ebony (hybrid)

Pick a few ebony hybrids with a bit of color. Although some are not pure and a bit faded, do not be afraid, I will be responsible for you??

Fiona x Echeveria agavoides: Master, I am so mixed up that even my parents would not recognize me. Is your heart also true to me, will you also be responsible for me?

Ice Jade (hybrid), the tempting little red tips, the girlish heart I deliberately hid for so long was suddenly hooked out again by it.

Lipstick: Master, look at that inexperienced look of yours. How about letting my little red tips hook your girlish heart?

Green Claw: Master, is your girlish heart still there? Let my green claw hook your heart?

Master: No, no, no, you are prickly

Silver iron pot grass ball cactus: Cool or not? Look at my orange-red hair! Not only good-looking but also can pick teeth. And look at my circle of arrogant and domineering little balls!

Yellow iron pot grass ball cactus: The one upstairs is trash, besides picking teeth what else can you do. Look at my two cute and playful ponytails, so pure, so unpretentious.

White porcelain pot grass ball cactus: Not that I am saying it, the two balls upstairs are both trash. Look at my four cute and playful little ponytails, just ask if you are afraid!

Pull up a little stool and sit waiting for the flowers to bloom.

The grass ball cactus is really tormenting. It insists on waiting until night to bloom, and insists on creating that kind of brief flash of beauty effect. Fine, fine, fine, you are beautiful, whatever you do is right!

It is not an exaggeration at all to describe the flowers of the white grass ball cactus with noble and gorgeous phrases like really big, so white, and good-looking.

I suddenly remember that in the comments of my previous article, a young lady wanted to adopt the little pups of this cactus. Rest assured, I will give them to you, as many as you want! They often prick me. Rather than only pricking me, it is better to let everyone get pricked. There were also many friends in the comments who wanted to add me as a friend to communicate. That is very possible, and if there is a communication group, you can also pull me in. Last time was my first submission, I was a bit heart-fluttering, a bit nervous, and I hope you will forgive me!

Mountain roses:

The roses have begun to enter dormancy. I hope you remember to wake up, do not sleep through it. When autumn comes, I will wake you with a ladle of water.

Cute Rose: The roses upstairs, not only is my name cuter than yours, I also do not go dormant. The hotter the weather, the wilder I get. Where is the justice in that?

Striped Haworthia on the left: Hey right one, I want to compete with you in height

Hard-leaved Haworthia on the right: Bring it on, you loser

Striped Haworthia on the left: Who are you calling a loser, I will pinch you to death

Hard-leaved Haworthia on the right: Come on then, let us hurt each other

Me, who hides merit and fame deep: Compete in height, let you compete in height, bring my 20 m giant scissors!

One snip from the master, two lines of tears from the succulents. In the small bottle I put two other flower stalks that were also going to compete in height. They actually look a little pretty, and can be stored for a very, very long time.

Porcelain pot Echeveria elegans: Look at my pink and plump little figure, do I look like a peach egg, can I pass as a peach egg for an elegans?

Peach Egg: The one upstairs, you are overthinking it...

Ceramic pot Echeveria elegans: Really embarrassing for elegans, pretending to be a peach egg. Look at me, I only be myself. Look at my enchanting figure and stretched-out arms, do they make you unable to stop?

Angel's Tears: I gave birth, I gave birth to so many pups, I am in postpartum confinement. Amazing or not, hurry up and praise me!

Sempervivum: I am also expecting, I am going to give birth to so many pups, awesome or not, hurry up and praise me!

Subholding Lotus: You call that pregnancy? Then what should mine be called?

Snowball: Look at me, do I look like a big snowball? True to my name, I have even developed variegation (actually it is just sun-faded, everyone please do not expose it)

White Moon Shadow: Also look at whether I look like a ball, shaped like a steamed bun, white with a touch of red

Moon Shadow hybrid: I am glossier than you, and I have more balls than you

Spider Web Houseleek: Comparing who is more ball-like, right? I am the most like a ball, even my pot is a ball

White Snow Light: Seeing you go on about balls makes my head hurt. Do you all not know about cactus? My whole family is balls.

Sigh, imitating succulents talking is a bit addictive. Quick, stop. I am so afraid that in my flowery youth I will grow into a succulent.

White Chrysanthemum:

The little White Chrysanthemum I bought for practice has grown four little heads. It seems I can handle this variety. Once autumn comes, buy, buy, buy. Autumn has not even arrived, and in my mind I have already pictured a forest of "Fairy Cups", and I have even thought about where to put them.

Aeoniums are quite popular. I got a small one for practice. Quite good, quite beautiful, and like discovering a new continent, I also want to buy, buy, buy, but it seems there is no place at home to put the old-stem aeoniums. Never mind, poverty has limited my imagination.

Deer Horn Begonia: As soon as the leaves lack water they wrinkle as if dying, and with a little water they puff up round. With too much water the leaves will split. Without that princess fate, it has got that princess disease, and is not at all good at hiding its true thoughts. Comrades who do not know how to water can try growing a shallow Deer Horn Begonia. Under roughly similar conditions, if this one wrinkles, then it is a signal that it can be watered.

In my previous article I shared with everyone my high-speed pot-painting method. This time I will give everyone a pure dry-goods photography tutorial: teaching you step by step how to easily photograph succulents with insects.

1. Catch an insect you like (core step)

2. Dry the insect

3. Place it on the succulent plant

4. What are you waiting for, shoot, shoot, shoot

Warm reminder: when shooting, the wind cannot be too strong. For example, just after I took the first photo, this hardworking little wasp was blown downstairs by the wind. My heart aches for the little wasp for ten seconds.

Because I sadly lost my beloved insect, I discovered a new substitute. At present this insect is undergoing step two: drying. In the next article, its dark and sturdy figure may appear.

There is plenty of time ahead, and I will slowly share the other succulents with everyone later. I made several succulent-themed meme packs online. I do not know whether everyone likes this style. I give them to friends who need them. For entertainment only. If there are any similarities, they copied mine. If there is any infringement, please forgive me.

Having written so much, I still feel I have not said enough, but it seems it is time to end.

Let me end with a little reflection, reflecting on the changes after growing succulents. Thinking back to before I grew succulents, I could not say what my greatest interest or hobby was, could not say what I most liked to do (except eating and sleeping), and often felt that life was not that interesting. In the several years since I started growing succulents, outside of work I have not only deeply fallen in love with growing flowers and succulents, but also fallen in love with photography, fallen in love with writing, and now also fallen in love with raising little turtles. Just like that, my plain life suddenly became lively and fulfilling.

Many people say how come I am already living a retired life in my twenties... No matter what others say, I am pretty happy anyway. I especially like a saying: "The greatest meaning of life is to use the rest of your life to find the things you love." Through growing succulents I have found many things I like, and I also wish everyone can find those "loves" of yours and enjoy them!

Alright, no more talking. The little turtle is hungry again. I am going to look for mealybugs.

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This article is by the authorexclusively authorizedWeChat public account: Succulent Plant Encyclopedia (ID: duoroubaike). The content of the article does not represent the views or stance of the public account

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